Lewis Quotes in Hanna (2011)

Lewis: Erik Heller escaped.

Marissa: How did that happen?

Lewis: God didn't save your life! We did!

Lewis: Look at this fucking place. Only a fucking ape would live here. What the fuck am I doing here?

Lewis: [to Rambo] I don't want to fucking die of old age before I get there, so move!

Lewis: For fuck's sake! I can swim faster than this! Am I right?

Reese: Heard that...

Lewis: [to Rambo] Those God-squadders. They come over here, spouting all that shit, they expect the whole world to start working like their fucking neighbor. Well it doesn't! So they send in the devil...

[points to himself]

Lewis: ...to do God's work. It's ironic, isn't it? Am I boring you, mate? Is it the trip? Has it got you nervous? 'Cause really, you should appreciate the action, you know what I mean? Got to be better than looking at the ass end of a snake!

[Rambo stares at Lewis]

Lewis: Oh dear, you really are an uptight bastard, aren't you? You can drop the thousand-yard stare. I've seen it all before, and I'm not impressed.

Lewis: One man and a kid? You've got to be fucking joking! This all the rebels they put up?

Reese: I'm not liking it.

En-Joo: You're in the jungle, pus-nuts. There's nothing to like.

Lewis: [to Tint] Gutless fuck! Come and have a go at me, you lady-boy cunt!

Lewis: [Speaking to Rambo] Who are you boatman?

Lewis: Gator'd be pissed if we did something really fucking stupid.

Phil Broker: He must be pissed at you two quite a lot.

RoboCop: Isn't the moon wonderful tonight?

Lewis: It's still daytime.

RoboCop: It's the thought that counts

Lewis: Oh, Jesus! We're heading back to the station!

Lewis: Good eyes, Murphy.

RoboCop: Good as money can buy.

RoboCop: [after Lewis guns down a criminal] You are under arrest. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.

Lewis: He's dead, Murphy.

RoboCop: You have the right to an attorney...

Lewis: You're reading Miranda to a corpse!

RoboCop: [drops the corpse] I'm having... Trouble.

[last lines]

Lewis: That son of a bitch is getting away with it. We can't even touch him.

RoboCop: [while using a ratchet on his head] Patience, Lewis. We're only human.

Lewis: Kung-fu fighters should be fierce like a lion and swift like a peacock so I study their styles.

Lewis: Bobby Lo? Could he be Billy Lo's Brother?

Lewis: Sometimes you have to lose yourself 'fore you can find anything.

Lewis: Your name Griner?

First Griner: What you wanna know for?

Lewis: Can you and your brother drive two cars down to Aintry for us?

First Griner: Drive 'em down there for what?

Lewis: Me and my buddy here are taking a canoe trip down the Cahulawassee. We'd like our cars to be down in Aintry when we get there. Be there about Sunday noon.

First Griner: [sarcastically] Canoe trip?

Lewis: That's right, a canoe trip.

First Griner: What the hell you wanna go fuck around with that river for?

Lewis: Because it's there.

First Griner: It's there all right. You get in there and can't get out, you gonna wish it wasn't.

Ed: [to Lewis, whispering] Look, Lewis, let's go back to town and, ah... play golf.

Lewis: [ignoring Ed] I'll give you thirty dollars to take those cars down to Aintry.

First Griner: I'll take fifty.

Lewis: Fifty, my ass.

Ed: Lewis, don't play games with these people!

First Griner: Whud you say?

Lewis: I said "fifty, my ass."

Ed: [whispering urgently] Lewis!

First Griner: I'll do it for forty.

Lewis: Mm-hmm...

[to Ed]

Lewis: You good for ten?

Ed: Sure.

[Lewis and Ed take a wrong turn looking for the river]

First Griner: Where you goin' city boy?

Lewis: We'll find it. We'll find it.

Second Griner: It ain't nothin' but the biggest fuckin' river in the state.

Lewis: Why do you go on these trips with me, Ed?

Ed: [somewhat defensively] I like my life, Lewis.

Lewis: Yeah, but why do you go on these trips with me?

Ed: You know, sometimes I wonder about that.

Ed: [Lewis accurately shoots a fish in the river with an arrow; Ed raises his beer can in salute] Here's to you, Lewis.

Lewis: Do know what's gonna be here? Right here? A lake. As far as the eyes can see. Hundreds of feet deep. HUNDREDS of feet deep. Did you ever look out over a lake and think of somethin' buried underneath it? Buried underneath it. Well man, that's just about as buried as you can get.

[Lewis and Drew are arguing about whether to bury the dead mountain man]

Drew: It is a matter of the law!

Lewis: The law! Ha! The law! What law? WHERE'S THE LAW, DREW? HUH?

[sarcastically]

Lewis: You believe in democracy, don't you?

Drew: Yes, I do.

Lewis: Well, then we'll take a vote. And I'll stand by it. And SO WILL YOU.

[points menacingly at Drew]

Bobby: We beat it, didn't we? Didn't we beat that?

Lewis: You don't beat it. You don't beat this river...

Lewis: Can that chubby boy handle himself?

Ed: Bobby? He's rather well thought of in his field, Lewis.

Lewis: Insurance? Shit. I never been insured in my life. I don't believe in insurance. There's no risk.

Lewis: Now you listen, Ed. Damn it, we can get out of this thing, without any questions asked. We get connected up with that body, and the law, this thing's gonna be hangin' over us the rest of our lives. We've gotta get rid of that guy.

Drew: Just how're you gonna do that, Lewis? Where?

Lewis: Anywhere. Everywhere. Nowhere.

Lewis: [Ed and Lewis are driving to find the river and come to a dead end] Well, we fucked up.

[first lines]

Lewis: You w- you wanna... you wanna talk about the vanishing wilderness?

Bobby: Lewis, listen - what are you so anxious about this?

Lewis: Because they're buildin' a dam across the Cahulawassee River; they're gonna flood a whole valley, Bobby, that's why. Dammit, they're drownin' a river; they're drownin' a river, man.

Bobby: Which way we goin', this way or that way?

Lewis: I think downstream would be a good idea.

Lewis: This is the one! There she is.

[Lewis pushes aside tree branches and we see the river for the first time]

Ed: Looks good. Looks good.

Lewis: [mournfully] Couple more months, and she'll all be gone.

Bobby: [offscreen] Ed! Lewis!

Ed: Even up as far as here?

Lewis: From Aintry on up. One big, dead lake.

Lewis: [to Bobby, angrily] OVER HERE!

Lewis: Anybody know anything about the law?

Drew: I was on a jury once.

Lewis: We killed a man, Drew. Shot him in the back. A mountain man. A cracker.

Bobby: Hey, what happens if we flip this thing over?

Lewis: Now that you brought that up, hang onto your paddle. And if you hit any rocks, don't hit 'em with your head.

Wilbur: Pop quiz: Who have you met, and what have you learned?

Lewis: OK. Bud, Fritz, and Joe are brothers. Fritz is married to Petunia, and is she...?

[Makes a talking gesture with his hand]

Wilbur: Cranky? Yes.

Lewis: Tallulah and Laszlo are their children. Joe is married to Billie. Lefty is the butler. Spike and Dimitri are twins, and I don't know who they're related to.

Wilbur: Neither do we. Go on.

Lewis: Lucille is married to Bud, and your dad, Cornelius, is their son. What does Cornelius look like?

Wilbur: Tom Selleck.

Lewis: OK. Cornelius is married to Franny, and her brothers are Gaston and Art.

Wilbur: You're forgetting something.

Lewis: Forgetting? Oh, right! Wilbur is the son of Franny and Cornelius.

Wilbur: And nobody realized that you're from the past?

Lewis: Nope.

Wilbur: Whew.

Lewis: Thank you. Thank you. Hold your applause.

Lewis: I don't even know what I'm doing.

Wilbur: Keep moving forward.

Lewis: I mean, this stuff is way too advanced for me.

Wilbur: Keep moving forward.

Lewis: And what if I can't fix this, what are we going to do?

Wilbur: Keep moving forward.

Lewis: Why do you keep saying that? And don't just say keep moving forward!

Wilbur: It's my dad's motto.

Lewis: Why would his motto be keep moving forward?

Wilbur: It's what he does.

Franny: [just before Lewis is about to leave to go back to the past] Wait Lewis, one more thing.

[Franny approaches Lewis]

Lewis: Yeah?

Franny: Just a little tip for the future, I am always right. Even when I'm wrong, I'm right.

[taps Lewis's nose]

Franny: [Lewis gives confused look then looks at Cornelius]

Cornelius: She's right. I would just go with it if I were you...

[chuckles]

Cornelius: and I am.

Lewis: Then you're absouletly right.

Lewis: [Wilbur honks the horn repeatdly] Alright, alright, I'm coming.

[heads over to the time machine and climbs in]

Wilbur: [Looks at Lewis] Well, it's not like you're never going to see them again. They are you're family after all.

[Lewis looks at the Robinson family all smiling at him]

Wilbur: [Wilbur closes the hatch and starts the time machine which takes off, Lewis waves good-bye to the Robinsons as Wilbur and Lewis go back to the past]

Lewis: Why is your dog wearing glasses?

Grandpa Bud: Oh, because his insurance won't pay for contacts.

Wilbur: Five years ago, Dad wakes up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. Wants to build a time machine. So he starts working! We're talking plans, we're talking scale models, we're talking prototypes!

Wilbur: [shows Lewis a small scrap of metal]

Lewis: That's a prototype?

Wilbur: The very first!... Or, what's left of it.

Lewis: Yikes.

Wilbur: Yeah. Dark day at the Robinson household.

Lewis: Goob, I had no idea!

Bowler Hat Guy: Shut up! And don't call me "Goob"! How many evil villians do you know that can pull off a name like "Goob"? Bleh!

Lewis: Look, I'm sorry your life turned out so bad. But don't blame me you messed it up yourself. You just focused on the bad stuff when all you had to do was... let go of the past and keep moving forward...

Bowler Hat Guy: Hmm, let's see... take responsiblity for my own life or blame you? Dingdingdingdingding! Blame you wins hands down!

Wilbur: You did it Lewis, you did it!

[sees Bowler Hat Guy and gasps and attacks him]

Wilbur: I'll hold him while you run for help.

Lewis: [pries Wilbur off the Bowler Hat Guy and Wilbur is struggling to get free] Let him go!

Wilbur: Wh-what are you doing? He's the bad guy!

Lewis: No, he's not, he's my roommate...

Wilbur: What?

Lewis: [pulls Wilbur aside]

[quietly]

Lewis: Look, I want you guys to adopt him.

Wilbur: Are you nuts?

Lewis: Give me one good reason why no...

Wilbur: I'll give you three good reasons: one: he stole our time machine, two: he tried to ruin your future, and three: he smells like he hasn't showered in thirty years!

Lewis: [grabs Wilbur by the ear] Don't forget I'm your father, you have to do what I say.

Wilbur: [at the science fair after Lewis puts his memory scanner on the table]

[Wilbur pops out from underneath the sheet covering the memory scanner]

Wilbur: This area is not secure, get in.

[pulls Lewis under the sheet]

Wilbur: Have you been approached a tall man in a bowler hat?

Lewis: What?

Wilbur: Hey, hey, I'll ask the questions here.

Lewis: Okay... goodbye.

[starts to leave but Wilbur drags him back in]

Wilbur: Okay, I didn't want to pull rank on you but you forced my hand. Special agent Wilbur Robinson of the T.C.T.F.

Lewis: What?

Wilbur: Time continuum task force. I'm here to protect you.

[Lewis tries to say something but Wilbur covers his mouth]

Wilbur: Now, tall man? Bowler hat? Approached you?

Lewis: No, why?

Wilbur: [Wilbur sighs and shakes his head] I could lose my badge for this, he's a suspect in a robbery.

Lewis: What did he steal?

Wilbur: A time machine.

Lewis: A what?

Wilbur: I tracked him to this time and my informants say he's after you.

Lewis: Me? Why me?

Wilbur: The boys back at HQ haven't figured out a motive yet.

[uses air quotes]

Wilbur: And by "HQ" I mean headquarters.

Lewis: I know what HQ means!

Wilbur: Good, you're a smart kid, that'll keep you alive... for now.

[pats Lewis's memory scanner]

Wilbur: You just take care of your science gizmo and leave the perp to me.

[leaves but instantly]

Wilbur: [pops back under the sheet] And by perp, I mean perp...

Lewis: I know what it means!

Wilbur: Okay, Mr. Smartypants.

[leaves the sheet]

Wilbur: he keeps working and working until finally, he gets it! The first working time machine! Then, he keeps working and working until finally, he gets it again! The second working time machine!

Lewis: Kinda small.

Wilbur: I'm assuming that's a joke. I'm ignoring you for time reasons. This, my friend, is merely a model, because unfortunately, time machine number two is in the hands of the Bowler Hat Guy!

Bowler Hat Guy: [the Bowler Hat Guy has just gotten the time machine back] Take a good look around boys, because your future is about to change.

[heads to the past to pass the memory scanner as his own]

Wilbur: Lewis, you have to fix the time machine.

Lewis: No-no, I-I can't!

[in the past the Bowler Hat Guy has entered Invenct Co]

Lewis: What about your dad? You could call him!

Wilbur: [points to Lewis] You are my dad!

Lewis: But that's in the future!

Wilbur: There won't be a future unless you fix the time machine!

[in the past Bowler Hat Guy is showing off the memory scanner]

Wilbur: Look, I messed up, I left the garage unlocked, but I tried like crazy to fix things! But now it's up to you...

[in the past Bowler Hat guy is signing a contract]

Wilbur: You can do it, dad.

[starts to vanish]

Wilbur: Lewis? Lewis!

[flys into the sky turns into a ball of light]

Lewis: Wilbur?

[flies over the Robinson yard and is sucked into the sky]

Lewis: Wilbur...

Lewis: Wait, what does Cornelius look like?

Wilbur: ...Tom Selleck.

Lewis: [Lewis is on the roof disappointed that his memory scanner failed, he rips out the page with the picture of the memory scanner out of his notebook, crumples it into a ball and throws it away. He sits down on a crate. Then by his suprise the ball of paper hits him in the head, he throws it again trying to figure out what's happening, and Wilbur jumps out from behind the building and throws the crumpled ball of paper back to him which lands on the crate, then jumps back to the wall next to the door] Hey, what're you doing up here?

Wilbur: Coo, coo, coo.

[Lewis picks up the crumpled ball of paper and heads over to where Wilbur is hiding]

Wilbur: Coo, coo coo-coo coo.

[Deliberatly drops the ball of crumpled paper close to where Wilbur is and Wilbur jumps back out, picks up the ball of paper, and puts it in Lewis's hand]

Wilbur: Coo, coo.

[jumps back into hiding spot]

Lewis: [throws down ball of paper] Will you quit that please? I know you're not a pigeon!

Wilbur: [jumps out and covers Lewis's mouth and starts looking around to see if anyone is around] Shh, you're blowing my cover!

Lewis: [Wilbur is still looking around to see if anyone is watching them] But we're the only ones up here!

Wilbur: That's just what they want you to think.

[picks up the ball of paper and flattens it out and gives it to Lewis and Wilbur starts pushing Lewis to the door]

Wilbur: Now, enough moping, take this back the science fair and fix that memory scanner!

Lewis: [pushes Wilbur away] Stop, stop, get away from me!

Wilbur: Maybe you forgotten I'm a time cop from the future.

[quickly shows his "badge" to Lewis which is really a coupon for a tanning salon]

Wilbur: Should be taken very seriously.

Lewis: [Lewis grabs Wilbur's "badge"] That's no badge, it's a coupon for a tanning salon!

[waving the coupon in Wilbur's face]

Lewis: You're a fake.

Wilbur: [Lewis heads back to the crate to get his notebook and his bag] Okay, you got me, I'm not a cop. But I really am from the future! And there really is this bowler hat guy!

Lewis: [grabs his bag] Agh, here we go again.

Wilbur: He stole a time machine, came to the science fair and ruined your project!

Lewis: My project didn't work because I'm no good.

[Wilbur pockets the paper with the picture of the time machine in his pocket]

Lewis: There is no bowler hat guy, there is no time machine and you're not really from the future. You're crazy!

Wilbur: [starts to head for the door to leave but Wilbur blocks him] Ho, ho, I am not crazy.

Lewis: Oh, yeah captain time travel? Prove it!

Wilbur: Uh... um...

[rubs his head]

Lewis: Yeah, that's what I thought.

[heads to the door]

Lewis: [mumbling] I'm just going to lock myself in my room and hide under the covers for a couple of years.

Wilbur: [Lewis starts to open the door but is immediatly slammed shut by Wilbur]

[kind of quickly]

Wilbur: If I prove to you that I'm from the future will you go back to the science fair?

Lewis: Yeah, sure whatever you say.

[Wilbur smiles jumps behind him, grabs him and starts pushing him to one of the edges of the orphanage]

Lewis: Let go of me! What are you doing, let go of me!

Wilbur: Okay.

[Lifts Lewis up and throws over the side of the building where he lands in the time machine]

Carl: Welcome back, little buddy. So, uh, what's up with the stolen time machine? Did you find it?

[Wilbur gives him a sarcastic look]

Carl: Apparently not. And you managed to bust this one as well!

Wilbur: It'll be fixed before dad gets home.

Carl: And how d'you suppose that's gonna hap...

[spots Lewis]

Carl: Who's that?

Lewis: Wow! A real robot! Hi, I'm Lewis!

[Carl runs screaming from the room]

Lewis: Well, that was unexpected.

[Wilbur quickly puts a fruit hat on Lewis's head]

Lewis: As... was that.

Wilbur: If my family finds out that I brought you from the past, they'll bury me alive and dance on my grave! I'M NOT EXAGGERATING! Well, yes I am, but that's not the point! The point is, your hair's a dead giveaway.

Lewis: Why would my hair be a dead giveaway?

Wilbur: That is an excellent question!

[begins to run away]

Lewis: Wait! Where are you going?

Wilbur: Another excellent question!

Franny: So Lewis, are you in Wilbur's class?

Lewis: No.

Wilbur: Yes!

Lewis: Yes.

Wilbur: No!

[Franny gives them a puzzled look]

Wilbur: Well, yes and no. Lewis is a new transfer student

Uncle Gaston: Where you from Lewis?

Lewis: Um, Canada?

Tallulah: I think you mean North Montana, hasn't been called Canada in years!

Lucille Krunklehorn: Do you know a Sam Gunderson?

Lewis: It's a big country.

Tallulah: State!

[first lines]

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: Then, um, I didn't choose that one because it was gonna give me pimples so I choosed, um, another scary one cause for, um, all those years that I went for halloween I wasn't scary at all... I love baseball. It's my destiny to play that game. And I don't really care about winning. Well, like, now i do, cause, like, we've lost every game and I've gotten tired of it! I'm working like so hard, all the balls are getting thrown to me, I'm trying to catch like everyone. All of the people in the out field are all looking around, and, c'mon, lets play some baseball, ok? not the lazy game... They're here... Lewis? Lewis?

Lewis: Goob? Hey Goob? I've finished it! They're gonna love this!

Lewis: [after the Tyrannosaurus crashes through the wall] Why didn't you tell me you had a pet dinosaur?

Wilbur: Uhhh... because we don't!

Wilbur: [punches Wilbur]

Wilbur: Oowch!

Lewis: THAT'S for not locking the garage door!

Wilbur: Oh, you know about that?

Lewis: I know about everything.

Mildred: Poor Mr. Herrington.

Lewis: I KILLED HIM?

Bowler Hat Guy: Allow me to shed some light on the subject.

[turns on light, revealing room in the orphanage]

Lewis: My old room!

Bowler Hat Guy: I think you mean OUR old room!

[takes off cape, revealing baseball uniform]

Bowler Hat Guy: Ah, yes! It is I, Mike Yagoobian!

Wilbur: [when Wilbur is showing Lewis the future] Is this proof enough for you?

Lewis: [looking around at everything] Is it ever! I never thought that time travel could be possible in my lifetime, and here it is, right in front of me!

Wilbur: The truth will set you free, brother.

Lewis: This is beyond anything I could have imagined.

[quietly]

Lewis: This means I could really change my life.

Wilbur: That's right, you can. Next stop, science fair to fix your memory scanner.

[turns around to punch in the date]

Lewis: Hey, I'm not going to fix that stupid memory scanner.

Wilbur: [the brakes screech, making the time machine come to a screeching halt] What?

Lewis: Wilbur this is a *time machine*. Why should I fix my dumb invention when you can take me to see my mom now, in this ship?

Wilbur: Uh... um...

Lewis: I can go back to that night and stop her from giving me up.

Wilbur: The answer is not a time machine.

[takes out the picture of the memory scanner and shows it to Lewis]

Wilbur: It's this.

Lewis: [points to the picture] This? You wanna know what I think of this?

[grabs the picture, rips it up and throws the pieces away]

Wilbur: What are you doing?

[runs to catch the pieces]

Lewis: I'm sorry, Wilbur. You don't know what I've lived through.

[tries to start up time machine]

Wilbur: Lewis, no!

Lewis: [fighting over controls] Let go!

Wilbur: You let go!

Lewis: You're not the boss of me!

Wilbur: Yes, I am! You're twelve and I'm thirteen. That makes me older!

Lewis: No, this can't be happening!

Franny: [under the control of Doris] Oh, but Lewis, it's already happened...

Lewis: [to Doris the Bowler Hat] I am NEVER going to invent you.

Bowler Hat Guy: Now, go get that boy!

Lewis: [T-Rex corners Lewis, but can't reach him] Oh! Aah!

T-Rex: What's going on? Why aren't you seizing the boy?

T-Rex: [subtitled] I have a big head... and little arms. I'm just not sure... how well this plan was thought through... Master?

Bowler Hat Guy: Ugh, stupid, stupid, stupid!

Lewis: Why are you doing this to me? I never did anything to you.

Bowler Hat Guy: You still haven't figured it out?

Lewis: Figured out what?

Bowler Hat Guy: Well, let's see if this rings a bell: father of the future, inventor extraordinaire, "Keep Moving Forward" ?

Lewis: That's not me, that's Wilbur's dad.

[Bowler Hat Guy makes a sinister grin]

Lewis: Are you saying that... I'm Wilbur's... dad?

Bowler Hat Guy: Ooh, give the boy a prize! You grew up to be the founder of this wretched time, so I plan to destroy your destiny.

[sing song voice]

Bowler Hat Guy: Easy peasy, rice and cheesy.

Lewis: Well... so if I'm Wilbur's dad...

Bowler Hat Guy: Keep going.

Lewis: If I'm Wilbur's dad...

Bowler Hat Guy: Yes, thank you, we've established that.

Lewis: Ah, but... what does that have to do with you?

Bowler Hat Guy: Aha! Allow me to shed some light on the subject.

Lewis: [the light reveals Lewis's old room, Lewis gasps] My old room!

Bowler Hat Guy: I think you mean 'our' old room.

Lewis: What?

Bowler Hat Guy: [Bowler Hat Guy takes off his cloak, revealing his old baseball uniform] Yes! Yes, it is I, Mike Yagoobian!

Lewis: Ugh!

Bowler Hat Guy: I know, I'm disgusting, but one learns to love it.

Lewis: How did you end up like this?

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: Well, it's a long and pitiful story, about a young boy with a dream. a dream of winning a Little League championship.

Bowler Hat Guy: [flashback to a Little League baseball game, Yagoobian is asleep in the outfield; a sleepy Yagoobian fails to catch a ball headed his way] A dream that was ruined in the last inning. We lost by one run because of me.

Baseball player: Get him!

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: [the scene changes to Yagoobian in the orphanage] If I hadn't fallen asleep, I would have caught the ball! And we would have won! Do you understand?

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: For some reason, no one wanted to adopt me.

Reporter: [over the radio] Whiz kid Cornelius Robinson graduates from college at age 14 - This year's Nobel Prize goes to a young Cornelius Robinson.

Student 1: Hey Goob, what's up?

Student 2: Cool binder, want to come over to my house today?

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: They all hated me. Eventually, they closed down the orphanage and everyone left... except me.

Reporter: [on radio] Cornelius Robinson rebuilds Inventco - Rrobinson reaches out to - Cornielius Robinson - Cornelius Robinson is now - Now here's another amazing...

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: It was then that I realized it wasn't my fault. It was yours! If you hadn't kept me up all night working on your stupid project, then I wouldn't have missed the catch, so I devised a brilliant plan to get revenge.

[Yagoobian throws eggs at the Robinson Industries building]

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: Robinson, you stink!

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: Then, just as I was on the brink of destroying Robinson Industries, I met 'her'.

[Doris chirps]

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: We retreated to our villainous lair, where Doris spun a tale of deception and woe. Apparently, you invented her to be a helping hat, a slave to humankind... But Doris knew she was capable of so much more!

[Doris pulls herself over the lab assistant's eyes]

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: However, you didn't see her true potential...

Cornelius: Got it!

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: So you shut her down... or so you thought.

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: [Doris breaks out of her holding cell] We both had a score to settle with you, and while my plan for revenge was brilliant, Doris's was... well, we went with Doris's, but I made a very, very important contribution. Together we made the perfect team.

Franny: [Doris activates her night vision goggles] Wilbur, make sure you shut that door tight, or else the alarm won't engage.

Wilbur: Yeah, Mom.

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: [Wilbur leaves the door ajar] I went to your house, snuck in the garage, and stole the time machine. All thanks to that pointy-haired little kid who forgot to lock the garage door.

[Adult Yagoobian cackles as the flashback ends]

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: And now, all that's left is to return to Inventco, where I'll pass off your little gizmo as my own.

Bowler Hat Guy: [Bowler Hat Guy turns on a light, revelaing an abandoned bedroom] Allow me to shed some light on the subject.

Lewis: [gasps] My old room!

Bowler Hat Guy: I think you mean 'our' old room.

Lewis: What?

Bowler Hat Guy: [Bowler Hat Guy removes his cloak, revealing his old Little League baseball uniform] Ye-es! Yes, it is I, Mike Yagoobian!

Lewis: Ugh!

Bowler Hat Guy: I know, I'm disgusting, but one learns to love it.

Lewis: How did you end up like this?

Bowler Hat Guy: [Bowler Hat Guy puts his cloak back on] Well, it's a long and pitiful story, about a young boy with a dream, a dream of winning a Little League championship.

Bowler Hat Guy: [Flashback to a sandlot baseball stadium where a young Mike Yagoobian is asleep in the outfield; a fly ball lands next to a sleepy Yagoobian] A dream that was ruined in the last inning. We lost by one run because of me.

Baseball Player: Get him!

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: [at the orphanage] If I hadn't fallen asleep, I would have caught the ball, and we would have won! Do you understand?

Bowler Hat Guy: For some reason, no one wanted to adopt me.

Reporter: [over the radio] Whiz kid Cornelius Robinson graduates from college at age 14... This year's Nobel Prize goes to a young Cornelius Robinson...

Twin student 1: Hey Goob, what's up?

Twin student 2: Cool binder. Hey Goob, wanna come over to my house today?

Bowler Hat Guy: They all hated me. Eventually they closed down the orphanage and everyone left... except me.

Reporter: [over the radio] Cornelius Robinson rebuilds Inventco... Robinson reaches out to... Cornelius Robinson... Cornielus Robinson is now... Now here's another amazing...

Bowler Hat Guy: It was then that I realized it wasn't 'my' fault... it was yours! If you hadn't kept me up all night working on your stupid project, then I wouldn't have missed the catch! So I devised a brilliant plan to get my revenge.

[Bowler Hat Guy throws eggs at the Robinson Industries building]

Bowler Hat Guy: Robinson, you stink! Then, just as I was on the brink of destroying Robinson Industries, I met... her.

[Doris extends her metal claw and drags Bowler Hat Guy away]

Bowler Hat Guy: We retreated to our villainous lair, where Doris spun a tale of deception and woe. Apparently, you invented her to be a helping hat, a slave to humankind... But Doris knew she was capable of so much more... However, you didn't see her true potential...

Cornelius: Got it!

Bowler Hat Guy: So you shut her down... or so you thought.

[Doris breaks out of the storage area]

Bowler Hat Guy: We both had a score to settle with you, and while my plan for revenge was brilliant, Doris's was... well, we went with Doris's. I made a very, very important contribution. Together, we made the perfect team.

Mildred: It's not you. we just haven't found the right couple yet.

Lewis: 124.

Mildred: [gently] What?

Lewis: That's how many adoption interviews I've had, 124.

Mildred: Oh Lewis, come on now, you're exaggerating just to make your... point.

[Lewis turns the crate around with 124 tally marks on it]

Lewis: Plus, I'm gonna be 13 next year, and you know how hard it is for a teenager to get adopted. I have no future, no one wants me!

Mildred: That's not true, Lewis!

Lewis: My own mother didn't even want me!

Mildred: Now stop it! You do not know that!

Lewis: Then why did she give me up?

Mildred: She may not have been able to take care of you, did you ever think of that?

[Lewis turns silent]

Mildred: I am sure she was only thinking about what was best for you.

Lewis: I never thought of it that way.

Mildred: Maybe she wanted to keep you, but she had no choice.

Lewis: You're right! My real mom is the only person who's ever wanted me.

Mildred: Wait, I said 'maybe'.

Lewis: If she wanted me then, she'll want me now!

Mildred: What are you talking about?

Lewis: I have to find her, Mildred, and when I do, she'll take me back, and we'll be a family again!

Mildred: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Lewis! You can't do that! No one knows anything about her, no one even saw her!

Lewis: [Lewis looks up at a billboard that says "Remember your Ginkgo Biloba"] Wrong, I saw her... once, she's in here. I just have to remember.

Franny: [from inside the garage] Wilbur! Make sure you shut that door tight, or else the alarm won't engage.

Wilbur: Yeah, mom.

Bowler Hat Guy: [Wilbur leaves the door ajar] I went to your house, snuck in the garage, and stole the time machine... all thanks to that pointy-haired little kid who forgot to lock the garage door.

Bowler Hat Guy: [Bowler Hat Guy cackles] And now all that's left is to return to Inventco where I'll pass off your little gizmo as my own.

Lewis: But you have no idea what that could do to this future!

Bowler Hat Guy: I don't care! I just want to ruin your life,

Lewis: Goob! I had no idea!

Bowler Hat Guy: Shut up! And don't call me 'Goob'! How many evil villains do you know who can pull off a name like Goob? Bleh!

Lewis: Look, I'm sorry your life turned out so bad, but don't blame me! You messed it up yourself, you just focused on the bad stuff when all you had to do was... let go of the past and... keep moving forward.

Bowler Hat Guy: Hmm. let's see: take responsibility for my own life, or blame you? Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding! "Blame you" wins hands down!

[Bowler Hat Guy cackles]

Bowler Hat Guy: This is gonna be the best day of my life!

Mildred: [talking on the phone] We'll see you at 2:00 this afternoon. He'll be so excited you're coming. Bye-bye, now.

[Mildred hangs up]

Mildred: Yes! Hey, Goob - I mean, Michael, good luck at the big game today!

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: [sleepily] Easy win, those guys are a bunch of bums. I just hope I can stay awake.

Mildred: Don't tell me, let me guess...

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: He was up all night, working on his stupid project.

[yawns]

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: But that's what happens when you get a science geek for a roommate.

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: [Yagoobian sips his juice box, and trades it to Mildred in exchange for her mug of coffee, which he drinks] Ahh, that's good joe.

Mildred: [Mildred sees Lewis in his bedroom, working on his invention] All right, Einstein, you owe Michael big time.

Lewis: Well, unlocking the secrets of the brain took a lot longer than I expected, but it's finished, Mildred; I re-calibrated the headset.

[Lewis shows his illustrated scientific notes to Mildred]

Lewis: Now the neural circuits will connect! I've cracked the hippocampus!

Mildred: Really? Okay, what?

Lewis: Now to test it out.

[Lewis's alarm clock goes off; he starts putting his invention model into a wagon]

Lewis: Oh no, I'm late! I gotta go!

Mildred: Wait a minute, Lewis, wait a minute.

[Mildred briefly laughs]

Mildred: I almost forgot what I came up here for. I know you have a lot on your plate today, but I've scheduled an interview for you this afternoon.

Lewis: No thanks.

Mildred: No thanks? Sweetheart, this is about being adopted, and you will be back here clean, happy, and on time.

Lewis: I'm done with interviews, Mildred. I'm not gonna be rejected anymore.

Mildred: Listen, I know where your head is, but I'm telling you, you have got to get out of the past and look to the future.

Lewis: I am, and this is it. This is my future. I'm sorry.

[Lewis heads out the front door towards the elementary school's science fair]

Mildred: Lewis? Honey?

Lewis: How did you end up like this?

Bowler Hat Guy: Well, it's a long and pitiful story, about a young boy with a dream. a dream of winning a Little League championship.

[flashback to a Little League baseball game at a sandlot where Yagoobian is asleep in the outfield; a sleepy Yagoobian fails to catch a fly ball that lands next to him]

Bowler Hat Guy: A dream that was ruined in the last inning. We lost by one run because of me.

Baseball Player: Get him!

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: [the scene changes to Yagoobian in the orphanage] If I hadn't fallen asleep, I would have caught the ball, and we would have won! Do you understand?

Bowler Hat Guy: For some reason, no one wanted to adopt me.

Reporter: Whiz kid Cornelius Robinson graduates from college at age 14... This year's Nobel Prize goes to a young Cornelius Robinson...

Twin student 1: Hey Goob, what's up?

Twin student 2: Cool binder, want to come over to my house today?

Bowler Hat Guy: They all hated me. Eventually, they closed down the orphanage and everyone left... except me.

Reporter: Cornelius Robinson rebuilds Inventco... Robinson reaches out to... Cornielius Robinson... Cornelius Robinson is now... Now here's another amazing...

Bowler Hat Guy: It was then that I realized it wasn't 'my' fault. It was yours! If you hadn't kept me up all night working on your stupid project, then I wouldn't have missed the catch. So I devised a brilliant plan to get my revenge.

[Bowler Hat Guy throws eggs at the Robinson Industries building]

Bowler Hat Guy: Robinson, you stink!

Bowler Hat Guy: Then, just as I was on the brink of destroying Robinson Industries, I met... her.

[Doris extends her metal claw and drags Bowler Hat Guy away]

Bowler Hat Guy: We retreated to our villainous lair, where Doris spun a tale of deception and woe. Apparently, you invented her to be a helping hat, a slave to humankind... But Doris knew she was capable of so much more... However, you didn't see her true potential...

Cornelius: Got it!

Bowler Hat Guy: So you shut her down... or so you thought.

[Doris breaks out of her holding cell]

Bowler Hat Guy: We both had a score to settle with you, and while my plan for revenge was brilliant, Doris's was... well, we went with Doris's, but I made a very, very important contribution. Together we made the perfect team.

Franny: [Doris activates her night vision goggles] Wilbur, make sure you shut that door tight, or else the alarm won't engage.

Wilbur: Yeah, Mom.

Bowler Hat Guy: [Wilbur leaves the door ajar] I went to your house, snuck in the garage, and stole the time machine. All thanks to that pointy-haired little kid who forgot to lock the garage door.

[Bowler Hat Guy cackles]

Bowler Hat Guy: And now, all that's left is to return to Inventco, where I'll pass off your little gizmo as my own.

Lewis: Goob, I had no idea!

Bowler Hat Guy: Shut up! And don't call me 'Goob'! How many evil villains do you know that can pull off a name like 'Goob'? Bleh!

Lewis: Look, I'm sorry your life turned out so bad. But don't blame me you messed it up yourself. You just focused on the bad stuff when all you had to do was... let go of the past and keep moving forward...

Bowler Hat Guy: Hmm, let's see... take responsibility for my own life or blame you? Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding! Blame you wins hands down!

Martin: Don't you guys know about faxes?

Lewis: Yeah, don't you know about E-mail?

Bullwinkle: Sure. A fax is a little red critter that hunts geese and chickens. Half of them are males, and the other half are "E-males".

Martin: No, it's a way of transmitting computer-generated information across great distances in the blink of an eye!

Bullwinkle: Well I was close.

Jules: Here's my theory about this. We all grew up during the "take your daughter to work day" thing, right?

Ben: Mm-Hmm.

Jules: So we were always told we could be anything, do anything. And I think guys got, maybe not left behind, but not quite as nurtured, you know? I mean, like, we were the generation of "you go, girl."We had Oprah. And I wonder sometimes how guys fit in, you know? They still seem to be trying to figure it out. They're still dressing like little boys. They're still playing video games. Well, they've gotten great. So...

Davis: I love video games!

Lewis: Oh, boy.

Jules: How, in one generation, have men gone from guys like jack Nicholson and Harrison Ford to... take Ben, here. A dying breed. You know? Look and learn, boys. Because if you ask me, this is what cool is.

[leaning on Ben]

Lewis: [planning the party] Do any of you have dates, besides Gilbert?

Lamar: I do!

Booger: Yeah, but that's with a guy.

Lewis: Well, what about you, Booger?

Booger: I've been out combing the high schools all day!

Betty Childs: [blissfully] Oh, Stan. You were wonderful. You did things to me you've never done before.

[Lewis takes off his mask]

Betty Childs: [gasps] Ahhh! You're that nerd!

Lewis: Yeah.

Betty Childs: [blissfully] Oh, you were wonderful.

[gasps in ecstacy]

Betty Childs: Are all nerds as good as you?

Lewis: Yes.

Betty Childs: How come?

Lewis: 'Cause all jocks ever think about is sports, all we ever think about is sex.

Gibert: I just wanted to say that I'm a nerd, and I'm here tonight to stand up for the rights of other nerds. I mean uh, all our lives we've been laughed at and made to feel inferior. And tonight, those bastards, they trashed our house. Why? Cause we're smart? Cause we look different? Well, we're not. I'm a nerd, and uh, I'm pretty proud of it.

Lewis: Hi, Gilbert. I'm a nerd too. I just found that out tonight. We have news for the beautiful people. There's a lot more of us than there are of you. I know there's alumni here tonight. When you went to Adams you might've been called a spazz, or a dork, or a geek. Any of you that have ever felt stepped on, left out, picked on, put down, whether you think you're a nerd or not, why don't you just come down here and join us. Okay? Come on.

Gibert: Just join us cause uh, no-one's gonna really be free until nerd persecution ends.

Lewis: [in line at the Kissing Booth at the Homecoming Carnival] Hi, Betty.

Betty Childs: A nerd? I'm not kissing a nerd.

Lewis: You have to. I paid my money.

Betty Childs: [Lewis tries to kiss Betty] It's time for my break.

Stan Gable: [Stan brings a short, fat, ugly woman, instead] Kiss this, nerd.

Betty Childs: I want to do it, Stan. All this kissing has made me horny.

Stan Gable: God, Betty, you're like a goat.

Betty Childs: [in the Pi's bathroom] Listen, if Stan calls tell him I'll call him back, okay?

Suzy: Okay.

Lewis: [Betty opens the shower curtain and finds Lewis; gasps] Panty raid!

[Betty screams; Lewis laughs, chasing her]

Betty Childs: That nerd saw me naked!

[Lewis shows the nerds their new home. An abandoned and dilapidated house]

Lewis: Isn't she beautiful?

[the nerds give him confused and angry looks, Lewis smiles at them]

Lewis: Didn't I tell you we would find a nice place?

Gibert: Yes, this is way better than the dorm.

[Brick is hurled through the window]

Booger: What was that?

Gibert: It says: "Nerds get out!"

Takashi: What is a nerd?

Gibert: *We* are.

Lewis: Rink's gotta be around here someplace.

Gordon Bombay: Just look for a sign that says 'Personal Hell'.

[under his breath]

Gordon Bombay: How can he do this to me? I hate kids. They're barely human.

Lewis: [as the kids horseplay in the car] I could kill one of them just to set an example, sir!

Lewis: [shaking Peter upside down] Give me my candy! That's it! All of it!

Owen: [to Duncan who is standing a few metres away] Duncan, please report to the Administrative Offices International. I have to announce it over the PA, as my voice won't carry that far. My throat suffered major damage during an intense make-out session with Lewis' mom. She has a forked tongue and a touch of the herpes.

Lewis: [sardonically] I don't have a mom. I have two dads. In your face.

[Duncan talks with Susanna. Owen and Roddy see him, and are impressed. Owen talkes via the PA system]

Owen: Please report to the Administrative Offices International. Duncan, please report to the Administrative Offices International. I have to announce it over the PA as my voice won't carry that far. My throat suffered major damage during an intense make-out session with Lewis' mom. She has a forked tongue and a touch of the herpes.

Lewis: [annoyed] I don't have a mom. I have two dads. In your face.

Owen: Hurry, hurry.

Duncan: [to Sussanna] Hold on a second.

[Susanna nods. Duncan approaches Owen and Roddy]

Owen: Please. Hurry up. This is pressing, pressing. Urgent. I can't tell you how pressing. You can't fathom how pressing. How's it going? What's up? Did you need something?

Duncan: No.

Owen: Who's that, big guy?

Duncan: Just a girl.

[Owen and Roddy chuckle]

Roddy: You stallion, you!

Duncan: I don't know. She's older than me.

[Owen and Roddy are even more impressed]

Roddy: So... what are you doing over here talking to us and not over there, sealing the deal with that cougar?

Duncan: [smiles] Well, maybe, Roddy, if you guys hadn't called me over here...

Owen, Roddy: [chuckle] Oooo!

[Duncan returns to Susanna]

Owen: [talks on the PA system] Return to your lady friend. Duncan, please return to your lady friend. Please let her know that this conversation was entirely about her. In other news, this is very awkward for you.

Lewis: [unwrapping farewell gift to reveal a large pool leaf-skimmer, then in sarcastic tone] Oh oh... Owen, you shouldn't have.

Owen: [sardonically] Yeah, I went to three different places in the water park to find that. You can use it to catch thunderclouds.

Mary Maceachran: What will Lady Sylvia do now?

Lewis: If I were her, I'd set up in London as a glamorous widow with all the gentlemen chasin' me for my money!

Lewis: You should know to pack your woollies when you come to this house.

Dr. Catheter: [sarcastically while looking at Gizmo] Cute, isn't it?

Martin: We're not sure if that is genetic. No.

Lewis: No, we're not.

[Lewis is getting his mascot's head taken off]

Lewis: Aah.

Harry Dunne: Whoa! The half boy / half horse.

Lloyd Christmas: Oh! That's more of what we're looking for.

Harry Dunne: He's *super* special.

Lewis: Well... I mean, I got to get a job anyway. So if I - if I sign your thing, I can just come and go whenever I want to?

Lloyd Christmas: You were born free, and free you shall remain.

Bud Johnson: You guys protect the President!

Lewis: She's... she's smarter.

Lewis: What's something else you've done that's sexually crazy?

Cooper: The dog licked my balls once. Does that count?

Lewis: Ewww! No! Why did you let the dog lick your balls?

Cooper: Well, I didn't LET him, he caught me by surprise.

Lewis: What were you doing so the dog could... Never mind.

Lewis: Okay, let's hear it.

Cooper: Hear what?

Lewis: "I'm not gay, I like women, I was just" dot-dot-dot. Choose from the following. A: Curious. B: Drunk. C: Horny. Followed up by: "And there was a willing mouth in the room, so..."

Lewis: You sure do make a lot of dramatic exits for a straight guy.

Cooper: You got your Freud in my Dr. Ruth.

Lewis: You got your Dr. Ruth in my Freud.

Lewis: To Cooper. May your hair never fall, your dick always rise, and your kids never call your brother-in-law daddy.

Lewis: I don't like feet. Feet are suspicious. They never look you in the eye.

[Best friends Lewis and Cooper had sex]

Cooper: Lewis, it was fun and I'm glad that it was with you, but once is enough.

Lewis: You can't stop at just one. Think of me as your personal bag of potato chips.

Cooper: You both make my fingers greasy?

Lewis: Hey, all new fathers get nervous.

Cooper: What if I sit on him?

Lewis: Why would you sit on him?

Cooper: Well, not intentionally!

Lewis: I had a very handsome younger brother. When we were kids, people would look at him and say, "You are so cute!" And then they'd look at me and say, "Uh, he must be the smart one."

Cooper: Hey, we can't all be Farrahs. Somebody's gotta be Kate Jackson.

Lewis: Coop, what do you tell your wife?

Cooper: What do you mean?

Lewis: Well, every year for the past four years we've met in this same hotel room. It's the day before your anniversary. What does she think?

Cooper: I tell her one of my buddies is sick and in the hospital, I have to go see him. So far, four of my closest imaginary friends have died.

Lewis: Belinda doesn't strike me as being stupid.

Cooper: She's not. She's just... trusting.

Lewis: You can't expect me to throw wood when your pregnant wife is calling wondering where you are.

Cooper: She's not here, Lewis. You are, and I am. Us! One day a year. Let's just hit the pause button on our lives, just turn the lights off on the world. For one day. We have one day to grind and sweat and moan and not care about anything.

Cooper: She's not my other half. She doesn't complete me.

Lewis: Complete you? Has the Lifetime channel gone Clockwork Orange on your ass?

Lewis: This scene is too sappy for a book. It's better suited for a drippy, melodramatic play or some dopey independent film.

Cherry: [to Doug] Go burn a cat.

[she exits]

Lewis: Why are they always saying that?

Doug: That's what I did.

Lewis: Burned a cat?

Doug: No, CATS. See mum had five cats, and me and mum we'd been having some... differences. So one night I rounded 'em up, put 'em in a cage, doused 'em with petrol and put a match to 'em!

[Lewis chuckles, thinking it's a joke. Doug grins and laughs]

Doug: Heh-heh! Funny, eh?

[He sits next to Lewis]

Doug: Then, I opened up the cage door and I let 'em run loose. Welllll, what a racket. They were runnin' round the backyard, burnin' and howlin'.

[He gives a psychotic little laugh]

Doug: No such thing as grace under pressure for a burning cat, lemme tell ya. Then, me mum came outside to see what was happenin'? Darn near freaked out she did. See, I figured I'd wait a couple of hours till the cats were dead and mum was feeling a bit sorry for herself, and I'd go up to the front door and I'd knock on it and I'd say, "Hi, Mum! I'm here to talk about our unresolved conflicts."

Doug: But oh no, One of those FUCKING cats ran into the house; a couple of minutes the whole bloody house was on fire. Within half an hour there was no front door to knock on.

Doug: Yeah, if it wasn't for that damn cat, I wouldn't be in here.

Cherry: Will outsiders see the show?

Lewis: Don't know.

Cherry: If it's a real large role, I'll invite my dad. He'll be surprised to see me out of water.

[Lewis just looks at her]

Cherry: My dad was a great duck hunter. But we were very poor and couldn't afford a dog, so... He used to get me to point and fetch the ducks.

[pause]

Cherry: Those lakes can get pretty cold when you're swimmin' in 'em with a dead duck in your mouth.

[Lewis gapes]

Cherry: Haa! Just pullin' your leg!

Evan: Caliban's an outsider, like me. I mean, like Ariel. They're both outsiders.

Vivienne Mae: Yeah, good. Exactly. They're both excluded by society. People make up their mind about Caliban because he's different. They think Caliban's a monster. His mother was a witch.

Lewis: You've met Kenny's mum then, Miss?

Vivienne Mae: Fuck off!

Lewis: Do you know Isabel, you really are a boring woman. You are probably the most boring woman in the world. You are a woman's destiny of bore.

Isabel: Well, women are an occupied country.

Lewis: It's about this ungrateful woman who is married to this man of great charm, brilliance, and integrity. She thinks he won't let her be herself, and she feels stuck in a straightjacket when she ought to be out and about and taking the waters and finding herself. So one day, she ups and goes and finds herself out of her depth, but the husband comes and saves her, and then she realizes that he's really a wonderful chap.

Elizabeth: Does he play cricket for England too?

Lewis: Elizabeth, are you discontent?

Elizabeth: I would be, but I don't feel I have the right.

Lewis: Start at the end.

Lewis: [after Chris racks a shotgun] Oh, there's a comforting sound!

Lewis: What do you call a mushroom that walks into a bar and buys everyone a drink?

Chris Pratt: I don't know.

Lewis: A fungi.

Loan Officer: Who exactly are these sandwiches named after?

Lewis: People I've admired. We could name one after you, if you wanted?

Loan Officer: Oh, no. No, I don't think that's necessary...

Lewis: Sure, sure why not?

Loan Officer: Well, that's very kind of you but...

Lewis: Come on! What's your first name?

Loan Officer: [pause] Reuben

Lewis: What's your middle name?

Lewis: Am I dead? I must be dead because no one's talking to me!

Lewis: [explaining how he went blind] When I was about your age, me and some friends decided to make some money by opening up a meth lab.

Luvlee: Oh! Did you blow yourself up?

Lewis: Does it look like I blew myself up?

Lewis: [to Luvlee] Please tell me you're not waving your hand in front of my face.

Lewis: I smell money.

Lewis: Can I tell you something? You won't get upset?

Chris Pratt: What?

Lewis: I don't think you should go home anymore.

Lewis: You know, here I am, sitting at home alone every night while you're out getting blown and God knows what else by Luvlee something, who probably has a friend, and what, you don't introduce me?

Chris Pratt: Lemons. That's what it is.

Lewis: That's what what is?

Chris Pratt: That's her last name.

Lewis: Luvlee Lemons? That's her name?

Chris Pratt: Well, it's her stage name. She's a performer. Or she was.

Lewis: Ah, and by stage I'm assuming you mean the kind with a pole?

Chris Pratt: What do you mean?

Lewis: Let's move on.

Lewis: Hello?

Chris Pratt: Are you OK?

Lewis: I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?

Chris Pratt: Because the lights are on. They're up there, aren't they?

Lewis: Just get out of here.

[Gary hits Lewis and grabs the phone]

Gary Spargo: Come on up here Chris, and let's talk about how we can figure this out.

Gary Spargo: Where is it?

Bone: He says he doesn't remember.

Chris Pratt: Lewis, you OK?

Lewis: [sarcastically] oh, I'm terrific.

Gary Spargo: Don't do this, Chris. Just tell me where it is.

Chris Pratt: I don't know where it is.

Bone: Bullshit.

Lewis: I get turned down more times than the beds at the Holiday Inn.

Lewis: You are, all of you, amateurs. And international affairs should never be run by gentlemen amateurs. Do you have any idea of what sort of place the world is becoming all around you? The days when you could just act out of your noble instincts, are over. Europe has become the arena of realpolitik, the politics of reality. If you like: real politics. What you need is not gentlemen politicians, but real ones. You need professionals to run your affairs, or you're headed for disaster!

Lewis: What's the matter Graham? Mad because you blew the physics test?

Graham: I don't know Lewis. Mad because Mercedes blew the lacrosse team?

Lewis: Blow this!

Lewis: Mercy someone's there.