King Marchand Quotes in Victor Victoria (1982)

Victoria: Your problem, Mr. Marchand, is that you're preoccupied with stereotypes. I think it's as simple as you're one kind of man, I'm another.

King Marchand: And what kind are you?

Victoria: One that doesn't have to prove it. To myself, or anyone.

King Marchand: I don't care if you are a man.

[kisses Victoria]

Victoria: I'm... not a man.

King Marchand: I still don't care.

King Marchand: [being pursued by an enraged Norma, who is foaming at the mouth. Squash gets out of bed] Look out!

Norma: YOU SON OF A BITCH!

[throws a vase]

'Squash' Bernstein: Now, Norma...

Norma: NOBODY PUTS SOAP IN MY MOUTH, NOT EVEN MY MOTHER!

[throws a flower pot]

'Squash' Bernstein: You're being very childish...

Norma: I'M GONNA KILL HIM! I'M GONNA KILL YOU TOO, YOU BIG, MUSCLE-BOUND...

[throws another flower pot]

'Squash' Bernstein: Now, listen you have to learn to control yourself...

Norma: OH! I'LL KILL...

[grabs an ornamental spear and charges]

'Squash' Bernstein: Oh, SHIT!

Norma: THIS IS IT! I'M GONNA KILL YOU...

[Squash runs into the bathroom with King just as Norma rams the door]

Norma: LET ME IN THERE!

King Marchand: You and your ideas! "Why don't you take her to Paris with you, Boss?"

'Squash' Bernstein: I just thought she'd help you relax!

King Marchand: NEVER help me relax!

'Squash' Bernstein: Then send her home!

King Marchand: Why don't you ever come up with a really good idea?

'Squash' Bernstein: For instance?

King Marchand: YOU send her home!

King Marchand: [working out at a gym] Hey, Squash...

'Squash' Bernstein: Yeah?

King Marchand: Can I ask you a... personal question?

'Squash' Bernstein: Go ahead.

King Marchand: How long, I mean... exactly when did you know you...

'Squash' Bernstein: How long have I been gay?

King Marchand: Yeah.

'Squash' Bernstein: Oh, God, I can't remember when I wasn't!

King Marchand: I've known you for fifteen years...

'Squash' Bernstein: You know a lot of guys, boss, you'd be surprised.

King Marchand: But, you were all-American! I never saw a rougher, tougher, meaner, sonofabitch football player in all my life.

'Squash' Bernstein: Boss, if you didn't want the guys to call you queer, you became a rough tough sonofabitchin' football player.

King Marchand: [suddenly colliding with a large man and his companion] Why don't you watch where you're going, huh?

Large Man's Companion: [after translating to the Large Man in French] He says that it was your fault and suggests that you apologize.

King Marchand: Oh, he does, does he?

'Squash' Bernstein: Come on, boss...

King Marchand: No, no, no...

[to Companion]

King Marchand: Well, you tell him if he'd like an apology, he can just get him some gloves and I'll see him in the ring.

Large Man's Companion: [translating] Just give him ten minutes. He will be delighted to oblige.

[they walk off]

King Marchand: "He'll be delighted to oblige." Who the hell does he think he is?

'Squash' Bernstein: Guy Langois, the French middleweight boxing champion.

[King freezes]

'Squash' Bernstein: But don't worry!

[whispers]

'Squash' Bernstein: He's gay.

'Squash' Bernstein: In one fell swoop you've changed my whole life.

King Marchand: It wasn't *that* kind of swoop.

'Squash' Bernstein: Listen, if a guy like you can have the guts to admit that he's gay,

[pause]

'Squash' Bernstein: then so can I.

[kisses King]

'Squash' Bernstein: You've made me very happy!

King Marchand: I just find it hard to believe that you're a man.

Victoria: Because you found me attractive as a woman?

King Marchand: Yes, as a matter of fact.

Victoria: That happens frequently.

King Marchand: Not to me.

Victoria: Just proves the old adage: "There's a first time for everything."

King Marchand: I don't think so.

Victoria: But you're not a hundred per cent sure?

King Marchand: Practically.

Victoria: Ah, but to a man like you, someone who believes he could never, under any circumstances find another man attractive, the margin between "practically" and "for sure" must be as wide as the Grand Canyon.

King Marchand: Stick around, I might want to play some golf.

'Squash' Bernstein: Boss, it's snowing outside!

King Marchand: We'll use red balls.

Victoria: Well it's probably for the best.

King Marchand: That's as bad as "love is a two-way street."

Victoria: What it lacks in originality it makes up for in prophecy.

King Marchand: If you were a man, I'd knock your block off.

Victoria: And prove that *you're* a man?

King Marchand: That's a woman's argument.

Norma: [about Squash] You know, I know he's supposed to protect you, but does he have to stay in the same suite with us? I mean I just keep expecting him to break in while we're, uh... while we're making love.

King Marchand: He'd only do that if he heard something unusual. Like if I got excited!

King Marchand: [Looking to start a bar fight; to the bartender:] Milk.

Bartender: [Sarcastically] Would that be cow's milk, monsieur, or mother's milk?

King Marchand: How about your sister's?

[Fight starts]