Lampwick Quotes in The Adventures of Pinocchio (1996)

[the ride on The Big One leads through a fountain of water, which the boys drink, including Pinocchio, but it leaks out of holes in his body]

Saleo: [to Pinocchio] Hey, Woody! You're leaking!

Lampwick: I guess some guys just can't hold their water.

Professor: Would someone please like to tell us of a characteristic which separates humans from the rest of the animal kingdom?

Lampwick: [aside, to another student] Cages.

Lampwick: [to Pinocchio] Hey, Woody, you ever get termites?

Pinocchio: What are termites?

Saleo: They're bugs.

Pinocchio: I like bugs.

Lampwick: Not these kind, you don't.

Saleo: They eat wood like you.

[he kicks Pinocchio in the leg]

Lampwick: [picks up Jiminy] Hey, who's the beetle?

Jiminy Cricket: Let go! Put me down!

Pinocchio: He's my conscience. He tells me what's right and wrong.

Lampwick: What? You mean to tell me you take orders from a grasshopper?

Jiminy Cricket: Grasshopper? Look here, you - you impudent young pup! It wouldn't hurt you to take orders from your grasshop - er, your conscience, if you have one!

Lampwick: You smoke like my grandmother.

Lampwick: Huh! To hear that beetle talk you'd think somethin' was gonna happen to us.

[Donkey ears pop out of Lampwick's head; Pinocchio's eyes widen]

Lampwick: Conscience! Aw, phooey!

[a tail pops out of the seat of Lampwick's pants; Pinocchio puts down the cigar he has been smoking]

Lampwick: Wheres he get that stuff? "How do you ever expect to be a real boy?" What's he think I look like?

[Now his head is that of a donkey]

Lampwick: A jackass?

Pinocchio: You sure do! Ha-ha, Hee-haw!

Lampwick: [as Pinocchio covers his mouth shocked] Hey, you laugh like a donkey. Ha-ha Hee-haw!

[gasps]

Lampwick: Did that come outta me?

[Pinocchio nods; Lampwick starts feeling his face and notices the changes]

Lampwick: Oh!

[He raises his arms a little higher and notices his ears]

Lampwick: Huh? What the...

[noticing his tail]

Lampwick: What's going on?

[He looks in the mirror and sees that he is turning into a donkey]

Lampwick: AAAAHH! I've been double-crossed! Help! Help! Somebody, help! I've been framed! Help!

[Gets down on his knees and begs Pinocchio for help]

Lampwick: Please, you gotta help me. Be a pal! Call that beetle. Call anybody!

[Lampwick's hands turn into hooves]

Lampwick: Mama! Maaaaaaaaaamaaaaaaaaaaa! Hee-haw! Hee-haw! Hee-haw! Hee-haw!