Kip Quotes in Gone in Sixty Seconds (2000)

Donny: Hello, and welcome to "TV Car Trivia!" First question, who was the driver of a '73 Firebird? Uh, Otto?

Otto Halliwell: Uh, Jim Rockford, "Rockford Files".

Sara "Sway" Wayland: Gimme "Columbo".

Kip: A Peugeot convertible.

Donny: What color?

Kip: Gray.

Mirror Man: How do you know that?

Kip: 'Cause I love that show.

Mirror Man: Man, I got three words for all of y'all: Get a life!

Freb: What's on Magnum P.I.'s license plate?

Tumbler: "ROBIN-1"

Kip: Wait, wasn't Robin that faggoty guy that always hung with him?

Memphis: Naw, that was Higgins. That was Higgins.

Otto Halliwell: Hey, hey, ten points for our fearless leader. Sway, how about giving us the Bill Bixby trifecta?

Sara "Sway" Wayland: Drove a Corvette in "The Magician", a Ford pickup truck in "The Incredible Hulk", and in "The Courtship of Eddie's Father", he walked.

Kip: Hey, what time is it?

Atley Jackson: Seven-thirty. I think I'm gonna have to - get you outta town or something. Your brother's the best boost in the world but I don't how if he's gonna make this one.

Kip: Uh, I'm not like my brother. You know, I don't just abandon my friends.

Atley Jackson: Oh, man, I oughtta smack you silly, boy. You think you're brother ran away, you better get your story straight.

Kip: Well, go on then. Straighten it out.

Atley Jackson: Your mother told him to go. She knew that if Memphis stayed, you were gonna walk his line. You were gonna join his crew. But she told him to pick up and go. And he did, thinking it was best for you. He left all of us, for you. I guess it wasn't that big a deal for him though, really. Wasn't that big a sacrifice leaving everything he'd ever known behind. Than six years later, ain't life grand? You became a car boost anyway. How 'bout that?

Freb: The corner of Wiltern and Wetherley... Tumbler messed up, he said the Porsche should be at the corner of Wiltern and Wetherly.

Kip: There it is.

Mirror Man: You're bullshitting me, right? 9024 Wiltern?

Kip: I gotta get my tool.

Mirror Man: Kip! He ain't bullshitting, man!

[Kip opens the boot, retrieves half a brick]

Mirror Man: Kip that's not a tool... that's a damn brick! Kip, man we gonna use a brick, we may as well call prison and make reservations!

Kip: Why are people shooting at us?

Memphis: 'Cause I blew up their car!

Maggie: What would you like to drink?

Kip: Heineken.

Maggie: [thinks for a second and hands the underage passenger a carton of milk. He grunts] Merry Christmas!

Deb: I'm trying to earn money for college.

Kip: [from the background] Your mom goes to college.

Uncle Rico: What about your girlfriend?

Kip: Well, things are getting pretty serious right now. I mean, we chat online for, like, two hours every day so I guess you could say things are gettin' pretty serious.

Napoleon Dynamite: Stay home and eat all the freakin' chips, Kip.

Kip: Napoleon, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes... *all day*. Besides, we both know that I'm training to be a cage fighter.

Napoleon Dynamite: Since when, Kip? You have the worst reflexes of all time.

Kip: Try and hit me, Napoleon.

Napoleon Dynamite: What?

Kip: I said come down here and see what happens if you try and hit me.

[Kip is singing to Lafawnduh after they are pronounced husband and wife]

Kip: Why do you love me? Why do you need me? Always and forever... We met in a chatroom, now our love can fully bloom... Sure the world wide web is great, but you, you make my salivate... I love technology, but not as much as you, you see... But I STILL love technology... Always and forever. Our love is like a flock of doves, flying up to heaven above... always and forever, always and forever... Why do you need me? Why do you love me? Always and forever...

Kip: LaFawnduh is *the* best thing that has ever happened to me. I'm 100% positive she's my soul mate. Don't worry Napoleon, I'm sure there's a babe out there for you too. Peace out.

Kip: So when's grandma coming back?

Uncle Rico: I don't know. Not sure.

Napoleon Dynamite: You don't have to stay here with us, we're not babies.

Uncle Rico: Ha ha! Talk to your Auntie Carolyn.

Napoleon Dynamite: Kip is like 32 years old.

Kip: I don't mind if you stay.

Uncle Rico: Kip, I reckon... you know a lot about... cyberspace? You ever come across anything... like time travel?

Kip: Easy, I've already looked into it for myself.

Uncle Rico: Right on... right on.

Uncle Rico: So what do you think?

Kip: It's pretty cool, I guess.

Uncle Rico: Ohhhh, man I wish I could go back in time. I'd take state.

Napoleon Dynamite: This is pretty much the worst video ever made.

Kip: Napoleon, like anyone can even know that.

Uncle Rico: You know what, Napoleon? You can leave.

Napoleon Dynamite: You guys are retarded!

Kip: [typing a poem on his computer] Your sandy hair floats in the air... To me it's like a lullaby... I'm just flying by... Oh so high... like a kite... tied to a skate...

[begins singing]

Uncle Rico: Back in '82, I used to be able to throw a pigskin a quarter mile.

Kip: Are you serious?

Uncle Rico: I'm dead serious.

Napoleon Dynamite: Hey can I use your guys's phone for a sec?

Secretary No. 1: Is there anything wrong?

Napoleon Dynamite: I don't feel very good.

[takes telephone and dials number]

Kip: [making nachos on the other side of the line] Hi.

Napoleon Dynamite: Is grandma there?

Kip: No, she's getting her hair done.

Napoleon Dynamite: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

Kip: What do you need?

Napoleon Dynamite: Can you just go get her for me?

Kip: I'm really busy right now.

Napoleon Dynamite: Just tell her to come get me.

Kip: Why?

Napoleon Dynamite: Cause I don't feel good!

Kip: Well, have you talked to the school nurse?

Napoleon Dynamite: No, she doesn't know anything. Will you just come get me?

Kip: No.

Napoleon Dynamite: Well, will you do me a favor then? Can you bring me my chapstick?

Kip: No, Napoleon.

Napoleon Dynamite: But my lips hurt real bad!

Kip: Just borrow some from the school nurse. I know she has like five sticks in her drawer.

Napoleon Dynamite: I'm not gonna use hers, you sicko!

Kip: See ya.

[Kip hangs up]

Napoleon Dynamite: Uh! Idiot!

[Deb is making a glamour shot of Uncle Rico]

Deb: Okay, turn you head on more of a slant...

[all three turn their heads in a slant]

Deb: Now, make a fist. Slowly ease it up underneath your chin.

[all three slowly ease up fists under their chins]

Deb: This is looking really good.

Kip: You can say that again.

[Uncle Rico acknowledges]

Deb: Kay, hold still right there. Now, just imagine you're weightless, in the middle of the ocean, surrounded by tiny little seahorses.

[Uncle Rico pictures it and give a gleaming look at the camera]

Deb: [takes the picture] That was the one. I think that's gonna come out really nice.

Uncle Rico: Ah, how you did it... wow... well I felt really relaxed. Thanks Deb.

[Uncle Rico puts his fist down, then swats a fly]

Uncle Rico: You're up Kip.

Kip: Is there some kind of vest that I can wear?

[makes gesture of putting on a vest]

Kip: I'm just really trying to raise a few bucks now so I can bring her out for a few days.

Uncle Rico: Yeah, well what does she look like?

Kip: She's uh... she's got sandy blonde hair. She's uh... pretty good looking face, but I'm just getting really... just kinda T.O.'d because... I mean she hasn't even sent me a full body shot yet.

Uncle Rico: We also need some way to make us look official, like we got all the answers.

Kip: How bout some gold bracelets?

Uncle Rico: We need like some name tags with our picture on it, all laminated and what not. I mean, we gotta look legit man.

Kip: That's true, that's true.

Uncle Rico: I wish you wouldn't look at me like that, Napoleon.

Napoleon Dynamite: I wish you'd get out of my life and shut up!

Uncle Rico: I'm gonna tell you somethin' right now. While you're out there playing patty cake with your friend Pedro, your Uncle Rico is makin' 120 bucks.

[pulls a check out of his shirt pocket]

Napoleon Dynamite: I could make that much money in five seconds!

Kip: Geez. Yeah right, Napoleon. I made, like, 75 bucks today.

Uncle Rico: Napoleon, it's looks like you don't have a job. So why don't you get out there and feed Tina.

Napoleon Dynamite: Why don't you go eat a decroded piece of crap!

Kip: [Napoleon has Kip in a sleeper-hold] Ow! Ah geez!

Napoleon Dynamite: What the crap was Uncle Rico doin' at my girlfriend's house?

Kip: Napoleon, let go of me! I think you're bruisin' my neck meat!

Napoleon Dynamite: Fine!

[Napoleon releases Kip]

Napoleon Dynamite: What the heck are you guys doin'? Tryin' to ruin my life and make me look like a freakin' idiot?

Kip: I'm out makin' some sweet moola with Uncle Rico. Geez, I think you ripped my mole off.

Napoleon Dynamite: I did?

Kip: Yeah, is it bleeding?

Napoleon Dynamite: A little bit.

Kip: It's a time machine, Napoleon. We bought it online.

Napoleon Dynamite: Yeah, right.

Kip: It works, Napoleon. You don't even know.

Napoleon Dynamite: Have you guys tried it yet?

Kip: [reluctantly] No.

Kip: So, how long are we talkin' about workin'?

Uncle Rico: What? Are you? You're already losing your steam?

Kip: No. I just... I have a chat room meeting at 4:00. I gotta be back here by then.

Uncle Rico: All right, you just start a little earlier. That's all.

Kip: All right.

Uncle Rico: Or else work afterwards. How long's the chat room?

Kip: Geez, sometimes up to three, four hours maybe... maybe not. I don't know.

Uncle Rico: You... You? You pay the bills for that? Does that cost money every time you're on, like, for minutes on the phone?

Kip: Yeah. Grandma's still payin' per minute. She gets kinda pissed at me sometimes 'cause I'm on there so long.

Uncle Rico: I'll bet she does. I'll tell you something, I'd be throwin' you out the window.

[Trying to impress a potential buyer buy placing the bowl he's trying to sell under the front tire of his van. He drives over it and it explodes from the weight]

Kip: Dang it!

[He drives off]

[Napoleon Dynamite straps himself into the time machine]

Kip: So are you ready?

Napoleon Dynamite: Yeah, hold on... I forgot to put in the crystals.

Uncle Rico: [talking about the breast enhancers] Why don't you sell some to your girlfriend. Might as well do somethin' while you're doing nothin'.

Kip: Because she doesn't NEED any, that's why!

Kip: She has sandy blonde hair.

Uncle Rico: [Napoleon giving him an angry stare] I wish you wouldn't look at me like that Napoleon.

Napoleon Dynamite: I wish you would get out of my life and shut up!

Uncle Rico: Let me tell you something Napoleon while your out their playing Patty cake with your friend Pedro, your uncle Rico make hundred and twenty bucks.

Napoleon Dynamite: I can make that much money in five seconds!

Kip: Geez yeah right Napoleon I made like seventy five bucks today.

Uncle Rico: Napoleon looks like you don't have a job, so why don't you go out there and fees Tina.

Napoleon Dynamite: Why don't you go eat a decorded piece of crap!

Kip: I'm the one who's NOT grinding on you right now.

Joan: Carry a laser down the road that I must travel!

Kip: Why would it be 'carry a laser'?

Joan: Because it's a song about outer space.

Jennifer: You know, Justin might be a little kid, Kip... but he's got more balls than you'll ever have.

Kip: What, like three?

Jennifer: What I stand to lose? Gag me with a big ego and a little d...

Kip: Don't go there.

Kip: Taste some of this. Gives you wings, buddy.

Justin Schumacher: [gulps down Red Bull] Whoa. It tastes like a laser.