Lester Quotes in Bullet (1996)

Lester: Are we gonna rob 'em or we gonna fuck 'em?

Butch: What difference does it make?

Lester: [snorting cocaine] You want some of this?

Butch: Man, I don't stick nothing up my nose unless it's two legs wrapped around my neck.

Lester: More for me...

Lester: My destiny is in God's hands. I'm cool with that.

Sasha: [Sasha confesses to Nick about who he is] I'm undercover. F.B.I.

Nick: But you passed the lie detector test.

Sasha: That's nothing man. Anybody can do that.

Nick: [with anger in his voice] All this time... y ou've been settin' up on me.

[aims his weapon at Sasha]

Nick: I believed in you. I trusted you. Brought you into my family...

[shouts]

Nick: I vouched for you! And you betrayed me?

Sasha: It's not that simple.

Lester: [places hand on Nick's shoulder] Don't do it.

[Nick disarms himself, unable to shoot Sasha]

Sasha: [guilty expression on his face] Well, I'm sorry.

[Sasha walks away to take Lester to safety]

Nick: I thought we was friends, Sasha.

Sasha: [stops in his tracks] We still are. You can bet your life on that.

Little Joe: Go with God, my brother.

Lester: Always.

Lester: The rumor is you went half past dead and came back.

Sasha: Yeah!

Lester: Took a ride on the flat line for 22 minutes... and lived to tell. Thought we could play some cards and talk about that.

Sasha: Who is this guy?

[Sasha turns to a cell guard]

Lester: I'm a man with 50 minutes to live.

Lester: [to Randa just before he shoots her in the head - offscreen] You need to work on your personality.

Lester: You know what they say in China? They say: ciao!

Lester: You have to find the sheep before you shear him.

Kay: It's okay, you can relax, Lester, we just drop by to try one of your famous steak dinners.

Lester: Hmm, we're fresh out of meat.

Max: My life's a living...

Lester: HELL-O, little buddy!

[Max turns his back and tries to ignore Lester, who comes around to Max's front]

Lester: Who's your favorite possum?

Max: Don't touch me!

Lester: Aw, why such a long face? You're so sad! Boo hoo hoo! I know! You need a big hug from Lester!

Max: Don't even think about IIIIIITTT...

[Lester gives Max a giant bear hug]

Lester: See? Now you feel all good inside!

Max: [Slaps Lester which turns his false head backwards] BEAT IT, doofus!

Principal: [going over the violations Despereaux committed at school] February 1, didn't cower. February 2, didn't cower. Didn't cower. Didn't cower. Won't scurry. Ah! Here's one.

[He pulls out a note book with a child's drawing of a cat]

Principal: He drew pictures of cats on his notebook.

Lester: [flinching away from the drawing] No cats!

Antoinette: [dismayed] I can't imagine.

Principal: I'm afraid so...

[stiffly]

Principal: He named it "Fluffy!"

Lester, Antoinette: [they both moan in dismay]

Lester: Do what he does.

Antoinette: And don't do anything he doesn't.

Lester: And if he's afraid of something.

Antoinette: Then you need to be afraid of it, too.

Zack Brown: What's your name?

Lester: Lester. Lester the Molester Cockenschtuff.

Zack Brown: Wow. That's a great porn name.

Lester: I get to pick a porn name? Then I want to be called Pete Jones.

[later seen on the DVD cover of "Swallow My Cockuccino" spelt as "Pete Jonze"]

Lester: I even tried to talk her into givin' me the fuckin' Dutch Rudder... shot me down on that, too.

Zack Brown: And a Dutch Rudder is...?

Lester: You don't know what a Dutch Rudder - alright, you grab your dick, and then you have somebody else work your arm. Here, lemme show you. Grab my arm, I'm grabbing my dick, you're grabbing my arm... now work it. Work it. Work my arm. See that shit? Now work it up and down. See that? It's like somebody else is jerking you off.

Lester: [acting in the porno] I'd like a double espresso so I can stay up all night... 'cos I'm in the mood to fuck!

Lester: [after Zack and Miri's passionate scene has ended] Way to fuck, Zack!

Lester: Hey Stacey. You like dogs?

Stacey: Yeah. Especially pocket dogs.

Lester: Oh. I really liked porking you. It made my dick feel good.

Stacey: Me too. Except for the dick part because I don't have one but the good part.

Lester: Cool. Well, see ya.

Stacey: Bye.

Zack: You, my friend, are the lead role of Lubed Guy-Baller.

Delaney: Man, he's gonna be balling dudes? I thought you said this was boys on girls.

Lester: If I have to fuck a guy, okay, but I'd rather fuck a girl.

Delaney: What's wrong with you, boy?

Lester: What? What are you going to do? Tell me, what you're going to do, sweet pants?

Lester: [greeting each other] Eddie.

Eddie: Nigga.

Lester: [On why he thinks Larry didn't kill his ex-wife] All his life, Larry never did... anything.

Lester: [discussing Larry's stalled book] Man, you been on "The night was... " for six months!

Larry: Takes place in the Yukon.

Lester: If it bends, it's funny. If it breaks, it isn't.

Lester: Comedy is tragedy plus time!

Lester: I told you I'm putty in your hands.

Halley: What am I gonna do with a handful of putty?

Lester: If you play your cards right, you could have my body.

Halley Reed: Wouldn't you rather leave it to science?

Lester: If it bends, it's funny, if it breaks it's not funny.

Lester: A bunch of us are getting together to build major studio space for production right here in, you know, the city.

[Suddenly reaches into his jacket inside pocket and pulls out a portable voice recorder]

Lester: In fact - I'm sorry, give me one second...

[Speaks into recorder]

Lester: Idea for series - a wealthy, high-profile builder who's always trying to realize grandiose dreams, a la Donald Trump, to be shot in New York.

Lester: I'm Lester. Lester the uh, molester.

Lester: Me and Clay, we's fishin' buddies!

Lester: Don't you get sassy, goddamn it.

Lester: I hate it when people don't live up to their stereo-types.

Ramona: What do you teach?

Lester: A lot of things... I'm a sub actually.

Lester: I'll bet my writing's more of a voice of our generation than his.

Lester: I hereby claim Mars in the name of the United States of America.

Orville: Me too.

John Q. Archibald: [in the waiting area of the emergency room] Who was driving?

Mitch: Huh?

John Q. Archibald: The car. Who was driving?

Mitch: I was. What's that got to do with anything?

John Q. Archibald: Why's your girl all banged up and you're not?

Mitch: What do you call this?

[shows light scratches on arm]

Lester: [laughs]

Mitch: What are you laughing at?

Lester: Somebody get this fool a band-aid. I don't want you to bleed to death.

Mitch: Screw you man. This shit hurts.

Julie Bird: His airbag went off and mine didn't.

John Q. Archibald: What kind of car do you drive?

Mitch: Mercedes 500.

John Q. Archibald: You drive a Mercedes 500? Oh. What year?

Mitch: 1986. It's a classic.

John Q. Archibald: Mercedes didn't make passenger side air-bags til 1988.

Lester: [laughs] *Busted!*

Lester: [laughing in realization] I get it, you a member of the Slapaho Tribe.

[after Julie pepper sprays Mitch after his fight with John in the waiting area of the emergency room]

Mitch: YOU STUPID BITCH!

Julie Bird: [kicks Mitch on the side] That's for beating the shit out of me!

Julie Bird: [kicks Mitch again] That is for being an asshole! And this, this is for calling me a bitch!

[she kicks him in the groin]

Lester: [as he and the staff laugh] Oo I felt that one!

Julie Bird: [taking off her blond wig] I'm not gonna be your Barbie any more!

Lester: All that ass and muscles to go with it! Man, I knew damn well that wasn't no blonde!

Lester: [to Mitch] You like to beat on that young girl and everyone here knows it.

Lester: [standing on the top step of the courthouse, as John is escorted from the courthouse in the back of an unmarked police car] John... you're my hero.

Lester: [giggling] Oh, I'm in trouble!

Peter: Yeah, I was a soldier once, and it taught me a lesson. Don't get into a fight you know you're gonna lose.

Lester: [under his breath] Cowards.

Lester: [at Kathy's car] So, how's the El Rancho?

Kathy: I'm not there anymore. I'm staying at the Bonneville now.

Lester: I don't know it.

Kathy: [dryly] You're looking at it.

Lester: Rough night, ha?

Kathy: Seems to be heading in that direction...

Lester: Your feminine pulchritude is detestable, and you were trying to drain the energy from me!

[as one personality supplants the other]

Lester: I shall go to her. Women love me, Caleb. I'm not like you. You're ugly. But I am handsome and delightful. She shall love me, Caleb, as much as she hated you. I am love, total love. I am Lester, and I am alive!

Lester: I'm going to awaken you from this earthly nightmare... awaken you to the sweet repose of death.

[adopting a ridiculously overdone Mexican accent]

Lester: Buenos noches. I'm Lester Hernandez.

Lester: It's beginning to look like people are on their way out, all together.

David Stillwell: Well, maybe the machines will keep us around for pets.

Lester: [Referring to the TV] They got wrestling coming in from Chicago. I know it's supposed to be fixed, but so's everything else.

David Stillwell: Why don't you just take the set?

Lester: Eh, now that all the Westerns have gone psycho, this is the only place where you can tell who the bad guys are.