Librarian Quotes in Osmosis Jones (2001)

Librarian: Brain Memory Library. Can I help you?

Osmosis: You got any information about something called "El Morry Roho"?

Librarian: Stand by. I'll check, but we're really all about sports statistics here.

Jonathan E.: Misplace some data?

Librarian: The whole of the thirteenth century.

Librarian: We are confused again here today. This is embarrassing. It's embarrassing to misplace things.

Jonathan E.: Misplaced some data?

Librarian: Hmmm.

[Looks at a computer punch card]

Librarian: The whole of the 13th century. Misplaced the computers, several conventional computers. We can't find them. We're always moving things around, getting organized, my assistants and I. This - this is Zero's fault - Zero, he's the world's file cabinet. Pity, poor old 13th century.

[pause]

Librarian: Well, come along now, you want to get started, don't you?

Jonathan E.: Yes, sir.

Librarian: [Takes Jonathan's coat and hat and puts them aside before they go to the room with Zero in it] This way! Now, we've lost those computers with all of the 13th century in them. Not much in the century, just Dante and a few corrupt Popes, but it's so distracting and annoying!

Jonathan E.: Could you tell me something about the Corporate Wars?

Librarian: Wars, wars! Oh, yes, of course, we have them all here. Punic War. Prussian War. Pelopanesian War. Crimean War. Wars of the Roses. Wonderful, perhaps, to call them in sequence. But, eh, Corporate Wars?

[In the 2nd Challenge of the Scare Games set in the Campus Library, Mike's Team and Slugma Slugma Kappa are the only ones left to obtain their Team Flags at the end of the Library Corridor hanging on a Statue]

Greek Council VP: In a real scare, you wouldn't wanna get get by the Kid's Parents, but in this challenge, you wouldn't wanna get caught by...

Greek Council VP: [Whispering] The Librarian.

Librarian: [At her desk] Shh, Quiet.

Terry: What's so scary about a Lame Old Librarian?

[a Blue Monster nearby whose not part of any of the teams accidentally creaks on a Floor Board, sending the 50ft Librarian over, grabbing him with one of her Massive Tentacles]

Librarian: [More Menacingly, staring the Monster in the eyes] I said *Quiet*.

[the Librarian sends the Terrified Monster out the window, and into a nearby river]

Librarian: What is thee wish?

Macaulay Connor: I'm looking for some local b - what'd you say?

Librarian: What is thee wish?

Macaulay Connor: Um, local biography or history.

Librarian: If thee will consult with my colleague in there.

Macaulay Connor: Mm-hm. Dost thou have a washroom?

[the librarian points]

Macaulay Connor: Thank thee.

Librarian: The library is closed. All white people must leave.

Librarian: [standing next to his table] Sir, wouldn't you be more comfortable in a study room?

[Andrew looks up and sees people in the library staring at him]

Andrew Beckett: No. Would it make you more comfortable?

Librarian: [catches Owen and Dodger about to make out] Go check out German Philosophy. No one will bother you there.

Willow: A man who would come here of his own free will.

Librarian: A man who has come here with the power of a king. By representing the law...

Willow: A man who would come here as a virgin...

Librarian: A man who has come here as a fool!