Lazlo Quotes in Where the Buffalo Roam (1980)

Lazlo: Like a lot of people thought I was dead but, uh... hey you know you don't write any postcards when you're on the road to self-discovery.

Lazlo: You killed my Strabo.

Jimmy Tudeski: Actually, Strabo was already dead. He got shot when your hitter tried to shoot us.

Lazlo: [looks at Julie] Is this true?

Julie: Hey, Lazlo. Shit happens, all right?

Lazlo: Oh yeah. Watch this shit happen.

[shoots Julie with Jill's gun as she is holding it]

Lazlo: You locked my son in the trunk?

Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky: No! No, sir. He locked himself in the trunk.

Lazlo: [pause] This I believe.

Zevo: Boss, you want us to check the bus?

Lazlo: As opposed to staring at the bus? OF COURSE YOU SHOULD GO CHECK THE BUS.

Lazlo: What the fook are you assholes up to now?

Lazlo: [in an attempt to kidnap Oz] Now you go in and you grab him. You go in and you grab him. Now what do you do?

Strabo: I go in and...

Lazlo: And grab him. Now what do you do?

Strabo: I go in and I grab him.

Lazlo: Piece of pie.

Strabo: No. It's cake.

Lazlo: What did I say?

Strabo: Pie.

Lazlo: And what did you say?

Strabo: Cake. No, pie.

Lazlo: Piece of pie.

Strabo: [gets out of car and looks back at Lazlo] It's cake.

[Lazlo back hand slaps him]

[Jimmy, Oz, and Cynthia, are Lazlo's prisoners; Jill, outside, has Lazlo's son hostage]

Lazlo: [shouting] Where's my son?

Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky: All right, that's it!

Cynthia: Oz...

Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky: No, I've had enough!

[suddenly tough]

Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky: If you ever want to see your son again, you'll let us go right now.

Lazlo: Is that right?

Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky: Yeah, that's right! And if we're not out of here by eleven o'clock, Jill's gonna put one in Strabo's forehead. Just like Jimmy put one in Janni's forehead. Oh... it wasn't pretty.

Lazlo: [enraged] Give me a gun.

Jimmy Tudeski: [impressed] Not bad, Oz.

Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky: Thanks.

Lazlo: Your wife is in a safe...

Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky: My wife is in a safe?

Lazlo: Place! Safe place! Let me finish the sentence.

Jimmy Tudeski: [Talking to Lazlo while getting shot at] did you hire a hitter?

Lazlo: I can't really remember. Why? Is somebody shooting at you?

Lazlo: [after sending Strabo in to kidnap Oz, Lazlo later hears ambulance sirens going off and heading towards the builing] Why do I have a bad feeling about this?

Lazlo: Los Angeles. How interesting. All right, we'll get going and cut them off at the piss.

Lazlo: [to two guys tied up in the trunk of a car] Tell everyone that Lazlo Gogolak is back in town.

[shoots both guys]

Strabo: How are they gonna tell everyone when they're dead?

Lazlo: Put one in his head. Maybe that will make him remember.

Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky: If Strabo puts one in my head how am I gonna remember anything?

Lazlo: Shut up!

Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky: I'll try that then.

Lazlo: Yermo. Zevo. We're driving to Mexico in 10 minutes. Stop drinking or you'll get an IUD.

Cynthia: How the hell do you know where my husband is?

Lazlo: That was simple: LuJack.

Cynthia: Lujack?

Lazlo: In the Poosche.

Strabo: No, Papa. Its... uh... You say LoJack.

[looks at Cynthia]

Strabo: See? LoJack.

Lazlo: I didn't quite hear.

Strabo: Oh. LoJack.

[Lazlo slaps Strabo]

Lazlo: Don't correct me. Don't ever correct me. Do you like getting hit, is that it? You're a freak who enjoys pain?

Strabo: Of course not.

[after shooting two rivals dead in a car trunk, Lazlo drives away; Strabo hands him a remote]

Lazlo: Oh, something else?

[he triggers the remote; behind him, the car explodes]

Lazlo: Ha! That was fun!

Lazlo: Can I ask you a questionnaire, how you found this place?

Jill: Nice Porsche you got.

Lazlo: [to his goons] You still have the Porsche? Let me explain to you when we get a moment together, the concept of the secret hideout.

Lazlo: You want a slice of the pee?

Lazlo: I want him dead. Yesterday! Before breakfast! Before eggs! Scrambled.

Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky: Would it be okay for me to ask you at this juncture who you are and what you're doing in my house?

[Lazlo's people start laughing at him]

Lazlo: I am flabbergasted!

Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky: I'm sorry?

Lazlo: Chagrined! That you don't see the resemblance in the facial structure!

Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky: [to Lazlo's boys] And you guys basically understand all of this?

Lazlo: Veres Yimmy?

Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky: Yimmys dead! Jimmys dead! Their both dead!

Lazlo: Do you remember... Janni Gogolak?

[Oz bolts to his feet, Strabo punches him and shoves him back down]

Lazlo: Do you, or don't you...?

Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky: What?

Lazlo: [shouts] Remember Janni?

Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky: Yes, I remember Janni!

Lazlo: Janni... was my son.

[Oz bolts to his feet again, Strabo punches him again and shoves him back down again]

Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky: Now, Mr. Gogolak, I know what you're thinking.

Lazlo: Yes, you do?

Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky: I think I do.

Lazlo: You're the Amazing Kreskin?

Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky: You're thinking that I killed your son! I did not kill your son! Jimmy Tudeski killed your son!

Lazlo: [picks an ornament off the mantle] You know, I collect these.

Nicholas 'Oz' Oseransky: Really?

Lazlo: No.

Lazlo: [to Jimmy] Let me propose something... before you start the killing.

[Wondering where Flakfizer has hidden his lover]

Lazlo: Ah! Your suite!

Roland T. Flakfizer: You're pretty terrific yourself.

Flakfizer: Let's step outside and settle this like men!

Lazlo: We are outside.

Flakfizer: OK, let's step inside and settle it like women.

Roland T. Flakfizer: And she looks like she's about fifteen.

Lazlo: No, no, no.

Roland T. Flakfizer: Okay, fourteen then. In fact I know she's fourteen, because I was dating her a year ago.

Lazlo: I will do whatever is best for the ballet!

Roland T. Flakfizer: Well, there's no reason to commit suicide.

The Mayor: The hospital - have you cleaned it up?

Lazlo: Well, you could eat off the floors. We put sheets on the bed, and we got the goats out of surgery. I put charts on the foot of each patient's bed indicating the nature of their illness.

The Mayor: Good. Now at least they'll know what they died from.