Ken Quotes in Pineapple Express (2008)


Ken Quotes:

  • Ken: War is upon you! Prepare to suck the cock of karma!

  • Ken: [to Ted and Dale] You, suck my balls. Two times!

  • Ken: [about to attack Ted Jones's pot warehouse] Tonight we cook up some shit. Take his stash and burn the motherfucker down.

    Ken: No retreat, no surrender!

  • Ken: [throws snake in microwave oven] Who's your daddy now, bitch?

  • Ken: [while examining bite wound on Leroy's buttocks] All right, we have to - we have to suck out the poison.

    Troy: Man, I ain't sucking nothing.

    Ken: Ok, I'll do it.

    Big Leroy: What? Oh, there will be no sucking. Man, Troy, get this guy away from my ass!

  • Ken: [to Chung-Li after having been spit on] You're gonna dehydrate yourself.

  • [Ryu and Ken have been grabbed by the neck by Sagat during the ambush of Bison's party]

    Victor Sagat: [raging] Are you with me, or against me?

    Ken: [desperate] Uh... is that multiple choice?

  • [drops a golden statue near a defeated Sagat]

    Ken: Here you go, Sagat. I owe you. If I hadn't met you, I might've become you.

  • Victor Sagat: Vega is the greatest cage fighter since Iron Fist.

    Ken: What happened to him?

    Victor Sagat: He retired... and became me.

  • Balrog: [Balrog and Honda are throttling Ken and Ryu with their chains] Well well, if it isn't our little buddies who double-crossed us.

    [Ken tries to speak]

    Balrog: What did he say?

    E. Honda: Hail to M. Bison. These guys are fanatics

    Ken: [Disgruntled] We're on the same side!

    Balrog: I think he said he can lead us outside.

    [Balrog and Honda release them]

    Ken: What I said was "we're on the same side!"

  • Ken: This sucks! Those guys are good guys, like us!

    Ryu: Lately, I don't feel very good.

  • Zangief: [to Ryu and Ken] Now you look like Bison troopers! This is vhere ve train in our glorious struggle against the Allied Nations' tyranny!

    Ken: [to a Bison trooper] How ya doin'?

    Ryu: [to another trooper] Hey, lookin' great!

    Ken: [to another trooper] Nice gun!

    Ryu: [to another trooper] Hey, great uniforms!

    Ken: [to another trooper] Long live Bison!

    Ryu: Yep, Bison.

    Zangief: I see you later, in the commissary, ah?

    [salutes them and leaves]

    Ken: You get a good look at that video map?

    Ryu: Just got the left half.

    Ken: Good. I got the right.

  • Ken: Sayonara, buddy!

    Ryu: Come on! Let's go! Where are you going, man?

    Ken: What are you, nuts? Ryu, Guile put a gun to our head! We did our part! The real soldiers are here, and we're gone!

    Ryu: What's wrong with you, man? There's people fighting upstairs! Dying upstairs!

    Ken: Yeah, and they get paid for it! We don't! Now you comin' with me or not? Maybe before this place blows up we can find something worthwhile!

    Ryu: No thanks! I already found something worthwhile.

    Ken: I don't understand!

    Ryu: I know you don't.

  • Colonel Guile: I guess you've earned your passports home.

    Ryu: You can hang onto them.

    Ken: Somebody's gonna have to help put this country back together. Maybe a couple of hustlers can help.

    Colonel Guile: Ever think of, uh, enlisting?

    RyuKen: Oh, no, no, no, no.

  • Ryu: I know you, you're Edmond Honda, the sumo from Hawaii. Almost made Yokozuna.

    E. Honda: Until the Shadaloo Tong destroyed my reputation.

    Balrog: They did the same thing to me in my boxing career.

    [Ken looks at Chun-Li]

    Ken: [Coldly] Don't tell me. Figure skating?

  • Ken: I'm sorry I talked you into this.

    Ryu: I'm sorry I listened.

  • Ken: She said this place will blow in ten minutes. Things can't get worse.

    [Ken and Ryu walk into the tent and find themselves in the middle between Bison's and Victor Saget's men about to exchange fire at each other]

    Ken: Uh... I was wrong. It got worse.

  • Ken: Okay we're off the streets you feel safe yet?

    Ryu: [the sound of ripping flesh is heard. Vega's opponent falls unconcious in the ring next to Ken & Ryu] Yeah, real safe.

  • Ken: This place makes Detroit look like Disney World. The only question is who's lowlifes are gonna kill us first, Sagat's or Bison's?

  • Ken: Colonel, the guy you bagged is Dr. Amir Teraki, Pakistani. PhD in Astrophysics, educated at Harvard.

    Colonel Tom Devoe: That's right, people. We educated half the world's terrorists.

  • Ken: [as Ho tries to apply for a job at United Taxi Co] It's very difficult for an ex-con to find a job. Who wants to employ an ex-con? No need to get depressed. Everyone here has been in jail before. Some people like to adopt orphans... I like to take care of ex-convicts! You see, I have also been in prison before. Colleagues... this brother has just been released. Take good care of him.

  • Ken: If you live by principles, you have nothing to fear. Be strong.

  • Ken: Are the police above the law? I'll send my insurance claim to you.

  • Ken: [after Sung Tse Ho beats up several triad members for destroying the lot at United Taxi Co] You bastard!

    Ho Tse Sung: Ken, it's my fault. I didn't mean to involve you!

    Ken: If you fight back, you're just like them! They beat on people because they're weak! If you hit them back, you'll be back where you started! It's so hard to change paths! Why'd you even bother?

  • Ken: [as United Taxi Co. co-workers who are introduced to Ho] What are you doing? Trying to win favors? Get back to work!

  • [as Ho first enters United Taxi Co]

    Ho Tse Sung: You the manager?

    Ken: There's no manager here.

  • Ken: [handing cookies to his workers] Break time!

    United Taxi Co. Co-worker: Thank you, Ken.

    Ken: Don't thank me. It's deducted from your salary.

    United Taxi Co. Co-worker: You're so mean!

    United Taxi Co. Co-worker: Hey, I've got a wife to support.

  • Ken: It's easy to become a gangster, but it's hard to get out.

  • Ryû: [Ken saves Ryu from Bison] Ken, you're alive.

    Ken: Hey, buddy, how have you been? We'll catch up on the reunion stuff later. We got something to take care of first. Like taking out the trash!

    Ryû: Yeah!

    M. Bison: [throws his cape off] You both seem bound and determined to meet destruction at my hands. So be it. I'll fight you on your own level! COME ON!

  • Ken: Not fair! You are using a real gun!

  • Ken: That'll fix ya, you friggin' monsters!

  • Roger: [Spotting a helicopter sitting in a nearby field] Look! Do you believe it?

    Patricia: Can you... can you fly one of those things?

    Ken: Till yesterday it was my job!

  • Ken: You don't like my rice? What's wrong with with it? It's beautiful to me, but to you, rice is nothing... to us, it's just like my father and mother. Don't fuck with my family. If you have any dignity, apologize to the rice RIGHT NOW!

  • Ken: Eat the fucking rice!

  • Ken: [To Ko and Sung, after a bloodbath] We're dying; can we leave now?

  • Ken: [in English] FUCK YOU!

    [fires shotgun]

  • Ken: I give you nothing, man... I give you shit!

  • Ken: There's no such thing as can't. You always have a choice.

  • Ken: I've said it a hundred times. How can a boy survive that long, six years in the jungle alone?

    Tarzan: It's been done.

  • Lotso: Ken? New toys!

    Ken: Far out! Down in a jiff, Lotso.

    [goes down the elevator]

    Ken: So, who's ready for Ken's dream tour?

    Lotso: Let's show our new friends where they'll be staying!

    Ken: Uh, folks, if you'll just want to step right this way...

    [he sees Barbie]

    Ken: Hi, I'm Ken.

    Barbie: Barbie. Have we ever met?

    Ken: I would have remembered.

    [she laughs]

    Ken: Love your leg wamers!

    Barbie: Nice ascot!

    Lotso: Come on, Ken, recess don't last forever.

    Ken: Right on, Lotso. This way everybody.

    Lotso: Got a lot to look forward to, folks. The little ones love new toys.

    Buzz Lightyear: What a nice bear!

    Rex the Green Dinosaur: And he smells like strawberries.

    Woody: Ugh.

  • Chunk: [Buzz has just successfully made it to the window over the Caterpillar Room door, at sunset, and now he hears two voices approaching in the hallway below] Heh, heh heh heh... You think they had a fun playtime?

    Twitch: Shh! They might hear you!

    [Buzz hears giggling to his left and looks over to another doorway where Barbie and Ken are talking to each other]

    Ken: Okay, now you start.

    Barbie: I...

    Ken: love...

    Barbie: you! Oh!

    Ken: See? That time I said "love"! Okay, now me first.

    [Buzz gives them a strange look]

    Barbie: [overlapping] Ooh! Okay okay okay...

    Ken: I...

    Barbie: love...

    Ken: you! You see what I mean? It changes every time!

    Barbie: [laughing] You are so smart!

    [Twitch and Chunk pass them]

    Twitch: [grabbing Ken's collar] C'mon, Romeo. We're late.

  • Ken: No one appreciates clothes here, Barbie! No one.

  • Ken: [Giving Andy's toys a tour of the daycare, Ken passes his dollhouse] And this... well, this is where I live. It's got a disco, it's got a dune buggy, and a whole room just for trying on clothes.

    Barbie: [gasps] You have everything!

    Ken: Everything... except someone to share it with...

    [he walks away]

    Barbie: [sighs lovingly]

  • [Barbie is tearing up Ken's outfits to get him to reveal information, whilst he's tied up to a paddle ball]

    Barbie: Let's see... Hawaiian surf trunks!

    [she rips them in half]

    Ken: Barbie, those were vintage! It's okay! Go ahead, rip 'em! They're a dime a dozen!

    Barbie: Ooh! Glitter tux!

    [she rips it in half]

    Ken: Who cares? Who cares? Sequins are tacky!

    Barbie: A Nehru jacket!

    Ken: Barbie! Not the Nehru!

    Barbie: This is from, what? 1967?

    Ken: The Groovy Formal Collection, yes!

    Barbie: What a shame.

    [Barbie makes little tears in the jacket. The stitches separate before Ken's eyes]

    Ken: Oh, no! No! No, no, no! There's an instruction manual!

    [the paddle ball he's tie to falls to the floor]

    Ken: Lotso switched Buzz to Demo Mode!

    Barbie: Where's that manual?

  • Ken: Barbie, come with me! Live in my Dream House! I know it's crazy! I know we've just met! Aw, heck - you don't know me from GI Joe. But when I look at you I feel like we were...

    KenBarbie: ...made for each other.

    KenBarbie: [gasp]

    [Jessie and Mrs. Potato Head encourage Barbie to accept his offer]

    Barbie: Yay!

  • Ken: [sees a sign that says "Vanessa and Barry: Flowers, Honey, Legal Advice" and becomes disgusted] UGH! THAT BEE IS LIVING MY LIFE!

    Andy: [guiding Ken protectively] Let it go, Kenny.


    Andy: Let it all go.

  • Ken: Well, well, well, a royal flush!

    Barry B. Benson: You're bluffing.

    Ken: Am I?

    [flushes toilet. Barry grabs the Emory board and uses it to surf]

    Barry B. Benson: Surf's up, dude!

    [splashes water on Ken]

    Ken: Ew. Poo water.


  • Vanessa: Kenneth! What are you doing?

    Ken: You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it!

    Vanessa: We need to talk!

    [grabs Ken by the ear and drags him to the hallway]

    Vanessa: He's just a little bee, and he happens to be the nicest I've met in a long time!

    Ken: Long time? What are you talking about? Are there other bugs in you life?

    Vanessa: No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them!

    Ken: Fine! Talking bees, No yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional rollarcoaster!

    Vanessa: Goodbye, Ken.

    [Ken exits, then re-enters frame]

    Ken: And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners MADE BY MAN!

    [exits again]

    Vanessa: I'm sorry

    [Ken re-enters frame again]

    Ken: I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it!

  • Ken: Stand back! These are winter boots!

  • Ken: I tried to call but, the battery...

  • Barry B. Benson: Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine?

    Ken: Funny, I just can't seem to recall that!

  • Barry B. Benson: What is that?

    Ken: Italian Vogue.

    Barry B. Benson: Mamma mia! That's a lot of pages.

    Ken: It's a lot of ads.

  • Ken: [screaming] BEE!

  • Ken: In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness!

    Vanessa: It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81.

    Ken: Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that?

  • Ken: Why is yogurt night so hard?

  • Ken: I'm not scared of him but it's just the allergic thing.

    Andy: Hey, buddy, put that on your résumé brochure.

    Ken: It's not funny, my whole face could puff up.

    Andy: Make it one of your special skills.

    Ken: Yeah? Knocking someone out is also a special skill.

  • Donald Woods: Ken.

    Ken: Yeah?

    Donald Woods: You like football, don't you?

  • Andre: When I started this, I thought I'd, um, I thought I'd hate it. But now, if like the EP blew up tomorrow, I'd probably still do this on the side. Do you see how many girls I meet every day?

    Ken: Yes, I saw.

    Andre: For free, I don't gotta pay, all I gotta do is sing. And you think about that and these girls have to deal with men in their lives who every day, they don't listen to them. They don't ask them what they want. All we got to do is ask them what they want and when they tell you, it's a beautiful thing, man. We're like healers or something.

    Ken: Yes, man!

  • Ken: Harry, let's face it. And I'm not being funny. I mean no disrespect, but you're a cunt. You're a cunt now, and you've always been a cunt. And the only thing that's going to change is that you're going to be an even bigger cunt. Maybe have some more cunt kids.

    Harry: [furious] Leave my kids fucking out of it! What have they done? You fucking retract that bit about my cunt fucking kids!

    Ken: I retract that bit about your cunt fucking kids.

    Harry: Insult my fucking kids? That's going overboard, mate!

    Ken: I retracted it, didn't I?

  • Harry: [about Ray] So he's having a really nice time?

    Ken: Well, I'm having a really nice time. I'm not sure it's really his cup of tea.

    Harry: [after a long pause] What?

    Ken: You know, I'm not sure it's really his thing.

    Harry: What do you mean it's not really his thing? What's that supposed to mean? It's not really his thing. What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

    Ken: Nothing, Harry.

    Harry: It's a fairytale town, isn't it? How's a fairytale town not somebody's fucking thing?How can all those canals and bridges and cobbled streets and those churches, all that beautiful fucking fairytale stuff, how can that not be somebody's fucking thing, eh?

    Ken: What I think I meant to say was...

    Harry: [Interrupts] Is the swans still there?

    Ken: Yeah, there's swans...

    Harry: How can fucking swans not fucking be somebody's fucking thing, eh? How can that be?

  • Ken: Coming up?

    Ray: What's up there?

    Ken: The view.

    Ray: The view of what? The view of down here? I can see that down here.

    Ken: Ray, you are about the worst tourist in the whole world.

    Ray: Ken, I grew up in Dublin. I love Dublin. If I grew up on a farm, and was retarded, Bruges might impress me but I didn't, so it doesn't.

  • Overweight Man: Been to the top of the tower?

    Ray: Yeah... yeah, it's rubbish.

    Overweight Man: It is? The guide book says it's a must see.

    Ray: Well you lot ain't going up there.

    Overweight Man: Pardon me? Why?

    Ray: I mean, it's all winding stairs. I'm not being funny.

    Overweight Man: What exactly are you trying to say?

    Ray: What exactly am I trying to say? You's a bunch of fuckin' elephants.

    [overweight man attempts to chase Ray around but quickly grows tired]

    Ray: Come on, leave it fatty!

    [the overweight women calm down the overweight man]

    Overweight Woman #2: [to Ray] You know you're just the rudest man. The rudest man!

    Ken: [coming back from the tower] What's all that about?

    [Ray shrugs]

    Ken: They're not going up there.

    [to overweight family]

    Ken: Hey, guys. I wouldn't go up there. It's really narrow.

    Overweight Woman #2: Screw you, motherfucker!

    Ken: [to Ray] What was that about?

    Ray: [shrugs]

  • Ken: [looking at a surreal Bosch painting] It's Judgment Day, you know?

    Ray: No. What's that then?

    Ken: Well, it's, you know, the final day on Earth, when mankind will be judged for the crimes they've committed and that.

    Ray: Oh. And see who gets into heaven and who gets into hell and all that.

    Ken: Yeah. And what's the other place?

    Ray: Purgatory.

    Ken: Purgatory... what's that?

    Ray: Purgatory's kind of like the in-betweeny one. You weren't really shit, but you weren't all that great either. Like Tottenham.


    Ray: Do you believe in all that stuff, Ken?

    Ken: About Tottenham?

  • Ken: You're a suicide case.

    Ray: And you're trying to shoot me in the fucking head.

    Ken: You're not getting that gun back.

    Ray: A great day this has turned out to be. I'm suicidal, me mate tries to kill me, me gun gets nicked and we're still in fookin' Bruges!

  • Ken: [Ray walks into the bar high on cocaine] How'd your date go?

    Ray: My date involved two instances of extreme violence, one instance of her hand on my cock and my finger up her thing which lasted all too briefly - isn't that always the way? - , one instance of me stealing five grams of very high-quality cocaine and one instance of me blinding a poofy little skinhead: so all in all... my evening pretty much balanced out, fine.

  • Ken: What the fuck are you doing, Ray?

    Ray: What the fuck are 'you' doing?

    [Ken sticks pistol behind his back]

    Ken: Nothing.

    Ray: Oh, my God... you were gonna kill me.

    Ken: No, I wa - You were gonna kill yourself!

    Ray: Well... I'm allowed.

    Ken: No, you're not!

    Ray: What? I'm not allowed, and you are? How's that fair?

  • Ken: And at the same time, at the same time as trying to lead a good life, I have to reconcile that with the fact that with the fact that, yes, I have killed people. Not many people. And most of them were not very nice people. Apart from one person.

    Ray: Who was that?

    Ken: This bloke Danny Aliband's brother. He was just trying to protect his brother. Like you or I would. He was just a lollipop man. But he came at me with a bottle. What are you gonna do? I shot him down.

    Ray: Hmm. In my book, though, someone comes at you with a bottle, I'm sorry, that is a deadly weapon, he's gotta take the consequences.

    Ken: I know that in my heart, but I also know he was trying to protect his brother, you know?

    Ray: I know, but a bottle, that can kill ya. That's a case of "It's you or him". If he'd come at you with his bare hands, that'd be different. That wouldn't have been fair.

    Ken: But technically, someone's bare hands, they can kill you too. They can be deadly weapons too. What if he knew Karate, say?

    Ray: You said he was a lollipop man.

    Ken: He WAS a lollipopman.

    Ray: What a lollipop man doing, knowing fucking Karate?

    Ken: I'm just saying...

    Ray: How old was he?

    Ken: About fifty.

    Ray: What's a fifty year old lollipop man doing, knowing fucking Karate? What was he, a Chinese lollipop man?

    Ken: Course not.

    Ray: Well then.

  • Ray: Bruges is a shithole.

    Ken: Bruges *is* not a shithole.

    Ray: Bruges *is* a shithole.

    Ken: Ray, we only just got off the fucking train! Could we reserve judgement on Bruges until we've seen the fucking place?

  • Ken: Your girlfriend's very pretty.

    Jimmy: She's ain't my girlfriend. She's a prostitute I just picked up.

    Ken: I was not aware that there were any prostitutes in Bruges.

    Jimmy: You just have to look in the right places... brothels are good.

    Ken: Well, you've picked up a very pretty prostitute.

    Jimmy: Thank you.

  • Ken: This morning, and this afternoon, we are doing what I want to do. Got it?

    Ray: Of course. Which, I presume, will involve culture.

    Ken: We shall strike a balance between culture and fun.

    Ray: Somehow I believe, Ken, that the balance shall tip in the favor of culture, like a big fat fucking retarded fucking black girl on a see-saw opposite... a dwarf.

  • Harry: Not only have you refused to kill the boy, you even stopped the boy from killing himself, which would've solved my problem, which would've solved your problem, which sounds like it would've solved the boy's problem.

    Ken: It wouldn't have solved his problem.

    Harry: Ken, if I had killed a little kid, accidentally or otherwise, I wouldn't have thought twice. I'd killed myself on the fucking spot. On the fucking spot. I would've stuck the gun in me mouth. On the fucking spot!

  • Ray: Jesus, Ken, I'm trying to talk about...

    Ken: I know what you're trying to talk about.

    Ray: I killed a little boy. You keep bringing up the fucking lollipop man.

    Ken: You didn't mean to kill a little boy.

    Ray: I know I didn't mean to... but because of the choices I made, and the course that I put into action, that little boy isn't here anymore, and he'll never be here again.


    Ray: I mean here in the world, not here in Belgium. Well he'll never be here in Belgium either, will he? I mean, he might've wanted to come here when he got older. Don't know why. And that's all because of me. He's dead because of me. And I'm trying to... been trying to get me head around it, but I can't. I will have always have killed that little boy. That ain't ever going away. Ever. Unless... maybe I go away.

    Ken: Don't even think like that.

  • Ken: You from the States?

    Jimmy: Yeah. But don't hold it against me.

    Ken: I'll try not to... Just try not to say anything too loud or crass.

  • Ken: Ray, did we or did we not agree that if I let you go on your date tonight, you'd do the things I wanted to do today?

    Ray: We are doing the things you wanted to do today.

    Ken: And I would do them without you throwing a fucking moody, like a five year old who's dropped all his sweets.

    Ray: We didn't agree to that.

  • Ray: [crying] I killed a little boy!

    [Ken embraces Ray]

    Ken: Then save the next little boy. Just go away somewhere, get out of this business, and try to do something good. You're not going to help anybody dead. You're not going to bring that boy back. But you might save the next one.

    Ray: What am I going to be, a doctor? You need exams.

  • Ken: [standing up to leave and picking up his coat] Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf. I think I'm heading home.

  • Ken: I know I'm awake but it feels like I'm in a dream.

  • Ray: I'm not being funny. We can't stay here.

    Ken: We have to stay here until he rings.

    Ray: Well what if he doesn't ring for two weeks?

    Ken: Then we stay here for two weeks.

    Ray: For two weeks? In fucking Bruges? In a room like this? With you? No way.

  • Ticket Seller: The tower is closed this evening.

    Ken: No way, it's supposed to be open until seven.

    Ticket Seller: The tower is usually open until seven, yesterday an American had a heart attack at the tower, today the tower is closed.

    Harry: [Harry hands ticket seller 100 Euros] Here cranky, here's a hundred for you. Were only gonna be twenty minutes.

    Ticket Seller: [crumples the money and throws it at Harry's head]

    [tapping on Harry's forehead]

    Ticket Seller: The tower... is closed... this evening! Understand? English man!

    [Ken walks up the tower while Harry proceeds to beat the ticket seller]

  • Ray: So Harry Waters wants me dead. What a wanker.

    Ken: He said this whole trip, this whole being in Bruges thing, was just to give you one last, joyful memory before you died.

    Ray: [Absolutely stunned] In BRUGES? The Bahamas, maybe. Why fucking Bruges?

    Ken: I suppose it's cheaper.

  • Ray: What are they doing over there? They're filming something. They're filming midgets!

    Ken: Ray...

    [Ray runs off and watches Jimmy being instructed by the director, who Jimmy flicks off as soon as he leaves]

    Ken: Ray, come on. Let's go.

    Ray: My arse let's go. They're filming midgets.

  • Yuri: There are a lot of alcoves in the Astridpark. You use this word, alcoves?

    Ken: Alcoves, yes. Sometimes.

    Yuri: There are not many people around in these alcoves at Christmas time. If I were to murder a man I would murder him here. Are you sure this is the right word, alcoves?

    Ken: Alcoves, yes. It's kind of like nooks and crannies.

    Yuri: Nooks and crannies, yes! Perhaps this would be more accurate. Nooks and crannies rather than alcoves. Yes. You are going to do it aren't you? Mr. Waters would be very disappointed...

    Ken: Of course I'm going to fucking do it. It's what I do.

  • Ken: Up there, the top altar, is a vial brought back by a Flemish knight from the Crusades in the Holy Land. And that vial, do you know what it's said to contain?

    Ray: No, what's it said to contain?

    Ken: It's said to contain some drops of Jesus Christ's blood. Yeah, that's how this church got its name. Basilica of the Holy Blood.

    Ray: Yeah. Yeah.

    Ken: And this blood, right, though it's dried blood, at different times over many years, they say it turned back into liquid. Turned back into liquid from dried blood. At various times of great stress.

    Ray: Yeah?

    Ken: Yeah. So, yeah, I'm gonna go up in the queue and touch it, which is what you do.

    Ray: Yeah?

    Ken: Yeah. You coming?

    Ray: Do I have to?

    Ken: Do you have to? Of course you don't have to. It's Jesus' fucking blood, isn't it? Of course you don't fucking have to! Of *course* you don't fucking have to!

  • Ray: What am I gonna do, Ken? What am I gonna do?

    Ken: Just keep movin'. Keep on movin'. Try not to think about it. Learn a new language, maybe?

    Ray: Sure. I can hardly do English.


    Ray: That's one thing I like about Europe, though. You don't have to learn any of their languages.

  • Yuri: Plenty of alcoves in Bruges.

    Ken: Pardon?

  • Ken: See Jimmy, my wife was black, and I loved her very much. And in 1976, she was murdered by a white man. So where am I supposed to stand in all this blood and carnage?

    Jimmy: Did they get the guy that did it?

    Ken: A friend of mine got him.

    Ray: Harry Waters got him.

  • Harry: I'm glad he likes it there. I'm glad we were able to give him something, something good and happy. Because he wasn't such a bad kid, was he?

    Ken: Huh?

    Harry: He wasn't a bad kid, was he?

  • Ray: Where'd you get that gun?

    Ken: A friend of Harry's.

    Ray: Fuck, man. Let me see it.

    [Takes the gun and looks it over]

    Ray: Silencer, too. Nice. Mine's a bloody girl's gun.

  • Ken: [On the phone with Harry] Do you know what that is? Yeah, I know you know it's a train. Do you know what train? Well, it's a train that Ray just got on, and he's alive and he's well, and he doesn't know where he's going and neither do I. So if you need to do your worst, do your worst. You've got the address of the hotel. I'll be here waiting. Because I've got to quite like Bruges, now. It's like a fucking fairytale or something.

  • [upon reaching the top of the tower and overlooking the city]

    Ken: [to himself] I like it here.

  • Ken: [Harry shoots Ken in the leg] Fucking cunt!

    Harry: Like I'm not going to do nothing to you just because you're standing about like Robert fucking Powell.

    Ken: Like who?

    Harry: Like Robert fucking Powell out of Jesus of fucking Nazareth.

  • Ray: Hey-ho. Drowning your sorrows, huh?

    Ken: What sorrows?

    Ray: You know, being a sad, old, ugly little man.

    Ray: [to the bartender] One gay beer please.

    Ken: How'd your date go?

    Ray: My date involved two instances of extreme violence, one instance of her hand on my cock and my finger up her thing, which lasted all too briefly.


    Ray: Isn't that always the way? One instance of me stealing five grams of very-high-quality cocaine and one instance of me blinding a poofy little skinhead. So, all-in-all my evening pretty much balanced out fine.

    Ken: You got five grams of coke?

    Ray: I've got four grams on me and one gram in me which is why me heart is going like the clappers, as is I'm about to have a heart attack. So if I collapse any minute now please remember to tell the doctors that it might have something to do with the coke.

    [all of the this is said in forty seconds]

  • Ray: Do you think this is good?

    Ken: Do I think what's good?

    Ray: You know, going around in a boat, looking at stuff?

    Ken: Yes, I do. It's called sight-seeing.

  • Ken: [about Ray] Harry, he's definitely gone.

    Harry: You realize there are no bowling alleys in Bruges.

    Ken: I realize that, Harry. The boy wanted to have a look anyway.

    Harry: What are they going to have? A medieval fucking bowling alley?

  • Ray: Where's my gun?

    Ken: I'm gonna die now, I think.

  • Ken: We're not staying here getting pissed. We are quietly sightseeing, like he says, and awaiting his call to see what we do next.

    Ray: This is my vote on what we should do. We give it another day, two days, max. Then we check the papers again, and if there's still nothing in them, we phone him and say, 'Harry, thank you for the trip to Bruges, it's been very nice, all the old buildings and that, but we're coming back to London now, and hide out in a proper country, where it isn't all just fucking chocolates'.

  • Ken: I'm sorry about the message last night. The man who left it is a bit of a... well, he's a bit of a...

    Marie: Cock?

    Ken: Yes, a bit of a cock.

  • Ken: That there is called the Gruuthuse Museum.

    Ray: They all have funny names, don't they?

    Ken: Yes, Flemish. In here it says, 'The Belgians twice sheltered fugitive English Kings from being murdered, 1471 and 1651.'

    Ray: I used to hate history, didn't you? It's all just a load of stuff that's already happened.

  • Wanda: I'm sorry about my brother, Ken. I know he's insensitive. He's had a hard life. Dad used to beat him up.

    Ken: Good.

  • Otto: You're a very attractive man, Ken. You're... smart, you've got wonderful bones, great eyes, and you dress really interestingly.

    Ken: What you...?

    Otto: We could have a lot of fun together, you and I. And I think we'd be really good for each other. What do you say?

    Ken: You must be j-j-j...

    Otto: May I kiss you, Ken?

    [tries to kiss him]

    Ken: No, you fucking can't!

    [runs away]

  • Ken: Rev-enge!

    Otto: [laughing] It's K-K-K-Ken! C-c-c-coming to k-k-k-kill me! How you gonna c-c-c-catch me, K-K-K-Ken?

  • Otto: You really like animals don't you, Ken? What's the attraction.

    Ken: Well, you can t-t-trust them and they don't sh-sh-sh-sh

    Otto: Shit on you?

    Ken: Show off all the t-time.

  • Otto: [to Ken about Mrs Coady] What does he want you to do? Send her flowers? Do her shopping? Show her a good time? Rub her out? Rub her out?

    Otto: [gleefully] HE'S GOING TO KILL HER! HA HA HA!

    Ken: Shut up!

    Otto: [shows his gun to a group of onlookers] Fuck off or I'll kill you. LIMEY FRUITS! So the old lady's gonna m-m- meet with an accident, eh K-K-Ken?

    Ken: Shh!

    [Otto laughs]

    Ken: What's - what's so funny?

    Otto: Nothing, it's just that wasting old ladies isn't NICE!

    Ken: [angrily] Well it's better than b-b-buggering people!

    Otto: I'll bet you a pound you don't kill her.

    Ken: Alright.

    Otto: Alright. I love watching your ass when you walk! Is that beautiful or what? Don't go near him! He's mine! A pound says you won't kill her! Ha ha!

  • Ken: Otto t-t-tried to k-k-kiss me.

    Wanda: I thought he might.

  • [after steamrollering Otto]

    Ken: "K-k-k-k-Ken." You bastard. Hey, I've lost my stutter. It's gone. I can speak. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

  • [Ken drives at Otto with a steamroller. Otto laughs, until he realizes his feet are trapped in cement, and his gun is empty]

    Otto: Ken! Ken! Wait, wait, Ken! Kenny! I... may I call you Kenny?

    Ken: Remember Wanda!

    Otto: I got the deal of a lifetime! Fifty-fifty, you and me, what do you say! Okay, okay, okay, sixty-forty! That's my final offer!

    Ken: REVENGE!

    Otto: Wait, I got an idea! You take it all! Yeah, here's my boarding pass, Ken!

    Ken: I'm gonna, I'm gonna k-ka, kill you!

    Otto: Okay, fine, Ken! Come at me, give me your best shot! Go on, Ken! You don't have the guts, admit it!

    [the steamroller bears down on him]

    Otto: Okay, you have the guts, good... wait!

    Ken: Death!

    Otto: Okay, I'm-sorry-I-ate-your-fish, okay? I'm-sorry!

    Ken: Revenge!

    Otto: Jesus, I said I'm sorry! What the fu-?

    [He goes under the steamroller]

    Otto: AAAAHHHH!

    Ken: Got him!

  • Otto: Nice fish, Ken. You know what Nietzsche said about animals? "They were God's second blunder."

    Ken: Well, you t-t-t-tell him from me that I kuh-kuh, I kuh-kuh...

  • Ken: Otto! You owe me a pou-p-pou...

  • Liz: What do I want? I'll tell you what I want! I want Ken Railings to walk in here right now, and say 'Pam Shortt's broken both her legs, and I wanna dance with YOU!'

    [the door flies open. It's Ken]

    Ken: Pam Shortt's broken both her legs, and I wanna dance with you.

    Kylie: That was unexpected.

  • Ken: Of course I stopped payment on the plugs, you gave me DOLL'S hair!

  • Jamie: Do you wanna come up?

    Ken: No. It's not you - you're beautiful. It's late. I'm also making the assumption that the ladies at work have warned you against me. They probably say that I'm a bit of a... I got a history with the women, and I think that it'd be better for us both if you got to know me better. You know, the real me. You know, how old are you? Twenty-four? Twenty-five?

    Jamie: I'm twenty-three.

    Ken: Bloody hell. I mean, I'm thirty-one-years-old. You know what that means? It means I can't be running around fucking all these girls. I mean, half the time I don't even speak to them ever again. That's rude is what it is. It's immature. It's embarrassing, it's fucking embarrassing. There comes a point when you want all of this to be about more than just getting off. Do you know what I mean? So I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go, and, uh, I'm gonna ask you if I can call you later in the week. I'll tell you what I'm gonna do for you. I'm gonna walk you up to your door.

  • Ken: You can't bullshit me like your shrink, he only knows what you tell him.

  • Ken: Hey big fellow, how many bells have you got on the old dickory?

    Big Al: [kinda shocked] What the hell is he saying?

    Sue: Oh wake up, Australia. He wants to know what time it is.

  • Ken: [to Georgia about the driver] Is the Sasquatch gonna be with us the whole time?

  • Ken: So, Buck, are you a duffer?

    Buck: Well, if you mean do I like playing with my balls, the answer's yes.

  • Buck: So Kenny, what do you think of the condo?

    Ken: [struggling to be tactful] It's great... it's got a lot of... character.

    Buck: When I gave up the bachelor pad, I said to Dorothy, I'll move in with you under one condition: it's gotta reflect my style.

    [proudly points to huge painting of John Wayne]

    Buck: The Duke... signed by the artist!

  • Tom: I seem to remember you got banned from a number of pubs in Hull for shouting about nothing when you were a young person.

    Ken: [retelling the event] "Ken, we like you. You're a good bloke, you're good on the darts, but if you talk about politics again, you're barred!".

    [both burst into laughter]

  • Ken: Young people, young people. Everything's for young people. Those bars, you know, they're full of young people shouting about nothing.

  • Ken: [while sharing a joint with Shirin] Have you see Carrington?

  • Ken: Have a girl, Chuck?

    Charles Cummings: No thanks, I'm full.

  • Ken: You know something, what this place reminds me of? Disneyland with tits.

  • Carl: Here. Put this on.

    Ken: What is this?

    Carl: Lip gloss. Makes you look hot.

    Ken: Sick.

  • Ken: You're not being nice!

    Janine: FUCK YOU!

    [crashes through glass door]

  • Ken: I don't wanna play this game anymore!

  • Ken: Women don't make a move until they're ready. They can be with a guy for two years and spend the last 6 months trying to get over the guy so that when they're ready to move on, they just move on. Guys are totally different, when they break up they do if fast, but they can spend years trying to get over the girl because usually they don't think it through.

  • Ken: That's what you get when you're deal with a woman who thinks her entire self worth is determined by the content of her resume.

  • Ken: [to Denny] He says, if you kill him with one shot, he'll give you ten bucks.

  • Mo: What are you guys gonna do?

    Ken: Cut his finger off.

    Mo: What happens when you cut his finger off?

    Kato: Ummm... he can't swim straight anymore.


  • Ken: When did eating dinner become a Broadway show?

  • Ken: [Talking in Japanese] It's been a year, hasn't it? I wake up sometimes in the middle of the night and think about Parker. He was a good friend. I understand how you feel. Hachi, my friend, Parker is never coming home. But if Hachiko wants to wait, then Hachiko should wait. You want to wait for him, don't you? Have a long life, Hachi.

  • Ken: I understand how you feel. Hachi, my friend, Parker is never coming home. But if Hachiko wants to wait, then Hachiko should wait. Have a long life Hachi.

  • Ken: Cate...

    Cate Wilson: Ken...

    [silent for a while]

    Cate Wilson: It's been a while.

    Ken: It certainly has.

    Cate Wilson: It's ten years. Can you believe it?

  • Ken: [to Sabitha, his daughter] Hey sweetie.

    Sabitha: You're like with her now aren't you?

    Ken: Yeah.

    Johanna Parry: If you and Edith weren't so good at writing letters...

  • Chloe: I brought Chinese.

    Ken: Uh, we ate already. I got an early day tomorrow.

    [She sets the bag on the coffee table anyway, and sits down between Johanna and Ken]

    Ken: What are you doin' babe?

    Chloe: What are YOU doin', hangin' out with little house on the prairie...

    Ken: ...don't say that...

    Chloe: your PJs, having a sleepover... er... whatever?

    Ken: Listen, why don't you just give me back the key and go, hmm.

    [as this sinks in, Johanna allows herself the briefest hint of a victory smile]

    Chloe: [Packs up, brushes herself off and is leaving] You still owe me 200 bucks.

  • [Just after Johanna walks in on Ken taking Mr. McCauley's medication from the bathroom medicine cabinet]

    Ken: How much is he paying you? I'm only asking cause he's a cheapskate and I wouldn't want him ripping you off.

    [there's an uncomfortable silence as Ken begins to walk out of the bathroom]

    Ken: Hey, um, don't tell Sabitha I got a headache. She'll just worry about me, okay? Thanks gorgeous.

    [Ken walks out]

    Ken: [Johanna blushes at Ken's compliment to being gorgeous]

  • Ken: I accept your condemnation.

  • Mark: There's no privacy left. Last week, Lydia and I were at home, it was a Sunday morning.

    Lydia: Mark?

    Mark: This is true. And we started kissing...

    Lydia: Mark!

    Mark: And the next thing, you know, we were on the floor and I was having...

    Lydia: Are you crazy? You know, he's drunk.

    Mark: On the kitchen floor, on the living room floor.

    Lydia: I got to admit it was a surprise.

    Mark: Did it not happen that way? So, the door opens and the Superintendent, he has the key, barges in...

    Lydia: Stop it.

    Mark: Some kind of plumbing leak and we are in in flagrant...

    Lydia: You know what this one does, he gets up stark naked and he says, "Mr. Fanducci, this is not the pipe that needs fixing."

    Mark: I was quick, Ken. Very quick. Could you have come up with anything quick, Ken?

    Ken: No.

    Mark: That was grace under pressure.

  • Marion: Would you ever think of making love to me on the living room floor?

    Ken: Do you want me to?

    Marion: I don't know. Would you want to?

    Ken: I don't know. Actually, I don't think I see you as the hard wood floor type.

    Marion: No?

  • Marion: Don't make something romantic sound infantile...

    Ken: Hey, but it's the same level of maturity as sex on the floor.

    Marion: Well, we might as well have it on the floor, we certainly don't have it in bed anymore.

    Ken: I don't believe we're having this discussion.

    Marion: Why have you stopped sleeping with me?

    Ken: We are simply going through a less active period, that's all. Its not uncommon.

    Marion: Why? I just want to know why?

    Ken: Why don't we just go to bed.

    Marion: There was a time that we were dying to be together.

    Ken: Marion, you're still the most desirable woman that I know.

    Marion: But, we won't make love tonight, because, they'll be some excuse. I hadn't realized how much of that had slipped away, until today.

  • Marion: I feel sorry for you Ken, because, in your way, you've been as lonely as I have.

    Ken: Have you been lonely?

    Marion: At least I've come to recognize it.

  • Ken: I'm going to turn our program on.

    Anna: Sounds glorious. How many more balloons do you think we need?

    Ken: At least seven.

    Anna: That's how many I was thinking.

    Ken: Well, that's why you married me!

  • Rachel: Maybe we can flag someone down

    Ken: First we've got to do something about this stiff

    Rachel: But it's not our fault

    Ken: Rach We're foreigners in a strange country, think about it we don't even know who the fuck he is? They HANG people for shit like this right

    Marco: He's right

    Ken: Let's take him back to shore, that's where he came from that's where he fucking well stays

  • Ken: Just looking for fuel for the fire

    Marco: [on the inscription] Forever! Is that how long your gonna make her wait?

  • Marco: [On Silka] How old do you think she is?

    Ken: Old enough

  • Rachel: Your covered in blood!

    Ken: It's Marco's

  • Rachel: [on seeing the wrecked ships] She did this Silka! Can't you hear it?

    Ken: What do you mean?

    Rachel: Lets go we've got to stop the song they put wax in their ears to stop the singing

  • [last lines]

    Ken: I've always loved you forever and forever

    [last lines]

    Rachel: I love you too

  • Preacher Man Bob: God is everywhere! He's in your shoes! He's in the little hairs on the back of your neck!

    Ken: Is He in urine?

  • Kathy: Why do you have a bag full of tape and rope.

    Ken: Because it's my tape and rope bag. What else would keep in there?

  • Ken: When I was your age, I was in and out of juvi so much they put in a doggy door.

  • Old Bill: What's funny?

    Ken: Bit of overkill, Old Billy.

    Old Bill: Jimmy Conway was the best brumby tracker this town ever had. You'll hold your position and you'll be armed at all times, you understand?

Browse more character quotes from Pineapple Express (2008)