Lightning Quotes in Racing Stripes (2005)

Lightning: Well, like my momma used to say, you can put your boots in the oven, but that won't make 'em biscuits.

[from trailer]

Lightning: If that's a race horse, then I'm D-O double-G, baby.

[from trailer]

Lightning: Hey Webster, show a little respect!

Dante Slate, Jr.: I choose to believe that you just called me Webster because of my dictionary-sized vocabulary, NOT because of my height and race!

Lightning: Nope, it's because you're short and black!

Dante Slate, Jr.: What was Jesus like? I'm curious. Was he cool?

[from trailer]

[Sharp throws a punch at a side of beef]

Lightning: HEY! What'cha doing? We're just here to buy a little dinner! You don't have to punch everything!

[Lightning brings a bucket of horse urine for Razor]

Henry 'Razor' Sharp: I'm not putting my hands in horse urine!

Lightning: So you're telling me you're a better boxer than Jack Dempsey? Every day, Jack Dempsey would soak his hands in horse urine! And nobody ever had a tougher punch than Jack Dempsey!

Henry 'Razor' Sharp: [resigned] Did you heat it up? Or is it fresh?

[dips his fists in the bucket]

Lightning: It's vinegar, I'm kidding!... It's urine!

[Razor pulls his fist out]

Lightning: It's vinegar!

[in]

Lightning: It's urine!

[out]

Lightning: It's vinegar!

[in]

Lightning: It's urine!

[out]

Lightning: It's vinegar!

[in]

Henry 'Razor' Sharp: Hey, come on!

[from trailer]

Lightning: [splashes water on Razor] Time to train!

Henry 'Razor' Sharp: What have I done?

Henry 'Razor' Sharp: Your hearing aid's turned too high again!

Lightning: [turns it down] I hate the noise that thing makes, it's like I'm R2-D2!

Lightning: [unwilling to have a male nurse] What kind of man knowingly takes a job where he's gotta wash another man's balls?

Henry 'Razor' Sharp: He's a hero a far as I'm concerned, pal.

Lightning: Why don't you have a TV? I watch "Dancing with the Stars"! I'm an old man, I need to watch "Dancing with the Stars"!

Lightning: You doing real good, you big pussy!

Henry 'Razor' Sharp: That's not helping.

Lightning: It's okay, I'm eight hundred years old, I say what I want.

Henry 'Razor' Sharp: You remember the first thing you said to me? I did.

Lightning: I said you looked like a garbage salesman come to take out the trash.

[later on]

Lightning: You know why I said that garbage thing? I didn't want your head to get swelled up, you were so goddamn good.

Lightning: Call it!

[throws a coin in the air]

Henry 'Razor' Sharp: Hey, I never saw it coming, come on...

[Lightning raises a hand, and slaps him]

Lightning: When were you going to tell me you were blind in one eye?

[last lines]

Lightning: [on the phone] Look, just tell those bookies I'll get them the money somehow, okay? Just hold them off...

Henry 'Razor' Sharp: Lightning, we WON!

Lightning: You serious?

Henry 'Razor' Sharp: Yeah!

Lightning: Goddamn hearing aid!

Henry 'Razor' Sharp: [about Kid] He took from me the one thing I loved more than anything in the world, so I took from him a rematch, the one thing he wanted more than anything in the world.

Lightning: You know, it's not like she didn't get a chance away from you. Every day you were the first one in the gym and the last one out. I'm just saying, it's all a long time ago and you got another shot.

Henry 'Razor' Sharp: I'm ready!

Lightning: Yeah. You're the one-eyed monster.

Lightning: We're going for good old fashioned blunt force trauma. Horsepower. Heavy-duty, cast-iron, piledriving punches that will have to hurt so much he'll crawl back up his mother's vagina!

[some female athletes stare at Lightning, scandalized]

Henry 'Razor' Sharp: Hey!

Lightning: What?

Lightning: [to Razor] If you get in the ring with him, it will kill you! I know you're doing this for me... but it's over. It's over!

Lightning: You got an iPad?

Henry 'Razor' Sharp: Nah, I got a regular couch.

Lightning: [to Razor] Well, I'll never call you pussy again. Stupid maybe.

Lightning: [sees Razor and Sally together] Awww...

Sally Rose: Lightning! I can't believe you're still alive!... Not that that's a bad thing...

Lightning: Aw, this is sweet. You know, I had a hooker a long time ago, she was real great to screw... and she did this thing with a ping-pong ball...

Henry 'Razor' Sharp: Hey, hey!

Lightning: I'm just saying, you know, seeing you together gives me hope. I could find her again one day.

[at the fight, Lightning gets out of his scooter]

Lightning: You see all that heat out there? I'm getting some snapper tonight!

Dante Slate, Jr.: I think I just threw up in my mouth...