Katie Quotes in This Means War (2012)


Katie Quotes:

  • Katie: So what brings you to Hong Kong? Business or pleasure?

    FDR Foster: Pleasure.

    Tuck: Business.

    FDR Foster: A little of both.

    Katie: What kind of business are you in?

    FDR Foster: I am a cruise ship captain of a very large vessel. My small friend here is a kick-ass travel agent.

    Katie: Permission to come aboard, captain.

  • Cuthbert: Don't rush me, Katie. I'm just, not ready.

    Katie: Oh relax Cuthbert, it's just like dancing. I'll lead.

  • Katie: This is the worst date ever.

  • Mr. Big: [pinning Katie down with his foot, after beating up Michael, to a guard] Kill her first!

    Katie: Michael!

    Mr. Big: [to Katie] Shut up!

    Michael: [screaming] LEAVE HER ALONE!

    [spotlights shatter as his voice echos]

  • Katie: Haven't you ever heard of cholesterol?

    Ernest 'Stick' Stickley: Yeah, it's the stuff they put in red meat that makes it taste good.

  • Katie: In my world everyone is a pony, and they all eat rainbows, and poop butterflies.

  • Heather: Horton! We've all got our own little clovers with worlds on them!

    Jessica: Mine is called Jessica-Land and everyone worships Queen Jessica because Jessica is so beautiful!

    Katie: In my world,everyone's a pony nad they all eat rainbows-and poop butterflies!

  • Jerry Shepard: [to the dog] You in or out buddy?

    Katie: [the dog barks] Translation?

    Jerry Shepard: That'll be out.

  • Jerry Shepard: I'm glad you're here Katie. And I owe you one.

    Katie: You owe me for a lot of things, but this is not one of them.

  • Jerry Shepard: Maybe you can help me out here or something, 'cause I'm not sure anymore.

    Katie: You know what you're supposed to do? You're supposed to let yourself off the hook. It doesn't mean that you have to forget.

  • Katie: How are going to get the dogs?

  • Katie: Was she very pretty?

    Latimore: Who?

    Katie: Your wife.

    Latimore: I don't know Katie, I forgot.

  • Tyler: Did Justin say anything to you about me?

    Katie: About you? Like what?

    Tyler: Oh, I don't know, anything. About me.

    Katie: Well he did say you were pretty cute... and he really liked you. Is that what you meant?


    Tyler: [pause] Katie, I could just kill you sometimes, you know that?

  • Katie: Katie glad Mama see.

    Louise Standon: What have you done to her to make her walk so peculiar?

  • Katie: Listen, Coop - last night was really great. You were incredibly romantic and heroic, no doubt about it. And that's great. But I've thought about it, and my thing is this: Andy is really hot. And don't get me wrong, you're cute too, but Andy is like, *cut*. From marble. He's gorgeous. He has this beautiful face and this incredible body, and I genuinely don't care that he's kinda lame. I don't even care that he cheats on me. And I like you more than I like Andy, Coop, but I'm 16. And maybe it'll be a different story when I'm ready to get married, but right now, I am entirely about sex. I just wanna get laid. I just wanna take him and grab him and fuck his brains out, ya know? So that's where my priorities are right now. Sex. Specifically with Andy and not with you.

  • Coop: [as Katie walks away] I want you inside me.

    Katie: What did you say?

    Coop: Oh hey... from before...

  • Dewey Finn: Katie, what was that thing you were playing today, the big thing?

    Katie: Cello.

    Dewey Finn: Ok. This is a bass guitar. And it's the exact same thing but instead of playing it like this you tip it on the side... cello, you got a bass.

  • Freddy: I'm just saying, name two great chick drummers.

    Katie: Sheila E.? Meg White from the White Stripes?

    Freddy: [Freddy winces] She can't drum!

    Katie: She's a better drummer than you! At least she has rhythm.

    [Miss Mullins passes and realizes that Freddy has rolled up his sleeves and spiked his hair]

    Miss Mullins: Freddy! Where are your sleeves? And what have you done to your hair?

    Freddy: It's called punk.

    Miss Mullins: Well, it's not school uniform.

    [She pulls his left sleeve down, and he turns away with a rebellious expression. Frankie, Michelle, and Eleni have observed this]

    Frankie: Miss Mullins, you're the Man.

    Miss Mullins: Thank you, Frankie!

  • Taylor Vaughan: Careful of what? OK, I could win this thing in flourescent lighting, on the first day of my period, cloaked in T.J. Max. Ok? My mother was prom queen in '71, my cousin - prom queen in '82, and my sister would have been prom queen in '94 if it wasn't for that scam on the Conway Bed tour bus, okay? I am a goddamn legacy, all right? And besides, not to be a bitch, but who's gonna beat Taylor Vaughan?

    Katie: God, I hope that's not your acceptance speech.

  • Emma: I can't stop thinking about him.

    Katie: Who? Adam?

    Emma: Yeah. I know it's over and I'm looking. It's just that no one is as.

    Katie: [interrupts] Tall?

    Emma: He's so tall.

    Katie: So tall.

    Emma: And he's so, like.

    Katie: Happy?

    Emma: Annoyingly happy, all the time. But he has this.


    Emma: He has the best heart.

  • Katie: [answers phone] Hey! How did it go? Did you find him?

    Emma: Yeah, he was with a girl. It's his girlfriend. And I was in a bush.

    Katie: Oh crap.


    Katie: Are you still there?

    Emma: [crying] Yeah.

    Katie: Okay, get in your car and drive away. How much money do you have on you?

    Emma: Uh, like 10 bucks.

    Katie: Okay, the box of 50 doughnut holes is $5.79. You're gonna need two boxes.

    Emma: [crying harder] I lost him!

    Katie: I'm so sorry. I love you.

    Emma: I know.

    [hangs up]

  • Katie: Mom is so excited. She was like screaming and crying last night! Oh, and she's going to fly down with Bones and help me shop for the dress.

    Emma: [interrupts] Who? Bones? Who's Bones? Katie, who's Bones?

    Katie: He's mom's friend. I wasn't supposed to tell you about him.

    Emma: She has a boyfriend named Bones? What is he a drifter?

    Katie: No!

    Emma: Why didn't she tell me?

    Katie: Emma, you're so good at being alone. Mom and I aren't like that.

    Emma: What's that supposed to mean?

    Katie: Just, it's true.

  • Joe: You know what this is like? Really just like high school, but instead of French homework, it's my dick.

    Katie: Well, that's not true, because French was actually hard.

  • Regan: Okay, how much money do you guys have?

    Katie: I have 5 maxed out credit cards!

    Gena: I have a twen... actually I ripped it. I got nothing.

    Regan: Well, that sums up your lives.

  • Katie: I have a really important announcement. I lost my cell phone, and the last time I saw it, was back there, and I just feel like somebody took it.

  • Katie: Oh, do you believe in magic?

    Joe: Yes, I do. That's abso... yes.

    Katie: Do you believe in a magic vagina?

    Joe: A magic vagina?

    Katie: It would bewitch you with its magic.

    Joe: I've been bewitched by vaginas before. It's scary, actually.

  • Katie: Once I was so stoned I thought I was in an episode of 90210, and I kept yelling "Dylan!".

    Joe: Awesome! I got so fucked up once on shrooms that I started a fight club with my cats.

    Katie: I once got so wrecked that I woke up naked next to a hamburger, and I was like "did I just have sex with a hamburger?"

  • Gena: [seeing the torn wedding dress out in the open] What are you doing? Why do you have the baby out of the garbage bag?

    Regan: I'm matching the thread color to the dress.

    Gena: [mockingly] Uh, it's a wedding dress. I think maybe it's white.

    Katie: Oh, actually, it's ivory.

    Regan: Actually, it's pearl.

    Gena: OK. You know what? Knowing stuff like that does not make you guys cool. It makes you...

    Regan: Amazing?

    Katie: Gorgeous?

    Regan: Incredible?

    Katie: God blessed me with perfect tits, it's only right that people should know that?

    Gena: I was gonna say it makes you stupid.

  • Katie: What do you call a bachelorette party without a bride?

    Gena: Friday?

  • Mike: I cannot believe you are voluntarily going to swim in the Hudson fucking river.

    Katie: Mike!

    [Tries to stop Mike saying curse words in front of Phoebe]

    Mike: This isn't what...

    [to Katie]

    Mike: I know that she is a big girl.

    [to Phoebe]

    Mike: Sorry about the language.

    Phoebe: That's okay. I accept your fucking apology.

  • Katie: [Phoebe cries] Hey, what's wrong?

    Phoebe: I just think I'm worried about this whole addict thing, you know.

    Katie: Mmm-hmmm.

    Phoebe: I mean I just... Do you ever worry that you'll be just humming along and then, he's just gonna veer off back into the darkness?

    Katie: In my experience, the only way that I can do this is just to keep the focus on myself.

    Phoebe: Meaning?

    Katie: Meaning... ummm... What about my side of the street? What are my issues that I have to deal with? After all, I picked an addict... Says something.

  • Katie: [hanging from the castle awning] The things I do for you!

    Peter Plunkett: [looking on as the bus recklessly drives away] Deeply appreciated... oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

  • Katie: [practicing their respective hauntings, to Julia] I should like to be the tart on the horse, and you could be the hag in the tree.

  • Katie: But there are no bloody ghosts here!

    Peter Plunkett: I know, but there will be. We'll invent them!

  • Adina: MOTHER'S ASS! Why you let them treat you like this? You can't be a bunch of PUSSIES your whole lives!... I HATE this place.

    Katie: Whoa! P-M-S!

  • Katie: [shouts] I am not deaf!

    Roberta: We should all be so lucky.

  • Katie: Anderson, when you asked me to marry you, you probably picked the only girl in the whole world that would say yes. I don't think that's a coincidence. Do you?

    Anderson: I don't know.

    Katie: Do you believe in fate?

    Anderson: No.

    Katie: Neither do I. You see, this was meant to be. Will you marry me?

  • Katie: I want to go to Chow Funs

    Ben: I thought we agreed we couldn't really talk at Chow Funs

    Katie: I know

    Ben: Are you saying Chow Funs because you can't face telling the kids? Because if that's why you're saying Chow Funs, don't say Chow Funs

    Katie: That's not why I'm saying Chow Funs. Funs, I'm saying Chow Funs because we're an us. There's a history here, and histories don't happen overnight. In Mesopotamia or Ancient Troy there are cities built on top of other cities, but I don't want another city, I like this city. I know what kind of mood your in when you wake up by which eyebrow is higher, and you know I'm a little quiet in the morning and compensate accordingly, that's a dance you perfect over time. And it's hard, it's much harder than I thought it would be, but there's more good than bad and you don't just give up! And it's not for the sake of the children, but God they're great kids aren't they? And we made them, I mean think about that! It's like there were no people there, and then there were people and they grew, and an an an I won't be able to say to some stranger Josh has your hands or remember how Erin threw up at the Lincoln Memorial And I'll try to relax, let's face it, anybody is going to have traits that get on your nerves, I mean, why shouldn't it be your annoying traits, and I know I'm no day at the beach, but I do have a good sense of direction so I can at least find the beach, which isn't a weakness of yours, it's a strength of mine. And God your a good friend and good friends are hard to find. Charlotte said that in Charlottes Web and I love how you read that to Erin and you take on the voice of Wilber the Pig with such dedication even when your bone tired. That speaks volumes about character! And ultimately, isn't that what it comes down too? What a person is made of? That girl in the pin helmet is still here 'bee boo bee boo' I didn't even know she existed until you and I'm afraid if you leave I may never see her again, even though I said at times you beat her out of me, isn't that the paradox? Haven't we hit the essential paradox? Give and take, push and pull, the yen the yang. The best of times, the worst of times!I think Dickens said it best, 'He could eat no fat, his wife could eat no lean', but, doesn't really apply here does it? What I'm trying to say is, I'm saying Chow Funs because, I love you

    Ben: Did you hear that kids? Mom wants to go to chow Funs!

  • Katie: Once you establish *anything* truly intimate with another person - even *talking* - it has to affect the person you're supposed to be the most intimate with.

  • Katie: There are some hurts that you never completely get over. And you think, I don't know, that time will diminish their presence - an-an-and to a degree it does - but, ah... it still hurts. Because, well... hurt hurts.

  • Amber: I brought a surprise for Jenny.

    Katie: What?

    Amber: A whole bag of dildos!

    Ross: No one said the script was award-worthy.

  • Katie: I went to a college in Croydon.

    Mary: [in an intimidating manner] Which College in Croydon?

    Katie: [responding awkwardly] ... The Croydon College.

    Tom: The aptly named!

  • Tom: Alright, I dig holes.

    Katie: That's just calling a spade a spade, isn't it ?

    Gerri: I always call it a shovel.

    Tom: You call it a fork. I call it a trailer-mounted tripod cable percussive boring unit.

    Gerri: That's why I love him.

  • Katie: Hey look! It's Warrior Mouse! Oh no, he got away. Here mousie mouse. Here mouse.

    Boy: Ah let him go, you probably poisoned him anyway putting all that paint on him.

  • Katie: [to Georgy] No one can hear you down here! Scream all you want. It ain't gonna work. Trust me... I tried!

  • Katie: They used to use shock therapy to help the mentally ill. Since you are so SICK, you, Valko, need a great deal of THERAPY!

    [she electrocutes him and he screams in pain]

  • Katie: [to Georgy] Don't worry, I'm gonna take good care of you!

  • Father Dimov: [catching Katie in his kitchen]

    [in Bulgarian]

    Father Dimov: Little mouse!


    Father Dimov: [Katie stares] Little mouse, come and eat!

    Katie: [coldly] Stay away from me.

    Father Dimov: [in English] Oh, you're an American!

    Katie: Don't come near me...

    Father Dimov: [throws up his hands] You have no need to fear!

    Katie: Your English is good...

    Father Dimov: [laughs] I studied philosophy in London. Your English is much better!

    [as Katie approaches]

    Father Dimov: So you're an American girl scattering away. Why?

  • Father Dimov: [as he finds Katie back in his church, staring at the alter] Little mouse...


    Father Dimov: I'm pleased to find you here.

    Katie: [she turns around] Don't come any closer...

    Father Dimov: Somebody did very bad things to you, I know...


    Father Dimov: I can call the police...

    Katie: [quietly] Don't.

    [she calmly starts to walk away]

    Father Dimov: You can't run from this forever...

    Katie: [Katie stops and turns to face him] I'm not running...

  • Katie: [as she removes the box cover to talk to Ana] You're the sickest of them all! How many more of us did you sell to animals like Valko? How many more like me?


    Katie: HOW MANY?

  • Valko: Please! I beg of you! NO MORE!

    Katie: No more? I haven't even gotten started.

  • Katie: [whimpering and crying as she lays down bloodied and beaten on the ground; Ivan laughs] You're a sick fuck.

    Ivan: No. Georgy is a sick fuck. Anna is crazy sick fuck. Nicolay is just sick. Me?


    Ivan: I'm just a fuck!

    [Ivan smirks]

  • Katie: [to Georgy as he's caught taking pictures in her bedroom] In three seconds, I'm going to scream so loud!

  • Katie: [screams to Ivan as she brutally tortures him] YOU THINK *THAT* HURTS? YOU JUST *WAIT*!

  • Katie: [screams in agony after realizing that she was lured back to the basement she was tortured in] NO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O!

  • Katie: [while conducting a rat trap] I know how to catch me some vermin!

  • Ana: [screaming from the box] Please let me out!


    Katie: [glances at Ivan] Your mothers' calling.

    Ana: Somebody please let me out! LET ME OUT!

    Ivan: Shut up, Anna. Anna, shut up!

    Katie: Now Ivan, you shouldn't talk to your mother that way!

    [Ivan chuckles, Katie leans in]

    Katie: What's so funny?

    Ivan: She's not my mother. Father didn't stop raping her until after Nikky was born. I told you that she was the sick fuck.

  • Katie: [to Georgy as he chained up to a wall and stripped down to his briefs] I could castrate you.

    [Georgy whimpers]

    Katie: Or... I could slit your throat! But you are a sick and diseased bag of flesh... and that is how you deserve to die; rotting... like you left me.

  • Katie: Still in the K-Hole, darling? You don't even know what's happening, do you?

    Nicolay: [stutters] We killed you...

    Katie: Yeah.


    Katie: You see, this is all a DREAM!

  • Katie: [as she grabs Nikki head and repeatedly dunks it into a urine filled toilet bowel] ARE YOU THIRSTY? TAKE A BIG DRINK!

  • Katie: Water...

    Nicolay: [to Georgy] She speaks, man.

    Katie: [cries out] I'm thirsty, please! I'm thirsty...

    Nicolay: [Georgy walks out of the room to get water. Nikki unzips his pants and urinates on Katie; she rolls back and screams] Drink up, baby! It's refreshing, isn't it?

    [he laughs]

    Nicolay: [Georgy attacks Nicolay and they fight]

    Ivan: [Ivan walks in] STOP IT! The both of you...

    Georgy: [to Ivan] He was pissing on her!

    Ivan: Is that so?

    Nicolay: Hey, what's the difference?

    [points to Katie]

    Nicolay: She's a piece of trash!

    [Katie looks up at him and cries]

  • Katie: [to Anna as she wakes and finds herself tied up] My dear girl. Believe me, I know what you're going through!

  • Katie: [to Ivan while she tortures him and he screams] You should see yourself...

    [she smirks]

    Katie: Not so proud now, Ivan!

  • Katie: [to Valko as she tasers him] Is the pain waking your body up yet?

  • Jo: And to think it all started with a bike.

    Katie: I thought you said that was him being southern.

    Jo: That was him making a move.

  • Alex: You actually catch this?

    Katie: I speared it.

    Alex: You gigged it?

    Katie: I gigged it? I gigged it.

  • Lexie: Whatcha paintin'?

    Katie: My floor!

    Lexie: Floor? Usually people don't paint floors!

  • Katie: So your really leaving then huh?

    Jo: Yeah, I think we both now that it's time for me to go.

  • Katie: Does is get better... with time?

    Alex: Yeah... Yeah... At first I tried to avoid every place we went together. I tried to put it behind me. I tried to... step forward. But it just didn't work. And I realized if I'm not thinking about her then who is. She didn't deserve that; she was an amazing woman and I loved her, and I want my children to know that.

  • Katie: At least i know when it's time to leave

    Jo: You know your right Katie, but some of us don't have that choice

  • Jo: Katie...

    Katie: Hey, look i just wanted to apologize for what i said...

    Jo: He's here.

    Katie: Whose here...

    Jo: You know who.

  • Katie: Drawing? What are you drawing?

    Lexie: I don't know yet.

    Katie: Hmm look's like a carrot.

    Lexie: No.

    Katie: A dragonfly?

    Lexie: No, it's a flying fish.

  • Alex: So why South Port?

    Katie: It's like this, a clean empty canvas.

    Alex: So you're starting over.

  • Katie: Well, you could just say Thank You.

  • Jo: Katie! See it's not so hard!

    Katie: Bye Jo!

  • [last lines]

    Katie: They call this a "pauper's funeral" because it's the cheapest slot, at 9:00. But Dan wasn't a pauper to us. He gave us things that money can't buy. When he died, I found this on him. He always used to write in pencil. And he wanted to read it at his appeal but he never got the chance to. And I swear that this lovely man, had so much more to give, and that the State drove him to an early grave. And this is what he wrote. "I am not a client, a customer, nor a service user. "I am not a shirker, a scrounger, a beggar, nor a thief. "I'm not a National Insurance Number or blip on a screen. "I paid my dues, never a penny short, and proud to do so. "I don't tug the forelock, but look my neighbour in the eye and help him if I can. "I don't accept or seek charity. "My name is Daniel Blake. I am a man, not a dog. "As such, I demand my rights. "I demand you treat me with respect. "I, Daniel Blake, am a citizen, "nothing more and nothing less."Thank you.

  • Katie: I'm just really hungry.

  • Katie: I can't cope, Dan. I feel like I'm going under.

    Daniel: Look, you'll get through this, darling.

  • [from trailer]

    Katie: Listen to me Tim. It's time to grow up. Nothing supernatural happened. These feelings you're having, they're going to get worse unless you face this. Go home Tim. Spend one night in that house. It will help.

  • Katie: I know you feel like something bad just happened, Marcy May. But you have to trust me, that wasn't bad.

  • Hammond Maxwell: Cousin Charles, What the hell you doing, kissin on the mouth?

    [Charles throws Katie to bed, removes his belt, and whips her with it]

    Hammond Maxwell: What you doin that fer?

    Charles: Makes a man feel good. She likes it too. Don't you pretty wench?

    Katie: [Crying] Yes, master.

  • Katie: [looking at a carving] What does that mean?

    Chips: Gnothe seauthon. Know yourself. The watchword of Apollo.

    Katie: The god of prophecy?

    Chips: Among other things...

    [Later at the close of the scene]

    Katie: [contemplating the temple she has visited] Know yourself. That's quite a watchword. Gnothe seauthon.

    Chips: You're most retentive.

    Katie: Give me a good line and I can remember it.

  • Katie: Yes, well, you're very active for your age!

    Chips: Since you cannot conceivably know what my age is, your most flattering compliment must be based on a somewhat conjectural premise.

    Katie: [laughs] You've done it again. Now that's three times you've made me laugh. And only this morning I thought I'd never laugh again. I suppose it's your being a schoolmaster.

    Chips: [insulted] I fail to see what is so laughable about that.

    Katie: Well, no, it's not laughable. One doesn't laugh at people only because they're funny. Not some people. C'mon... there's so much to see before the sun goes down on us...

  • Katie: No, the allusion was to the stage which used to be my profession.

    Headmaster: Indeed.

    Headmaster's Wife: You're an actress, Mrs. Chipping?

    Katie: Well, not even my best friends would call me that.

    Headmaster's Wife: [snidely] Aw, and what would they call you?

    Katie: A soubrette. That's the girl in musical comedy who sings the big number and, in the end, loses the man.


    Katie: In real life, they nearly always end up the wives of earls. I nearly did. But luckily... I met Chips.

  • Katie: The headmaster's a darling. His wife's a bitch.

    Chips: That's not a word we use here.

    Katie: You should I think.

  • Katie: Ursula, darling, you must see the bell tower. And here's your guide (pointing to Herr Staefel).

    Ursula: The bell tower? (realizing Katie's unspoken intention) Oh, yes, of course... the bell tower! (Laughs) Later...

    Staefel: I hope you like early English perpendicular.

    Ursula: Darling, I revel in early English perpendicular!

  • Chips: You are William C. Belfridge's ward. Miss Katherine Bridges.

    Katie: Now that's wrong, too. It's not my real name. My real name is... now you won't laugh, will you? It's Brisket.

    Chips: Charmingly Anglo-Saxon.

  • Katie: By the way, how do you know she isn't here?

    Calbury: She?

    Katie: The girl the Evening News said you were going to marry?

    Calbury: Oh, yes. I saw that. Me and Penelope Fitzdouglas. Isn't it ridiculous?

    Katie (annoyed): Sidesplitting.

  • Katie: Sorry, am I going too fast for you?

    Chips: My dear young lady, I could easily go just as fast as you if I cared to risk a broken ankle and be carried back on a stretcher. It's extremely foolish to leap around in a ruined circus like a mountain goat. Especially in those shoes. These stones are treacherous.

  • Katie: I'm going to ask Apollo a question.

    Chips: You mustn't ask a personal question, well, not a specific one like uh...

    Katie: Like "Will Bill Calbury come back to me?" No (sighs), I won't bore Apollo with that, I promise you.

  • Katie: I'm so terribly sorry about being late. Chips says it's almost as bad as being off your number.

    Headmaster: I'm afraid I don't quite understand that allusion, Mrs. Chippings.

    Katie: Oh, Mrs. Chippings! I just love when I'm called that.

    Headmaster: And you are that, yes?

    Katie: Oh, yes! Well and truly! Well, unless Chips is a bigamist which I rather suspect. How else could he have escaped... until now?

  • Chips: We must go in, dear. The headmaster always goes in last, and the boys always receive him standing and in silence.

    Katie: Sounds like a dream entrance.

  • Chips: I refuse utterly to become the secret lover of a well-known actress.

    Katie: Who said lover?

    Chips: Well, friend, I would like to be.

    Katie: Who said friend?

    Chips: What is there between lover and friend?

    Katie: Husband.

  • Katie: When you're good and smart and kind of heart, there's nothing you can't win. And it never hurts to remember a name like...

    Emily: Rumpelstiltskin.

  • Katie: [Crying ] I'm afraid to tell.

    Rumpelstiltskin: Stop it, stop it, stop it, I say. If you don't stop this crying, I'll just go away!

    Crow: Let's go.

  • Katie: Are there people where I'm going?

    Mike Enslin: Hey... you're not going anywhere, kiddo. You're going to stay right here with us.

    Katie: Daddy... everyone dies.

    Lily Enslin: When they're old.

    Mike Enslin: When they're much older.

    Lily Enslin: Okay? And then they go to a better place. It's beautiful there, all your friends will be there.

    Katie: Is God there?

    Mike Enslin: Yes.

    Katie: Do you really believe that Daddy?

  • Katie: Daddy!

    Mike Enslin: No, you're not real.

    Katie: I'm cold!

    Mike Enslin: No, you're not Katie!

    Katie: I love you Daddy. Don't you love me anymore?

    Mike Enslin: Of course I do, sweetheart!

  • Katie: [while room burns] Daddy... Everyone dies.

    Mike Enslin: [Starts laughing hysterically]

  • Katie: Becca, quit being a bitch!

  • [first lines]

    Katie: I hate television. Gives me headaches. You know, I heard there's so many magnetic waves traveling through the air, because of TV and telephones, that we're losing, like, ten times as many brain cells as we're supposed to. Like, all the molecules in our heads are all unstable. All the companies know about it, but they're not doing anything about it. It's, like, a big conspiracy.

  • [they are playing paintball in the woods]

    Stan: This is a man's game. It requires a man's cunning, a man's intelligence...

    [Katie jumps out of a bush and shoots Larry and Stan in the chests with her paintball gun]

    Katie: ...with a woman's touch.

  • Katie: We're all trapped here.

    Epps: Who?

    Katie: My shipmates and I.

  • Katie: You must go at once. Leave the ship while you still can!

  • Micah: You're screaming like that over a spider?

    Katie: Well, yeah... did you go run and get the camera first?

  • [referring to the photograph that Micah found in the attic]

    Katie: Where was it when you found it?

    Micah: It was over our bed.

  • Katie: You promised me - don't look at me like that! - you promised me you weren't going to mess with that stuff.

    Micah: No. I promised you I wasn't going to buy a Ouija board. I didn't buy a Ouija board. I borrowed a Ouija board.

  • Micah: Well, basically it could be two things: it could be a ghost...

    [mock whisper]

    Micah: or it could be a demon.

    Katie: Dr. Fredrichs said that it wasn't a ghost.

    Micah: Well, I've been going by the evidence and I'm doin' my research and I'm going to find out what it is.

    Katie: Well, whatever it is that's following me, it doesn't feel... it doesn't feel human. It feels like it's... it feels like a monster. I mean like, it wants to hurt me.

    Micah: Well that sounds like, actually like a demon.

    Katie: Yeah, that's what he said.

    Micah: Well, 'cause ghosts are spirits of human beings.

    Katie: Yeah, it's definitely not human.

    Micah: Then maybe you're right, which is bad 'cause demons suck.

  • Micah: I understand where you're coming from- just remember too, that you didn't exactly warn me about this kind of stuff before we moved in together, so I think I have a little bit of say in what we do.

    Katie: I get that, but honestly what was I supposed to say? On our first date, 'Hey, I think there's a demon that I think has been following me.'

    Micah: No, but maybe on our fifteenth date, or our thirtieth date, or when we decided to live together... that might've been a good thing to bring up.

  • [after noises occur after midnight, the two get up, and Micah finds that the panel covering the opening to the attic has shifted]

    Micah: There's something up there. I've gotta look.

    Katie: Micah! Micah, please be careful.

    [There are the sounds of his footsteps, but he doesn't reply]

    Katie: Are you okay? Micah, answer me! Micah! Micah!

    [He comes back down the ladder and holds out a photograph which has burned edges]

    Micah: I found this up there.

    Katie: No. No no no no. Let me see it?

    Micah: What are you talking about?

    Katie: This is our old house! What in the hell is doing in the attic?

    Micah: I thought the old house burned down.

    Katie: There is no way. There is no way you found that in our attic. There is no way that that even exists! I haven't seen that picture in fifteen years. That makes no sense. That makes no sense at all.

  • Micah: Here, kiss the camera.

    Katie: I'm not going to kiss the camera. I'll kiss you, but I won't kiss the camera.

  • Micah: Has this shit happened in the day-time before?

    Katie: It's getting worse.

  • [first lines]

    Katie: Is that what I think it is?

    Micah: Depends on what you think it is.

    Katie: I think it's a big-ass camera! Whatever happened to one of those little hand held cameras?

  • Micah: Hey, hey hey hey hey! Let's talk about this first. It's just, I'm in control, I'm making progress.

    Katie: No, you haven't been having any progress, and you're *not* in control. *It* is in control, and if you think you're in control, then you're being an idiot! Not a single thing you've done has helped, and I'm sorry, I don't mean to burst your bubble, but the camera hasn't helped and the stupid footprints haven't helped; do you think that thing would have left footprints if it didn't want to? No! It did it because it wanted to! It wanted you to find my photo, it can be anywhere, it hears what we're saying right now.

    Micah: Hey! How the fuck do you know?

    Katie: You are absolutely powerless!

    Micah: That's, that's not at all true, and you know it.

    Katie: Well, get over it.

  • Katie: I said don't mess with that stuff, because it scared me and what do you do? You go out and get the best looking fucking Ouija board I've ever seen and put it in the middle of our living room? Explain that to me.

  • Katie: I think we'll be okay now.

  • Katie: I feel it. I feel it breathing on me.

  • Katie: I don't give a fuck what that thing says on the Ouija board!

  • Leila: [from the trailer] Daddy? I can't sleep.

    Ryan Fleege: What's going on?

    Leila: There are noises in my room.

    Ryan Fleege: You hear noises in your room? Okay, well Daddy will go and make you everything's...

    Leila: [sneezes]

    KatieKristi: [on the TV screen, talking to the outside world] Bless you.

  • Randy Rosen: [Randy goes to investigate what had happened outside the bathroom; once he's outside, the table nearby is violently trashed right in front of Randy, frightening him] Holy fuck!

    Randy Rosen: [Randy closes the door, exclaiming frightfully] Okay...

    [turns the camera onto a horrified Katie]

    Randy Rosen: Nothing happened.

    Katie: You okay?

    Randy Rosen: Nothing. You're fine.

    Katie: [upset] I wanna get out of here!

    Randy Rosen: It's okay, all right? We're gonna get out of here.

    [to himself]

    Randy Rosen: Come on, Randy!

  • Katie: [playing the Bloody Mary game, Katie first explains it] So, you say Bloody Mary three times.

    Randy Rosen: Mmm-hmm.

    Katie: And then you wait a little bit and then you turn the lights back on; and then you're supposed to see her body in the mirror and she's gonna try to kill you.

    Randy Rosen: Try and kill you. Good game.


    Katie: Yep.

    Randy Rosen: I don't know why you wanna play this- One of us is gonna be dead by the end of it. I guess it's a one-time game. Okay, let's do it.

    KatieRandy Rosen: Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary.

    Katie: [Randy turns on the light as nothing happens] Randy!

    Randy Rosen: Nothing happened.


    Katie: You turned the light on too soon!

    Randy Rosen: Oh, come on, Katie. This is stupid.

    [as he walks to the door]

    Katie: No, no, no, no, no, no, no! You can't leave!

    [blocking the door]

    Randy Rosen: Let's just go play doll house or something.

    Katie: No, you didn't do it right.

    Randy Rosen: What did I not do right?

    Katie: You need to keep the light off longer.

    Randy Rosen: Okay. Okay. All right. You wanna play Bloody Mary? Let's play Bloody Mary.

    Katie: Okay, ready?

    Randy Rosen: You're not gonna see anybody play Bloody Mary like I'm about to play Bloody Mary.

  • Katie: Simple Simon met the pie man playing with a knife Said Simple Simon to the pie man, "Will you take my life?" Said the pie man to Simple Simon, "When the time is right" Said Simple Simon to the pie man, "Then I'll die tonight".

  • Benjamin: Question: Would you sleep with a minor? Answer: yes. Let's begin our slide into the moral abyss.

    Katie: Oh! Naughty naughty.

    Adam: Aw, shit, I, for one, had sex before I was fourteen. I don't see what the big deal is.

    Benjamin: Really. I didn't think that they had altar boys in the, uh, the Jewish faith.

    Elizabeth: [hurriedly trying to deflect any animosity] Okay, Piper, your turn.

    Piper: Question: Would you sleep with a person of the same sex? Answer: yes.

    Christian Turner: What a great game to play with our best friends.

    Adam: Yeah, fuck Taboo. Let's have an orgy, huh?

    Elizabeth: Or enroll in group therapy.

    Benjamin: Well, maybe you need new friends.

    Piper: Well, actually? We all seem pretty well suited for each other, so far.

    Elizabeth: [looks at Adam] Your turn.

    Adam: All right, the question is: Would you have a threesome? The answer is yes.

    Christian Turner: Two girls and one guy, right?

    Piper: Does it matter?

    Katie: Well, Mr. Right Wing Conservative over there looks like he might think two girls might be fun. Huh?

    [Piper, his current girlfriend, looks at him worriedly]

    Elizabeth: Okay, my turn. Question: Would you have sex for money? Answer: yes.

    [She looks at Katie]

    Katie: I like sex, okay? That does not make me a hooker. At least it doesn't make me a bitch.

    Benjamin: That's my baby.

    Katie: Question. Mmm. Would you sleep with your partner's best friend? Answer? A very disappointing no.

    Christian Turner: Wow. There's one good person amongst us sinners.

    Katie: Christian. Pardon me, but don't you have to be a lot fatter and less educated to be part of the Christian coalition?

    Christian Turner: So says the prep school anarchist.

    Katie: Ah. No, no no. See, I am just a shallow, materialistic party girl, and at least I don't pretend to believe in principles.

  • [first lines]

    Piper: [reading from a dictionary] "Taboo: A prohibition against touching, saying, or doing something for fear of immediate harm from a supernatural force." That's creepy. And, and I, I don't, I don't really get it.

    Elizabeth: Well, the thing about taboos is that society shuns them. But if you really think about it, I mean, there's something very tempting about it. And the game will test whether or not we succumb to the taboo, whatever it might be.

    Christian Turner: Such as?

    Elizabeth: Such as, would you cheat on your husband or wife?

    Katie: Oh, that's considered taboo? See, I just thought it was good Country Club etiquette.

  • [They raise their champagne glasses in a toast, as the New Year approaches]

    Christian Turner: Here, a toast. To the four people in the world that I most love to hate. And

    [nodding to Elizabeth]

    Christian Turner: to the one that I hate to love.

    Elizabeth: [She grins] To relationships that last as long as we live.

    [She smiles saucily at Christian]

    Elizabeth: As short as that may be.

    Piper: To the twelve seconds.

    Benjamin: [mocking her drunkenness] "Twelve theconds." I'd like to make a toast to bread. Because without bread, there would be no toast.

    Katie: [to Elizabeth, spitefully] Uh, a toast for the cure to cancer! And, uh, ending world hunger, and everything else I'll never be involved in!

    Piper: [drunk but happy] To special people! And special times.

    Adam: Special Olympics!

  • Elizabeth: Well, what do you want to talk about, then?

    Katie: Dirt.

    Benjamin: Gossip.

    Adam: I like rumors. Does anyone have any?

  • Elizabeth: Slut.

    Katie: Bitch.

    Elizabeth: Like there's a difference.

    Katie: Oh, but there is. You see, a slut gets to sleep with anyone that she wants to. "Moi." And a bitch, well, a bitch sleeps with no one.

    [looks at Christian]

    Katie: Not even her fiancee. "Vous."

  • Jesus: Now, do you know what the seed is?

    Katie: A baby!

    Jesus: [imitating her] Wrong!

  • Lynne: Master...

    [Lynne climbs down from a stage and rushes to Jesus. Gilmer, Robin, Joanne, Jeffrey, Merrell, Jerry and Katie follow]

    Lynne: Master! Blessed are the poor in Spirit...

    Jesus: For theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.

    Gilmer: Blessed are they who mourn...

    Jesus: For they shall be comforted.

    Robin: Blessed are the meek...

    Jesus: For they shall inherit the Earth.

    Joanne: Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for justice...

    Jesus: For the shall be filled.

    Jeffrey: Blessed are the merciful...

    Jesus: For they shall have mercy.

    Merrell: Blessed are the pure in heart...

    Jesus: For they shall see God.

    Jerry: Blessed are the peace-makers...

    Jesus: For they shall be called the children of God.

    Katie: Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake...

    Jesus: For theirs is the Kingdom of *heaven*!

    [the others applaud]

    Judas: [shouting from the distant stage] Blessed are ye... When men shall persecute you and revile you... and say all manner of evil against you...

    [pauses then calms down]

    Judas: falsely.

  • Katie: I've got myself railroaded into a stud poker game!

  • Katie: I came to see about supper.

    Price: Well, it's the altitude. It works up the appetite.

  • Katie: You're very forceful, aren't you?

    Mason: Do I, er, need force?

    Katie: I was talking about vibrations.

    Mason: Oh. How are yours doing?

    Katie: What do they say?

    Mason: I'm not sure, but I like them.

    Katie: And they like you. In time.

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Characters on This Means War (2012)