Keith Quotes in The Wild Geese (1978)

Keith: Who are you leaving your money to, Queenie?

Medical Orderly Arthur Witty: Well, if it's any of your business, To the dearest, kindest proctologist in the whole wide world.

Keith: What's that?

Medical Orderly Arthur Witty: "Bum-doctor" to you, chubby cheeks.

Goose: You oughta get laid more often, Keith, you'd be less of a fuckhead.

Keith: Shit, I fuck like a bunny.

Goose: Yeah, quick.

Keith: Never hit a lady

Derek: Unless she hits first

James Beasley: This country is like a beautiful woman that enchants you and soothes you before you become so lost in her...

James Beasley, Keith: ...That she kills you!

Keith: How are you gonna be a revolutionary if you're such a traditionalist? You hold onto the past, but jazz is about the future.

Keith: Jazz is about the future.

Keith: How are things?

Aura: Um. I'm really tired. I took three klonopin and woke up next to a spoon full of peanut butter.

Keith: These guys are such fucking dirt bags, man. I'm just sitting there, trying to read my book, and they're all crowded around watching "cum omelette" on someone's iPhone.

Aura: What is "cum omelette"?

Keith: A porn video.

Aura: What happens in it?

Keith: Pretty self explanatory.

Aura: You don't have AIDS, do you?

Keith: No. Do you?

Aura: Uh uh.

Keith: Do you have herpes?

Aura: No. Do you?

Keith: No.

Keith: You don't think you're gonna get away with this, do you?

Vic: Of course! Do you know how many people disappear off the face of the earth every year? Not thousands, tens of thousands! You're a statistic, kid.

Keith: Why us? Why'd you pick on us?

Vic: It was a mistake, OK? There was a little error there, a little communication error... I'm sorry.

Keith: We'll be missed, they're gonna come looking for us.

Vic: Who will? Who'd you tell that you were coming here? Nobody tells anybody when they come to a joint like this! Quite a racket, huh? See, I run an essential service here... Waste disposal. Oh yeah! Look around, look who comes here. The sickies, the degenerates, the forlorn, the lowlifes, the fucking dregs of humanity wind up here and we take care of them. It costs you nothing.

Keith: Yeah, just my best friend.

Vic: Hey, nobody's perfect! I do the best I can with what I got.

Keith: Make sure I don't come back like you, OK?

AJ: Hey, you think I like this? Or them? They're boring creeps! They don't call them walking dead for nothing! Try talking to one of them sometime.

Keith: I am.

Keith: This has been one wacky night!

Keith: Testy! You wanna know why I'm testy? I'll tell you why I'm testy. Today I was nearly hung, I got into a fight with a psychotic albino, I met a human pin cushion in the bathroom, I ate a cockroach, my best friend disappears and then I'm nearly assassinated by a runaway elevator! I'VE HAD A BAD DAY!

Keith: All this for a fucking fraternity.

Keith: I think we know who is responsible for this!

Laura Chartoff: Me? You gotta be kidding! If I count to ten, will you disappear?

Keith: You watch your mouth, young lady, or no Hawaii.

Laura Chartoff: Gee, then I'd better not say what a complete dickhead you're being!

Keith: But just remember, God doesn't give us any more than we can carry.

Madelyn: [winces] God has some formula where He can calculate exactly how much pain to inflict on each individual?

[scoffs]

Madelyn: Isn't it interesting the things that are supposed to be mindlessly comforting are really, really horrible? You know, when you think about it.

Keith: What is this, the "Stepford GAYS?" Come on, guys!

Keith: So he's a Yank, AND an undercover "journo", looks like we'll have to give the boy two funerals.

[Carter offers to give Keith some money after the latter was beaten up by Carter's enemies and is lying down in bed with his face badly bruised]

Keith: Stuff it! My girlfriend is coming from Liverpool tonight! Nice surprise, isn't it?

Jack Carter: [throwing him the money] Here, go get yourself a course in karate.

Keith: Never trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.

Watts: [putting on Keith's diamond earrings] What do you think?

Keith: You look good wearing my future.

Keith: Well, I like art, I work in a gas station, my best friend is a tomboy. These things don't fly too well in the American high school.

Watts: It must be a drag to be a slave to the male sex drive.

Keith: It's not just sex.

Watts: Oh, you want to start a book club with her?

[referring to Watts driving them on their date]

Amanda Jones: So, do you always bring an extra girl when you go out?

Keith: Well, I like to cover my bets.

Amanda Jones: That's very cute. I'll have to remember that.

Amanda Jones: Look, uh, how this happened is as much of a MYSTERY to me as it is to you. I'm not any more thrilled about it than you are. So, why don't you just STOP giving me attitude, PLEASE?

Keith: I'm giving YOU attitude?

Amanda Jones: Yeah. Like on Friday, pulling that He-Man power play, about how I have to ask my friends for permission. I didn't appreciate it. I don't like being treated like that.

Keith: Well, it's TRUE, isn't it?

Amanda Jones: At least I have friends.

Keith: Are you sure?

Amanda Jones: You think I used you?

Keith: Didn't you?

Amanda Jones: I don't know... in a way.

Keith: In a way? Amanda, there's only one you use someone - you either do or you don't!

Amanda Jones: And you didn't use me? God, you hypocrite! What's hanging in that museum, huh? My soul? No, it's my face. You're using me to pay back every guy with more money and more power than you. Paint it in any colour you want. It's still you using me.

Keith: At least I'm teaching the subject I know and I'm not teaching math or something.

Sophie: You just have to make sure that you're choosing it. I just don't wanna be living a life where I'm not choosing stuff.

Sophie: Have you fucked yourself up?

Keith: You don't seem as young as you actually are.

Sophie: One day you'll be free.

Sophie: What makes you happy?

Keith: At the moment there's only really one thing that makes me happy.

Sophie: Me?

Keith: It's true.

Keith: Maybe boundaries are there for a reason... structure.

Sophie: You sound like a teacher.

Keith: Why *don't* you wanna play?

Sophie: I don't know. I want to choose to play. I don't wanna... do it because I can.

Sophie: I'm... I'm... I just feel like I'm causing so many problems here.

Keith: No you're not.

Keith: I had it all figured out, so I cut out early? Who cares? It's probably a good thing. Life sucks, anyway. Then I met you, and it got weird. And you were so amazing. And I...

Natalie: What? What?

Keith: I just wanted a little more time. So all in all, I'd say you're the worst thing that's ever happened to me. Goodbye, partner.

Keith: Wake up, Natalie. Don't you see what happened here? You had a beautiful life, and I had shit. I hated your guts. I wanted to take you down, I wanted to make you as miserable as I am, and that is exactly what I did. Now, how's that for a goodbye?

Natalie: Pretty lame.

Keith: Face it, Anderson, I screwed you. I screwed you big time.

Natalie: So you screwed me. So what? Me? I made love to you.

Keith: What's the rush? We're here in a yellow truck, a road ahead of us and nothing but opportunities.

Natalie: Fuck you.

Keith: You just did, partner.

Keith: So you don't remember.

Natalie: What?

Keith: Well, I sit behind you in the sixth grade play, you were the princess and I was Russian Soldier #3.

Natalie: Don't remember that.

Keith: Of course not. A princess never remembers the little people.

Natalie: Excuse me while I cry for you.

Keith: [spills liquid on chem table] Ohh, God.

Natalie: Be careful, would you?

Keith: Am I gonna be in trouble for that? Are you gonna punish me for this?

Natalie: I might have to.

Keith: 'Cause you know how I feel about all that stuff.

Natalie: Look, partner, you know the deal.

Keith: But those spiky heels really hurt me.

Natalie: Keith, you've been a bad boy and now you gonna pay the price.

[Keith groans]

Natalie: [looking at the people sharing their chem lab table who are staring] Do you mind?

Keith: [after he kisses Natalie] We should probably leave.

Natalie: Yeah.

Keith: We're lab partners.

Natalie: Yeah.

Keith: This is strictly a lab partnership.

Natalie: Absolutely.

Keith: And Walter would be very, very upset right now.

Keith: What are we doing? Really.

Natalie: This is the goodbye scene.

Keith: Let's not. Okay?

Natalie: Why didn't you tell me?

Keith: Everybody bites it sooner or later. I'm just in the AP class, ahead of the game.

Natalie: Always the joke.

Keith: Al says it's a phase. It'll stop soon, but hey, at least it wasn't about the sympathy for the sick kid.

Natalie: That's not fair.

Keith: Is Duke fair? Is Europe fair? At this rate I won't even make it to London, Ontario. Is that fair? Bowling, that's what I get. Bowling.

Keith: I've been thinking about what you said, about that concrete goal.

Alan Ascher: And?

Keith: I think I've nailed it. I feel really good about this one, Al.

Alan Ascher: Lay it on me.

Keith: It's a girl.

Alan Ascher: Cool. What's she like?

Keith: You know. Smart, beautiful, popular. A classic TGFY. Too Good For You, Al.

Alan Ascher: But not for you?

Keith: Well, I'm sorta outside the whole high school food chain at this point, wouldn't you say?

Alan Ascher: So, are you gonna ask her out?

Keith: Ask her out? No, bad idea, no. I mean, where's the theraputic value in that?

Alan Ascher: So, what's the plan?

Keith: Simple, I'm gonna have fun with her.

Natalie: Where you been the last two weeks?

Keith: "Last two weeks?" What, do you come here every day?

Natalie: [Just after Keith stops his truck from going over the edge of the cliff] What the hell was that? You crazy? You don't do shit like that! You could get yourself killed!

Keith: Not to mention what would have happened to my truck.

Keith: I've never lied in this far, and I'm not gonna start now.

Office Lady: Can I help you?

Natalie: Oh, we're just, uh, waiting for Mr. Richardson. He said he had to finish a phone call.

Office Lady: [skeptically] Okay.

Keith: [as soon as the office lady closes the door] Goddamn that Richardson!

Natalie: Yeah! Who does he think he is? That little monkey!

Keith: I'm sick of this shit! You know what, baby? We're going straight to the top! We're getting his little monkey-ass fired!

Natalie: In case you haven't heard: picnics - they usually take place outdoors.

Keith: Oh, is that what it says in the officaial picnic rulebook?

Keith: [Keith shows up out of the blue in chemistry class] Four test tubes, three beakers, and a bunsen burner.

Mr. Miles: Yeah, okay, everything seems to be in order. Keys?

[Keith hands him his key]

Mr. Miles: Natalie? Key?

[Natalie hands him her key]

Keith: The end of chemistry as we know it.

Natalie: You're such a goddamn glib little actor! As far as I'm concerned, this is a really chicken shit goodbye!

[Natalie storms out of the room]

Keith: Don't worry, Walter, she was addressing her remarks to me.

Keith: Do you think our check is ready? I-I know, pumpkin love; you know I'm pissed off, too. Can you believe this shit? It's been three months since that accident. The nerve.

[Unhappy with Keith as a chemistry lab partner, Natalie speaks to the teacher]

Mr. Miles: Keith is actually pretty sharp when he applies himself.

Natalie: Okay, but we kinda...

Mr. Miles: ...lack Chemistry?

Natalie: Yeah.

Mr. Miles: Try to make it work, okay?

[Natalie heads to the door. She just gets to it when Keith appears before the teacher as well]

Keith: About this Natalie Anderson thing: Walter, she's a complete anal-compulsive control freak. How do you expect me to work with that?

Keith: [to Walter Miles] I'll whip her into shape.

Natalie: [to Keith] Who the hell do you think you are?

Keith: Who do YOU think I am?

Natalie: Did you want to go over?

Keith: I wasn't even close.

Natalie: Yes you were.

Keith: You don't know how 'close' is.

Natalie: Are you crazy? You don't do shit like that! You could get yourself killed!

Keith: Not to mention what would've happened to my truck.

Troy: Yeah, I don't about this, man. Don't people out here tend to shoot first, ask questions never?

Keith: We got to tell somebody. I mean, someone's really hurt back there.

Troy: Yeah, well, what if these people are in on it? Have ever thought about that?

Keith: Well, if that's the case, run like hell.

[exits the car]

Troy: [shouting] You know I can't drive stick! Right?

Keith: No one's in there.

Troy: No one's anywhere, dude! I think the rapture happened when we we're smoking pot last night.

Ian: [toasting to the farm] To old Mac Donald's farm...

Keith: Ee-i-ee-i-o!

Candy: Out of my face, bitch!

Suzie: [points a finger to Candy] Slut.

Keith: Baby, I don't think you're a slut, I think you're really nice. Baby, wait!

Billy Bob: I'm sure gonna miss you, boy.

Keith: Yeah, you'll miss my ass, Bubba Gump!

Billy Bob: I'd watch my step if I were you, boy.

Keith: Oh yeah? Why's that?

Billy Bob: Because you're standing in horse shit.

Keith: Isn't thirty a little young to be having a midlife crisis?

Marshall Thomas: I'm gay. Thirty's the new forty.

Keith: Someone's excited.

Marshall Thomas: I'm just getting out my keys.

Keith: Right, right, right.

Keith: Nothing says "Happy Birthday" better than cheep bar food, overpriced beers and being served by guys in their underwear.

Keith: So, what was THAT all about?

Marshall Thomas: My boyfriend came by to talk.

Keith: Well, now he knows next time to call.

Mr. Hutchington: [spotting Keith and Marshall, with Marshall wearing a birthday party hat] Creative meeting or did I not get the invitation to an office party?

Keith: It's, um, Marshall's birthday today.

Mr. Hutchington: Really? Happy birthday, Marshall. And look at me standing here without a gift or a silly hat on, thinking work should be getting done. Where is my party etiquette?

Marshall Thomas: You know, that's okay. Hey, how 'bout for my birthday present you let me work on something else besides magazine layouts for mind-numbing useless products like watches and tampons?

Keith: I'm gonna go back to work. Excuse me.

Mr. Hutchington: Good call.

Angry: [talking about Sex and the City] Beautiful people always hump each other.

Keith: Exactly, I'm not putting it on!

Angry: Never ugly/beautiful. Always beautiful/beautiful.

Mark: [to Lily] Rosie O'Donnell's gonna crucify him! What an idiot!

Bobby: [Later, to Mitch] All I know is, Rosie O'Donnell's gonna crucify me.

Keith: How's Dick?

Lily: Mark is fine. He says hi.

Lily: I am not some Hollywood diva! I do my own hair!

Keith: I like your hair.

Colleen: [attempting to comfort Keith's annoyance at having to work with the obnoxious Brad on investigating a story] Maybe God put you two together for a reason.

Keith: Yeah, to try my patience.