King Arthur Quotes in King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (2017)

King Arthur: I'm not getting drawn into this mess! There's an army of you, there's only one of me! I'll talk, I'm happy to talk. But there is NO WAY that I am fighting.

Back Lack: What a waste of brandy.

King Arthur: But doesn't it make the palace burn well?

King Arthur: Why have enemies when you can have friends?

The Mage: Pick it up. Pick it up with both hands.

King Arthur: YOU pick it up.

Bill: Leave him with me, boss.

King Arthur: Put your ring back on honey-tits, you haven't had enough porridge this morning to talk like that. And if you want that sword so much, your lordship, you can keep it... to peel your grapes.

[slap]

Bill: Now, that would have hurt a lot more if I'd left the ring on.

Bill: You've made quite a celebrity of yourself among the Blackleg ranks.

Bedivere: You've done very nicely on the back of your cozy relationship with your King's men.

King Arthur: I'm a little old for finger-wagging and speeches. So unless you're my dad, which... I believe is unlikely, can you just get around to telling me exactly what it is you want?

King Arthur: So what happens now?

Vortigern: You know what happens now. You're quickly becoming a legend.

King Arthur: It's quite dangerous being one of you lot, isn't it? You're good with animals, aren't you? They have a word for that, don't they?... Mage... I thought your team was outlawed. Never met one of you in the flesh. I thought you'd be taller... and have a beard.

King Arthur: A knight is sworn to valor.

Bowen: A knight is sworn to valor.

King Arthur: His heart knows only virtue.

Bowen: His heart knows only virtue.

King Arthur: His blade defends the helpless.

Bowen: His blade defends the helpless.

King Arthur: His might upholds the weak.

Bowen: His might upholds the weak.

King Arthur: His word speaks only truth.

Bowen: His word speaks only truth.

King Arthur: His wrath undoes the wicked.

Bowen: His wrath undoes the wicked!

King Arthur: May God grant us the wisdom to discover right, the will to choose it, and the strength to make it endure.

King Arthur: There's a peace only to be found on the other side of war. If that war should come I will fight it!

King Arthur: Only a fool wants what he can not have.

King Arthur: I have no pride left in me. What I do, now I do for my people and for Camelot. And may they forgive me. This is my last act as your king. Do not be afraid. All things change. I am Arthur of Camelot, and I command you now... all... To fight! Fight like you've never fought before! Never surrender! Never Surrender! Fight as you never...

[Arthur is shot by several crossbow bolts]

King Arthur: Camelot lives!

King Arthur: For the first in my life, I wanted what all wise man say can't last; what can't be promised or made to linger any more than sunlight. I don't want to die without having felt its warmth on my face.

King Arthur: Either what we hold to be right, and good, and true IS right and good and true for all mankind under God, or we're just another robber tribe.

King Arthur: There are laws that enslave men, and laws that set them free.

King Arthur: This is the heart of Camelot, not these stones, not these timbers, these palaces and towers. Burn them all and Camelot lives on, because it lives in us. Camelot is a belief that we hold in our hearts.

King Arthur: I trusted you, loved you, and you betrayed me!

Lancelot: I never meant to hurt you, my lord.

King Arthur: You leave me nothing! Nothing!

Bridgekeeper: Stop. Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.

Sir Lancelot: Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I am not afraid.

Bridgekeeper: What... is your name?

Sir Lancelot: My name is Sir Lancelot of Camelot.

Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest?

Sir Lancelot: To seek the Holy Grail.

Bridgekeeper: What... is your favourite colour?

Sir Lancelot: Blue.

Bridgekeeper: Go on. Off you go.

Sir Lancelot: Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.

Sir Robin: That's easy.

Bridgekeeper: Stop. Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.

Sir Robin: Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I'm not afraid.

Bridgekeeper: What... is your name?

Sir Robin: Sir Robin of Camelot.

Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest?

Sir Robin: To seek the Holy Grail.

Bridgekeeper: What... is the capital of Assyria?

[pause]

Sir Robin: I don't know that.

[he is thrown over the edge into the volcano]

Sir Robin: Auuuuuuuugh.

Bridgekeeper: Stop. What... is your name?

Galahad: Sir Galahad of Camelot.

Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest?

Galahad: I seek the Grail.

Bridgekeeper: What... is your favourite colour?

Galahad: Blue. No, yel...

[he is also thrown over the edge]

Galahad: auuuuuuuugh.

Bridgekeeper: Hee hee heh. Stop. What... is your name?

King Arthur: It is 'Arthur', King of the Britons.

Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest?

King Arthur: To seek the Holy Grail.

Bridgekeeper: What... is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

King Arthur: What do you mean? An African or European swallow?

Bridgekeeper: Huh? I... I don't know that.

[he is thrown over]

Bridgekeeper: Auuuuuuuugh.

Sir Bedevere: How do know so much about swallows?

King Arthur: Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know.

[after slicing one of the Black Knight's arms off]

King Arthur: Now stand aside, worthy adversary!

Black Knight: 'Tis but a scratch!

King Arthur: A scratch? Your arm's off!

Black Knight: No, it isn't.

King Arthur: What's that, then?

Black Knight: [after a pause] I've had worse.

King Arthur: You liar!

Black Knight: Come on, you pansy!

King Arthur: I am your king.

Woman: Well, I didn't vote for you.

King Arthur: You don't vote for kings.

Woman: Well how'd you become king then?

[Angelic music plays... ]

King Arthur: The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your king.

Dennis: [interrupting] Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

Sir Bedevere: There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.

Peasant 1: Are there? Oh well, tell us.

Sir Bedevere: Tell me. What do you do with witches?

Peasant 1: Burn them.

Sir Bedevere: And what do you burn, apart from witches?

Peasant 1: More witches.

Peasant 2: Wood.

Sir Bedevere: Good. Now, why do witches burn?

Peasant 3: ...because they're made of... wood?

Sir Bedevere: Good. So how do you tell whether she is made of wood?

Peasant 1: Build a bridge out of her.

Sir Bedevere: But can you not also build bridges out of stone?

Peasant 1: Oh yeah.

Sir Bedevere: Does wood sink in water?

Peasant 1: No, no, it floats!... It floats! Throw her into the pond!

Sir Bedevere: No, no. What else floats in water?

Peasant 1: Bread.

Peasant 2: Apples.

Peasant 3: Very small rocks.

Peasant 1: Cider.

Peasant 2: Gravy.

Peasant 3: Cherries.

Peasant 1: Mud.

Peasant 2: Churches.

Peasant 3: Lead! Lead!

King Arthur: A Duck.

Sir Bedevere: ...Exactly. So, logically...

Peasant 1: If she weighed the same as a duck... she's made of wood.

Sir Bedevere: And therefore...

Peasant 2: ...A witch!

King Arthur: [after Arthur's cut off both of the Black Knight's arms] Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left!

Black Knight: Yes I have.

King Arthur: Look!

Black Knight: It's just a flesh wound.

[Holding the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch]

King Arthur: How does it... um... how does it work?

Sir Lancelot: I know not, my liege.

King Arthur: Consult the Book of Armaments.

Brother Maynard: Armaments, chapter two, verses nine through twenty-one.

Cleric: [reading] And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats, and large chu...

Brother Maynard: Skip a bit, Brother...

Cleric: And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.

Brother Maynard: Amen.

All: Amen.

King Arthur: Right. One... two... five!

Galahad: Three, sir.

King Arthur: Three!

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Who goes there?

King Arthur: It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, Sovereign of all England!

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Pull the other one!

King Arthur: I am, and this is my trusty servant Patsy. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master.

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: What? Ridden on a horse?

King Arthur: Yes!

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: You're using coconuts!

King Arthur: What?

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em together.

King Arthur: So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Mercia, through...

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Where'd you get the coconuts?

King Arthur: We found them.

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Found them? In Mercia? The coconut's tropical!

King Arthur: What do you mean?

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Well, this is a temperate zone

King Arthur: The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land?

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?

King Arthur: Not at all. They could be carried.

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: What? A swallow carrying a coconut?

King Arthur: It could grip it by the husk!

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut.

King Arthur: Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here?

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right?

King Arthur: Please!

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Am I right?

[the Black Knight continues to threaten Arthur despite getting both his arms and one of his legs cut off]

Black Knight: Right, I'll do you for that!

King Arthur: You'll what?

Black Knight: Come here!

King Arthur: What are you gonna do, bleed on me?

Black Knight: I'm invincible!

King Arthur: ...You're a loony.

King Arthur: Can we come up and have a look?

French Soldier: Of course not. You're English types.

King Arthur: What are you then?

French Soldier: I'm French. Why do you think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king?

Sir Galahad: What are you doing in England?

French Soldier: Mind your own business.

Tim: There he is!

King Arthur: Where?

Tim: There!

King Arthur: What? Behind the rabbit?

Tim: It *is* the rabbit!

King Arthur: You silly sod!

Tim: What?

King Arthur: You got us all worked up!

Tim: Well, that's no ordinary rabbit.

King Arthur: Ohh.

Tim: That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!

Sir Robin: You tit! I soiled my armor I was so scared!

Tim: Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!

Sir Galahad: Get stuffed!

Tim: He'll do you up a treat, mate.

Sir Galahad: Oh, yeah?

Sir Robin: You manky Scots git!

Tim: I'm warning you!

Sir Robin: What's he do? Nibble your bum?

Tim: He's got huge, sharp... er... He can leap about. Look at the bones!

King Arthur: Go on, Bors. Chop his head off!

Sir Bors: Right! Silly little bleeder. One rabbit stew comin' right up!

Dennis: Come and see the violence inherent in the system. Help! Help! I'm being repressed!

King Arthur: Bloody peasant!

Dennis: Oh, what a giveaway! Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? That's what I'm on about! Did you see him repressing me? You saw him, didn't you?

Sir Bedevere: ...and that, my liege, is how we know the Earth to be banana-shaped.

King Arthur: This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere. Explain again how sheep's bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.

King Arthur: On second thought, let's not go to Camelot. It is a silly place.

[King Arthur has just cut the Black Knight's last leg off]

Black Knight: All right, we'll call it a draw.

King Arthur: [Preparing to leave] Come, Patsy.

[King Arthur and Patsy ride off]

Black Knight: [calling after King Arthur] Oh, oh, I see! Running away, eh? You yellow bastards! Come back here and take what's coming to you! I'll bite your legs off!

Woman: Oh. How do you do?

King Arthur: How do you do, good lady? I am Arthur, King of the Britons. Whose castle is that?

Woman: King of the who?

King Arthur: King of the Britons.

Woman: Who are the Britons?

King Arthur: Well, we all are. We are all Britons. And I am your king.

Woman: I didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective.

Dennis: You're foolin' yourself! We're living in a dictatorship. A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working class...

Woman: Oh, there you go bringing class into it again.

Dennis: Well, that's what it's all about! If only people would...

King Arthur: Please, please, good people, I am in haste. Who lives in that castle?

Woman: No one lives there.

King Arthur: Then who is your lord?

Woman: We don't have a lord.

Dennis: I told you, we're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to be a sort of executive officer for the week...

King Arthur: Yes...

Dennis: ...but all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting...

King Arthur: Yes I see...

Dennis: ...by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs...

King Arthur: Be quiet!

Dennis: ...but by a two thirds majority in the case of...

King Arthur: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!

Woman: Order, eh? Who does he think he is?

Sir Lancelot: Look, my liege!

[trumpets play a fanfare as the camera cuts briefly to the sight of a majestic castle]

King Arthur: [in awe] Camelot!

Sir Galahad: [in awe] Camelot!

Sir Lancelot: [in awe] Camelot!

Patsy: [derisively] It's only a model!

King Arthur: Shh!

King Arthur: Who are you who can summon fire without flint or tinder?

Tim: There are some who call me... Tim.

King Arthur: Go and tell your master that we have been charged by God with a sacred quest. If he will give us food and shelter for the night, he can join us in our quest for the Holy Grail.

French Soldier: Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he will be very keen. Uh, he's already got one, you see.

King Arthur: What?

Sir Galahad: He said they've already got one!

King Arthur: Are you sure he's got one?

French Soldier: Oh yes, it's very nice!

King Arthur: You fight with the strength of many men, Sir Knight.

[the Black Knight doesn't respond]

King Arthur: I am Arthur, King of the Britons.

[no response]

King Arthur: I seek the bravest and the finest knights in the land who will join me in my court at Camelot.

[no response]

King Arthur: You have proved yourself worthy. Will you join me?

[no response]

King Arthur: You make me sad. So be it. Come, Patsy!

[attempts to get around the Black Knight]

Black Knight: None shall pass.

King Arthur: What?

Black Knight: None shall pass!

King Arthur: I have no quarrel with you, good Sir Knight. But I must cross this bridge.

Black Knight: Then you shall die.

King Arthur: I command you, as King of the Britons, to stand aside!

Black Knight: I move for no man.

King Arthur: So be it!

[they fight until Arthur cuts off Black Knight's left arm]

King Arthur: Now, stand aside, worthy adversary!

Black Knight: 'Tis but a scratch!

King Arthur: A scratch? Your arm's off!

Black Knight: No, it isn't!

King Arthur: Well, what's that then?

King Arthur: I've had worse.

King Arthur: You liar!

Black Knight: Come on, you pansy!

[they fight again. Arthur cuts off the Knight's right arm]

King Arthur: Victory is mine!

[kneels to pray]

King Arthur: We thank thee, Lord, that in thy mercy -

[cut off by the Knight kicking him]

Black Knight: Come on, then.

King Arthur: What?

Black Knight: Have at you!

King Arthur: You are indeed brave, Sir Knight, but the fight is mine!

Black Knight: Oh, had enough, eh?

King Arthur: Look, you stupid bastard. You've got no arms left!

King Arthur: Old woman!

Dennis: Man.

King Arthur: Man, sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?

Dennis: I'm 37.

King Arthur: What?

Dennis: I'm 37. I'm not old.

King Arthur: Well I can't just call you "man".

Dennis: Well you could say "Dennis".

King Arthur: I didn't know you were called Dennis.

Dennis: Well you didn't bother to find out, did you?

King Arthur: I did say sorry about the "old woman", but from behind you looked...

Dennis: What I object to is you automatically treat me like an inferior.

King Arthur: Well, I am king.

Dennis: Oh, king eh? Very nice. And how'd you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers. By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society.

King Arthur: [about the inscription on the rock] What does it say, Brother Maynard?

Brother Maynard: It reads, "Here may be found the last words of Joseph of Aramathia. He who is valiant and pure of spirit may find the holy grail in the Castle of Aaauuuggghhh... "

King Arthur: What?

Brother Maynard: "The Castle of Aaaauuuggghhhh"

Sir Bedevere: What is that?

Brother Maynard: He must have died while carving it.

King Arthur: Oh come on!

Brother Maynard: Well, that's what it says.

King Arthur: Look, if he was dying, he wouldn't have bothered to carve 'Aaaauuuggghhhh'. He'd just say it.

Sir Galahad: Maybe he was dictating it.

King Arthur: Oh shut up!

Sir Robin: Well does it say anything else?

Brother Maynard: No, just "Aaaaauuuugggghhh".

[knights making groaning sounds]

Sir Bedevere: Do you think he could have mean, 'Camaaaauuuuggghhhh'?

Sir Galahad: Where's that?

Sir Bedevere: France, I think.

Sir Lancelot: Isn't there a Saint "Aaaaavvvveeeesss" in Cornwall?

King Arthur: No that's Saint "Ives".

Sir Lancelot: Oh, yes. "Iiiiiivvvveeessss"!

[All knights saying, "Iiiiiivvvveeessss"]

Sir Bedevere: Whooooouuuuaaa!

Sir Lancelot: No no no, it's "Aaaaauuuugggghhhh" from the back of the throat.

Sir Bedevere: No I mean, "Whoooouuuuaaa!" as in surprise and alarm.

Sir Lancelot: Oh, you mean like, "AAAHH!"

Sir Bedevere: Yes, that's it. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Tim: Follow. But! Follow only if ye be men of valor! For the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel, that no man yet has fought with it... and lived! BONES of full fifty men lie *strewn* about its lair! So! Brave knights! If you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth...

[Makes fangs with his fingers and holds them in front of his mouth]

King Arthur: What an eccentric performance.

King Arthur: Cut down a tree with a herring? It can't be done.

[the Knights of Ni scream and cover their ears]

Knight 1: Don't say that word!

King Arthur: What word?

Knight 1: I cannot tell! Suffice to say, is one of the words the Knights of Ni cannot hear!

King Arthur: How can we not say the word if you don't tell us what it is?

[the Knights of Ni scream again]

Knight 1: He said it again!

King Arthur: What,"is"?

Knight 1: No, no, not "is". Wouldn't get very far in life not saying "is".

God: Arthur, King of the Britons, your Knights of the Round Table shall have a task to make them an example in these dark times.

King Arthur: Good idea, O Lord!

God: 'Course it's a good idea!

[repeated line]

King Arthur: Run away!

King Arthur: NI.

Sir Bedevere: NOU.

King Arthur: No, NI.

Sir Bedevere: NOU.

King Arthur: No No, NI... NI.

Sir Bedevere: No,No,No,No... NI.

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Am I right?

King Arthur: I'm not interested!

Second Swallow-Savvy Guard: It could be carried by an African swallow.

King Arthur: Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Camelot?

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Oh yeah, an African swallow, maybe, but not a European swallow. That's my point.

Second Swallow-Savvy Guard: But then the African swallow's not migratory...

King Arthur: O Knights of Ni, you are just and fair, and we will return with a shrubbery.

Leader of The Knights who say NI!: One that looks nice.

King Arthur: Of course.

Leader of The Knights who say NI!: And not too expensive.

King Arthur: Yes.

[last lines]

King Arthur: [Arthur and Bedevere have found out that the Holy Grail is in Castle Augh, which is guarded by the frenchmen] We shall attack at once.

Sir Bedevere: Yes, my liege.

[an army of hundreds of soldiers appears]

King Arthur: [to Castle Augh] French persons, today the blood of many a brave knight shall be avenged! In the name of God, we shall not stop our fight till every one of you lies dead, and the Holy Grail returns to those who God Himself has chosen!

[turns to army]

King Arthur: Charge!

[the army charges forward, but is stopped by the police and the historian's wife]

Historian's Wife: [points to Arthur] It's that one, I'm sure!

[the police arrest Arthur and Bedevere]

Policeman: [turns to cameraman] All right, sonny, that's enough, just take off.

[turns off camera]

Roger the Shrubber: Are you saying Ni to that old woman?

King Arthur: Um, yes.

Roger the Shrubber: Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say Ni at will to old ladies. There is a pestilence upon this land, nothing is sacred. Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under considerable economic stress in this period in history.

King Arthur: Did you say shrubberies?

Roger the Shrubber: Yes, shrubberies are my trade. I am a shrubber. My name is Roger the Shrubber. I arrange, design, and sell shrubberies.

King Arthur: Well, we'll not risk another frontal assault. That rabbit's dynamite.

God: What are you doing now?

King Arthur: Averting our eyes, oh Lord.

God: Well, don't. It's just like those miserable psalms, they're so depressing. Now knock it off!

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Who goes there?

King Arthur: It is I, Arthur, Son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, sovereign of all England.

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Pull the other one.

Sir Robin: Would it help to confuse it if we run away more?

King Arthur: Oh shut up and go and change your armour.

King Arthur: How dare you profane this place with your presence!

King Arthur: [Repeated line] JESUS CHRIST!

[first lines]

King Arthur: Whoa, there!

King Arthur: What happens now?

Sir Bedevere: Well, now, uh, Lancelot, Galahad and I wait until nightfall and then leap out of the rabbit taking the French by surprise. Not only by surprise but totally unarmed!

King Arthur: Who leaps out?

Sir Bedevere: Uh, Lancelot, Galahad, and I... Leap out of the rabbit, and...

[Lancelot and Arthur put their heads in their hands]

Sir Bedevere: Um, look, if we built this large wooden badger...

[Arthur hits Bedevere on the head]

King Arthur: All we've been through, for nothing but an idea! Something that you cannot taste, smell, or feel; without substance, life, reality, memory.

King Arthur: I love them and they answer me with pain and torment. Be it sin or not sin, they have betrayed me in their hearts and that's far sin enough. I can see it in their eyes, I can feel it when they speak, and they must pay for it and be punished. I shall not be wounded and not return it in kind! I'm through with feeble hoping! I demand a man's vengeance!

[Calming down]

King Arthur: Proposition: I'm a king, not a man. And a very civilized king. Could it possibly be civilized to destroy the thing I love? Could it possibly be civilized to love myself above all? What about their pain? And their torment? Did they ask for this calamity? Can passion be selected? Is there any doubt of their devotion to me? To our table?

King Arthur: [singing] Don't let it be forgot / That once there was a spot / For one brief shining moment / That was known as Camelot!

King Arthur: Merlyn, make me a hawk! Let me fly away from here!

King Arthur: [sardonically] Mordred, I must remind you that I am a civilized man. With occasional lapses.

King Arthur: We must arrange for your knighthood.

Lancelot Du Lac: No, sire! Invest me because of deeds, not words! Give me an order!

King Arthur: Now?

Lancelot Du Lac: This moment! Is there some wrong I can right, some peril I can face, some quest I can undertake?

King Arthur: Well... actually... there's not much going on today. The Queen and some of her court have gone a-maying.

Lancelot Du Lac: Gone... a-maying?

King Arthur: Well, it's a sort of... um... picnic? They pick flowers and chase young...

Lancelot Du Lac: Picnic?

King Arthur: It's a custom we have here. This is England, you know. And this is the season for gathering flowers.

Lancelot Du Lac: Knights? Gathering FLOWERS?

King Arthur: Well, SOMEONE has to do it!

King Arthur: [to Mordred] Far more seasoned rascals than you have polished their souls, I advise you, get out the wax. Better to be rubbed clean than rubbed out.

King Arthur: But even the thought, "I'm not thinking a thought" is thinking, isn't it?

Merlyn: Yes, and thinking is the sort of thing you should get into the habit of doing as often as possible.

King Arthur: Proposition. It is far better to be alive than dead.

King Arthur: By God, I shall be a king. This is the time of King Arthur. When we shall - reach for the stars! This is the time of King Arthur when violence is not strength and compassion is not weakness!

King Arthur: Merlyn told me once, "Never be too disturbed if you don't understand what a woman is thinking. They don't do it very often".

King Arthur: Proposition. Right or wrong. They have the might. So, right or wrong. They're always right. That's wrong. Right?

King Arthur: Proposition. If I could choose from every woman who breathes on this earth, the face I would most love, the smile, the touch, the heart, the voice, the laugh, the soul, itself, every detail and feature to the last strand of the hair, they would all be Ginny's.

King Arthur: Proposition. If I could choose from every man who breathes on this earth, a man for my brother, a man for my son, and a man for my friend, it would all be Lance.

King Arthur: I can't quite remember all that Merlyn taught me, but I do remember this. That happiness is a virtue. No one can be happy and wicked. Triumphant, perhaps, but not happy.

King Pellinore: Arthur, who was that?

King Arthur: One of what we all are, Pelli! Less than a drop in the great blue motion of the sunlit sea. But, it seems, that some of the drops - Sparkle, Pelli! Some of them doooooo - Sparkle!

King Arthur: [singing] In short, there's simply not / a more congenial spot / for happily ever aftering than here in Camelot.

King Arthur: Arise, Sir Lancelot.

Lancelot Du Lac: If the king grants you clemency, you shall be banished. If not, you hang.

King Arthur: Clemency is granted.

Lancelot Du Lac: Ginny, I - I love you. God forgive me, but I do.

Guinevere: Then God forgive us both, Lance.

King Arthur: [King Arthur runs into the room] Ginny, Ginny! Oh, what a glorious day!

Lancelot Du Lac: The next time you traffic with me, remember... you challenge the right hand of King Arthur!

King Arthur: I *am* King Arthur!

Lancelot Du Lac: What? You... are the king?

King Arthur: Almost the *late* king...

[first lines]

A Knight: The rules of battle are not for Lancelot Du Lac, Your Majesty! Let us attack now while they sleep!

King Arthur: [firmly] We will attack when I give the command - at dawn.

[the knight leaves, and Arthur begins to talk to himself]

King Arthur: Oh, Merlyn, Merlyn, why is Ginny in that castle, behind walls I cannot enter? How did I blunder into this agonizing absurdity? Where did I stumble? How did I go wrong? Should I not have loved her?

[sighs]

King Arthur: Then I should not have been born! Oh, Merlyn, I haven't got much time. Within an inch of sunlight, the arrows begin to fly. If I am to die in battle, please, please do not let me die bewildered!

Merlyn: [voice only, far off in the distance] Think back, Arthur! Think back!

King Arthur: Ginny, Ginny, suppose we create a new order of chivalry? A new order where might is only used for right! To improve instead of to destroy. Look, we'll invite all the knights, all the kings of all the kingdoms, to lay down there arms to come and join us. Oh yes, Ginny. I will take one of the large rooms in the castle, put a table in it, and all the knights will gather at it.

Guinevere: And do what?

King Arthur: Talk across it. Debate. Make laws. Plan improvements!

Guinevere: But, Arthur, do you think all the knights will ever want to? To do such a ridiculously peaceful thing?

King Arthur: We'll make it a great honor. Very fashionable! Everyone will want to join! Only now, the knights will whack only for good. Might for right. Might for right. Might - for - right. That's it, Ginny. Might. No, not might is right. Might - For - Right!

Guinevere: It's very original.

King Arthur: Yes. Yes-Yes. And civilized, Ginny.

Guinevere: Arthur, it will have to be an awfully large table. Won't there be jealousy? All the knights will be claiming superiority and want to sit at the head.

King Arthur: We'll make it - a round table. So, there is no head.

Lancelot Du Lac: My strength, from purity.

King Arthur: Well, that's a unique recipe.

Dap: He is a unique man, your majesty.

King Arthur: I have stumbled on my future. I-I-I've done - the right thing!

Lancelot Du Lac: Did you ever doubt it, your majesty?

King Arthur: Oh, of course. Of course. Only fools never doubt.

King Arthur: Well, this is appalling Ginny! It will seem to the court that you are championing his defeat!

Guinevere: We don't know if he'll be defeated. He knocked you unconscious. You woke up his bosom friend. Perhaps he'll knock them out too and they'll all take a house by the sea together.

King Arthur: Ginny, I realize he's having a difficult time adjusting. He's a stranger! He's not even English. He's French!

Guinevere: Well, he suffers in translation.

King Arthur: I'm too young and too old. Too old not to know that fears can be imaginary and too young not to be tormented by them.

King Arthur: Pelli, call the guard and have this pompous young ass thrown out.

King Arthur: How could I learn if I couldn't think? And I couldn't think; so, I couldn't learn. But, even to think the thought, I thought. But, even the thought, I'm not thinking a thought, is thinking, isn't it?

Merlyn: Yes! And thinking, boy, is something you should definitely get into the habit of making use of, as often as possible. Thinking helps in everything. Everything but love, that is. Love is a sort of seventh day, so thinking can rest.

King Arthur: There are times when the only vacation spot in the world - is the past.

Ruber: Charming singalong. Now let's get down to business. I've waited a long time for this. What about my new land?

King Arthur: Sir Ruber, always thinking of yourself. As knights of the roundtable, our obligation is to the people. Not to ourselves. Lands will be divided to each persons needs.

Ruber: Then I need more than everyone. I wouldn't have supported you all these years if I knew you were running a charity.

Sir Lionel: The king has decided!

Ruber: Then it's time for a new king. And I vote for me.

Sir Lionel: I will not serve under a false king!

Ruber: Then serve... a dead one!

Ruber: [moves in to attack Arthur]

King Arthur: Is there any news? Have the knights found Excalibur?

Merlin: I'm afraid not, Sire.

King Arthur: Then I'll go after it myself.

Merlin: [supports him as he stumbles immediately after speaking] No. You must regain your strength.

King Arthur: Is there anything your magic can do?

Merlin: You must rely on the courage of your people.

King Arthur: You have reminded us that the strength of a kingdom is not based on the strength of the king, but on the strength of its people.

King Arthur: You may kill me... but you'll never destroy the ideals of Camelot.

Ruber: Well, I've got to start somewhere.

King Arthur: Camelot rots, and I play at being king. I want her great again.

King Arthur: Let all who witness this know: It does not take a sword and stone to make a hero.

Tom Trimble: You got a Wrench around here?

King Arthur: Wrench? Wench? There are several wenches about the castle, but I'm not in the habit of putting them to the service of... things. Peg! Attend to its needs.

Mordred: Give me the sword, or the woman dies.

King Arthur: Then take it.

[He tosses Excalibur straight at Mordred, which pierces through his chest]

King Arthur: [Mark is betrothed to Rowena, whom Arthur is interested in] You don't want her.

Mark of Cornwall: You know that; I know that. But she won't know it till she's married. Until she gets the bridle on, I'm going to be as sweet as hazel-nuts! And there's nothing you can do about it.

King Arthur: Oh? We shall see...

Alisande La Carteloise: Pardon, my lord, but the monster seemeth a gentle soul.

King Arthur: Gentle?

Alisande La Carteloise: He has nice eyes.