Lady Holiday Quotes in The Great Muppet Caper (1981)

Miss Piggy: [Lady Holiday has just given Miss Piggy the entire backstory for the movie] Why are you telling me all this?

Lady Holiday: It's plot exposition. It has to go somewhere.

Lady Holiday: Give Stanley a tip, Nicky.

Nicky Holiday: For complimenting you on your necklace?

Lady Holiday: No, because it's customary.

Nicky Holiday: I haven't any change.

Lady Holiday: Then give him something bigger.

Nicky Holiday: *Bigger*? I left my wallet at home.

Lady Holiday: You left your wallet in college.

Lady Holiday: Carla, the neckline on that gown is too high, don't you think?

Carla: I rather like the effect.

Lady Holiday: You like looking like an ostrich?

Carla: [miffed] Of course not, Lady Holiday.

Lady Holiday: And Marla. Too many frills and furbelows, I don't think we should strive for the fan-tailed pigeon look, do you? And you, Darla, that outfit's the pits. Loose where it should be tight and tight where it should be loose, like the folds on a turkey's neck. Why would I design such atrocious looking clothes?

[sitting down with a heavy sigh]

Lady Holiday: I *must* be getting senile.

[she presses a button on her desk]

Voice over intercom: Yes, Lady Holiday?

Lady Holiday: We have to make drastic changes in the new line before the show tomorrow, all my girls are going around looking like barnyard animals.

Miss Piggy: Ahem!

Lady Holiday: Good heavens, who are you?

Miss Piggy: My name is Miss Piggy, and I would like to be a high-fashion model!

Lady Holiday: Doesn't surprise me. Seems to be the way we're headed.

Miss Piggy: Well, as you can see from this small sampling, modeling is my life. It is my destiny, I shall accept nothing less.

Lady Holiday: I can offer you a job as a receptionist.

Miss Piggy: [jumping up and down and shouting] AAAAAAAHHHHH! I'll take it! I'll take it! Oh, thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, you won't be sorry, I promise. I can type, I can take shorthand, I can make coffee, I can do it all!

Lady Holiday: Sit.

[Miss Piggy immediately sits down and calms herself]

Miss Piggy: I can sit. I'm very good at sitting.

Lady Holiday: I have grave doubts about wearing these jewels. I feel as if thieves are breathing down my neck.

Nicky Holiday: [breathing down her neck] Thieves aren't breathing down your neck.

Lady Holiday: Nicky, that's my new secretary dancing out there.

Nicky Holiday: Which one?

Lady Holiday: The pig.