Lawrence Garfield Quotes in Other People's Money (1991)

Lawrence Garfield: [In response to Jorgy's speech] Amen. And amen. And amen. You have to forgive me. I'm not familiar with the local custom. Where I come from, you always say "Amen" after you hear a prayer. Because that's what you just heard - a prayer. Where I come from, that particular prayer is called "The Prayer for the Dead." You just heard The Prayer for the Dead, my fellow stockholders, and you didn't say, "Amen." This company is dead. I didn't kill it. Don't blame me. It was dead when I got here. It's too late for prayers. For even if the prayers were answered, and a miracle occurred, and the yen did this, and the dollar did that, and the infrastructure did the other thing, we would still be dead. You know why? Fiber optics. New technologies. Obsolescence. We're dead alright. We're just not broke. And you know the surest way to go broke? Keep getting an increasing share of a shrinking market. Down the tubes. Slow but sure. You know, at one time there must've been dozens of companies making buggy whips. And I'll bet the last company around was the one that made the best goddamn buggy whip you ever saw. Now how would you have liked to have been a stockholder in that company? You invested in a business and this business is dead. Let's have the intelligence, let's have the decency to sign the death certificate, collect the insurance, and invest in something with a future. "Ah, but we can't," goes the prayer. "We can't because we have responsibility, a responsibility to our employees, to our community. What will happen to them?" I got two words for that: Who cares? Care about them? Why? They didn't care about you. They sucked you dry. You have no responsibility to them. For the last ten years this company bled your money. Did this community ever say, "We know times are tough. We'll lower taxes, reduce water and sewer." Check it out: You're paying twice what you did ten years ago. And our devoted employees, who have taken no increases for the past three years, are still making twice what they made ten years ago; and our stock - one-sixth what it was ten years ago. Who cares? I'll tell you. Me. I'm not your best friend. I'm your only friend. I don't make anything? I'm making you money. And lest we forget, that's the only reason any of you became stockholders in the first place. You want to make money! You don't care if they manufacture wire and cable, fried chicken, or grow tangerines! You want to make money! I'm the only friend you've got. I'm making you money. Take the money. Invest it somewhere else. Maybe, maybe you'll get lucky and it'll be used productively. And if it is, you'll create new jobs and provide a service for the economy and, God forbid, even make a few bucks for yourselves. And if anybody asks, tell 'em ya gave at the plant. And by the way, it pleases me that I am called "Larry the Liquidator." You know why, fellow stockholders? Because at my funeral, you'll leave with a smile on your face and a few bucks in your pocket. Now that's a funeral worth having!

Bill Coles: Can I speak frankly?

Lawrence Garfield: No. Lie to me! Tell me how thrilled you are to know me. I always speak frankly. I hate people who say, "Can we speak frankly?" It means they're bullshittin' me the rest of the time.

Lawrence Garfield: I love money. I love money more than the things it can buy. There's only one thing I love more than money. You know what that is? OTHER PEOPLE'S MONEY.

Lawrence Garfield: I love money more than the things it can buy... but what I love more than money is other people's money.

Kate Sullivan: Well, for someone who has nothing nice to say about lawyers, you certainly have plenty of them around.

Lawrence Garfield: They're like nuclear warheads. They have theirs, so I have mine. Once you use them, they fuck up everything.

Lawrence Garfield: Make as much as you can. For as long as you can. Whoever has the most when he dies, WINS.

Lawrence Garfield: Would you like a donut?

Kate Sullivan: No thank you. I'm not hungry.

Lawrence Garfield: Gotta be hungry to eat a donut? I never heard of such a thing.

Lawrence Garfield: Since when do you have to be nice to be right?

Lawrence Garfield: When capitalism gets f - -ed up, the communists come back. They're waiting in the bushes. First thing they do is shoot the lawyers.

Kate Sullivan: For someone who doesn't have anything nice to say about lawyers you certainly have plenty of them around.

Lawrence Garfield: They're like nuclear warheads. They have theirs, so I have mine. Once you use them they f - - everything up.

Kate Sullivan: Rumor has it you got balls.

Lawrence Garfield: I've been trying to show you for weeks.

Lawrence Garfield: We make passionate love the rest of the night. Whoever comes first, loses.

Kate Sullivan: [Disgusted] I think you're serious... How do you propose we write this up?

Lawrence Garfield: Carefully. Under the heading of, "Easy Come, Easy Go."

[Kate offers Lawrence 'greenmail' to drop an unfriendly take-over bid]

Kate Sullivan: It's not illegal.

Lawrence Garfield: It's immoral - a distinction lawyers ignore.

[Kate offers Lawrence 'greenmail' to drop an unfriendly take-over bid]

Kate Sullivan: Why so uptight? It's not illegal.

Lawrence Garfield: It's immoral. A distinction with no relevance to lawyers. But it matters to me.

Lawrence Garfield: Since when do you have to be hungry to have a doughnut? It don't taste better that way.

Lawrence Garfield: I take from the Rich, I give to the middle class... Well, the upper middle class.

Lawrence Garfield: Not Albert Schweltzer. Robin Hood. I take from the rich. And give to the middle class... Well, the upper middle class.

Lawrence Garfield: I gave her "Hiawatha." All she wanted was a touchdown.

Lawrence Garfield: I never met a person so hard to feed.

Lawrence Garfield: We make passionate love the rest of the night. The first one that comes, loses.

Lawrence Garfield: No cinnamon?... If I can't count on Dunkin Donuts, who *can* I count on?

Lawrence Garfield: You're an emancipated woman. Learn to lose.

Lawrence Garfield: We're the same... We care more about the game than the players.

Lawrence Garfield: I don't take money from widows or orphans, I make them money! I am sorry.

Bea Sullivan: [shout] Before or after you put them out of business?

Kate Sullivan: Someday, we'll smarten up, change some laws, and put you OUT OF BUSINESS.

Lawrence Garfield: You can change all the laws you want. You can't stop the game. I'll still be here. I adapt.

Lawrence Garfield: On arrival to New England Wire and Cable: "I haven't seen a place this classy ever since I left the Bronx."