Leon Quotes in The Fast and the Furious (2001)

Dom: Jesse, since you were the first to reach in and grab some chicken, why don't you say grace?

Jesse: [saying grace] Dear Heavenly... uh...

Leon: Spirit.

Jesse: Spirit. Thank you. Thank you for providing us with the direct-port nitrous... uh... injection, four-core intercoolers, an' ball-bearing turbos, and... um... titanium valve springs. Thank you.

Leon: Amen!

Dom: Very nice.

Letty: He was praying to the car gods.

Vince: What is this guy sandwich crazy or something?

Leon: Nah. He ain't here for the food, V.

Leon: Look who it is! Old Coyotes 'R' Us!

Leon: Oh shit! We got cops, cops, cops, cops!

Vince: He's got no call bein' up there, you don't know that fool for shit!

Leon: Yeah he's right, Dom.

Dom: Vince there was a time when I didn't know you!

Vince: That was in the third grade!

Leon: [sitting on a chair with a girl in his lap, looks up and sees Dom walk in] Hey. Dom. We were just about to go look for you.

Psycho: The name's Francis Sawyer, but everybody calls me Psycho. Any of you guys call me Francis, and I'll kill you.

Leon: Ooooooh.

Psycho: You just made the list, buddy. And I don't like nobody touching my stuff. So just keep your meat-hooks off. If I catch any of you guys in my stuff, I'll kill you. Also, I don't like nobody touching me. Now, any of you homos touch me, and I'll kill you.

Sergeant Hulka: Lighten up, Francis.

John Shaft: Who lost your rap sheet for you?

Leon: You...

John Shaft: Who got you that Jets tryout?

Leon: You...

John Shaft: Who got you that gig at the club?

Leon: You.

John Shaft: Who delivers ten times outta ten?

Leon: Alright, dawg... You.

Leon: [crashes through Kasumi's door] Room service.

Leon: All right, if you gotta "RoboCop," you got an AlienCop? Huh? You gotta GhostCop?

Sergeant Warren Reed: Leon, I told you I don't have time for this!

Leon: You gotta VampireCop?

Leon: What are you doin', Marshall?

Marshall Stouffer: Flying, Leon!

Leon: Well fly higher!

[plane rises]

Leon: Not this high!

[plane rises again]

Leon: Not this high!

[plane rises again]

Leon: NOT THIS HIGH!

Leon: [fantisizing with the clouds] I'm thinking dinosaur.

Marshall Stouffer: Rabbit lying down.

Leon: Could be a hog head. Big old skunk. Or a turtle. Chevy bumper.

Marshall Stouffer: [narrating] Leon had been in the Air Force with my dad. They used to patch up fighter planes, then Dad would take them up and test them. After the war, he followed my dad home, and lived with us ever since.

Leon: [still trying to make out what a cloud looks like] Bushel Basket. Gold spud. Nope, definitely a rabbit lying down.

[to Bobby]

Leon: You hit one person a year, and it's a deaf kid.

Leon: You don't run the Deuces, I do!

Leon: Joe. K.C.

Joe and K.C.: Hey, Leon.

Leon: Hey. I'm making you two primaries on this disaster. Since you made no progress in the Klepto murder, I figure you're due.

K.C.: Thanks for the confidence.

Leon: Yeah, no problem.

Lt. Bennie Macko: I've got arrest warrants for Gavlian and Calden right here. Hey, separate them! I don't want them talking to anybody! Nobody talks to them until they get downtown. Christ! Shit!

Leon: Shut up and turn around, Bennie!

Lt. Bennie Macko: What?

Leon: Cuff his ass and take him downtown.

Lt. Bennie Macko: What are you talking about?

[a couple of LAPD cops grab Bennie and arrest him]

Lt. Bennie Macko: [argrly] Get your hands off me, you son-of-a-bitch. You're making a big mistake, pal. You can kiss your career goodbye!

Leon: Good.

Lt. Bennie Macko: [to Detective Zino] Call my lawyer!

[Joe and K.C. leave the L.A.P.D. Parker Center Station]

Joe Gavilan: What the hell is going on? Did you say anything in there?

K.C.: Of course not. You?

Joe Gavilan: My phone wouldn't stop ringing.

Leon: Joe! K.C.!

Joe Gavilan: This is insane. Can you figure this out?

Leon: [angry] No... but I played my last card buying you a couple of hours, so YOU can figure it out!

Leon: They called themselves H2OKlik,don't ask me why.

Leon: Hey! If you're looking for UFOs, take a fucking hike.

Leon: [smelling the musty air of Ralph's apartment] Geeze, Ralph, somebody die in here?

Ralph: I don't think that's any of your business.

Curtis: Did Josh really kill a guy?

Sam Whitney: Dad is trying to cover for him, but I saw him. He beat him over the head with a pool stick he was so mad.

Leon: What was he so mad about?

Sam Whitney: The guy called him a homo.

Priest: Do you take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife?

Leon: [looks up from his newspaper] No.

Audience: [groans]

Leon: [only word he says] No.

Leon: He won't listen to anybody. He's been very crazy all summer. Since June he's been trying to kill me.

Leon: I mean, how do they expect you to get uncrazy if you're asleep all the time?

Leon: I couldn't explain why I did the things I did. So I went to this psychiatrist who explained to me I was a woman in a man's body. So Sonny right away wanted to get me money for a sex change operation: but where was he to get that? 2500 dollars! My God, he's in hock up to his ears already.

Leon: [after Willie has told the story] You really bummed me out. That's a terrible story.

[to Jake]

Leon: Yo, nigga, you cryin'?

Jake: No, I just got allergies and - I'm cool.

[Leon walks off in disgust]

Willie Long: Hey, ain't nothin' wrong with a man cryin' every now and again.

Leon: Listen, man, what was Claude's plan, anyway?

Willie Long: See, Claude had figured he could steal a couple of bodies from the morgue, right? That way, when he set the infirmary on fire, in all the commotion, him and Ray could just slip right on into them fire engines, see, hide out, wait until the morning, and roll right out with 'em. That way, when they find the two bodies, they'd think it was them!

Jake: Well, what makes you think that didn't work?

Willie Long: I never said it didn't work.

Leon: Wait, you mean to tell me that this is not Ray and Claude in these two boxes?

[Willie chuckles inscrutably]

Jake: Well, is it, old man?

[Willie chortles on and wheels away]

Leon: Hey, old timer, is it?

Jake: [hearing the story told, they hear that Mr. Wilkins was about to offer Ray and Claude pardons] So Ray and Claude get their pardons, right?

Leon: No, they didn't get their pardons, man! If they got their pardons way back then, we wouldn't be burying them here today, would we?

Jake: Oh, yeah, that's right.

Willie Long: What happened is old man Wilkins never come out of the bathroom! Sit right there and died on the shitter!

Ninotchka: We don't have men like you in my country.

Leon: Thank you.

Ninotchka: That is why I believe in the future of my country.

Leon: A Russian! I love Russians! Comrade, I've been fascinated by your five-year plan for the last fifteen years.

Leon: Ninotchka, it's midnight. One half of Paris is making love to the other half.

Ninotchka: What have you done for mankind?

Leon: Not so much for mankind... for womankind, my record isn't quite so bleak.

Leon: It's midnight. Look at the clock, one hand has met the other hand, they kiss. Isn't that wonderful?

Leon: A radio's a little box that you buy on the installment plan, and before you tune it in, they tell you there's a new model out.

Leon: What kind of a girl are you, anyway?

Ninotchka: Just what you see. A tiny cog in the great wheel of evolution.

Leon: You're the most adorable cog I've ever seen.

Leon: I'll picket your whole country! I'll boycott you! No more vodka! No more caviar! No more Tchaikovsky! No more borscht!

Ninotchka: Let's form our own party.

Leon: Right. Lovers of the world, unite!

Ninotchka: When I kissed you, I betrayed a Russian ideal. I should be stood up against the wall.

Leon: Would that make you feel better?

Ninotchka: Much better.

Ninotchka: I have paid the penalty.

[Ninotchka is examining a map of Paris]

Leon: Pardon me, are you an explorer?

Ninotchka: No. I'm looking for the Eiffel Tower.

Leon: Good heavens, is that thing lost again? Oh, are you interested in a view?

Ninotchka: I'm interested in the Eiffel Tower from a technical standpoint.

Leon: Technical? No, no, I'm afraid I couldn't be of much help from that angle. You see, a Parisian only goes to the tower in moments of despair to jump off.

Ninotchka: How long does it take a man to land?

Leon: Now isn't that too bad? The last time I jumped, I forgot to time it.

Ninotchka: When I kissed you, I betrayed a Russian ideal. I should be stood up against the wall.

Leon: Would that make you feel better?

Ninotchka: Much better.

[as she stands against the wall, Leon ties a handkerchief over her eyes, opens a Champaign bottle, and as it loudly pops she slumps to the floor]

Ninotchka: I have paid the penalty.

Huggy Bear: Hutch, you'll have the usual?

Hutch: You know it and make it a double.

Huggy Bear: Leon, get my a man a jack and tab. And double that.

Leon: You got it boss.

Starsky: Hey, I'll get a seltzer with a little lime if you got it.

Huggy Bear: I don't got it.

Starsky: Or not. That's cool. I'm good.

Leon: Put your damn pants back on!

Toto: I can't, I'll catch pneumonia!

Leon: See you at the finish line... wherever that may be.

Leon: [in a white costume with a white wig] I look like a fucking snowcone!

Leon: I look like a fucking sno-cone!

Eli Bronstein: How does it feel making your family the biggest laughingstock of the city?

Leon: Half the city, Eli. The French don't care.

Leon: They think this is recess? This is supposed to be a fucking Revolution!

Leon: It's not over.

Principal Berkhoff: Oh I think we both know it is.

Leon: What the hell are you afraid of? Letting somebody love you?

Alexandra Leith: No, Leon, I'm afraid of who will play me in the TV movie about us.

Alexandra Leith: I know, we're gonna honeymoon soon, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for the Nunavut.

Leon: Hey, you're lucky, you only have to get banished someplace arctic once, I have to do it all over again with my second wife.

Alexandra Leith: [shocked] Oh my god, what have I done.

Dwight: What if I went straight to Berkoff and told him what you guys are planning?

Leon: I held a press conference, Dwight. I'm pretty sure he already knows.

Leon: I am the reincarnation of Leon Trotsky!

Leon: Was that it?

Sarah Bronstein: We had six hours notice, Leon.

Leon: [Last lines] You and I are gonna change the world!

Leon: Are you my Stalin, Dwight?

Leon: You do as i tell you to do as i fucking say and you won't get hurt... i'm handing you over to the authorities

[last lines]

Leon: Get on your fucking knees clasp your hands behind your back... yeah like that

Mathilda: Leon, I think I'm kinda falling in love with you.

[Leon chokes on his milk]

Mathilda: It's the first time for me, you know?

Léon: [wiping himself off] How do you know it's love if you've never been in love before?

Mathilda: 'Cause I feel it.

Léon: Where?

Mathilda: [stoking her stomach] In my stomach. It's all warm. I always had a knot there and now... it's gone.

Léon: Mathilda, I'm glad you don't have a stomach ache any more. I don't think it means anything.

Mathilda: Is life always this hard, or is it just when you're a kid?

Léon: Always like this.

Léon: You need some time to grow up a little.

Mathilda: I finished growing up, Léon. I just get older.

Léon: For me it's the opposite. I'm old enough. I need time to grow up.

Mathilda: I don't wanna lose you, Leon.

Léon: You're not going to lose me. You've given me a taste for life. I wanna be happy. Sleep in a bed, have roots. And you'll never be alone again, Mathilda. Please, go now, baby, go. Calm down, I'll meet you at Tony's in an hour, I love you, now go, go now.

Léon: [referring to his plant] It's my best friend. Always happy. No questions.

Léon: And stop saying "okay" all the time. Okay?

Mathilda: Okay.

Léon: Good.

Léon: Stansfield?

Stansfield: At your service.

Léon: [handing him something] This is from... Mathilda.

Stansfield: [sees that it's a pin for a grenade] Shit.

Léon: The rifle is the first weapon you learn how to use, because it lets you keep your distance from the client. The closer you get to being a pro, the closer you can get to the client. The knife, for example, is the last thing you learn.

Mathilda: Sleep well?

Léon: I never really sleep well. Got one eye open, always.

Mathilda: Yeah, I forgot. You know, I never saw someone with one eye open snore so much.

Mathilda: [Mathilda, crying about her brother's murder and her stepmother] I was more of a mother to him than thaat goddamn pig ever was!

Léon: Hey, don't talk like that about pigs. They're usually much nicer than people.

Mathilda: But they smell like shit.

Léon: Not true. As a matter of fact, right now I have one in my kitchen that's very clean and smells very nice.

Mathilda: You don't have a pig in your kitchen.

Léon: Yes, I do.

Mathilda: I was just in there and I didn't see any goddamned pig.

Léon: Don't move. I'll get him.

[Leon goes into the kitchen]

Léon: Piggy? Piggy? Where are you?

Léon: [Oinking noises are heard in the kitchen] Oink, oimk! Ah, there you are.

Léon: [More oinking, then a pig pot holder sticks its 'head' around the corner] Hi, Mathilda.

Mathilda: [She smiles] Hi, piggy.

Mathilda: How old were you when you made your first hit?

Léon: Nineteen.

Mathilda: Beat you!

Léon: Revenge is not a good thing, it's better to forget.

Mathilda: Forget? After I've seen the outline of my brother's body on the floor, you expect me to forget? I wanna kill those sons of bitches, and blow their fucking heads off!

Mathilda: Leon, what exactly do you do for a living?

Léon: Cleaner.

Mathilda: You mean you're a hit man?

Léon: [reluctantly] Yeah.

Mathilda: Cool.

Léon: When it's tough like this, you know it's gonna be ugly. Better make it quick, or else you will be here all day listening to his crap.

Léon: Sorry about your father.

Mathilda: If somebody didn't do it one day or another, I probably would have done it myself.

Léon: Tony... All the money I make, that you keep for me...

Tony: You need some money?

Léon: No, just curious... Because, I've been working a long time... And I havent done anything with my... I thought maybe someday I could

[uncomfortable]

Léon: use it.

Tony: [Figuring him out] You met a woman.

Mathilda: Do you "clean" anyone?

Léon: No women, no kids, that's the rules.

Mathilda: How much would it cost to hire someone to get those dirtbags who killed my brother?

Léon: Five grand a head.

Mathilda: Wow. How about this: I work for you; in exchange, you teach me how to clean. Hmmm? What do you think? I'll clean your place, I'll do the shopping, I'll even wash your clothes. Is it a deal?

Léon: There was someone a long time ago. Before I came to the States. Her father didn't want her to see me. She was from a very respectable family. Mine was, you know, not so respectable. Her dad went nuts every time she'd take off to see me.

Mathilda: But she still snuck off to see you, right?

Léon: Right.

Mathilda: You see, nothing can stop love, Léon.

Mathilda: [opens rubbing alcohol over drug stash]

Léon: What are you doing?

Mathilda: You said no women, no kids. Who do you think this is gonna kill, junkies and monkeys?

Léon: He killed her. One shot to the head. They kept him in jail for two days. They let him go free. They said it was an accident. So, one night I waited for him. 500 feet with a lens. He also had an accident.

Mathilda: There's no doorbell.

Léon: So knock on the door.

1st Stansfield man: He was a pro, he was fast, he fucking came out of nowhere.

[Boom]

1st Stansfield man: shoots the chinamen dead in two seconds

Malky: Easy man I am a cop

1st Stansfield man: Then turns around and says something to Malky like

Léon: No women, no kids.

[boom]

Mathilda: [about Russian roulette] If I win, you keep me with you for life.

Léon: And if you lose?

Mathilda: Go shopping alone, like before.

Tony: Check it. Make sure it's the right thing.

Léon: I trust you.

Tony: One thing has nothin' to do with the other - remember that Léon.

Léon: I will.

Mathilda: How are we getting out of here now?

Léon: Leave it to me. We're checking out.

Léon: You still have your gun, so use it. Just do me a favor, don't shoot it out the window.

Léon: No discussion.

Léon: I took a hit. I need a hand now. I know she's young, but she learns fast. Kids need to be shaped into something right?

Tony: Yeah, I know. I taught you that. But ain't there an age limit?

Léon: She's 18.

Tony: Oh, really?

Pauly: C'mon, asshole! C'mon faggot. C'mon, gun trick.

Léon: Hey, what about the ring trick, you've heard that one?

Pauly: Ring trick? C'mon, asshole. I'm waiting. Show it to me, motherfucker!

Léon: Ey. What about the ring trick. You know that one?

Mathilda: I've decided what to do with my life. I wanna be a cleaner.

Léon: You wanna be a cleaner?

[passes her a gun and bullets]

Léon: Here, take it. It's a goodbye gift. Go clean. But not with me. I work alone, understand? Alone.

Mathilda: Bonnie and Clyde didn't work alone. Thelma and Louise didn't work alone. And they were the best.

[first lines]

Tony: Allora, come stai, Leone?

Léon: Bene.

[Tony puts out his cigarette in an ashtray]

Tony: OK. OK. Let's talk business.

Léon: [after Leon awakes suddenly from a furtive sleep] Relax. Everything's fine. Sleep well? I never really sleep. Got one eye open always.

Leon: [to his son, Frank] Listen, your mother... your mother was a bitch. She was a real bitch. She beat the shit out of your brother and sister on a daily basis with whatever she had in her hand. She was a violent drunk, she was a twisted fucking slut.

Julian Kaye: Why me? Why did you pick me?

Leon: Because you were framable. You've stepped on too many toes. Nobody ever cared about you. I never even liked you much myself.

[last lines]

Leon: Come back here bitch

Leon: Cowardly nitpickers with farting brains!

Leon: [During a Gamblers Anonymous meeting] You think with two mortgages out, the repo guy staking out my car, my job on the line, and my wife threatening to leave me that I'd stop but I'm "staying in the chase" doubling down, I guess I've been doing pretty good because I know I've got one big problem.

Walter Abrams: [to a Gamblers Anonymous member as he quickly leaves with Brandon] If you rethink things over here's my card and put it in your wallet, we're toping eighty percent this weekend, you'll never know when you'll relapse.

Leon: What would you do without cock? In a world without cock, you'd starve. It'd be like last man on the planet trying to suck his own cock because its all gone and she'd starve.

Martin: All's well and good.

Leon: If you have wild blood.

Martin: I bet my legs on it.

Joshua: My legs, too.

Leon: My soul.

Vanessa: And all of my heart.

Leon: Please help me... Don't let them hit me again...

Leon: Thank you my friend... I'm finally free...

Holden: You're in a desert, walking along in the sand, when all of a sudden you look down...

Leon: What one?

Holden: What?

Leon: What desert?

Holden: It doesn't make any difference what desert, it's completely hypothetical.

Leon: But, how come I'd be there?

Holden: Maybe you're fed up. Maybe you want to be by yourself. Who knows? You look down and see a tortoise, Leon. It's crawling toward you...

Leon: Tortoise? What's that?

Holden: [irritated by Leon's interruptions] You know what a turtle is?

Leon: Of course!

Holden: Same thing.

Leon: I've never seen a turtle... But I understand what you mean.

Holden: You reach down and you flip the tortoise over on its back, Leon.

Leon: Do you make up these questions, Mr. Holden? Or do they write 'em down for you?

Holden: The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can't. Not without your help. But you're not helping.

Leon: [angry at the suggestion] What do you mean, I'm not helping?

Holden: I mean: you're not helping! Why is that, Leon?

[Leon has become visibly shaken]

Holden: They're just questions, Leon. In answer to your query, they're written down for me. It's a test, designed to provoke an emotional response... Shall we continue?

Deckard: Leon!

Leon: How old am I?

Deckard: [after slugging Leon, to no effect] I dunno.

Leon: My birthday is April 10, 2017. How long do I live?

Deckard: Four years.

Leon: More than you! Painful to live in fear, isn't it?

Leon: Wake up! Time to die!

Holden: Describe in single words only the good things that come into your mind about... your mother.

Leon: My mother?

Holden: Yeah.

Leon: Let me tell you about my mother.

[Leon shoots Holden with a gun he had pulled out under the table]

Leon: Nothing is worse than having an itch you can never scratch!

Batty: Did you get your precious photos?

Leon: [shaking his head] ... Someone was there.

Batty: Men?

[Leon hesitates, then nods]

Batty: POLICE men?