Leonard Quotes in Angry Birds (2016)

Leonard: Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin!

[from trailer]

Leonard: Greetings! I am a pig.

Chuck: [whispering to Red] What's a pig?

[the escalator suddenly stops]

Leonard: Unbelievable.

Ross: Not working, not working.

[He hits a button with his head which makes the escalator go in reverse]

Leonard: Oh, where we're going.

Ross: Not working.

Leonard: We practiced this a hundred times.

Ross: Oh, man.

Leonard: Give it to me.

Ross: [sighs]

Leonard: [to the birds] We're gonna come in again.

[from trailer]

Leonard: Show 'em how we do it.

Pig: How you doing?

[Elder bird woman faints]

Ross: Come on Leonard dance!

Leonard: Leonard can't dance. He's hatching a new plan.

Leonard: Hmm... is that what I think it is?

Stella: That's an egg. That's how are children are born. You guys don't like eggs?

Leonard: [Sotto voce] I wish we did.

[Daydream sequence: Leonard is out in a meadow having a picnic with the egg]

Leonard: Enchanté.

[pours wine and "feeds" the wine to the egg]

Leonard: You look delicious, my dear.

[Leonard skips through the meadow holding the egg while laughing maniacally, then rolls through the grass and points at the sky]

Leonard: That's us.

[2 clouds appear in a heart shape, then the big cloud eats the small cloud. Back to reality: Leonard is holding the egg while laughing maniacally]

Leonard: Delicious bird eggy weggy!

Leonard: Greetings from my world! The world of the pigs!

Chuck: What's a pig?

Leonard: I am a pig! Unbelievable. Unbelievable.

Ross: Whoops.

Leonard: Whoa! Where we're going? Wrong way!

Ross: Oops. Not working.

Leonard: We've practice this a hundred times. Give it to me. We're gonna come in again!

[when one of the dynamite was about to blow up and the giant pot was about to fall down on the rock Red is running to get on, with Leonard on his tail]

Leonard: You have annoyed me for the last time!

Red: Yep!

[the giant pot falls on Red, shielding him as Leonard gasps as the supply of Piggy Island explosives blows up]

Leonard: My eggs!

Leonard: When I say Hey, you say Ho! Hey!

Birds: Ho!

[from trailer]

Leonard: [seeing one of the eggs] Is that what I think it is?

Red: Excuse me! Those are fragile, alright? Not yours.

Judge Peckinpah: You are makin' our guest feel unwelcome!

Red: And you're not asking basic questions!

[a pig slaps his butt]

Chuck: Well, this just got awkward.

[from trailer]

Chuck: The pigs are stealing our eggs!

Leonard: Set sail for Piggy Island!

[from trailer]

Red: Time to get angry! Fire!

[Matilda gets slingshot]

Leonard: That guy again.

Matilda: Take that, porkers!

[She shot a fireball to kill the pigs]

Red: Well, how about that? She can shoot fireballs out of her butt.

[from trailer]

Leonard: [Expands to huge size to crush the pigs] I told you not to mess with me!

Leonard: Call in the Piggy Air Force!

[from trailer]

Red: These pigs mysterious and weird, am I right? I don't trust them! I think they're up to something!

Judge Peckinpah: Your opinion is not needed!

[Red gets slingshot by the pigs]

Red: Beak, wing, giblets!

Leonard: That went well, if you're me.

[from trailer]

Leonard: Greetings from the world of the pig!

Leonard: That guy again!

Leonard: Call in the piggy air force!

Leonard: That Guy again!

Red: There you are!

Leonard: Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin!

Leonard: Transport the eggs!

Red: You can't eat eggs!

Leonard: What are you gonna do? I'm a foodie!

Leonard: Guards! There's a red bird in these walls! Bring him to me!

Pig: Aye, aye Sir. Roger that, boss!

Leonard: Not in these walls, in the castle! Come on, you guys.

Judge Peckinpah: My friends we would love to see your cowboy show.

Leonard: Thank you. Thank you so much.

Leonard: Okay, maybe I'll dance for just a sec.

Leonard: Who says birds don't fly?

Leonard: [while dancing] Oh, watch out! Shakin' my bacon!

Red: They don't have feathers? You know, they're just walking around naked, just presenting themselves, I'm looking at all their business here.

Chuck: That part about them I really admire.

Leonard: You're wrecking my house! What's wrong with you?

Red: You wrecked my house!

Leonard: Your house was ugly!

Red: Well now we're even.

Leonard: Get that red scam off my eggs!

Leonard: It's over! You're finished Eyebrows!

Judge Peckinpah: Welcome to Bird Island! Welcome to our new friends the Pigs. Let us have a celebration!

Leonard: Put it there!

Cyrus: Wellcome. Oh sorry!

Leonard: And a hoof to a wing.

Leonard: Citizens of Pig Island. If you spot any birds destroying your neighborhood please capture them.

Pig: What did he say?

Leonard: There's been a change of plans. We will eat the eggs for lunch.

Stella: Did he say eat the eggs?

Leonard: Hey Judge you're under arrest!

Judge Peckinpah: What?

Leonard: For looking too good!

Gen. Thaddeus 'Thunderbolt' Ross: You did the right thing, calling us. Leonard, I need to know where they're going. She'll be in incredible danger as long as she's with him.

Leonard: From who? He protected her. You almost killed her.

Gen. Thaddeus 'Thunderbolt' Ross: I give you my word, her safety is my main concern at this point.

Leonard: You know, it's a point of professional pride for me that I can tell when somebody's lying. And you are.

[pause]

Leonard: I don't know where he's going. I know she'll help him if she can.

Gen. Thaddeus 'Thunderbolt' Ross: Then she's aiding a fugitive. And I can't help either one of them.

[walks off]

Leonard: I used to wonder why she never talked about you. Now I know.

Gen. Thaddeus 'Thunderbolt' Ross: [to himself] Where does she meet these guys?

Leonard: [to Victor] Uh, sir, Larry King just canceled. Apparently there's a bigger story.

Leonard: Sir, I have always wondered. Why Sue? You could have any other woman in the world.

Victor Von Doom: That's why. Because I could have any other woman.

Phillip Vandamm: What possessed you to come blundering in here like this? Could it be an overpowering interest in art?

Roger Thornhill: Yes, the art of survival.

Eve Kendall: He followed me here from the hotel.

Leonard: He was in your room?

Roger Thornhill: Sure. Isn't everybody?

Leonard: You must have had some doubts about her yourself. You still do.

Phillip Vandamm: Rubbish.

Leonard: Why else would you have decided not to tell her that our little treasure here has a belly full of microfilm?

Phillip Vandamm: You seem to be trying to fill mine with rotten apples.

Leonard: Sometimes the truth does taste like a mouthful of worms.

Phillip Vandamm: The truth? I've heard nothing but innuendos.

Leonard: Call it my woman's intuition, if you will. But I've never trusted neatness. Neatness is always the result of deliberate planning.

Leonard: You're not taking her on the plane with you?

Phillip Vandamm: Of course I am. Like our friends, I too believe in neatness, Leonard. This matter is best disposed of from a great height, over water.

Willie: I heard you screamin' from all the way over there, and...

Leonard: I wasn't screamin', all right?

Willie: But I heard you...

Leonard: I wasn't screamin'! I was whistling!

Willie: You was whistling "Willie, help get this bitch off of me"?

Leonard: Yeah!

Heather Mason: I'm looking for my father.

Leonard: Is he lost?

Heather Mason: He's in Silent Hill.

Leonard: There are many Silent Hills, are you sure it's this one?

Leonard: Don't be afraid.

Leonard: My own daughter says I am corrupted by the darkness. She says I am a monster. He he, She is far worse than I am!

Leonard: Come closer so I can touch you.

Heather Mason: It is a key! What does it unlock?

Leonard: [Long pause] The true nature of things.

Duchesse de Polignac: [to Léonard] I love your hair. What's going on there?

Léonard: Everything!

Marie-Antoinette: [referring to her hair] It's not too much, is it?

Léonard: Oh, no!

Leonard: Socrates said, "The unexamined life is not worth living." But the examined one is no bargain.

Dewey Finn: Look, the first thing you do when you start a band is talk about your influences. That's how you figure out what kind of band you want to be. So who do you like? Blondie?

Marta: Christina Aguilera.

Dewey Finn: Who? No. Come on. What? You, Shortstop.

Leonard: Puff Daddy.

Dewey Finn: Wrong. Billy?

Billy: Liza Minnelli?

Leonard: You mean we're not in the band?

Wally Mars: So that we're clear, she did not put me in the friend zone. We put each other in the friend zone. It was a mutual placement. You know that.

Leonard: Let's be honest with ourselves, you had your window with Kassie and you went all Wally on her and you doomed it.

Wally Mars: What is that even supposed to mean?

Leonard: You shared too much too soon. Quickest way to kill a romance. You gotta hide the crazy, at least through the appetizers.

Wally Mars: I see. So just so that I'm clear, which one of your three failed marriages taught you that lesson?

Leonard: All three, and they're special in various ways.

Leonard: You should go home, Wally.

Wally Mars: They *are* my home, Leonard.

Leonard: Oh, that Barney Rubble. What an actor.

Lexie Littleton: You're just acting like a big baby 'cause you miss your mother's bosoms.

Leonard: My mother's what?

Lexie Littleton: Her bosoms, you goof! You're substituting *my* bosoms for your mother's.

Leonard: What? No, I'm not!

Lexie Littleton: Why not? What's wrong with my bosoms?

Leonard: Honestly, Miss Littleton, we're in public. The rules of etiquette apply.

Lexie Littleton: Oh, Leonard, it's 1925. There are no rules. Except that boys like you are tedious until they're forty, at which point they become *unbearably* tedious.

Leonard: I didn't come over her to be insulted.

Lexie Littleton: No? Where do you usually go?

Leonard: If I don't shoot someone soon, I'm gonna forget how.

[In the Jolly Jackal Russian's bar; Leo is holding a baseball bat]

Leonard: Out!

Snake: [about Puggy] He broke my ankle!

Leonard: I break your head!

Leonard: Look at this thing. He's the size of a Buick.

Henry Desalvo: She.

Leonard: She what?

Henry Desalvo: The mosquito is a she.

Leonard: How the hell can you tell that?

Henry Desalvo: Discovery channel. Only the female mosquito sucks your blood.

Leonard: Sounds like my ex-wife. "Bitch."

Henry Desalvo: We have a die-hard situation developing in the kitchen.

Leonard: What's happening?

Henry Desalvo: Well, either he's going to whack 'em with a rolling pin or bake him a cake. I don't know. Could go either way with this crew.

Leonard: [during their second attempt to kill Arthur] What's happening?

Henry Desalvo: Well, Moron #1 is tying up the family.

Leonard: So take the shot.

Henry Desalvo: I would, but Moron #2 just came back with a couple of Miami's Finest.

Henry Desalvo: [Henry notices Eliot in the kitchen] Hold on a second. We have a Die Hard situation developing in the kitchen.

Leonard: What?

Henry Desalvo: There's a guy there in the kitchen.

Leonard: A guy? What's he doing?

Henry Desalvo: Well my guess is he's either gonna whack em' with a rolling pin or he's gonna bake em' a cake. I don't know. Could go either way with this crew.

Henry Desalvo: [sees Eliot grab Matt's water pistol] Holy shit. Betty Crocker's got a squirt gun!

Leonard: Let me look!

Henry Desalvo: Forget about it. This is better than pay-per-view.

Henry Desalvo: [sees Eliot make the water pistol look like a real gun] There goes the warranty, and here comes the Iron Chef.

[Henry and Leonard are stuck in the middle of a big traffic jam, just right before the Airport Road]

Henry Desalvo: We're gonna miss our flight.

Leonard: You see what the problem is?

Henry Desalvo: I don't know. There's some kind of commotion up there. There might be something about it on the radio.

Henry Desalvo: [back at his table] You go tell your employer it's gonna cost him another 10 G's apiece.

His Boss: Okay. But we want this finished as soon as possible.

Henry Desalvo: Well, believe me, we don't want to spend anymore time in this garden spot than we have to.

Leonard: Got that right.

Annoyed Sports Radio Host: I'm looking for one brave Gators fan to call, just one. Oh so Gators fans talk trash all the time but when they play a game and lose nobody has the guts to call in?

Leonard: What are Gators?

Henry Desalvo: Football. College.

Confused Sports Radio Call In: I'm a Gators fan.

Annoyed Sports Radio Host: And what do you have to say?

Confused Sports Radio Call In: You said that Gators fans don't have the guts to call in.

Annoyed Sports Radio Host: Your point?

Confused Sports Radio Call In: My point is that I'm calling you now.

Leonard: [notices Snake and Eddie escorting Arthur wearing dark-colored pantyhose on their head] Is that him?

Henry Desalvo: I think we got Gator fans.

Carol Templeton: Mmm. This isn't bad, either. But what color's that floor?

Leonard: Lilac.

Carol Templeton: Lilac? Leonard, who has a lilac floor in their kitchen?

Leonard: I have.

Carol Templeton: Oh. Well, Leonard, everyone isn't as artistic as you are. We have to sell this wax to ordinary, everyday people.

Leonard: Ugh, them.

Herbie Bush: Leonard! Tell him what you're gonna do to him if he doesnt fight Mendez.

Leonard: Something painful, gov.

Leonard: It ain't easy down here, Jim. You got to fight tooth and nail.

Jim Kane: I'll fight

[fidgets]

Jim Kane: , I just don't wanna fight here.

[slaps the money into Leonard's hand]

[In anger, a television was just thrown out a hotel window]

Bill Garrett: That's hotel property, and I'm just sittin' here waiting for the house dicks to come.

Leonard: [pretentiously, with sort of a faux-cool] But you're the one that's gotta have to pay.

Bill Garrett: Who the hell is he?

Leonard: You know, we can wait around here all day.

Jim Kane: We don't wait for anybody Leonard.

Leonard: [confused] Well, how 'bout I wait around?

Screen Wife: Oh, Leonard, I'm so happy it frightens me.

Leonard: Frightens you? Nonsense!

Screen Wife: Even after five years, it seems as if we're still on our honeymoon.

Leonard: Our honeymoon will go on forever, and forever, and forever.

[from trailer]

Claire Bennett: Get off my property

Leonard: I can switch places, I would, it wanted to tell you

Claire Bennett: GET OFF!

[she starts attacking him until Roy breaks up the fight]

[first lines]

Leonard: [narrating] Landscape is destiny. I've carried that phrase in my head for years now. I can't remember where it comes from, but I know what it means here. It's a sense of being closed-in. Human limitation. It's different from the Midwest, where possibility sprawls bright and endless in every direction. People in the Himalayas, the Andes, do they live in the passive voice too, like their live aren't real? Their memories fixed, immutable?

Leonard: The South was never one thing. History is never that clear-cut.

Leonard: Violence begets violence. It doesn't stop. It's like a sickness. Just gets passed on from one generation to the next.

Travis: Ya know, they say you shot some guy up in Illinois... Well, did you?

Leonard: Depends on which incident you mean. The one where I shot the guy in both shoulders, or the one whose hand I blew off.

Leonard: Never shot anybody in my life. I never bothered to set the record straight... Folks I deal, better if they think I'm a little tougher than I am.

Leonard: [about Dena] She's 30 years old. She should look after herself.

Travis: I don't think she knows how.

Leonard: Well, maybe not. But it's too late to teach her now.

Carlton: Don't tell nobody that you caught me with the newspapers. Bad for my image. You get a fella to believin' that he's smart than you, you can get him to do any damn thing you want. How are you on crosswords?

Leonard: What are you stuck on?

Carlton: Ten-letter word for surrender. Seventh letter is, uh, L.

Leonard: Capitulate.

Carlton: There ya go...

Leonard: [narrating] Toomey was wrong, killing is easy. Or at least easier than a whole lot of other things in life. Easier than love - or happiness - or making money - or raising a child. So easy you could do it with no more than one finger pressed in a small metal curve. Or even by doing nothing at all - just being there, and letting it happen. The passive voice.

Peter Mann: Leonard, have you ever seen anything like this before?

Leonard: Why you asking me if I've seen some shit like this before? Do I look like I've seen some shit like this before? Hell, no I a'int never seen no shit like this before. Who the fuck would wanna climb up one of these walls and hang one of these? Musta been a big elephant-ass motherfucker.

Leonard: You better tell me, what the hell is going on around here?