Kirby Quotes in Blood Father (2016)

+1
Share
Pin
Like
Send
Share

Kirby Quotes:

  • Kirby: You know the difference between fitting and proper?

    Link: Well, I'm not a trailer park poet like you, Kirby. You're gonna have to tell me.

    Kirby: Well, it goes like this. I could shove my thumb up your ass right now and it would probably fit...

    Link: Mmm-hmm.

    Kirby: ...but it wouldn't be proper!

  • Kirby: I'm sorry, Johnny. I did my best.

  • Jaimie: It's coming back!

    [we see the fin swimming pass the far end]

    Jaimie: Why does it keep doing that, just circling?

    Tina: Cause It's not sure what we are. It's curious.

    Kirby: Curious about what, sharks are only curious about one thing. It's trying to decide if were food or not!

  • Kirby: Everyone in this town knows I've only got one leg. And that motherfucker grabbed the wrong one.

  • Skip: [at the table, dividing up a huge stack of bills after the big score] Man, one thing I can't figure out. People be out of work everywhere and the government just be throwing money away!

    Kirby: That's Uncle Sam for you, son. Money to burn.

    [fade out]

  • Air Conditioner: You guys really have an attachment for that kid, don't you?

    Blanky: Yes. He was our master.

    Air Conditioner: Well, that's real nice, and any day now, he might come romping back, huh? He'll just come whistling through that door, and everything will be the same. Real peachy-keen-like.

    Blanky: Uh-huh.

    Lampy: It's a possibility.

    Toaster: Well, at least we try to be optimistic.

    Air Conditioner: [shouts] Optimistic? Somebody try to untie the knot in this guy's cord!

    Kirby: Why don't you just shut off?

    Air Conditioner: Hey, I'm really scared there, Kirby. What are you going to do, suck me to death?

  • Air Conditioner: So... It's back to that stupid static again. You think I don't know what's going on in here? I know what goes on in this cottage. It's a conspiracy and every one of you low-watts is in on it. Just 'cause you move around, you think you're better than I am. I'm not an invalid. I was designed to stick in the wall! I like being stuck in the stupid wall! I can't help it if the kid was too short to reach my dials...

    [Begins to spark and fizzle furiously]

    Toaster: We didn't mean it. Really!

    Air Conditioner: [bellows] IT'S MY FUNCTION!

    [continues sparking and fizzing and glowing]

    Toaster: No, wait. Wait!

    Kirby: He's gonna blow!

    Toaster: Quick, yank your plugs!

    [the appliances all unplug themselves just as Air Conditioner blows up]

    Blanky: Poor Air Conditioner.

    Toaster: I didn't think he'd take it so hard.

    Kirby: Ah, he was a jerk anyway.

  • The Radio: Boy, are we glad to see you!

    Lampy: Yeah. I really thought I'd turned in my warranty that time.

    The Radio: Until baggy here showed up!

    Kirby: I just slipped and fell in. That's all.

    Lampy: [laughing] Oh, yeah, sure, right.

    Blanky: You can't fool us. We love you.

    The Radio: That's right, like Mrs. Roosevelt loved her husband.

    Kirby: Yeah, yeah. Well, here's the shore. Everybody off.

    The Radio: Listen to this! This is President Roosevelt awarding the vaccum the medal of honor!

    [Radio places a leaf on Kirby's face, but Kirby blows it off, and everyone laughs]

  • Toaster: Well, you can do what you like. We're not gonna give up hope.

    Air Conditioner: That's real touchin', Toaster. You're gonna get me bawling like a baby anytime now.

    Toaster: I think you're jealous.

    Air Conditioner: Sure, I'm jealous of a bunch of dimwits.

    Lampy: Dim?

    Toaster: Yeah, because the master never played with you.

    Kirby: Because you're stuck in a wall!

  • Lampy: Legs would help, you know.

    Kirby: Brains wouldn't hurt either.

    Lampy: Lay off.

    The Radio: Yeah, pipe down, carpet-breath.

  • Blanky: [off-screen from a distance] Help me! I'm stuck!

    Toaster: I hear him.

    Lampy: I don't see him anywhere.

    The Radio: Maybe he's calling from Blanket Heaven. He's a white, fluffly little angel with a knob-nose.

    Kirby: He's just stuck in a tree, that's all! Look!

  • The Radio: Why if it isn't ol' Rabbit Ears!

    Black and White TV: Why if it isn't ol' loudmouth!

    Blanky: Hey, TV!

    Lampy: How ya doing?

    Black and White TV: Oh, I've got a few more seasons left.

    Toaster: The cabin hasn't been the same since they took you away.

    Kirby: Yeah, it wasn't as noisy.

    Black and White TV: [grinning] Well I see you haven't changed.

  • Blanky: Do we have to stop here?

    Toaster: Only for a while.

    The Radio: Just long enough to lose our minds! We'll be cannibals within a few days, I've seen it happen!

    Kirby: And you'll be the first to go, dial-face.

  • Kirby: The battery's gone dead!

    The Radio: We're trapped here like rats! Small little rats with no hair and one leg!

  • Kirby: Oh, come off it! Be serious.

    Toaster: I *am* serious!

    Kirby: You're insane!

    The Radio: Why, if we were all wiener dogs, our problems would be solved.

    Toaster: What?

    The Radio: Or maybe it was a basset hound.

    Kirby: You're *all* insane!

  • Kirby: [uf the Master] He's not coming back anyway.

    Lampy: He might. The fact is there's just not enough fact.

  • Air Conditioner: What is it with you guys, anyway? You act like you just came off the assembly line! Now get this through your chrome. We've been dumped! Abandoned!

    Blanky: But he loved us.

    The Radio: That's right.

    Air Conditioner: So what? He's a kid. He has a family. They move away, he moves away. It's a packaged deal.

    Toaster: But maybe they're...

    Air Conditioner: He's not coming back! Pure and simple!

    Kirby: Oh yeah? Did you talk to him recently or something? They could drive up any second!

    Blanky: You really think so?

    Kirby: I'm not talking to you!

  • Toaster: You know, guys? We are going to need some kind of shelter.

    Kirby: Yeah. Shelter for the likes of them.

    The Radio: Come over here and say that, chrome dome.

    Kirby: What?

    The Radio: Oh sorry about that. I meant to say, "Vacuous vacuum".

  • The Radio: Why listen to this. I'm picking up something. I think its a news flash: President Roosevelt has declared today a national holiday in honor of those five amazing appliances we've all been hearing about. So lock up the office, take down the top and open that rumble seat. Last one to Coney Island is a party pooper. From the starlight roof high atop the Ritz, we wish our intrepid little friends the best of luck and a fond farewell.

    Kirby: Ah, you're all a bunch of junk.

    [They all laugh]

  • Lampy: Boy, he sure has grown!

    The Radio: Look at him! What a heartbreaker!

    Toaster: He graduated too!

    Kirby: Of course. He knows how to work hard.

    Blanky: He's all big now. I hope he still needs us.

    Black and White TV: [good-naturedly] Still needs ya? That's the silliest thing I've ever heard!

  • The Radio: Why, I don't believe I've ever seen quite so many smiles before.

    Kirby: I've never seen contraptions with so many buttons and knobs and dials before.

    Computer: Naturally, we are on the cutting edge of technology.

    Lampy: Wow.

    The Radio: Well, what does that mean?

    Lampy: I don't know. What's that mean?

  • Kirby: What do you mean what are we going to do today? The same thing we've done for the last 2000 days! Chores!

    Blanky: Chores?

    Toaster: It'll be fun.

    The Radio: Fun? I'm up for some fun. Listen to this, a broadcast from Wrigley Field. It's the bottom of the ninth...

    [Lampy shuts Radio off]

    Lampy: I don't see how doing chores is supposed to be fun.

    Kirby: It's not supposed to be fun. It's work.

    Blanky: I don't like to work without the master.

    Toaster: Well, okay. If you guys don't want to work, why don't we play a game?

    The Radio: A game? What sort of a game?

    Lampy: What are the rules?

    Toaster: There's only one rule... no one stops until the house is clean.

    KirbyBlankyThe RadioLampy: Boo!

  • Lampy: Hey, everybody! Look! A clearing!

    Kirby: Great. Let's spread out the blanket and have a picnic.

    Blanky: But I'm full of stickers!

    Kirby: Well, my bag's full of thistles and sticks and who knows what else! Who's idea was it to come this way, anyway?

    The Radio: Why, it was the lamp's, I tell ya!

    Lampy: Oh, yeah? Who's supposed to be the big shot navigator around here, Mr. Loudmouth? Mr. Big Loudmouth?

    Kirby: Yeah!

    Toaster: Where are we, anyway?

    The Radio: Now, look here, fellas, just give me a second and I... Whoa, listen to this! It's the top of the ninth, the bases are loaded, and... PeeWee Reese is at the plate! There's the pitch, and he hits!

    [he hits a rock which bounces off everyone else]

    The Radio: Oh, and it's a triple play!

  • Lampy: Hey, I've got an idea! We can all get on top of the bed, and Kirby can push us!... No, no, no... Hey! What about the master's pogo stick?... No, no, no... Hey! Why don't we get the refrigerator on a skateboard, and Kirby can pull?... No, no, no... Hey!

    The Radio: Shut up! Shut up!

    ToasterKirby: SHUT UP!

    The Radio: Let somebody else try for a change!

    [makes everyone stand on top of Blanky]

    The Radio: Arise, Hassan, arise, O magic carpet...

  • Blanky: Oww!

    Toaster: What's wrong?

    Blanky: He stepped on me!

    Lampy: Did not!

    Blanky: Did too!

    Lampy: Did not!

    Kirby: Did too!

    Lampy: Did not!

    Toaster: Hey, hey, hey, come on! How do you guys expect us to get there if you're fighting all the time?

    Blanky: You mean we're not there yet?

    Toaster: [chuckles] No, not yet. We've got a long way to go.

    Kirby: Oh, boy! You're telling me!

  • Toaster: Well, I'm going with or without you.

    Kirby: Well, I say we stay. We're gonna have a new master anyway once someone buys this cottage.

    Blanky: But I don't want a new master! I want our master!

    Toaster: Well? What about the rest of you?

    The Radio: You boys are gonna need a leader! Why, alone, you wouldn't last more than five minutes out there! I was once a mountaineer, see? And together, we can stand against the forces of nature!

    Lampy: Were you really a mountaineer?

    The Radio: Sure. Ask anybody. Ask Teddy Roosevelt. Why, we shoot moose together on the Klondike.

    Lampy: Wow. Well, you know, I was thinking, you guys are gonna need someone bright along too.

    Toaster: Good idea.

  • The Radio: This is my sleeping place, see? And nobody crosses this line!

    Lampy: Yeah, well, you'd better not wake us up at 6:00, as usual!

    Kirby: What are you complaining about? You didn't do any work today.

  • Kirby: Lay off! Just lay off!

    Toaster: What's the matter?

    Lampy: We were worried about you.

    The Radio: You had us real scared there, pal.

    Kirby: Well, there's nothing wrong with me, pal! Just back off!

    Blanky: Don't be angry.

    Kirby: Just keep your antenneas and knobs and wires and ribbons off my chrome! Who needs you guys, anyway? Gotta drag you around all the time, bunch of dead weight! I'd be better off without you!

    Blanky: But Kirby...

    Kirby: Especially you, you little rag!

    [pauses for a while, then turns to the waterfall]

    Kirby: So, uh... how do we get across this thing, anyway?

  • Kirby: [after he falls into a mud hole] I knew I shouldn't have let you guys drive.

    [he starts sinking]

    Kirby: Oh, this is great fun! Let's make these outings a regular thing, okay?

  • The Radio: [thinking Kirby is a whale] Damn thee, accursed whale! By the depths of Hell I stabbeth thee!

    Kirby: Climb on, you idiot!

    The Radio: Oh, it's you.

    Kirby: Where's Toaster?

    Lampy: He sank!

  • Kirby: [Blanky cries after Rob hasn't returned; of the photo] Cry, cry, weep, wail and snob! It's disgusting! Every time! I can't believe it! Every single. Give me that stupid thing!

  • The RadioLampyBlankyToasterKirby: [singing] There goes the sun, here comes the night. Somebody turn on the light. Somebody tell me that fate has been kind.

    Chorus: [singing] You can't go out! You are out of your mind!

  • Lampy: Hey. Hey. What's that?

    Blanky: A car!

    Kirby: I don't want to hear another word about cars!

    Toaster: You said it.

    The Radio: It sounds pretty close.

    Kirby: Just don't even start!

    Lampy: Sounds real close!

  • Kirby: Your packet has tickets in it, and there's your badge number.

    Richard: Okay.

    Kirby: Is there anything else?

    Richard: Uh, yeah. Is there a funeral home around here?

  • Thomas: Guess what mama Kub and papa Kub gave, uh...

    Kirby: Baby Kub?

    Thomas: Baby Kub, for his birthday.

    Kirby: What?

    Thomas: The Kub mobile.

  • Thomas: Kirby I'm really sorry about what happened. I didn't know how to handle it. But I think I do now and that's why I'm here. My life right now, it's totally ruined, okay. I practically burned down my whole neighborhood. Probably bankrupted my parents. I'll be in debt until I die. But, the only thing I care about fixing right now is this. So, I'm sorry. You're still mad. I get it. But if you are talking to me about my next birthday, I'd really like to spend it with just you.

    Kirby: You're...

    [She kisses him]

    Thomas: So we're cool again?

    Kirby: I never said you were cool.

    [They hug. Thomas motions for Dax to stop filming]

  • Thomas: [Looking at a picture from when they were younger] Oh my god. What was wrong with me? Wow, this was before Costa.

    Kirby: Yeah, the good old days.

    Thomas: Yeah, back when you were still in the crew.

    [He holds the picture next to her face]

    Thomas: You used to be so cute, what happened?

    Kirby: Shut the fuck up. It still looks like me.

    Thomas: [He kisses her] Was that weird? I'm sorry. Shit that was weird wasn't it?

    Kirby: No, it was...

    Thomas: Fuck.

    [They make out]

  • Kirby: [Shows Thomas a video of his dog tied to balloons] Can you imagine if your mom ever saw that?

    Thomas: Poor Milo.

    Kirby: I don't know. It's pretty funny. Maybe I'll post it on youtube.

    Thomas: No no, don't. Don't, seriously stop.

    Kirby: Come on, you're way too easy. I love it.

    Thomas: I hate you.

    [pets Milo]

    Thomas: You're okay Milo, I promise.

  • Kirby: [Filming Thomas] So Thomas, are you having fun?

    Thomas: No.

    Kirby: Not at all?

    Thomas: Yes.

    Kirby: You look pretty fucked up.

    Thomas: I'm, I'm, I'm a little fucked up.

    Kirby: But you look good. Have you gotten lucky at all?

    Thomas: I'm pretty lucky right now.

    Kirby: Slow down dude.

  • Thomas: Yeah, I'm letting Costa plan most of it.

    Kirby: Oh, that sounds like a really brilliant idea.

  • Kirby: [Kirby walks in on Thomas and Alexis making out] Oh my god, Thomas.

    Thomas: Kirby!

    Kirby: Fuck off!

    [She runs off, Thomas follows her]

    Alexis: Thomas, what the fuck? Asshole.

  • Kirby: Dad are we really going to New York City?

    Roscoe Bigger: That's why they call them mobile homes, son, 'cause they're mobile.

  • Kirby: Holy cow!

    Ben: Holy shit!

  • Kirby: It's true love, my friend.

    Kevin: Love, love, you know what love is? Love is an illusion created by lawyer types like yourself to perpetuate another illusion called marriage to create the reality of divorce and then the illusionary need for divorce lawyers.

  • Kirby: I always thought we'd be friends forever.

    Kevin: Yeah, well forever got a lot shorter all of a sudden.

  • Kirby: She is the only evidence of God I have seen with the exception of the mysterious force that removes one sock from the dryer every time I do my laundry.

  • Dale: Kirby! How are you?

    Kirby: I'm obsessed thank you very much.

  • Kirby: You are just pissed off and bitter because you have not had sex in... how long? What is it... a year... maybe two? Refresh my memory please, Kevin. Haven't you heard of the sexual revolution?

    Kevin: Who won, huh? Nobody. Used to be sex was the only free thing, No longer. Alimony... palimony... it's all financial. Love is an illusion.

    Kirby: It's the only illusion that counts, my friend.

    Kevin: Says who?

    Kirby: Anyone who's been in love.

    Kevin: Love sucks.

    Kirby: So does your attitude.

  • Kirby: [Handing a blowtorch to Alec after Alec has dangled Kevin off the fire escape] Here you go!

    Kevin: Do NOT give that man a blow torch!

  • Kirby: There are several quintessential moments in a man's life: losing his virginity, getting married, becoming a father, and having the right girl smile at you.

  • Kirby: I understand the fold, but what's fluff?

    Kevin: Fluff's what I write for the paper.

  • Kirby: Why do they put ice in the urinals?

    Kevin: It tastes better

    Kirby: Bah Dum bum ching.

  • Kirby: Fluff and fold, buddy. Soon as I make it really big, I'm going fluff and fold.

  • Max Reno: How much do those dealers steal?

    Kirby: No more than they can carry.

    Max Reno: Crooks! See that they don't carry it too far.

    Kirby: Everyone steals a little.

    Max Reno: Not from me. Stealing is *my* business.

Browse more character quotes from Blood Father (2016)

+1
Share
Pin
Like
Send
Share

Characters on Blood Father (2016)