Kurt Quotes in Ant-Man (2015)

Scott Lang: [Demonstrating his Ant-Man suit to his crew for the first time] Now, look. This is gonna get weird, all right? It's pretty freaky, but it's safe. There's no reason to be scared.

Luis: Oh, no no. Daddy don't get scared.

Scott Lang: Really?

Luis: Yeah.

Scott Lang: Good.

[Closes his helmet and pushes the button that shrinks him]

Kurt: [Gasps, jumps out of chair] This is the work of gypsies!

Dave: That's witchcraft!

Luis: [Keeping his cool] That's amazing. That's like some David Copperfield shit!

Dave: That's wizardry!

Kurt: Sorcery!

Luis: How'd you do that, bro?

Scott Lang: Don't freak out, look at your shoulder.

Luis: [Looks at his shoulder, starts screaming, and runs out of the room] Get if off! Get it off!

Scott Lang: I thought Daddy didn't get scared!

Luis: How serious are we talkin' Scotty?

Scott Lang: [Looking at a safe] It's a Carbondale. It's from 1910, made from the same steel as the Titanic.

Luis: Wow. Can you crack it?

Scott Lang: Well, here's the thing, it doesn't do so well with cold. Remember what that iceberg did?

Luis: Yeah man, it killed DiCaprio.

Dave: Killed everyone.

Kurt: Did not kill the old lady. She still throw the jewel into the oceans.

Kurt: The Ant-Man is in the building.

Cpl. Luis Delgado: They're being called to the wedding, Mike.

Cpl. Pierre Molier: The way she looked at you, I don't think she wants to marry him.

Sgt. Mike Kincaid: She'll go through with it. She gave her oath.

Lustig: Sarge, you're not thinking of stealing her again?

Mouse: Come on, Mike! We got to get back to Tarfa!

Kurt: Yes! The regiment is back.

Lustig: How 'bout it, Sarge?

Sgt. Mike Kincaid: You boys go ahead. I'm going to a wedding.

Cpl. Pierre Molier: We can't let him go to a wedding like that.

Cpl. Luis Delgado: The least we can do is to get him a Riff outfit. Hey, Mike!

Roshko: I don't know Little Mouse. I haven't been invited.

Mouse: That's OK, Roshko. I invite you.

Kurt: Weddings always make me cry.

Lustig: That I gotta see.

Kurt: Only grown-up men are scared of women.

Maria: Kurt, how are you?

Kurt: Hungry.

Kurt: I wonder what grass tastes like.

Maria: Why didn't you children tell me you could dance?

Kurt: We were afraid you'd make us all dance together. The von Trapp Family dancers.

[spins]

Marta: Why doesn't father turn the motor on?

Kurt: [agitated] Because he doesn't want anybody to hear us!

Captain von Trapp: Shh!

Louisa von Trapp: What will Frau Schmidt and Franz said when they discover we're gone?

Captain von Trapp: They'll be able to answer truthfully they didn't know anything about it if anyone asks them.

Louisa von Trapp: Will we be coming back here?

Captain von Trapp: Someday, Liesl. I do hope someday.

Gretl: Are Father and Uncle Max going to push the car all the way to Switzerland?

Maria: Shh!

Marta: Why don't we ever get to see the baroness?

Kurt: Why would she want to see you?

Kurt: I haven't had so much fun since the day we put glue on Fräulein Josephine's toothbrush.

Brigitta: I think your dress is the ugliest one I ever saw!

Kurt: Brigitta, you shouldn't say that!

Brigitta: Why not? Don't you think it's ugly?

Kurt: Of course, but Fraulein Helga's was ugliest.

Kurt: What are you, a fag?

Chris Briggs: My dads are gay, so shut the hell up.

Kurt: Yeah, right! Gay guys can't have kids! They're too busy going to discos and having sex with each other. It's actually a pretty cool lifestyle.

Mimi: Anyone wanna help me pick some strawberries?

Kurt: Nope, but I'll give you a hand with those melons! Talkin' about her boobs. You guys get me, right?

Kurt: Nice legs. What time they open?

Kurt: Hey, where's you guys's suitcases? Because honestly, you're clothes, they're disgusting!

Vicki Summers: Says the guy in the crop top.

Kurt: Oh, what's up, funbags?

Vicki Summers: Funbags? Right. Yay, feminism.

Kurt: By the way, what's with you and Max? Are you guys having sex? Because if not, I wouldn't mind bench pressing her with my dumbbell.

Chris Briggs: Listen, brah, you're not bench pressing anyone with your dumbbell! If I so much as hear your dumbbell took a Pilates class...

Kurt: What?

Chris Briggs: I'm gonna cut it off.

Kurt: [to Paula] OH GOD, YOU KILLED DUNCAN! You smell great, by the way.

Vicki Summers: I am glad that you die!

Kurt: What?

Duncan: Nothing! What she meant to say was that we all die eventually. Technically, we start dying the moment we're born.

Nancy: Paula, you're just in time to start setting up for the slumber party!

Kurt: Yeah, we took a vote and you get to share my sleeping bag.

Paula: Thanks, Kurt, but I'm saving myself for someone who doesn't have a needle dick.

Kurt: Yeah, right. It's like a hammer... dick, if anything. It's a sledgehammer.

Nancy: What does that tattoo mean?

Kurt: It was given to me in juvie. I was caught stealing cherries. I'm a... I'm a cherry thief.

Kurt: I want you to bail on Good Burger. You make your sauce for Kurt.

Ed: Who's Kurt?

Kurt: I'm Kurt.

Ed: I'm Ed.

Kurt: I'm aware!

Ed: You said you were Kurt.

Kurt: From now on, your LIFE is Mondo Burger! You can forget about your friends; you can forget about your family... because Kurt is now both your mother AND your father.

Dexter: [under his breath to a girl beside him] Kurt must look awfully strange naked.

Kurt: You mess with Kurt, and you go in the grinder.

Dexter: Okay, now this "grinder" of yours. Is it a real grinder or is it just some kind of metaphor?

Dexter: Check it, Ed, it's the Mondo Idiot!

Ed: Oh, nice to meet you, Mondo Idiot, I'm Ed.

Kurt: Well, Ed, you better watch your butt man!

Ed: Okay.

[Tries and ends up spinning around and around]

Ed: I give up. There's no way a guy can watch his own butt.

Kurt: Can I give you a lift, Ed?

Ed: I don't know, I weigh about 150.

Kurt: Just get in the car.

Kurt: OK, Hot Pants! I want to know what's in your sauce!

Ed: Dude, you need a tic-tac!

Kurt: Unbelievable. Two days ago, we had Good Burger CRUSHED. Now look at them.

Troy: I think it's the sauce, boss.

Kurt: [headbutts Troy] DUH! I know that!

[to Griffin]

Kurt: You think Kurt's stupid?

[Griffin shrugs before quickly shaking his head]

Kurt: Yeah! Is everybody liking my party?

[crowd cheers]

Kurt: And now... I'm psyched to present to you people... Mondo BURGER!

[Mondo Burger sign lights up, causing a fuse to blow in Good Burger]

Kurt: And now people, welcome to Mondo Burger!

Kurt: Triampathol is WAY illegal. But I'll tell you what, it sure makes burgers nice and enormo!

Dexter: Yea, but what happens to all those nice, innocent people when they eat your "enormo" burgers?

Kurt: Uh-oh. DON'T CARE... ladies!

[Troy and Griffin rip off Ed and Dexter's old lady disguises and laugh when they see that Ed is wearing a corset underneath his]

Dexter: [busted at Mondo Burger disguised as two women, get their disguises ripped off and Dexter's wearing a T-shirt and boxers, Ed's wearing a teddy, Kurt's henchmen laugh] Yeah yeah, laugh it up, but when those people find out that you've been putting illegal stuff in their food, you're going to jail!

Kurt: That's why nobody outside of this room is going to find out.

Dexter: What do you expect us to do, keep our mouths shut?

Kurt: No, I'LL shut them for you.

Dexter: Ed, run!

[Ed runs straight into a wall]

Otis: What's that junk you're pouring into our sauce?

Troy: Shut up, old man!

Kurt: Don't be rude to the elderly. The old man asked us a question. Now, it's called shark poison, and it's gonna make all your little Good Burger customers very, very sick.

Troy: So sick that I doubt any of them will ever want to eat here again.

Otis: I'm calling the cops!

Kurt: You're not calling anyone.

Kurt: Listen, I can explain everything. This is all just a big misunderstand.

[Siren wails]

Kurt: I don't understand. I don't know what happened.

Dexter: Oh, sure, you do. Why don't you go on ahead and tell your little police friend that you made your big Beefy Burgers all big and beefy by using illegal food additives.

Police Officer: Is that true?

Kurt: No! He's lying! You're lying! You're full of crap!

Police Officer: Yeah? Well, why don't we just check these out, and we'll see who's lying.

Police Officer: I think you better come with us.

Kurt: Man, you're out of your minds. You're crazy, man! You know who I am? Huh?

Police Officer: Yeah, I know, I know.

[the Police officers placed Kurt Bowell under arrest and put him in the car]

Dexter: Bye-bye.

Ed: Hey, hey, remember: when you mess with Good Burger...

Dexter, Ed: you go in the grinder!

[Ed laughing]

Dexter: Oh, dog, you enjoy prison now.

Kurt: Listen up, Margo, those action figures are very important to me. They're worth a lot of money. And if I don't see every damned one back on my desk pretty soon, then, you can tell your teddy to watch his back.

Margo: [returns one action figure] I'll return them, one at a time... You going to Cindy's party?

Lars Lindstrom: Oh, no.

Margo: I was hoping you would. I really wish you would.

Lars Lindstrom: Do you think I could bring my girlfriend?

Margo: Oh, um, yeah, yeah, I'm totally bringing somebody

Lars Lindstrom: Hm.

Kurt: You know what your problem is, Margo? You're just too aggressive. Just chill-lax, you know?

Margo: Shut up!

Kurt: I want to clarify something. I can't kill someone. I can't. But I wanna help. I'll dig the hole.

Desmond: We don't need someone who CAN put up with Barry. We need someone who HAS to put up with Barry. The type of person who has to put up with a never-ending stream of infantile behavior. 24 hours a day, seven days a week, for their entire life.

Kurt: A therapist!

Rafe: A wife.

Sofia: So I'm an article of trade?

Kurt: Yes. A useful thing in terms of classic capitalism. I studied economics, I know what I'm talking about.

Kurt: Do exactly what I say! Otherwise Baby Ruth eats a bullet!

Rick Penning: I'm an only child. I don't need a big brother.

Kurt: How about a friend?

Kurt: The paths of experimentation twist and turn through mountains of miscalculations and often lose themselves in error and darkness!

Kurt: You're nothing but a freak of life! And, a freak of death!

Jan Compton: And what else has happened to it?

Kurt: What do you mean, *what else*? Well, it's... It's mutated some, of course. It's changed considerably.

Jan Compton: What's locked behind that door?

Kurt: A horror... no normal mind can imagine. Something even more terrible than you!

Jan Compton: No, my deformed friend, like all quantities, horror has it's ultimate, and I am that.

Jan Compton: What's behind that door?

Kurt: Horror no normal mind can imagine!

Kurt: [to Jan] The alcoholic has his bottle, the dope addict his needle; I had my research.

Kurt: Man, I get the feeling some really scary shit went on here at one time.