Kelly Scott Quotes in Lake Placid (1999)

Kelly Scott: The lake is so black and still.

Sheriff Hank Keough: Yeah, we wanted to call it Lake Placid, but someone said that name was taken.

Jack Wells: It's not a science trip.

Kelly Scott: Could you be a little more condescending? 'Cause I'm not real great with subtlety.

Jack Wells: Something in that lake killed somebody, all right? I appreciate your trying to help. I'm really glad that you... brought the RAID.

Kelly Scott: There, that's better.

Jack Wells: Ma'am...

Kelly Scott: Look, if you call me "ma'am" one more time I'll sue you, and with today's laws, it's possible.

Sheriff Hank Keough: She's good.

Kelly Scott: I don't do field and even if I did... Maine? I'm allergic to timber!

Sheriff Hank Keough: Tents were sent ahead. Should already be set up by the time we get there.

Kelly Scott: Tents? We're staying in TENTS?

Sheriff Hank Keough: I told you, two days we'd have to camp.

Kelly Scott: Yes! Camp! But I thought that meant Ramada Inn. I never heard tents! Will there be toilets?

Jack Wells: Maybe we should just take you back.

Kelly Scott: Why? Because I prefer toilets?

Kelly Scott: Maybe I should just wipe myself with some leafy little piece of poison oak. And then I can spend the whole day scratchin' my ass, blendin' in with the natives.

Kelly Scott: What kind of backup do we have?

Sheriff Hank Keough: We?

Kelly Scott: What?

Sheriff Hank Keough: Well, I'm a little unclear as to why the museum would send somebody here.

Kelly Scott: You got a thing against museums?

Sheriff Hank Keough: Naw, I got nothin' against museums.

Kelly Scott: Ever been in one?

Sheriff Hank Keough: We're saved! The museum in New York just sent us some additional backup.

Kelly Scott: Kelly Scott.

Jack Wells: Jack Wells.

Kelly Scott: Hi.

Jack Wells: Eh, some museum sent ya', huh?

Kelly Scott: What, are we all museum bigots in Maine?

Sheriff Hank Keough: She's rude sarcastic. You two should get along.

Kelly Scott: Uh, there's something I wanted to ask you. What's it like to be a woman in the woods of Maine? I mean, the guys don't turn all horny or anything like they did in Deliverance, right?

[She sees Jack Wells is listening]

Kelly Scott: Ahh... I knew you were there.

Jack Wells: Hmm. Never been to Maine before, huh?

Kelly Scott: Oh, I have good hygiene, I'm not welcome.

Mrs. Bickerman: Oh, my husband passed away. It's been almost two years now.

Sheriff Hank Keough: My department doesn't have any record of that, Mrs. Bickerman.

Mrs. Bickerman: Well, I'm sorry. Incomplete records haunt me so.

Jack Wells: What was the cause of your husband's death, ma'am? Do you know?

Kelly Scott: We don't mean to invade your privacy, but was he ill, was he sick?

Sheriff Hank Keough: Was he swallowed?

Kelly Scott: You hurt his feelings.

Jack Wells: I don't care.

[to Keough]

Jack Wells: Do you care?

Sheriff Hank Keough: No, he's an asshole.

Kelly Scott: [on the phone with the wildlife services] Thank you, it's so rewarding to imagine my tax dollar finding its way to you, you fuckshit!

Hector Cyr: You are a saucy flirt.

Kevin: [Kevin has just broken up with Kelly] Hey.

Kelly Scott: Oh, hey Kevin! What's going on? What's happening? How's it goin'? How's your family? Good? That's great, it's so nice to see you. Fuck off.

Kelly Scott: I gotta thing about mosquitoes.

Kelly Scott: I gotta thing about worms.

Kelly Scott: I gotta thing about ticks.

Kelly Scott: I will NOT calm down! This is the second time I've been hit with a severed head and I DON'T LIKE IT!

Sheriff Hank Keough: The tooth is in here.

Kelly Scott: Well that's... that's the morgue.

Sheriff Hank Keough: Yes.

Kelly Scott: Well, uh... is the dead guy in there?

Sheriff Hank Keough: That's where they keep 'em. Look, you want me to bring the tooth out here?

Kelly Scott: No. No, let's... after you.

Kelly Scott: His scales were oval. He's an Asian Crocodile.

Sheriff Hank Keough: Why... why would he come here? I mean, it's impossible. Asia. How would he get here?

Hector Cyr: Obviously some asshole in Hong Kong flushed him down the toilet.

[Kelly slaps Keough]

Sheriff Hank Keough: Quit hitting me!

Kelly Scott: Stop throwing heads at me!

Kelly Scott: We're doing the right thing.

[trapping instead of killing the crocodile]

Jack Wells: You might think differently if you get eaten.

Kelly Scott: Gee, thanks.

Hector Cyr: She tell you that we had sex together? So vigorous!

Kelly Scott: I never had sex with you!

Hector Cyr: I'm horrible in bed. They never remember.

Kelly Scott: Did you want to be killed by it?

Hector Cyr: You think I'm that nuts?

Kelly Scott: Hector, what you just did, there had to be some sort of death wish going on.

Hector Cyr: In ancient Malenesia people suspected of crime's would be thrown to the crocodiles. Crocodiles would decide. They would be the judge.

Kelly Scott: Oh, so that was you wanting to be judged out there?

Hector Cyr: Maybe I was, and so what? Is that too arbitrary? Better to be measured by my wealth? Better for me to get my self-esteem looking into the eyes of cheap sycophants craving a meal ticket? There was more honesty in those dragon's eyes. There was more dignity in those dragon's eyes...

Kelly Scott: Jesus, Hector cut the shit.

Hector Cyr: Aw, fuck it.

Kelly Scott: He thinks they're godly.

Sheriff Hank Keough: What was that?

Kelly Scott: In his defense, every primitive culture known to man deified them: ancient China, Egypt, Australia, Asia... Going back in history, crocodiles have been more worshipped than Jesus.

Sheriff Hank Keough: Is this supposed to make us take him more seriously?

Kelly Scott: No, it's supposed to make you understand him.

Kelly Scott: [closing dialogue at end of movie] Doesn't anyone "make a move" around here in Maine?

Jack Wells: [opens the passenger door and moves his bag] Get in.

Kelly Scott: You move a bag and that's it? That's your "move"?

Jack Wells: Come on, I know a good bar where we can get some beers.

Kelly Scott: [gets in and closes the door] Are the glasses clean?

Jack Wells: Uhh... yeah. Are you gonna complain like this all night?

Kelly Scott: [gives him a look] Start the car Jack.

Jack Wells: [gives her a look] I miss the crocodile already.

[they both laugh and drive away]

Jack Wells: [end of movie]