Kai Quotes in Kung Fu Panda 3 (2016)

[from clip]

Kai: You must be the Dragon Warrior.

Po: And you must be Kai. Beast of vengeance, Maker of widows.

Kai: YES! Finally thank you. Almost makes me want to spare your life.

Po: Oh you want to spare me huh? How about you spare me the chit-chat alright let's do this.

Kai: I'm going to take your chi then the chi of every panda in the...

Po: Augh! chit-chat

Kai: In the...

Po: Chitty-chitty-chat-chat, chat-chat-chat!

Kai: In the...

Po: Chit-Chat!

Kai: [Kai has materialized in a vast field; two farmers cower in fear of him] What is this place?

Rabbit Villager: [uneasy] Ah... my brother's farm?

Kai: Ah. If I stepped on you, would you die?

Rabbit Villager: [both cower as the Goose lays eggs in fear] Y-yes.

Kai: The Mortal Realm.

[speaking to jade talisman of Oogway]

Kai: You hear that, Oogway? I'm back.

[bellows]

Kai: Kai has RETURNED!

Rabbit Villager, Farmer Goose: Who?

Kai: Kai. General Kai. Supreme Warlord of all China!

Farmer Goose: I dunno.

Kai: The Jade Slayer. Master of Pain. You may know me as the Beast of Vengeance. Uh... Maker of Widows?

Farmer Goose: Huh?

Kai: [exasperated] Okay, I used to work with Oogway?

Rabbit Villager, Farmer Goose: Oh, Master Oogway!

Farmer Goose: He was a great warrior!

Rabbit Villager: We've heard of Master Oogway, he's a...

Kai: [cutting their chatter] Okay, okay, enough. SILENCE!

Oogway: [the two duel in the Spirit Realm] You've grown stronger!

Kai: Five *hundred* years in the Spirit Realm; you pick up a thing or two.

[brandishes jade amulets]

Kai: I have taken the chi of ever master here!

Oogway: [gasps] No...

Kai: [chuckles] Yes... and soon, I will have *your* power, too!

Oogway: [pleading] When will you realize the more you take, the less you have?

Po: [dueling Kai in the Spirit Realm] You want my chi so bad? Then take it.

[Po redirects his chi to Kai]

Kai: Yes, the power is *mine*!

[as the chi fills his body, he begins to glow and his jade amulets float away]

Kai: Wait, no. It's too much. That's too much. No!

[Kai vanishes in a burst of light]

Kai: NO!

Kai: [to Crane] Your chi is strong, just like your friend,

[brandishes Mantis talisman]

Kai: the bug.

Crane: Mantis!

[tries to attack Kai but is overpowered]

Kai: Don't worry, little birdie. I'll put your chi to good use: destroying the Jade Palace and *everyone* in it.

Crane: No!

[kicks barrel at Kai, then flies off, but is caught]

Crane: Wings of... Regret!

Shifu: [Kai is destroying stone statues outside the Jade Palace] I will not let you destroy Oogway's memory!

Kai: Why not? He destroyed mine.

Kai: [to his jade zombies] Find Oogway's students and bring them to me.

[to jade talisman of Oogway]

Kai: By the time I am done with them, Oogway, there will be no one left who will even remember your name. Hahahaha, Kai is COMING!

Po: [Po is about to perform the Wuxi Finger hold on Kai] Sorry, buddy. Gotta send you back to the Spirit Realm. Skadoosh.

[flexes his pinky]

Po: OK, that didn't work. Let me try one more time. Skadoosh.

[flexes his pinky again, then over and over]

Po: Skadoosh, skadoosh, skadoosh. What the ?

Kai: Hold on, wait! It's working. No! No!

[pretends to gag, then chortles]

Kai: No, it's not. Did Oogway teach you that little trick? Too bad it only works on mortals. And *I* am a Spirit Warrior.

Kai: Who are you?

Po: I've been asking myself that question. Am I the son of a panda? The son of a goose? A student? A teacher? I'm all of those things.

[Po's chi forms the shape of a dragon around him]

Po: I am the Dragon Warrior! Get it? You see the giant dragon?

Mika: My father taught me this world was only a preparation for the next, that all we can ask is that we leave it having loved and being loved.

Kai: I will search for you through 1,000 worlds and 10,000 lifetimes until I find you.

Mika: I will wait for you in all of them.

Basho: Kai, I have a confession to make. When I was a boy, I used to wait in the woods outside your hut and when you came out, I threw stones at you and hide.

Kai: I knew it was you. I could see your belly sticking out from behind the trees.

Basho: I'm sorry, Kai. You're a good man.

Ôishi: When a crime goes unpunished the world is unbalanced. When the wrong is unavenged the heavens look down on us in shame. We too must die for this circle of vengeace to be closed. We will leave this record of our courage so the world will know who we were and what we did. Tonight, we will regain our honor and avenge our lord. None of us knows how long he shall live or when his time will come, but soon, all that will be left of our brief lives is the pride our children feel when they speak our names.

[Summons Kai to sign the document]

Ôishi: Kai.

Kai: [Kai signs his name and stamps his blood] We end this now.

Ôishi: Now, we are 47!

Tengu Lord: Was it worth it what you found in the outside world? The love of a woman you can never have?

Kai: Yes.

Tengu Lord: No matter what you do, Mika will never be yours in this life.

Kai: Then I will go to my death and pray I find her in the next!

Ôishi: We will leave this record of our courage so the world will know who we were and what we did. Tonight, we will regain our honor and avenge our lord. None of us knows how long he shall live or when his time will come, but soon, all that will be left of our brief lives is the pride our children feel when they speak our names.

[Summons Kai to sign the document]

Ôishi: Kai.

Kai: [Kai signs his name and stamps his blood] We end this now.

Ôishi: Now, we are 47!

Kai: I was afraid prison would make you soft.

Han Sing: People don't get soft in prison.

Kai: Your brother wasn't suited to lead. He didn't have the discipline.

Han Sing: That's why you killed him.

Kai: That's why I had to.

Han Sing: Had to? My brother?

Kai: That's right.

Han Sing: That... was a mistake!

Kai: Let it go Po. This is a hassle we don't need.

Kai: I guess I could use a little exercise.

Kai: We got a tip this place is going to get hit.

Kung: When?

Kai: Right now.

[Kai shoots Kung]

[subtitled version]

Kai: Did you just put a sword in my stomach?

Berg: Yep, yep.

Berg: I want a piece of your hair.

Kai: You want what?

Kai: That kind of oath should not have been sworn alone. It becomes a curse.

Berg: What are you talking about?

Kai: You are my mistake.

Kai: But I am going to give you your rightful name.

Berg: You two will never have each other. You will not be born again.

Kai: I know.

Kai: I'm sorry.

Kai: I'm leaving you.

Berg: Don't... Leave me...

Kai: I name you goodbye. I name you... The Past. I name you...

Kai: She is a great artist. Henry, you have to see her drawings. They're wild. Makes you wonder what's going on in that head of hers.

Kai: [two angry parents stand at the doorstep of Kai and Cricket's in regards to an earlier incident] What?

Father of Boys: Is this the guy?

Obnoxious Boy #1, Obnoxious Boy #2: No.

Father of Boys: Where's the jerk who pushed my boys?

Kai: What are you talking about?

Mother of Boys: Liar! Your neighbors saw the whole thing!

Kai: What, are you fucking nuts?

Cricket: Listen, assholes, your two little darlings have been harassing my niece and I want it stopped!

Mother of Boys: *You're* the assholes!

Cricket: Oh, I'm gonna take you down.

Father of Boys: Tell me where this guy is or I'm gonna start busting heads.

Kai: Son of a fucking bitch.

Mother of Boys: Better listen to him, he'll do it!

Cricket: Oh, okay, porky!

Kai: Stick a sock in her, will ya'?

Father of Boys: You're dead.

Mother of Boys: Fuck him up!

Kai: Come on, bust my head. I want you to.

Cricket: Alright, get the fuck away from my door.

Father of Boys: You wear the pants in the family?

Cricket: Fuck you!

Father of Boys: You're a slut!

Kai: [spits in his face and slams the door on them; the father continues to bang on the door] Get away from the door or I'll sick the cops on you!

Father of Boys: [through the door] I'll sick the cops on *you*, BITCH!

Kai: [waits a moment and then looks out the window] They're leaving.

[looks out again and laughs]

Kai: His wife's wiping the spit off his face.

Henry: What's that?

Kai: Accelerant.

Henry: Makes the fire burn quicker?

Kai: Five-million times quicker.

Kai: [to Rooter after he sneaks some drugs into Henry's beer] You shouldn't have done that.

Kai: I can't believe I did that last night.

Henry: You did it, alright. Next time, it'll be even easier.

Richard: If you think about it, we're constantly coming out to people; so, really, you should be good at it.

Kai: If only she liked you. It'd make this a lot easier, but for some reason she thinks you're a dick.

Richard: You love this dick.