Lawyer Quotes in Transformers: The Last Knight (2017)
Berserker: I'll suck your brains!
Lawyer: Absolutely not!
Colonel William Lennox: [to Megatron] Yeah, no! Nope. No. There are limits. Pick again.
Lawyer: [on Nitro Zeus] But the government requests that he does not leave the county. And we're serious about that.
Bailif: The Queens Borough Court is now in session.
Judge: Jonus Maldonado, Lucas Ryan, A.D. Valvern. You're charged with criminal possession of narcotics. How do your defendants plead?
Lawyer: Due to mitigating circumstances, not guilty, your Honor. The defendants have no priors. We request bail.
Judge: Bail denied.
Beans: Five million dollars. I want you to offer that nigga five million dollars. Tell him to take the stand, say he made a mistake, and I wasn't involved in none of that shit.
Lawyer: It's worth a try.
Beans: Don't fuckin' try. You do it.
Lawyer: [to Stern] But the most we can hope for is to get you buried in secrecy so your grave don't get violated!
Skinner: [on Linguini] Look at him out there, pretending to be an idiot! He's toying with my mind like a cat with a ball... of something!
Skinner: Yes! Playing dumb, taunting me with that RAT!
Lawyer: [confused] Rat?
Skinner: Yes! He's consorting with it, deliberately trying to make me think it's important!
Lawyer: The... rat?
Lawyer: Is the rat important?
Skinner: [pause] Of course not! He just wants me to THINK that it is! O-ho, I see the theatricality of it! A rat appears on the boy's first night, I order him to kill it, and now he wants me to see it everywhere!
Skinner: [high voice] Ooooh! It's here! No it isn't it's here! Am I seeing things, am I crazy, is there a phantom rat or is there not, but oh, no! I refuse to be sucked into his little game... of...
Lawyer: Should I be concerned about this? About you?
Lawyer: Well, the will stipulates that if after two years from the date of death, no heir appears, Gusteau's business will pass on to his sous-chef, you.
Skinner: I know what the will stipulates! What I want to know, is if this letter - if this *boy* changes anything!
[the lawyer looks at Linguini through the window, comparing it to Gusteau's picture on the wall]
Lawyer: There's not much resemblance.
Skinner: There's NO resemblance at all! He's not Gusteau's son, Gusteau had no children! And what of the timing of all this? The deadline in the will expires in less than a month! Suddenly some boy arrives with a letter from his recently deceased mother claiming Gusteau is his father? Highly suspect!
Lawyer: [about a chef's toque in a glass container] ... This was Gusteau's?
Lawyer: May I?
Skinner: Of course, of course.
[the lawyer takes a hair out of the toque]
Lawyer: But, the boy does not know?
Skinner: She claims she never told him, or Gusteau, and asks that I not tell!
Lawyer: Why you? What does she want?
Skinner: A job, for the boy.
Lawyer: Only a job? Well, then this is easy. If he works here, you can keep an eye on him while I do a little digging, find out how much of this is real. I'll need you to collect some DNA samples from the boy, hair maybe...
Skinner: Mark my words, the whole thing is *highly* suspect. He knows... something.
Lawyer: Relax, he's a garbage boy. I think you can handle him.
Lawyer: What are you so worried about? Isn't it good to have the press? Isn't it good to have Gusteau's name getting headlines?
Skinner: Not if they're over his face! Gusteau's already has a face, and it's fat and lovable and familiar. And it sells burritos! Millions and millions of burritos!
Lawyer: I see you're from Daytona Beach, all of that looks great, it must be wonderful. But can I tell you something? When the beach party is over, you don't get to say, "You know what? Now I think I'd like to have what everybody else has worked their entire life for." It doesn't work that way.
Aileen: Fuck you, man. Yeah, FUCK YOU! YOU DON'T FUCKIN' KNOW ME!
Lawyer: OK, great. That's great. See, now I'm so sorry I didn't hire you before. Leslie, could you please escort Miss... I don't even know her name because of course she doesn't have a resume... out.
Aileen: I don't need a fuckin' escort you piece of shit! What you think I'm a fuckin' retard? Take your fuckin' job and fuckin' shove it! Fuck you, Leslie!
Lawyer: The unlimited checkbook. That's how Big Tobacco wins every time on everything, they spend you to death. Six hundred million a year in outside legal - Chadbourne-Park, uh, Ken Starr's firm, Kirkland & Ellis? Listen: GM and Ford, they get nailed after eleven or twelve pickups blow up, right? These clowns have never, I mean EVER...
John Harris: Not even once.
Lawyer: not even with hundreds of thousands dying each year from an illness related to their product, have EVER lost a personal injury lawsuit! On this case, they'll issue gag orders, sue for breach, anticipatory breach, enjoin him, you, us, his pet dog, the dog's veterinarian, tie 'em up in litigation for 10 or 15 years, I'm telling you, they bat a thousand every time! He knows that, that's why he's not gonna talk to you.
Lawyer: [reading from Joan's will after her death] It is my intention to make no provision herein for my son Christopher or my daughter Christina, for reasons which are well known to them.
Christopher: What reasons?
Christina: (laughing bitterly) Jesus Christ.
Christopher: As usual, she has the last word.
Christina: Does she? Does she?
Lawyer: What makes you think they will let these kids go?
David Wilkerson: I've got a whole church back in Phillipsburg praying for them.
Lawyer: [everyone Laughs at David] Well, they'd better be praying, because the D.A. will burn those creeps.
Lawyer: [about their new house] It's interesting. it seems the previous owner was found locked in a trunk in the attic...
Miss Monde 1984: [after a less-than-satisfying honeymoon with Mr. Kapital] I expected something else to happen.
PDG: Nonsense, he's the most powerful millionaire in the world!
Lawyer: I think that for your own good, you better forget this marriage.
Miss Monde 1984: Then I think I should get alimony.
Lawyer: I advise you strongly to refrain from thinking anything.
PDG: Yes, thinking can sometimes be a very dangerous exercise.
Lawyer: Very dangerous, indeed.
Miss Monde 1984: This is insane!
PDG: Yes, maybe we should ask for a psychiatric examination.
Lawyer: There are people with similar symptoms, they become confused. They spend the rest of their lives behind the walls... of asylums!
[pushes Miss Monde into the pool]
Lawyer at Phone in Pike's Office: But he says she says she won't have anything to do with lawyers.
Lawyer: That's entirely irregular!
Mr. Pike: Well, it's a thought!
Lawyer: Your Majesty, first and foremost, you must stand on your rights and demand immunity on the ground of your Royal Prerogative.
King Shahdov: Immunity from what?
Lawyer: That I don't know, but I intend to find out. But if they put the 64 dollars question to you, as if you are, or ever have been a communist, then again you must stand on your Royal Prerogative.
King Shahdov: But that question is absurd.
Lawyer: There are many things absurd these days...
[Alonzo Hawk is lying on the couch in his office after having an angry fit over the phone with his nephew]
Lawyer: Don't worry, Mr. Hawk. I'm sure you'll feel better in the morning.
Alonzo Hawk: Ah, stop talking like an idiot. I feel better right now! Alonzo Hawk can be betrayed, but he is never defeated! Out of my way!
[Gets up and moves to his desk]
Alonzo Hawk: Since none of you pitful excuses for men have enough muscle to move a feeble little old lady off her property, I'll go and do it myself, like I have to everything around here that's important .
Lawyer: Now, now, Mr. Hawk...
Alonzo Hawk: Oh, shut up! We'll start on Number 1 - Harassment! And I wrote the book on harrassment - We'll shut up her phone, turn off her water; we'll sic the Health & Building inspectors on her, steal her dog.
Lawyer: She doesn't have a dog.
Alonzo Hawk: What do you mean she doesn't have a dog? A little old lady living in a place like that? Who looks out for her? How does she get around?
Lawyer: She has a little car she goes everywhere in.
Alonzo Hawk: Well then, you fellows go and pick it up!
Lawyer: Yes, Mr. Hawk!
[the lawyers start to leave]
Alonzo Hawk: [Mutters to himself] Bunch of lame-brains!
[shouts to his lawyers]
Alonzo Hawk: Hold it! Hold it! You fellows will probably even foul up on a simple assignment like this. The first team is on the job now - I'LL go and pick the car up myself!
[Gets up and walks out of the office]
Alonzo Hawk: Over-rated cage of PINHEADS!
Lawyer: Now this being your second divorce, Mr. Henderson, I'm sure you're familiar with the procedure, but your wife, uh... ex-wife, should know it would be wise not to leave the state for a few weeks until it's finalized.
Karen Henderson: I'm not planning to leave the state.
John Henderson: No. She just left me. She had nothing against the land.
Lawyer: But the law says...
Sixsixsix: The law can go suck my ass. Right, Pixxi?
Repo Chick: Alright 666, take it easy. Let's hear what the jerk has to say and then if we don't like it, we'll just throw him down the stairs.
Lawyer: [to Pixxi] You're an adult. Yes. Over eighteen, twenty one presumably?
Sixsixsix: Don't go there.
Lawyer: When your family said that you were disinherited, did they offer up any sort of deal, a resolution to be un-disinherited?
Repo Chick: [unintelligible] ... job.
Lawyer: I'm sorry, I didn't hear you.
Repo Chick: [Emotional] They told me to get a job!
Sixsixsix: [to lawyer] You bastard!
Lawyer: ...and being of sound mind, and in full possession of my faculties, and in the presence of the undersigned witnesses, I write my last will and testament. I leave my estate and all my worldly goods to my dear wife, Emily. In the knowledge that she will take loving care of my son, Fella.
Lawyer: "They might detatch your salary."
William: "Then I'll quit my job and live on soup."
Lawyer: "They might detach this house."
William: "Then I'll burn down the house!"
Lawyer: For heaven's sake, man, don't you realize you are going to be shot!
Bastien-Thiry: You don't understand. No French soldier will raise his rifle against me.
[He is shot by a firing squad the next day]
Lebel: The time elapsed from the first to the last shot was 7 seconds. In all, more than 140 shots were fired. 7 bullets pierced the President's car, one coming within an inch of his head, but by a miracle, neither he or anyone else was hurt. Six months later, most of the conspirators had been caught and tried. Their leader, Col. Bastien-Thiry, has been sentenced to death. At the last moment, his lawyer applies one more time for a stay of execution.
Lawyer: The appeal for clemency has been turned down. There is nothing more that I can do. I am sorry.
Bastien-Thiry: There is no need.
Lawyer: For heaven's sake, man, don't you realize that you are going to be shot?
Bastien-Thiry: You don't understand. No French soldier is going to raise a rifle against me.
Lawyer: You look like you've been in a war.
Rivka: You could say so. I'm lucky to have good doctors whose specialty's not asking questions.
Lawyer: Between the age of 11 and your present age, 16, how many fire arms have you had?
Chris Craig: Forty or fifty.
Chris Craig: I, uh, used to swap them with friends at school.
Judge: Why did you swap them?
Chris Craig: Because I liked them.
Lawyer: Did having them make you feel like one of the gangsters in the films?
Chris Craig: Yes, sir.
Lawyer: And how often did you carry them around with you?
Chris Craig: Every day.
Judge: Forty or fifty do you mean?
Chris Craig: Well I didn't carry them all at the same time, sir.
Lawyer: Are you a good shot?
Chris Craig: [hesitates] No.
Lawyer: Tell us what you know, I said! Never mind what you think!
Mr. Hemingway: Excuse me, boss. I ain't no lawyer. I can't talk without thinkin'.
Lawyer: All he wants is that little velvet. You know, side money. Yeah, that deputy's salary.
Lawyer: [reading from Walt's will] And I'd like to leave my 1972 Gran Torino to...
[the lawyer pauses and looks up at Ashley, who smiles expectantly]
Lawyer: ...my friend... Thao Vang Lor. On the condition that you don't chop-top the roof like one of those beaners, don't paint any idiotic flames on it like some white trash hillbilly, and don't put a big, gay spoiler on the rear end like you see on all the other zipperheads' cars. It just looks like hell. If you can refrain from doing any of that... it's yours.
Josey Aimes: [testifying] Lady, you sit in your nice house, clean floors, your bottled water, your flowers on Valentine's Day, and you think you're tough? Wear my shoes. Tell me tough. Work a day in the pit, tell me tough.
Lawyer: I'm sure we're all sufficiently impressed, Mrs. Aimes.
Josey Aimes: There's no "Mrs." here.
Lawyer: It's the Mormons. I'm outta here, you're on your own.
Jesus Christ: Now, who are the Mormons again?
Lawyer: The law believes in motherhood. If Candy doesn't show up at Somafree next weekend your wife can take legal action immediately.
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