Keno Quotes in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze (1991)

Keno: Hey which of you lovely ladies gets to ride with me tonight?

Girl: Dream on, Dweeb.

Keno: Okay, and when I do I'll dream of someone a little thinner.

Keno: [upon seeing the turtles for the first time] Who? What? Where? How?

Donatello: Well, I guess that leaves out 'why' and 'when', doesn't it?

Raphael: Okay, we get you in, we find the Foot headquarters, we get you out to tell the others, right?

Keno: Gee, maybe I should write this down.

Raphael: What?

[skyward]

Raphael: I'm being punished aren't I?

Michaelangelo: Um, not to criticize science or anything, but wouldn't it be easier just to call it 'the pink one'?

Professor Jordan Perry: [pours a liquid in a pan, and eats a piece of pizza] Pepperoni heaven!

Professor Jordan Perry: [pours two liquids in a pot] Donatello, continue aeration!

Donatello: Continuing aeration.

[begins to stir the mixture the pot]

Raphael: [sniffs the mixture] Man! This stuff is rank!

Keno: Yeah, try carrying it on the subway sometime. I never got a seat so fast in my life.

Leonardo: [sniffs the mixture] Blech! Thanks for doing all the shopping for us, Keno.

Keno: No problem. I hope you didn't mind me picking up a few pies.

Michaelangelo: You're forgiven.

[sniffs the mixture]

Michaelangelo: Whoa!

[drops a slice of pizza in the mixture]

Michaelangelo: [Donatello continues to mix the stuff with the pizza slice]

Raphael: First chance we get, we're out of here...

[gapes in horror has he sees Shredder from a distance]

Keno: What?

Raphael: Uh, I thought I just saw a ghost.

[about to leave April's apartment, having seen Raph's foot pretruding from behind the changing curtain and becoming suspicious about their weapons "she" has lying around]

Keno: One last thing, though. I think you might want to know about THIS!

[slams his foot on Raph's]

Raphael: ARGH!

[Raph comes out from behind the curtain]

Keno: It's you guys!

[cluthching his foot and being held back by Donny, Leo, and Mikey]

Raphael: Ah, ah! Let me hurt him. Please! Tell me I can hurt him! Please, please! Grr!

[Splinter puts his hand on Keno's shoulder]

Splinter: I think you'd better sit down.

[Keno sees Splinter and faints]

Keno: Hold it! You guys are under arrest.

Burglar: What are you, night security?

Keno: No, I'm a pizza delivery.

[the gang laugh and attack, and Keno easily kicks their asses]

Keno: Did I mention I also study the martial arts?

Keno: Why do your people have such long names?

Lt. Maximiliano O'Leary: I don't know. Perhaps it's because we all have such short lives.

Levi Morgan: You know, it takes a man my age to appreciate a real woman. She's worth it, too.

Keno: Oh, I appreciate them, Levi. Every one I've ever had. I just appreciated the hell out of 'em!

Keno: You want to know my name before you hang me?

Judge: Not particularly. Just your last words.

Keno: I demand a recount.

Judge: Stealin' a man's horse in this country is worse than stealin' a man's wife. There's been too much of that goin' on recently and I'm going to put a stop to it.

Keno: Horse stealing or wife stealing?

Dale Kenyon: Oh, my goodness! poor man! He stepped right in front of me! Well don't just stand there, get some water! Get a doctor, quick!

Keno: Reckon we better find out who he is first. He may not be worth savin'.

[Takes Roy's money out of his pocket]

Keno: I'll take care of this till he comes to."

Roy Rogers: No you don't! Shame on you picking an unconscious man's pocket.

Dale Kenyon: The idea, pretending you were hurt.

Roy Rogers: I thought it was a good idea.

Dale Kenyon: Well, I hope you got bumped hard enough to look where you're going.

Roy Rogers: Oh, but I'm afraid I've been bumped harder than you realize. May I, ah, have your name and address?

Dale Kenyon: You may not!

Roy Rogers: But I have an internal injury I'd like to come around and talk to you about.

Dale Kenyon: You have a colossal nerve!

Roy Rogers: Takes nerve in a competitive world. I'll bet I have a lot of competition. Unless you're married.

Dale Kenyon: No... Yes, I am. I'm married and I have five children.

Roy Rogers: But I heard you the first time.

Dale Kenyon: Well I'm not interested in what you heard, nor in standing here talking to you, and furthermore...

Marshal: Your under arrest!

Dale Kenyon: ...your under arrest! What for?

Marshal: For arguing in the street, that's against celebration rules.