Lee Christmas Quotes in The Expendables 3 (2014)

Lee Christmas: So you like knives, huh?

Doc: I'm the knife before Christmas.

Lee Christmas: You were stupid enough to get yourself into this mess! And we're the only ones crazy enough to get you out of it!

[last lines]

Lee Christmas: You look like a proud, demented father.

Barney Ross: You could've skipped the demented part.

Lee Christmas: That was a compliment.

[Barney and Lee laugh and fist-bump each other]

Mars: [regarding the old Expendables] Bunch of has-beens still trying to be hard.

Lee Christmas: You're young and you're dumb!

[first lines]

Barney Ross: Lucky ring on!

Lee Christmas: Feel so much safer.

Barney Ross: I missed you, Christmas.

Lee Christmas: I missed you too, you demented bastard.

Barney Ross: You could've left out the demented part.

Lee Christmas: [Christmas and Doc throw knives at a dartboard, both hitting the bullseye] Not bad...

Doc: [Doc's knife falls off] Oooooh... Best two out of three?

Barney Ross: You know, it's very hard for me to say this, but at one time, you guys were the best. Maybe still are. But nothing lasts forever. Hard as it is to hear, we aren't the future any more. Unfortunately for us, we're part of the past.

Lee Christmas: You, uh, you done swingin' with us?

Barney Ross: As I see it, if we keep this life up, the only way this thing ends, for all of us, is in a hole in the ground, and no one giving a shit. Now if that's the way I'm supposed to go out, I can live with that. For me. But what I can't live with - and won't live with - is taking you with me.

Lee Christmas: [dressed as a priest] By the powers vested in me, I now pronounce you man and knife.

Pilar: Who you are?

Barney Ross: We're Americans.

Lee Christmas: Since when?

Gunner Jensen: Swedish.

Hale Caesar: Blackfoot.

Maggie: Chinese.

Toll Road: Retards.

Barney Ross: [to Toll Road] You done?

Gunner Jensen: I got a plan. Everybody calm down. Phosphate rock.

Lee Christmas: What's he doing?

Barney Ross: Probably making a bomb.

Lee Christmas: You serious?

Barney Ross: Ask him.

Lee Christmas: What you doing, Gunner?

Gunner Jensen: I'm making a bomb. You mind?

Barney Ross: A maniac with brains.

Lee Christmas: Scary.

Lee Christmas: What's the plan?

Barney Ross: Track him, find him, kill him.

[last lines]

Lee Christmas: From one friend to another...

Barney Ross: What?

Lee Christmas: You really need to learn how to fight.

Lee Christmas: [while the Sangs are attacking the Expendables] Can you hold them off?

Barney Ross: Yeah, maybe with a tank.

[the Sangs appear with a tank]

Barney Ross: Oh, shit.

Lee Christmas: What?

Barney Ross: They've got a tank.

Maggie: I can get him to talk, and without so much effort.

[opens a large manicure/pedicure kit]

Lee Christmas: What's she gonna do, give him a pedicure?

Lee Christmas, Barney Ross, Gunner Jensen, Hale Caesar, Toll Road: Beware, beware, walk with care / Care for what you do / Or mumbo jumbo's gonna hoo-doo you / Mumbo jumbo's gonna hoo-doo you / Boom-lay, boom-lay, boom-lay boom!

[Lee's cell phone rings]

Barney Ross: [mockingly] "Hello, darlin'."

Lee Christmas: Hello, darlin'.

Lee Christmas: [Billy is running up the hill] Remember when you could do that?

Barney Ross: No, do you?

Gunner Jensen: [the bomb's fuse goes out] Well, the phosphorus must have been damp.

Lee Christmas: Yeah, right.

Toll Road: Or you suck.

Hale Caesar: There's that.

Maggie: Don't cry, Gunner.

Barney Ross: You almost had an idea.

Barney Ross: Trench?

Trench: Oh, this is embarrassing.

Barney Ross: Yeah, it sure is.

Lee Christmas: What's he doing here?

Trench: Saving this Chinese billionaire.

Barney Ross: Oh, yeah? That's funny. So are we.

Trench: Well, then we have a scheduling problem, don't we?

[to Gunner]

Trench: Cut me loose, Frankenstein.

Barney Ross: Don't get nuts, Gunner. Do it.

Barney Ross: Christmas, my friend. Please tell me you ain't going through this.

Lee Christmas: Of course I am. Look at that girl. Who wouldn't marry her?

Barney Ross: She cheated on you.

Lee Christmas: It was a half-cheat.

Barney Ross: Which is?

Lee Christmas: The other side of a half-truth. The facts are murky.

Barney Ross: Murky. I hate to break this to you, pal, but your girlfriend over there has a world-class cheating gene.

Lee Christmas: I should stab you in the heart.

Barney Ross: Too late.

Barney Ross: I got an idea. And your ego, I think you're gonna love it.

Lee Christmas: My ego?

Barney Ross: Your ego.

Lee Christmas: What do you mean, my ego?

Barney Ross: You've got a big ego.

Lee Christmas: Well, check your ego out.

Barney Ross: Oh, please. Your ego is like the size of a dinosaur. Huge.

Lee Christmas: You're not doing what I think you're doing.

Barney Ross: Yeah, I am.

Lee Christmas: Let's do it!

[Barney intentionally rams and crash lands his plane into the plutonium mine, Maggie nearly falls out and Gunnar saves her]

Lee Christmas: You're gonna need a new plane.

Lee Christmas: Hey, I'd hate to break up the bromance. We're twenty seconds late!

Sandra: What are your names?

Lee Christmas: [points to himself] Buda...

Lee Christmas: [points to Barney] ... Pest

Sandra: Follow me, please.

[walks away]

Barney Ross: [slowly turns to Lee; deadpan] Buda and Pest? Nice.

Lee Christmas: [after beating up Lacy's abusive boyfriend and his friends on a basketball court; and after deflating a basketball with a knife on his chest] Next time, I'll deflate all your balls, friend.

[last lines]

Lee Christmas: I'm gonna do you a favor, Tool. "I once knew a man called Tool/To me, was the epitome of cool/He was good with a knife/Bad with a wife/But to think he could beat me/Dreaming he'd defeat me/Cool Tool/You gotta be a fool."

Barney Ross: [from trailer]

[in the middle of a mexican standoff, a faint buzzing sound can be heard]

Barney Ross: What's that?

Lee Christmas: I'm getting a text.

Barney Ross: Excuse me?

Barney Ross: Come on. Why don't you man up? Jesus! She wasn't your type.

Lee Christmas: Why don't you keep saying "She wasn't my type?" So I could put a bullet in your bleak brain! Look who I'm taking to. Dracula's life coach. No wonder you're alone.

Lee Christmas: You know it's not easy being your friend.

Barney Ross: What the hell's he doing?

Lee Christmas: Hanging a pirate.

Barney Ross: Don't be ridiculous. Gunner! What are you doing?

Gunnar Jensen: Hanging a pirate!

Toll Road: That's seriously demented.

Yin Yang: This is no good.

Hale Caesar: Not that you'd feel it, but put one in Speed Racer's shoulder.

Lee Christmas: Ten seconds you won't believe what's gonna happen.

Barney Ross: What's wrong with this picture?

Lee Christmas: Everything.

Lee Christmas: What's he saying?

Hale Caesar: He said we're dead with an accent.

Barney Ross: We ain't dead.

Yin Yang: I need a raise.

Barney Ross: Say what?

Yin Yang: I want it for my son.

Lee Christmas: Since when did Yin Yang get a family?

Yin Yang: [Deadpan] You don't ask, I don't tell.

Pirate leader: Drop your guns!

Lee Christmas: Fat chance.

Barney Ross: Why do they always say that?

Lee Christmas: Are you crazy? You could've killed me!

Barney Ross: You're welcome.