Leonora Quotes in Mr. Wonderful (1993)

Leonora: [in disgusted sarcastic response to Gus's complaining that she appears to have "traded down" by divorcing him and hooking up with her current romantic interest whom Gus views as just a high-class dandy and clueless dude who's probably incapable of even simple tasks; Gus opines that the guy "likely doesn't even know how to change a fuse"] Who really cares whether or not you can change a fuse, if the WIRES aren't even HOOKED UP INSIDE YOUR HEAD?

Maj. Weldon Penderton: I'm sorry, Leonora. It's just all this clutter is...

Leonora: What's the matter with clutter? I like it.

Maj. Weldon Penderton: I'd rather live without it. Bare floors. Plain white walls. No window curtains. Nothing but essentials.

Leonora: If that's the way you feel about it, why don't you resign your commission and start all over again as an enlisted man?

Maj. Weldon Penderton: Of course you're laughing at it, but there's much to be said for the life of men among men... with no... luxuries, no ornamentation. Utter simplicity. It's rough and it's coarse, perhaps, but it's also clean - it's clean as a rifle. There's no speck of dust inside or out... and it's immaculate in its hard young fitness... its chivalry. They're seldom out of one another's sight. They eat, and they train, and they shower, and they play jokes... and go to the brothel together. They sleep side by side. The barracks room offers many a lesson in courtesy and how not to give offense. They guard the next man's privacy as though it was their own. And the friendships, my lord. There are friendships formed that are stronger than... stronger than the fear of death. And - they're never lonely. They're never lonely. And sometimes I envy them... well, good night.

[about Lt. Colonel Langdon's wife]

Leonora: Cutting off her nipples with garden shears! You call that normal?

Lt. Col. Morris Langdon: Well, the doctors say she's neurotic.

Leonora: Have you ever been collared and dragged out into the street and thrashed by a naked woman?

Leonora: [to Weldon] So, Firebird's alright, is he?

Leonora: [Lashes him across the face with her horse whip]

Leonora: They're just little boys that need to have their bottoms wiped.

Cenci: You let nanny and the cook go.

Leonora: I did?

Cenci: Fired them ruthlessly.

Leonora: Dear God, by whose mercy...

Cenci: Dear God, by whose mercy...

Leonora: ...I am shielded for a few hours...

Cenci: ...I am shielded for a few hours...

Leonora: ...let no-one snatch me from this heaven.

Cenci: ...let no-one snatch me from this heaven.

Leonora: That's disgusting. You're all disgusting!

Leonora: Shall we order now?

Cenci: I think I'd like an enormous piece of red meat.

Leonora: I had a daughter once, a very unusual child.

Albert: What happened to her?

Leonora: She vanished.

[snaps her fingers]

Leonora: [song] Oh that I were where I would be, / There would I be where I am not; / But where I am there I must be, / And where I would be I can not.

Leonora: There were two mice fell in a bucket of milk, one yelled for help and drowned, the other kept pedaling around until, in the morning, he found himself on top of butter.

Albert: [Confronting Leonora on the beach] You don't look like my late wife at all. She was well-bred and rather frail... except for her famous mammalia - oh, excuse me, that's a private joke in questionable taste. Still, sometimes one has to choose between good taste and being a human being. You look more like a cow than my late wife. Oh, no offense, I'm very fond of cows. "Moooo..." Also, she had no cousins - - I beg your pardon, she had one: James. Obviously, you're not James. What do you want of my daughter?

Leonora: You have no right to ask me ANY questions!

Albert: "NO" right? You must be out of your mind! I'm her legal guardian.

Leonora: No, you're not!

Albert: Very well, I'm not... not yet. Not *legally.* I've had no time to make the necessary arrangements. I've been away. But I can assure you, I intend to take every step to insure my rights. Warner and Swazey are my attorneys. Who are yours?

Cenci: You missed a fabulous dinner, mummy!

Leonora: You bet your sweet ass.

Leonora: Get off my back, you little bitch!

Leonora: [Describing her attempted suicide, to Cenci] "You'll be sorry when I'm dead, Bernard," I said to myself. "It may be a mortal sin, but it'll break your lousy heart, Bernard," I said to myself. I dressed up in all my finery, I even had my hair done up in curls. I set the table for two, with candles... and I swallowed every goddamned thing I could lay my hands on: aspirin, disprin, veganin, codeine, the lot. I lay down on the sofa, the music was playing, I drifted off down a cool river toward the sea... if ya' gotta' go, that's the way to do it. Like in a poem. Except, I became violently sick. I staggered out to the loo. I could hardly make it. I started to go blind. I was puking like a drunken sailor. I slipped and fell and I broke my bloody hip. And that's how he found me. Do you know what Bernard said to me?

Leonora: [Chuckles ruefully, then mockingly imitates Bernard with a silly voice] You could have killed yourself, honey.

Leonora: [singing] Hush little baby, cry no more. Father's gone fishing, mother's a whore. Back in the morning, to guard your life, with two short prayers, and a carving knife.