Kid Quotes in Mad Max (1979)

[a car that the bikers demolished earlier has been towed to the Halls of Justice]

Kid: Hey Mister! What happened to the car?

Bubba Zanetti: What do you think happened?

Kid: Looks like it's been chewed up and spat out.

Bubba Zanetti: Perhaps it was a result of anxiety.

Mifune: [dying] They're coming... they're coming... the Hammer.

Kid: What?

Mifune: You have to open that gate. Cut the counter-weights. You can do it. Hurry, there's no time.

Kid: Captain, I... I didn't finish the training program.

Mifune: [smiles] Neither did I.

[dies]

Mifune: How old are you, kid?

Kid: Eighteen.

Mifune: Should have said sixteen, I might have believed that.

Kid: All right, I'm sixteen.

Mifune: The minimum age for the Corp's eighteen. Sixteen's too young.

Kid: The machines don't care how old I am. They'll kill me just the same.

Mifune: ...Ain't that the goddamn truth.

Kid: Please, Captain Mifune, give me a chance. I won't let you down.

Mifune: You do, and you're gonna find that me and the machines got something in common.

Kid: Neo, I believe.

[last lines]

Kid: Yo, you got the juice now, man.

Kid: No no no no, you see it's a gun fight. We both have guns. We aim, we fire, you die.

Kid: I'm so damned fast I can wake up at the crack of dawn, rob two banks, a train and a stage coach, shoot the tail feathers off a duck's ass at 300 feet, and still be back in bed before you wake up next to me.

Kid: Want some breakfast? Or, uh, how 'bout a little of what we had last night?

Kid: The Smith and Wesson Schofield .45. Just meat and potatoes. Me and Jesse James think it's the best handgun in the world. Had the trigger guard removed, it saves drawin' time. Don't ever wear it when you're drunk, or you'll kill your feet.

Kid: Is it possible? Is it possible to improve on _perfection_?

Kid: [after being shot in a gunfight by Herod] Shit, that was fast!

[Falls to the ground]

Kid: Am I fast, or is Sweden just a very small place?

Kid: I'm worth $3,000 in four states. Seventy-five offenses and no convictions. My name's Fee but, uh... everyone calls me the Kid.

Ellen: Congratulations.

Kid: Am I fast, or is Sweden just a very small place? Tell me now!

Kid: And this, this is the best help a man could get. The Smith and Wesson Schofield .45. Just meat and potatoes. Me and Jesse James think it's the best handgun in the world. Had the trigger guard removed, it saves drawin' time. Don't ever wear it when you're drunk, or you'll kill your feet.

Kid: Is it possible? Is it possible to improve on perfection?

Kid: The gunfight is in the head, not the hands.

Kid: Shit, that was fast.

[All the kids of Angel Grove are enjoying their parent-free lives playing with Ivan's Ooze and partying]

Fred Kelman: Hey, everyone!

[whistles; everyone falls silent]

Fred Kelman: Listen up! You all think this is one big party, don't you?

Everyone: Yeah!

Fred Kelman: Well, you've all been brainwashed. Ivan's taking over the planet and he's using all of us in his plans. And he's got our parents!

Kid: What are you talking about?

Fred Kelman: Look, Ivan Ooze is evil. And if you don't come with me right now, our parents are going to die! You've got to believe me!

Smoke: You still think you got enough heart to race me?

Kid: Shit I got enough heart to prove you aint half the man you think you are.

Smoke: Why don't we do that then. One thing though... If I win, you quit. No hustlin'. No racin'. No bullshit.

Kid: Now why would I stop racin', you seen what I can do.

Smoke: Don't mean shit without the crown. I'm the King of Cali, baby. Me. Smoke. These are my terms; I win, you quit. You want the ride or you scared?

Kid: I want the ride.

Smoke: Good.

Kid: But I don't wanna do it here. Let's do it in front of everybody. I'm sayin' Fresno. You wanna try to put me back on the straight and narrow, fine. You win I quit... But if I win, YOU quit. Now. You want that ride, or you scared?

Smoke: Damn, Kid, why can't we just talk? You know like...

Kid: Like what? Father and son?

Smoke: Naw, like friends...

Kid: We aint friends.

Smoke: Alright, father and son then...

Kid: We aint that either!

Smoke: Jaleel, I'm your father.

Kid: Fuck you Smoke!

Kid: I want your ass right now!

Smoke: What'd you say to me?

Kid: we're goin' legit...

Stuntman: we are?

Primo: you goin' after Smoke's crown aren't you?

Stuntman: Yea, that's what we're doin'

[to kid]

Stuntman: C-could you to tell this guy he's crazy so we can eat in peace?

Primo: Yea kid... tell me I'm crazy kid, tell me I'm crazy...

[Last lines]

Kid: [Pointing at the remaining buggy] You wanna play high card?

Ben: No. I'll arm wrestle you for it.

Kid: No. How about a Beer & Hotdog contest?

Ben: Where?

Doorman: What're you gonna do? You gonna get mad?

Kid, Ben: We're already mad

[repeated line]

Kid: Hey do you believe in the bogeyman?

[Martin's friends tease David around the pool]

Todd: He's Mecha.

David: What's Mecha?

Todd: We're organic, your mechanical. Orga, Mecha. Orga, Mecha. Orga, Mecha.

Martin Swinton: Todd, stop!

Todd: I didn't even know they made little kids. Can you pee?

Todd: I cannot.

Kid: Then let's see what you can't pee with.

[the kids all laugh as they try to check under David's shorts]

[Martin's friend Todd takes a knife to David's arm to see if he can feel pain]

Todd: Does he have DAS?

Martin Swinton: DAS what?

Kid: [one of the kids says in German] This is good!

Todd: [the kid Todd chuckles] Damage Avoidance System. DAS. It's a pain alert system. Our service man has it. It's so they don't go picking up fire with their bare hands. Watch. Watch this.

Todd: [the kid Todd grabs a cutting knife, holding it to David's arm] Now, I'm not gonna cut you. This isn't gonna hurt. I'm not gonna cut your skin. Just tell me when you feel it.

David: [the kid pokes the knife into David's arm, David feels it immediately, as David turns to hide behind Martin, grabbing onto him, walking backwards with him] Keep me safe, Martin. Keep me safe. Keep me safe, Martin. Keep me safe.

[little kid rides up on a tricycle]

Kid: Can I play too?

Scouts: AAAAHHHH!

Barnhill: Little kid, go home.

Gordy: We're not playing, we're practicing.

Kid: You guys are silly.

Kid: Santa?

Jack Skellington: Merry Christmas! And what is your name?

Kid: Uh... uh...

Jack Skellington: That's all right. I have a present for you, anyway. There ya go, sonny! Ho ho ho! HEEHEEHEE!

[slips out the chimney]

Mother: And what did Santa bring you, honey?

[kid shows parents his present - a shrunken head; parents scream]

Jack Skellington: [flying away] Merry Christmas!

[at a spelling bee]

Teacher: The word is "forensics".

Kid: Ah, fuck that. Why should we fucking have to spell forensics?

[cheers from kids in audience]

Kid: S-U-C-K-M-Y-A-S-S. Forensics.

Kid in the audience: [when they leave the Powertrons live show] Not as well as on TV.

Kid: No, that's not the same.

Kid: More coffee, sir?

[notices paperwork]

Kid: Are you a collector?

Carl Hanratty: Of what?

Kid: Captives of the Cosmic Ray, The Big Freeze, Land of the Golden Giants. I've got em all.

Carl Hanratty: What are you talking about?

Kid: Barry Allen. The Flash.

[walks away]

Carl Hanratty: Wait, kid, kid, kid. You mean like the comic book?

Kid: Yeah, the comic book. When he's not The Flash. That's his name, Barry Allen.

Carl Hanratty: Thank you.

[cut to Carl using a payphone]

Carl Hanratty: Now get this: he reads comic books. Comic books! Barry Allen is The Flash!

Tom Fox: Carl, slow down, slow down. I don't know what the hell you're talking about.

Carl Hanratty: He's a kid. Our unsub is a kid. That's why we couldn't match his prints. That's why he doesn't have a record. Now, I want you to contact the NYPD for every all-points juvenile runaways in New York City. And don't forget the airports. He's been kiting checks all over the country.

Tom Fox: But why New York?

Carl Hanratty: The Yankees! He said something about the Yankees!

Seth: When I was a little kid, I kinda had this problem. And it's not even that big of a deal, something like 8 percent of kids do it. For some reason, I don't know why. I would just kinda... sit around all day... and draw pictures of dicks.

Evan: What?

Seth: Draw pictures of dicks.

Evan: Dicks? Like a man dick?

Seth: Yes. Like a man dick.

[while you see Seth when he was a kid]

Seth: I'd just sit there hours on end drawing dicks. I didn't know what it was. I couldn't touch the pen to the paper without drawing the shape of a penis.

Evan: That's fucked.

Seth: No shit. It's really fucked up. Here I am. A little kid. And I can't stop drawing dicks to save my own life.

[you see the kid Seth draw a lot of different dicks on different sheets of paper and see a gallery of his drawings one by one]

Evan: Alright, I mean... I just don't see what this has to do with Becca.

Seth: Just listen. Okay?

[you see the kid Seth in a classroom]

Seth: Your precious little Becca sat next to me for all of fourth grade. And in the classroom was where I did the majority of my illustrations. I was very secretive about this whole dick operation. Even I thought I was fucking crazy. Imagine what everyone else would think? So I would stash all my dick drawings in this Ghostbusters lunchbox that I had. So one day, I'm finishing up this real big, veiny, triumphant bastard, all of a sudden...

Kid: Pussy!

[walks by the kid Seth and pushes his notebook and his dick drawing off the desk, and it lands near kid Becca]

Evan: You hit Becca's foot with your dick?

Seth: Yeah. I know.

[kid Becca picks up the drawing he just did, looks at it for a second, sees that it's a dick, and screams her head off and runs to the teacher]

Seth: She starts crying, she flips out. Then she rats me out to the principal. He finds this Ghostbusters lunchbox dick treasure chest and he fucking flips out.

[you see more of his dick drawings one by one]

Seth: He calls in my parents. Turns out this principal is a religious fanatic, and he thinks I'm possessed by some sort of dick devil. My parents go make me see some therapist, and he's asking me all these dick questions. They literally stopped me from eating foods that were shaped like dicks. No hot dogs, no popsicles... You know how many foods are shaped like dicks? The best kinds.

Evan: Well, I don't... That's really messed up. Supergay.

Kid: Mortal Kombat, on Sega Genesis, is the best video game ever.

Billy Madison: I disagree, it's a very good game, but I think Donkey Kong is the best game ever.

Kid: Donkey Kong sucks.

Billy Madison: You know something? YOU SUCK!

Kid: You got a misshaped head.

Billy Madison: Thank you.

Bruce: [the body of Jimmy Hoffa has just been exhumed] Hey kid, wanna make 10 bucks?

Kid: Sure

Bruce: [holding a video camera] You know how to work one of these?

Kid: Duh!

Bruce: [blows into the eye piece like a trumpet] Seems to be in tune. Let's do this!

Bruce: Would it help if I said I was being a complete ass?

Kid: Hey. You said "ass".

Bruce: Yeah, but it's ok if I'm talkin' about a donkey.

Kid: Hey, Hancock. Hancock? We need help. Wake up, you drunk motherfucker. Get your punk ass up, fly down there, and fix that shit.

[Hancock slaps kid away]

Kid: Asshole!

Kid: He's a caca-poopoo!

[after tasting Jager]

Kid: This tastes like shit! You got any scotch?

Kid: What are their names?

Willie: Who?

Kid: The Elves.

Willie: Shit, I can't remember, I think one of them is Sneezy and there's a Dopey...

Kid: That's the seven dwarfs!

Willie: You're shittin' me? I thought... I was thinking there was a... I don't know! Fuck, kid; I just call them you know Bub, I call them... I say hey Bub or Chief or whatever the fuck, I tell them to make the god dammed toys.

Willie: What the FUCK is wrong with you? I can't remember this shit. Does everything with you have to be a fucking test?

Kid: How old are they?

Kid: Good night, Santa. Good night, Mrs. Santa's sister.

Hindustani Troublemaker: I am not gay!

Willie: What the hell, buddy.

Hindustani Troublemaker: Buddy? I said I am not gay!

Willie: Are you off your fucking meds or something?

Hindustani Troublemaker: Yes. But that isn't what this is about. You're as queer as a ten dollar bill.

Willie: Let me tell you something, motherfucker. My brother lost a goddamn arm fighting you fuckers in Vietnam. So I want you to look at me. I want you to look at my face one last fucking time. This is the last thing you're ever gonna see before I...

Hindustani Troublemaker: [grabs Willie and pins him against the car] Elf fucker! Motherfucker. Elf fucker! Who's the bitch now, Santy Claus? Faggy Claus! Faggy...

Kid: Leave Santa alone!

Hindustani Troublemaker: Little boy, don't interfere. I am doing this for all of us.

Kid: Leave Santa alone!

Hindustani Troublemaker: [Willie pulls free. Hindustani Troublemaker turns to leave] Ass clown.

Kid: You are really Santa, right?

Willie: No, I'm an accountant. I wear this fucking thing as a fashion statement, alright?

Kid: Your beard's not real.

Willie: No Shit!It was real, but I got sick and all the hair fell out.

Kid: How come?

Willie: I loved a woman who wasn't clean.

Kid: Mrs. Santa?

Willie: No it was her sister.

Kid: [while Willie is trying to sleep] Want cookies?

Willie: No.

Kid: Want milk?

Willie: No.

Kid: Want me to fix you some sandwiches?

Willie: What the fuck is it with you and fixin' fuckin' sandwiches?

[last lines]

Skateboard Bully: Hey, loser. I hear your buddy's not here to protect you any more. See ya got me a new bike. Thanks a lot. I'm talking to you, fat-ass.

Kid: Aaah!

[kicks bully in the balls]

Kid: Why do you need a car?

Willie: What the fuck are you talking about?

Kid: This car.

Willie: Which turn is it?

Kid: Sage Terrace. Where's your sleigh?

Willie: It's in the shop, getting repaired.

Kid: Where are the reindeer?

Willie: I stabled them. Is it left or right?

Kid: That way. Where's the stable?

Willie: Next to the shop.

Kid: How do they sleep?

Willie: Who? The reindeer? Standing up.

Kid: But the noise. How do they sleep?

Willie: What noise?

Kid: From the shop.

Willie: They only work during the day, all right?

Kid: I thought it was always night at the North Pole.

Willie: Well, not now. Right now it's always day.

Kid: Then how do they sleep?

Willie: Oh, shit. Sage Terrace. What is it with you, anyway? Somebody drop you on your fucking head?

Kid: On *my* head?

Willie: Well, yeah. What, are they gonna drop you on somebody else's head?

Kid: How can they drop me onto my own head?

Willie: No, not *onto* your... Would... God damn it! Are you fucking with me?

Kid: Do you and Mrs. Santa have kids?

Willie: No, thank the fuck Christ.

Kid: What about the elves?

Willie: Well, they stay with Mrs. Santa. I get them on the weekends.

Kid: Should I fix you some sandwiches?

Willie: I don't want any fucking sandwiches. What is it with you and fixin' fucking sandwiches?

Kid: I wished for a purple elephant, but now I want a pink elephant!

Willie: Well, wish in one hand, shit in the other; see which one fills up first.

Kid: OK.

Willie: Is that your underwear?

Kid: Part of it.

Willie: Where the hell's the rest of it?

[the kid opens his mouth to speak]

Willie: Actually, don't tell me. I don't want to know. What do you want?

Kid: I was thinking I wanted a purple stuffed elephant, not pink. But now I changed my mind.

Willie: Yeah? What?

Kid: Now I don't want an elephant at all. I want a gorilla named Davy for beating up the skateboard kids who pull on my underwear. And he can take his orders from the talking walnut, so it won't be my bad thing.

[Santa looks at the kid in confusion]

Willie: Jesus, kid. When I was your age, I didn't need no fucking gorilla. And I wasn't as big as one of your legs. Four kids beat me up one time and I went crying home to my daddy. You know what he did?

Kid: He made it all better?

Willie: No, he kicked my ass. You know why?

Kid: Because you went to the bathroom on mommy's dishes?

Willie: What the fuck? No!

Kid: He tried to teach you not to cry and be a man?

Willie: No. It's because he was a mean, drunk, son of a bitch. And when he wasn't busy busting my ass, he was putting cigarettes out on my neck. The world ain't fair. You've gotta take what you need when you can get it. You've gotta learn to stand up for yourself. You have to stop being a pussy and kick these kids in the balls or something.

[the kid stares at Santa]

Willie: Or don't. Shit. I don't care. Just leave me the hell out of it.

Kid: Okay. Thanks Santa.

Kid: What's the North Pole like?

Willie: It's like a suburb.

Kid: Which suburb?

Willie: Apache Junction. What the fuck do you care? Now get off my lap you sit there like a fuckin retard.

Willie: [to the Kid after asking about the Elves names]

[Yells]

Willie: What the fuck is wrong with you? I can't remember this shit. Does everything with you gotta be a fuckin test?

Kid: How old are they?

Kid: OW... OW... OW... I cut my hand, by mistake OW... OW... OW...

Kid: Candy corn?

Willie: Well they all can't be winners!

Kid: It's a wooden pickle.

Willie: Is Granny spry?

[Wille and the kid enter the house]

Kid: Grandma, are you spry?

Grandma: Roger, you're home, let me fix you some sandwiches!

Willie: Are you fucking kidding me?

Willie: [the kid on his lap stares blankly at him] Well, what do you want? Great. Another fucking Mongoloid. Marcus, get this kid off me before he pisses on me, all right? What the fuck are you doing, Don't fuck with my beard.

Kid: Its not real.

Willie: No shit.

Willie: Ya see, it was real, but then Santa got sick and all the hair fell out, so I have to wear this fucking thing

Kid: How did you get sick?

Willie: I loved a woman who wasn't clean.

Kid: Mrs. Santa?

Kid: No, it was her sister

Willie: That's the seven dwarfs!

Willie: You're shittin' me? Fuck, kid; i just call them you know like hey bub or chief, i tell them to make the god dammed toys

Willie: What the fuck is wrong with you? I can't remember this shit. Does everything with you have to be a fucking test?

Kid: How old are they?

Kid: Santa!

Willie: Yeah.

Kid: You're bringing my present early?

Willie: No

Kid: But I never told you what I wanted.

Willie: I said I didn't bring it, dipshit.

Willie: Is daddy home?

Kid: He's on an adventure, exploring the mountains. He's been gone a long time.

Willie: Exploring mountains, huh? How long is he gonna be gone?

Kid: Until next year.

Willie: Yeah? What about mommy?

Kid: She lives in God's house; with Jesus and Mary and the ghost and the long eared donkey and the talking walnut.

Willie: Well, who the fuck takes care of you then?

Kid: Grandma.

Willie: Yeah, what's her name?

Kid: Grandma.

Willie: Is Granny spry?

Drillbit Taylor: Godammit, I'm sick of getting hit by this kid.

Ryan: C'mon, Drillbit, kick his ass.

Drillbit Taylor: I can't, he's a minor.

Kid: No, he's not. He's 18.

Pop: [When Kid is about to go to bed] I wouldn't do that just yet.

[smack]

Pop: 'Cause your ass is mine.

Kid: [music starts] Look, Pop, I can explain...

Pop: I'll whip that damn high top fade up off ya. I'm sick of your shit. I done worked too hard and too

[smack]

Pop: LONG for you to be running over me like you're outta your damn mind. I done walked all across this damn city, got stopped by the

[smack]

Pop: GOD-damn law, looking for your monkey ass.

[Kid: Pop!]

Pop: All y'all kids over there dancing,

[smack]

Pop: doing the grind, and the

[smack]

Pop: PEEPIN' and hiding, but I know your ass. You was there, wasn't ya? Wasn't ya? Wasn't ya? WASN'T YA?

[smack]

Pop: I'm running the show around here. I'm wearing the pants and the apron, and I'm wearing yo' ass OUT!

[4 smacks]

Pop: Whip ya 'till I get sleepy, 'cause I'm wide awoke, 'cause I

[smack]

Pop: JUST woke up. You think 'cause you're, you're big and yellow, I'm supposed to be like Mello. Hell

[smack]

Pop: NAW! I'll start a fight in an empty

[smack]

Pop: ROOM!

[Kid: Ow!]

Pop: You can call Child Abusers if you

[smack]

Pop: WANT to, but they better not come in here 'cause I'll kick their ass too.

[3 smacks]

Pop: I'm gonna give you a whipping from now ON! I'll kick the cowboy shit out of you.

[horse neigh, gallop, smack]

Kid: Hey, Pop! Pop!

Pop: Get your ass to bed. And don't wake up 'till I TELL you to!

Pop: Kid, your breakfast's on the table boy, you wanna come down here and eat this shit before it gets cold?

Kid: It would help if you didn't call it shit, Pops.

Pop: It would help me too if you get your ass down here & eat it!

Kid: [when the prisoners were drawing straws to see who gets Kid] Is there any way to stop this?

Fats: Richard Pryor said that when he was in prison, he kept folks laughing to keep their mind off his booty. Do you know any jokes?

Kid: I don't know any jokes.

Fats: Well, you better think of something.

Kid: What if I can't think of anything?

Fats: Light's out, party's over, cake's on the griddle, and you're already greased.

Kid: Wave your hands in the air, everybody!

Kid: I wish I could come out and play with you tonight, but I'm a little busy... with your girl on my lap.

Play: That's going to mess with your dating time. That's mating time. And how is it going to look, watching TV with Uncle Fester?

Kid: It's Uncle Otis.

Play: Whatever! But Sidney, she has a home. A house, with a rec room. You know what time it is! Go downstairs in that basement, sofa bed, pow! You're in there!

Cop #2: Wow, would You look at this Kid's Hair... Hey, Eraser-Head, where You going?

Kid: Why You wanna know?

Cop #1: HEY, We'll ask the Questions, You answer!

Kid: Sir!

Cop #1: He looks Young, You wanna check Him for I.D.?

Cop #2: We're out of Donuts.

Cop #1: Oh? Well then, let's go.

Cop #2: Hey, You watch Yourself, cause "We" are!

Kid: [after the Cops Drive off] Thank You Cagney, and Lacey.

Bilal: Yo Kid, we have yo back.

Kid: Yeah, way back.

Pee Wee: [Zilla about to punch Kid again] Wait! Wait! Okay, now! Now!

[Zilla punches Kid and throws him towards the table]

Pee Wee: .

Stab: Whatcha got to say now, punk?

Kid: Your Shaolin technique is very good!

Rube Baker: Gus Cantrell, you remember me?

Gus Cantrell: Rube Baker, what are you doing here? I thought you were with San Diego.

Rube Baker: I was with San Diego, but some throwing problems came back to haunt me.

Gus Cantrell: Having trouble making the throw to second?

Rube Baker: Yeah, second. And uh, first. Third, a little. I still have trouble getting the ball back to the pitcher.

Gus Cantrell: Oh, come on I don't believe that. Just take it back and let 'er rip.

[Rube throws the ball, it leaves the field and hits a car]

Kid: Mom, they did it again.

Shakes the Clown: Hey, hey, kid, what are you doing?

Kid: I had to go to the bathroom.

Shakes the Clown: On my head?

Kid: Hey, this is my bathroom, not your bedroom, you big drunken mess.

[looking at a picture frame of the late Robin Harris, who played Kid's father in the original House Party]

Uncle Vester: Boy, I miss your father.

Kid: So do I.

Uncle Vester: I wish he was here.

Kid: Me too, Uncle Vester.

Uncle Vester: Besides, he owe me $150.

[after Veda, who just arrived in Kid's bedroom, slaps Kid's behind]

Kid: Hey! How about a big, juicy good morning kiss?

Veda: Not with that good morning breath.

[laughs]

Kid: Well. Look, just one kiss. That's all I want.

[Kid just woke up from dreaming about getting married]

Kid: Yo, this wedding got me buggin'.

Kid: Hey, nice car.

Michael: Yeah, keep your hands off of it you scumbags.

Kid: [crying] A pigeon for a pigeon!

Kid: What do you want?

DeWitt Albright: What do I want?

[Produces gun]

DeWitt Albright: I want to see your brains.

Kid: Are you a good person or a bad person?

Velunayakan: I don't know.

Mickey: [refering to a adult mag] Does your mother know you read that?

Kid: Yeah, her pictures in there, i'm taking it to show my Dad.

Mickey: [sarcastically] You must be proud.

Kid: Yeah we all are.

[grabs a bottle of whiskey mickey was buying and runs]

Mickey: Come back here kid.

Kid: Are you a girl or a boy?

Shy: Both.

Kid: [Daria walks onto a large wooden platform wanting to question a group of kids. The elementary school aged kids run to and quickly surround her. One of the boys, about 10 years old, asks Daria a question] Can we have a piece of ass?

Daria: Are you sure you'd know what to do with it?

Kid: I'm a grape.

Jud Parker: I'm happy for you.