Lane Myer Quotes in Better Off Dead... (1985)


Lane Myer Quotes:

  • Lane Myer: Johnny...

    Johnny: Four weeks, twenty papers, that's two dollars. Plus tip.

    Lane Myer: Gee Johnny, I don't have a dime.

    Johnny: Didn't ask for a dime. Two dollars.

    Lane Myer: Well... it's funny see... my mom, had to leave early to take my brother to school and my dad to work cuz...

    Johnny: ...two dollars... cash.

    Lane Myer: See... the problem here is that... my little brother, this morning, got his arm caught in the microwave, and uh... my grandmother dropped acid and she freaked out, and hijacked a school bus full of... penguins, so it's kind of a family crisis... so come back later? Great.

  • Lane Myer: Two brothers... One speaks no English, the other learned English from watching "The Wide World of Sports." So you tell me... Which is better, speaking no English at all, or speaking Howard Cosell?

  • Lane Myer: Gee, I'm real sorry your mom blew up, Ricky.

  • Lane Myer: She only speaks French, Roy. She doesn't speak imbecile.

  • Lane Myer: Uh, hello?

    Monique Junot: Ah, bonjour.

    Lane Myer: Monique, hi.

    Monique Junot: Comment allez-vous?

    Lane Myer: No thanks, I already had breakfast.

  • Monique Junot: I figured if we had nothing to say to each other he would get bored; go away. But instead he uses it as an excuse to put his testicles all over me.

    Lane Myer: Excuse me?

    Monique Junot: You know, like octopus? Testicles?

    Lane Myer: Ohhhh. Tentacles. N-T. Tentacles; big Difference.

  • Lane Myer: [indicating to Mrs. Smith's accident] Gee, I'm really sorry your mom blew up, Ricky, guess she won't be able to eat any spicy foods for awhile.

  • Lane Myer: [Indicates Monique] Her?

    Mrs. Smith: Mm-hmm.

    Lane Myer: [Indicates Ricky] And him?

    Mrs. Smith: Mmmm-hm.

    Lane Myer: That makes sense.

  • Lane Myer: I have great fear of tools. I once made a birdhouse in woodshop and the fair housing committee condemned it. I can't.

    Monique Junot: "I cannot do it" is your middle name.

  • Monique Junot: So you won't tell anyone?

    Lane Myer: What, that you're a Dodgers fan?

  • Lane Myer: [talking about skiing the K-12] Look Charles, I gotta do this. If I don't, I'll be nothing. I'll end up like my neighbor Ricky Smith. He just sits around crocheting all day and snorting nasal spray.

    Charles De Mar: He snorts nasal spray? Know where I can score some?


  • Yee Sook Ree: Truly a sight to behold. A man beaten. The once great champ, now, a study in moppishness. No longer the victory hungry stallion we've raced so many times before, but a pathetic, washed up, aged ex-champion.

    Lane Myer: Alright let's go!


  • Jenny Myer: Hello Lane. How was your day?

    Lane Myer: Beth broke up with me.

    Jenny Myer: Oh, heh, that's nice.

  • Charles De Mar: Wait, wait a minute...

    [starts to snort snow off his top hat]

    Charles De Mar: [sniff] Oh.


    Charles De Mar: Oh! Ugh! Outrageous!

    [raises right hand]

    Charles De Mar: [shouts] I think I just froze the left half of my brain!

    [waves arm in circles]

    Charles De Mar: [shouts] Look! I can't move my right arm!

    Lane Myer: This isn't funny, Charles! If I don't have a dream, I have nothing!

    Charles De Mar: Ah, come on! It's Christmas Eve! I could be home right now, drinking this *monster* eggnog my brother makes with lighter fluid.

  • Rocko: You look pretty stupid to me.

    Lane Myer: Thank you.

  • Jenny Myer: Hello, Lane. How was your day?

    Lane Myer: [devastated] Beth broke up with me.

    Jenny Myer: Oh, that's nice.

  • Lane Myer: One night with me and she'll probably go blind with ecstasy. Poor creature. Gee, I hope she doesn't grab onto my leg and start crying once the date's over. What would I do?

  • Lane Myer: Monique, I just wanted to thank you... for everything.

    Lane Myer: Merci buckets.

  • Lane Myer: [at 54:05] What's that?

    Rocko: Those are the keys to this establishment. I want you here at 6:00AM Saturday morning. Now, this place has to be swept and mopped up before the breakfast crew get here.

Browse more character quotes from Better Off Dead... (1985)