Kids Quotes in The 5th Wave (2016)

Colonel Vosch: [lecturing the children] When I was a child, I spoke as a child. I thought and I reasoned as a child. But when I became a man, I put away childish things. Those words never meant more to me than they do right now, looking at all of you. Our hope. Our future. The best and brightest vision of who we are and what we're fighting for.

Colonel Vosch: [begins pacing] Our intelligence tells us The Others are readying themselves for a final attack. The 5th Wave. What form it will take, we do not know. If they are successful, there will be no more Waves. No more conflicts. Humanity as we know it will be wiped from the face of the Earth.

Colonel Vosch: [becoming strident] Now, I'm gonna tell you some things I know. This is our world. It is our home. They will not over run it. They will not possess it. So with whatever time we have left, you will learn to think, speak, move, and fight like the soldiers you are. Let the weight of our loss fuel you. Let the weight of our dead embolden you. Let the weight of our hope drive you to victory. Can you do that?

Colonel Vosch: Soldiers! Can you do that?

Kids: [in unison] Sir, yes, sir!

Colonel Vosch: Can you do that?

Kids: [in unison] Sir, yes, sir!

Colonel Vosch: [calmly] Good.

Rufio: Boil-dripping beef, fart-sniffing bubble butt!

Kids: Bangarang, Rufio!

Peter Banning: Someone has a severe ca-ca mouth, you know that?

Rufio: You are fart factory, slug-slimed, sack-of-rat-guts-in-cat-vomit, cheesy, scab-picked, pimple-squeezing finger bandage. A week old maggot burger with everything on it and flies on the side!

Kids: [in unison] Ugh!

Peter Banning: Substitute chemistry teacher.

Lost Boy: Come on, Rufio, hit him back.

Rufio: Mung tongue.

Peter Banning: Math tutor.

Rufio: Pinhead.

Peter Banning: Prison barber.

Rufio: Mother lover.

Peter Banning: Nearsighted gynecologist.

Rufio: In your face, camel cake!

Peter Banning: In your rear, cow derrière.

Rufio: Lying, crying, spying, prying ultra-pig.

Peter Banning: You lewd, crude, rude, bag of pre-chewed food dude.

Thud Butt: [with the rest of the Lost Boys] Bangarang, Peter!

Rufio: You... you man! Stupid, stupid man!

Peter Banning: Rufio, if I'm a maggot burger why don't you just eat me! You two-toned zebra-headed, slime-coated, pimple-farmin' paramecium brain, munchin' on your own mucus, suffering from Peter Pan envy!

Don't Ask: What's a paramecium brain?

Peter Banning: I'll tell you what a paramecium is! That's a paramecium! It's a one-celled critter with no brain, that can't fly! Don't mess with me man, I'm a lawyer!

Kids: [chanting] Banning, Banning, Banning is bangerang.

Rufio: Rufio! Rufio!

Peter Banning: Oh, Rufio, why don't you just go suck on a dead dog's nose.

Kids: [sits at the dinner table and clasps hands together for prayer] Everybody say Grace.

Peter Banning: Bless this, O Lord...

Kids: GRACE!

[quickly grab at the food all at once]

[Sully thinks Boo has been crushed into a cube of garbage]

Sulley: [tearfully] I can still hear her little voice.

Boo: [from down the hall] Mike Wazowski!

Mike: Hey, I can hear her too.

Kids: Mike Wazowski!

Mike: How many kids you got in there?

[Pre-race cheer]

Kids: Who's the captain of our crew? Who's a friend to me and you? Kinda nice, good-looking too! Sanka, Sanka, yay, Sanka!

Sanka Coffie: Ha ha ha! Get back to work!

Derice Bannock: Who's the big hot bag of air, who doesn't have to comb his hair? Who doesn't bathe and doesn't care, Sanka, Sanka, yay, Sanka!

Sam Sparks: When I was a girl, I had glasses, I wore my hair in a ponytail, and I was totally obsessed with weather. Other girls wanted a Barbie, I wanted a Doppler Radar Turbo 2000. All the other kids made fun of me. They kept teasing me with this lame song. I mean, it wasn't even clever.

Kids: Four Eyes! Four Eyes! You need glasses to see!

[Bob is trying to drive and is irritated by the kids' constant singing]

Bob the Tomato: How about for the next song I drive into the river?

Kids: Yeah!

[singing]

Kids: Drive into the river, Bob! Drive into the river, Bob!

Ben: [stops the bus to lecture his moping children] We can't go to mommy's funeral. We have to do what we're told. Some fights, you can't win. The powerful control the lives of the powerless. That's the way the world works. It's unjust and it's unfair. But that's just too damn bad. We have to shut up and accept it.

[now turning around in his seat]

Ben: Well, fuck that!

[starts the bus back up and turns on loud bag pipe music]

Kids: [all cheering]

Nai: [from the back seat] What does rape mean?

Ben: When a person, usually a man, forces another person, usually a woman, to have sexual intercourse.

Nai: Oh.

Ben: Who's hungry?

Kids: Me! Me!

Nai: What's sexual intercourse?

Ben: When a man sticks his penis in a woman's vagina... Everyone keep their eyes peeled for deer.

Nai: Why would a man stick his penis in a woman's vagina?

Ben: Because it can give them both pleasure. And because the combination of a man's sperm and a woman's egg can create a baby and continue the human race.

Nai: But that's where she pees.

Ben: Pee comes not from the vagina, but from the urethra, which is within the outer labia. But generally speaking, yes, that is where she pees... Everyone keep your eyes open for game of any kind.

Vespyr: Yes, thank you, Zaj.

Ben: Can unique be modified?

Kids: [in unison] No.

Nai: [in his froggy costume] We don't hate Nana and Grandpa, but the rest of their tribe are fascist capitalists.

Kielyr: You're just repeating whatever dad says.

Nai: [squinty-eyed] I'm writing down everything you say - in my mind.

Kielyr: Do you even know what a fascist is?

Nai: Violent nationalist militants, supported by big business, and they're totalitarian single-party dictators.

Maury Ballstein: The designer's got your nuts in a vice! He's offering you three percent for every pair of underwear sold! WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO!

Kids: Screw Him! Hold out for more!

[last lines]

Derek Zoolander: Hey kids, who wants to hear a story?

Kids: Yeah!

Dashiki: Now kids, what do we say to a man that Mommy just met?

Kids: Are you my daddy?

Shoop: Can anybody tell me why writing is important?

Pam: Because it's a form of communication.

Shoop: Very good, it can also get you free stuff.

Kids: Free?

Shoop: Free, I'm writing it down... here's how it works, we've all been ripped off, right? Pay phone steals your money... not enough cheese on your pizza...

Chainsaw: My shades keep falling apart!

Shoop: That's a perfect example. Now you're going to write that company a letter and you're going to see action, but only if the letter is well written and it threatens to hurt their business, and it's signed, excuse me Chainsaw, Francis Gremp, President: Consumer Against Faulty Eyewear.

Chainsaw: You want me to lie? Okay.

Helen North: We don't spank our children.

Michael Beardsley: The admiral does.

Frank Beardsley: Occasionally. A little pat on the butt sends a clear message.

Helen North: Well you're not spanking my children.

Frank Beardsley: I thought they were our children.

Helen North: You're not spanking our children.

Frank Beardsley: Okay, fine. Let's just let them all run naked and wild.

Kids: Yay!

Sheldon: So remember kids, a stepdad is a lot like a new puppy. They need patience and love while they adjust to their new surroundings. But remember - if he is ever abusive to you or mommy, what are the magic numbers?

Kids: 9-1-1!

Sheldon: Thaaaaaaat's right!

Kids: [singing] I don't know but I've been told Eskimo girls are mighty cold, Dr. Kinder is a son-of-a-gun, got cooties and she weighs a ton. One, two, three, four, one, two, three-four!

[at Donald's school]

Donald Martin: [to Joe] Tell us how you got your medal.

Joseph Brady: Alright, I'll tell you how I got my medal. Now close your eyes... and try to think of the most beautiful place you've ever with greenest grass and the singingest birds and the shiningest sun.

[Cut to Donald's thoughts]

Joseph Brady: Can you see it?

Kids: Yeah!

Joseph Brady: Good! Now imagine me walking along, happy as a lark. Can you see me?

Kids: Yeah!

Joseph Brady: Good! Of course, back then in the navy we wore white suits with blue stripes and little white hat with a little red ball on top. Oh, I was so happy I ran and leaped and played, just for the fun of it! My, it felt good! Oh, it was such a wonderful, wonderful day! When all of a sudden I stepped into a big hole and fell, right to the bottom of it! I seemed to be in a long tunnel. 'Way ahead I could see light, so I started towards. At the end I found myself in a strange land! It looked... well, it looked just like page out of story books. And everything was hushed and still, like your room at night after you've gone to sleep.

Dr. Surprise: [laughs] Settle down, kids! Just settle down! Yes! Are you ready for another surprise?

Kids: Yeah!

Mom at Party: What am I supposed to do?

Dr. Surprise: Right into the box, my little cinnamin bun. Here is the big surprise! Are you ready in the closet?

Mom at Party: Yes I am, Dr. Surprise

Bogus: Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm.

Dr. Surprise: Sim Sola Bim!

[the mom is turned into a dog, the audience cheers]

Girl at Party: [gasps] Mama! Where's my mamma?

[cries]

Girl at Party: [Albert shakes his head at the girl that it was just a magic trick]

Don Brice: [singing] Play day is done, we've a place in the sun we must fight for. So babes in arms to arms!

Kids: [sings] To arms! To arms, babes in arms!

Hardy Bassett: Can someone call me an ambulance?

Kids: You're an ambulance!

Ed Hatch: Hey, anyone in that barn?

Kids: That's not a barn, that's a blacksmith's shop.

Ed Hatch: Oh. Is the blacksmith in?

Kids: Yeah.

[shouting]

Kids: Hey, Mom!