Laverne Quotes in The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996)

Laverne: [to Quasimodo] Quasi, take it from an old spectator. Life's not a spectator sport. If watchin' is all you're gonna do, then you're gonna watch your life go by without ya.

Hugo: Hey isn't that, uh, Feeble?

Laverne: Doofus.

Quasimodo: Phoebus!

Esmeralda: Maybe Frollo's wrong about the both of us.

[the gargoyles are eavesdropping]

Hugo: What did she say?

Laverne: Frollo's nose is long, and he wears a truss.

Hugo: Ha! Told ya. Pay up.

Victor: Oh, dear...

[hands him a coin]

Hugo: [takes the coin] Chump!

Hugo: What're you guys talkin' about? If I knew Esmeralda, she's three steps ahead of Frollo and well outta harm's way.

Quasimodo: [doubtfully] Do you really think so?

Hugo: Hey, when things cool off, she'll be back. You'll see.

Quasimodo: [puzzledly] What makes you so sure?

Laverne: Because she likes ya.

[ruffling Quasi's hair]

Laverne: We always said you were the cute one.

Hugo: [eating crackers and cheese] I thought *I* was the cute one!

Laverne: No, you're the fat, stupid one with the big mouth!

Hugo: Whatcha sayin', exactly?

Laverne: [to the pigeons] Don't you ever migrate?

Hugo: Give her some slack, then reel her in. Then give her some slack...

Laverne: Knock it off, Hugo. She's a girl, not a mackerel.

Victor: Oh, but that poor Gypsy girl. I'm beginning to feel the worst.

Laverne: I know, but now don't you say anything to upset Quasimodo. He's worried enough already.

Hugo: Yeah, you're right. We'd better lighten up.

Victor: [as Quasi climbs down after ringing the bells] Sh-sh-sh! Here he comes.

Laverne: Now just stay calm.

Victor: Not a word.

Hugo: Easy does it.

Victor: Look stone-faced.

Quasimodo: [approaching the window] Any sign of her?

Victor: [Breaks down and weeps] Doh, it's a lost cause! She could be anywhere: in the stocks, in the dungeon, or on the rack! Oh God...

Laverne: [giving an A-OK sign] Nice work, Victor.

Quasimodo: No, he's right. What're we gonna do?

[Quasimodo is chained down, the gargoyles are encouraging him to free free himself]

Hugo: Come on, Quasi, snap out of it!

Victor: Your friends are down there!

Quasimodo: [despondently and weakly] It's all my fault.

Laverne: [as she, Hugo, and Victor try tugging the chains] You gotta break these chains!

Quasimodo: [sulkingly] I can't. I tried. What difference would it make?

Victor: But you can't let Frollo *win*!

Quasimodo: [despondently again] He already has.

Hugo: [dropping the chains] Say, you're giving up? That's it?

Laverne: These chains aren't what's holding you back, Quasimodo.

Quasimodo: [snapping firmly] Leave me alone!

Hugo: [meekly] Okay. Okay, Quasi. We'll leave you alone.

Victor: After all, we're only made out of stone.

[he and Hugo turn to stone]

Laverne: We just thought maybe you were made of somethin' stronger.

[turns to stone]

Laverne: [pause; Frollo's voice drifts up from below]

Frollo: For justice, for Paris, and for her own salvation, it is my sacred duty to send this unholy demon... back where she belongs!

[he fires the kindling while the crowd indistinctly shouts in protest]

Quasimodo: *Nooooooooooooooo!*

[the chains snap taut, the bells resonate as the pillars Quasimodo is chained to break and fall]

Laverne: Look, he's got a friend with him!

Hugo: Yeah, maybe today wasn't a total loss, after all.

Victor: A vision of loveliness.

Hugo: The one in the dress ain't bad, either.

Victor: Perhaps he's sick.

Laverne: Impossible. If twenty years of listening to you two hasn't made him sick by now, nothing will.

Hugo: Hey hey! There he is!

[He, Laverne, and Victor rush to cheer and applaud Quasi, who's walking back to the bell tower, glad to be rid of Pheobus]

Victor: Gizmo! You ejected that tin-plated baboon with great panache!

Hugo: The *nerve* of him, snooping around here trying to steal your girl.

Quasimodo: My girl?

Laverne: Esmeralda. Dark hair, works with a goat. Remember?

Hugo: Boy, I do! Way to go, lover boy!

Quasimodo: "Lover boy"? Oh, no, no, no, no.

Laverne: Aw, don't be so modest.

Quasimodo: Look, I appreciate what you're all trying to do, but let's not fool ourselves. "Ugliest face in all of Paris", remember? I don't think I'm her type.

Phoebus: Achilles, sit!

[horse Achilles sits on the guard's face]

Oafish Guard: [muffled] Oh - whoa, get off me!

Laverne: [to the pigeons] Fly, my pretties! Fly, fly!

[cackles]

Laverne: [singing] Call me a hopeless romantic but Quasi, I feel it.

Victor: [singing] She wants you so / Any moment she'll walk through that door.

Hugo, Victor, Laverne: [singing] For...

Hugo: [singing] A guy so swell.

Hugo, Victor, Laverne: [singing] A guy like you.

Hugo: [singing] With all you bring her.

Victor, Laverne: [singing] I tell you Quasi.

Hugo: [singing] A fool could tell.

Victor, Laverne: [singing] There never was.

Hugo: [singing] It's why she fell.

Victor, Laverne: [singing] Another, was he?

Hugo: [singing] For you-know-who.

Victor, Laverne: [singing] From king to serf to the bourgeoisie.

Hugo: [singing] You ring the bell.

Victor, Laverne: [singing] They're all a second-stringer.

Hugo, Victor, Laverne: [singing] You're the bell ringer! / When she wants ooh-la-la / And she wants you la-la / She will discover, guy / You're one heck of a guy / Who wouldn't love a guy like you?

Hugo: [singing] You got a lot / The rest have not / So she's gotta love a guy like you!

Hugo: [singing] A guy like you she's never known, kid. / A guy like you a girl does not meet every day. / You've got a look that's all your own, kid. / Could there be two?

Hugo, Victor, Laverne: [singing] Like you? No way!

Hugo: [singing] Those other guys that she could dangle all look the same from every boring point of view. / You're a surprise from every angle. / Mon Dieu above, she's gotta love a guy like you.

Victor: [singing] A guy like you gets extra credit / Because it's true you've got a certain some thing more.

Hugo: [spoken] You're aces, kid!

Laverne: [singing] You see that face / You don't forget it.

Victor, Laverne: [singing] Want something new?

Hugo: [singing] That's you.

Hugo, Victor, Laverne: [singing] For sure!

Laverne: [singing] We all have gaped at some Adonis.

Victor: [singing] But then we crave a meal more nourishing to chew.

Hugo: [singing] And since you're shaped like a croissant is...

Hugo, Victor, Laverne: [singing] No question of, she's gotta love a guy like you!

Laverne: Nobody wants to stay cooped up here forever.

Quasimodo: [gets up excitedly] You're right! I'll go!

[the gargoyles cheer as Quasimodo tells them what he'll do in preparation]

Quasimodo: I'll get cleaned up, I'll stroll down those stairs, and march *through* the doors, and...

Laverne: Take it from us, Quasi. You've got nothing to worry about.

Hugo: Yeah, you're irresistible!

Victor: [chuckles] Knights-in-shining-armor certainly aren't her type.

Hugo: And those guys are a dime a dozen, but you - you're one of a kind.

Laverne: Quasi, what's wrong?

[patting Quasi on the shoulder]

Laverne: Wanna tell ole Laverne all about it?

Quasimodo: I... I just don't feel like watching the festival, that's all.

Laverne: Well, did you ever think of going there instead?

Quasimodo: Sure, but I'd never fit in out there. I'm not... normal.

Laverne: [patting Quasi's shoulder again] Oh, Quasi, Quasi, Quasi...

[to a flock of pigeons, who have landed on her shoulders and her nose]

Laverne: Do ya mind? I would like to have a moment with the boy, if it's all right with you!