Larry Benjamin Quotes in Terror Firmer (1999)

Larry Benjamin: Quiet! Quiet, quiet, quiet! What's going on here? I'm the director! I am the director! I'm not saying that because I'm on some kind of ego trip or on some kind of bullshit artistic vision! I'm telling you this because I've been directing ten-cent movies for 30 years and I think I know a little bit about what I am doing! And I know a little something about the world because I'm a 52-year-old manic asshole! It's a horrible world! Starvation, dismemberment, torture, rape, corn-holing... it's horrible out there, but it's worse here in the movie set! We have danger... and stupidity! I don't want someone dying on my set! If someone dies here, I'll blow my brains out and it will be your fault! My career will be over and it'll be your fault! Now, if I have to go around wiping your asses, just let me know. I'll just get some toilet paper and go around to each and every one of you wiping everyone asses. Do you want me to wipe your asses?

[everyone mumbles 'no']

Larry Benjamin: I don't believe you. But we'd better soldier on. Now, let's make some art!

Larry Benjamin: Christine, that was great! Now all we have to do is a couple of pickups and we can go home.

Christine: Larry, my contract with you says 15 hours and I've been here for 22 hours now! I'm tired and I want to go home!

Larry Benjamin: Of course you want to go home. While you were in that last scene, I could have sworn you were Marilyn Monroe in River of No Return. You were so beautiful in that!

Christine: Really, Larry? Marilyn Monroe?

Larry Benjamin: Yeah.

Christine: Well... I guess I could do a couple of more times. How do I look?

[Christine moves Larry's hand over one of her breasts]

Larry Benjamin: You look great, Marilyn... I mean, Christine.

Larry Benjamin: Hey, Andy are you there? Are we all ready to shoot the next scene?

Andy: Actually no, we're going to have to stop production. The sound guy just quit.

Larry Benjamin: Aw man, not the Toddster! He had good potential. Ah, what the heck, let's shoot the scene anyway. We don't need sound.

Andy: Larry, the next scene is Sergeant Kabukiman delivering the Gettysburg Address.

Larry Benjamin: Oh... well I guess we can just scratch that. Hey, let's go to that wild party scene. I can see it now... we do a nice slow disolve to the fraternity scene. The night scene...

Andy: Hey Larry, where the fuck did the fat kid go?

Larry Benjamin: Yaeger? I sent him over to Jerry in special effects. He's having his head life cast for the head crushing scene we're filming next. Yaeger's the guy who's going to get his head squished between the cheeks of Toxie's ass.

Andy: Larry, it would be so much faster and cheaper if we use this watermellon with a wig on it like you always do.

Larry Benjamin: I know, but this is one movie we ain't skipping on.