Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris Quotes in Police Academy (1984)

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: Mahoney! Remember, that nobody screws with me.

Carey Mahoney: Well, maybe you'll meet the right girl and all that will change.

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: [having had his head recently removed from a horse's behind] You told, no one?

Carey Mahoney: Not a soul.

[Harris passes in front of the line of cadets, and is annoyed to see that they are all straining not to laugh at him. He becomes even more annoyed when he notices that Sgt. Callahan is also on the verge of bursting out laughing. When he passes near Jones, Jones makes sound of horse neigh, as if to make it clear that everyone heard about the embarrassing incident]

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: Son, where did you get that gun?

Cadet Eugene Tackleberry: [smiling proudly] My mum gave it to me.

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: My name is Lieutenant Harris! In case you missed it. This is Sergeant Callahan! In case you missed it. We are the meanest instructors here. We've got you because you are the worst people here. You are "D" Squad; "D" for "dirtbags." When I say: "Hey, dirtbags!" that means you. You people are going to hate my guts for the rest of your lives. I am going to make you sorry that you ever came here.

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: Hey! Why didn't you guys call me this weekend?

Cadet Kyle Blankes: Well, nothing really happened, sir.

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: There was a party, wasn't there?

Cadet Kyle Blankes: Yes, sir.

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: Well, what went on?

Cadet Chad Copeland: Dancing, sir. Mostly dancing.

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: [to himself] Dancing?

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: [On their way to a riot zone] We are being sent to a safe area away from the disturbance. Our job will be to divert traffic away from the trouble zone, and to protect public property. You will have live ammunition, but there will be no call to use it - TACKLEBERRY! Do you understand, numbnuts?

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: You make me sick.

Carey Mahoney: Thank you, sir. I make everybody sick.

Carey Mahoney: Sir. Look, sir, new pants.

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: [notices that Mahoney is holding the megaphone] What are you doing with that? Give me that.

[Harris grabs his megaphone from Mahoney and uses it, without noticing that Mahoney applied brown shoe polish on it]

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: All right, you scumballs. You have a 30 minutes to hit the showers and get to class. Let's go! Move it! Move it! Move it! Pick it up! Pick it up! Pick it up, assholes!

[Harris then turns to Cmdt. Lassard, with shoe polish from his megaphone all around his lips, looking like a goatee]

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: So far, nobody's quit, but they will.

[Cmdt. Lassard laughs at Harris. Harris, thinking that perhaps he said something funny, joins his laughter]

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: Then, Mahoney, my little pissant... you are out of the Academy forever. Get your stuff, and get out. Too bad, so sad, bye-bye.

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: [Mahoney and Blankes are in Lt.Harris' office due to Barbara throwing the first punch at Copeland via lunch tray. Harris is cleaning his stick] Who threw the first punch? That's all I want to know.

Cadet Kyle Blankes: [before Mahoney can answer] Barbara did.

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: Barbara?

Cadet Kyle Blankes: That's right.

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: Then he's out of here. Him and his queer dog.

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: [In the TV Version edited with no swearing] What is it? What is it?

Cadet Chad Copeland: She ran over my feet!

Cadet Laverne Hooks: Oh, I'm sorry. I really am.

Cadet Chad Copeland: Sorry? You dumb, fat nincompoop!

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: Now, I thought it would be nice if we were to close out our first afternoon together with a nice little stroll around the campus.

[shouts]

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: Move out, maggots!

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: What the hell are you doing here?

Cadet Laverne Hooks: I wanna be a police officer.

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: What? I can't hear you-u?

Cadet Laverne Hooks: [whispering] I wanna be a police officer.

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: Don't unpack.

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: You know, Mahoney, I'd like to spend the next ten weeks breaking you into little pieces. But I won't. Because you're bad. You're bad for morale, Mahoney. Oh, you look like the sweet little boy from next door. But you don't fool me, oh no. You're the devil, and you're rotten to the core, and you're ruining my chance to train some people who might make pretty good cops!

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: Well, well, well... I told you not to try me, boy. Stand up.

[Mahoney stands up]

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: Now, I want you two squad leaders to take Mr. Mahoney here, and run him until he throws up.

Cadet Kyle Blankes, Cadet Chad Copeland: Yes, sir.

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: Then, just after he throws up... run him some more.

Cadet Kyle Blankes, Cadet Chad Copeland: Yes, sir.

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: You are going to learn, Mahoney, that nobody - *nobody* - screws with me.