Jupiter Jones Quotes in Jupiter Ascending (2015)

Jupiter Jones: It's like my internal compass points directly at Mr. Wrong. Maybe it's my genes. Maybe I have defective engineering, too.

[moving closer]

Jupiter Jones: And if that's the case, is there anyway to fix it?

Caine Wise: [backing away] You are royalty now. I'm a splice, you don't understand what that means. I have more in common with a dog than I have with you.

Jupiter Jones: I love dogs, I've always loved dogs.

Balem Abrasax: [sitting on his throne with his back to Jupiter] You should have stayed dead.

Jupiter Jones: [angrily] I am not your mother.

Balem Abrasax: [scoffing] No, my mother never cleaned a toilet in her life.

Jupiter Jones: Maybe that was her problem.

Balem Abrasax: My mother... my mother taught me what was necessary to rule in this universe.

Jupiter Jones: By killing people.

Balem Abrasax: [throws up his hands] I CREATE LIFE! And I destroy it. Life in an act of consumption, Jupiter. To live is to consume and the human beings on your planet are merely a resource waiting to be converted into capitol. And this entire enterprise is just a small part in a vast and beautiful machine defined by evolution, designed to a single purpose: to create profit.

Jupiter Jones: Because a dream is the only way any of this make sense.

Caine Wise: Compared to what? The idea that you're the only intelligent species, on the only inhabitable planet, in a universe so full of planets that you don't even have a number to describe how many there are.

Jupiter Jones: Are those flying boots?

Caine Wise: They harness the force of gravity, redirecting it into differential equation slips so you can surf.

Jupiter Jones: Yeah, I heard "gravity" and "surf".

Caine Wise: Up is hard, Down is easy.

Jupiter Jones: Thank you, wow!

Jupiter Jones: The more you care, the more the world finds ways to hurt you for it.

[first lines]

Jupiter Jones: Technically speaking, I'm an alien. And from the perspective of Immigration, an illegal one. My parents met at the University in Saint Petersburg, where he taught Astrophysics, and she taught Applied Mathematics. My mother fell in love with him when she found him almost frozen to death on the bank of the Neva, staring up at the stars.

Kalique Abrasax: [steps out of her rejuvenation pool] Each of us has the code for our optimal physical condition. The problem is our genes have an expiration date, which is transferred to ourselves. A long time ago someone figured out how to replace deteriorating cells with new ones. Today it's as easy as changing a light bulb.

Jupiter Jones: Where do you get these light bulbs?

Kalique Abrasax: We grow them.

Jupiter Jones: Like clones?

Kalique Abrasax: No. Clones lack genetic plasticity. Several million years ago a gene plague caused by cloning by nearly annihilated the entire human race.

Jupiter Jones: I was told that Abrasax is the seed of earth. Is that where you get it?

Kalique Abrasax: Your earth is a very small part of a very large industry... Feel my skin.

Jupiter Jones: Oh, wow.

Kalique Abrasax: In your world, people are used to fighting for resources like oil and minerals and land. But when you have access to the vastness of space, you realize, there's only one resource worth fighting over - even killing for. More time. Time is the single most precious commodity in the universe.

Diomika Tsing: If there's anything we can do to make the journey easier, you let us know.

Jupiter Jones: Actually, you know what, I'm feeling a little over-dressed, so if you have something I can change into. By myself. While I'm awake.

Jupiter Jones: [looking back toward Caine]

Caine Wise: What?

[repeated line]

Jupiter Jones: I hate my life.

Jupiter Jones: Where is my family?

Chicanery Night: We can all only hope that they remain unharmed.

[evil grin and a chuckle]

Jupiter Jones: [throws her weight into a hard slap to his face]

Chicanery Night: I see you have the standard issue Abrasax temper.

Jupiter Jones: The problem with Astrology? Total bullshit.

Seal and Signet Minister: Now, here is your Code and Conduct Guide. And your Royal Ways and Commission. And file this with the Legion Administrator for your Royal Guard appointment. Yes?

Jupiter Jones: Okay.

Seal and Signet Minister: Well, congratulations, Your Majesty. And my deepest condolences.

Jupiter Jones: Thank you.

[last lines]

Caine Wise: You ready?

Jupiter Jones: Watch this.

[jumps off the Willis Tower wearing the flying boots]

Jupiter Jones: I don't care. The more you care, the more the world finds ways to hurt your heart.

[Caine saves Jupiter from getting killed]

Jupiter Jones: Who are you?

Caine Wise: I'm here to help you.

Jupiter Jones: Do you like waffles?

Caine Wise: What are waffles?

Pete Crenshaw: So how do you explain what just happened, Jupiter?

Jupiter Jones: I can't. That's what makes this a particularly difficult sort of extraordinary case. The kind I like.

Jupiter Jones: We're not trespassers. We're surprise guests.

Jupiter Jones: You know, maybe you could help us. There was a girl we met last night. Red hair, pale eyes.

Bob Andrews: Real goofy. Off the wall. Believes in all this, uh, loony hocus pocus stuff. Just... absolutely nuts. Uh, her name's Caroline. Do you know her?

Sheriff Hanson: That's my daughter.

Jupiter Jones: Time to apply Rule 38.

Bob Andrews: Maybe you should try printing out a little book with all this stuff in it.

Jupiter Jones: This is like the Bill Gates house of the 19th century. Driven by steam power and fully automated for Terrill's convenience.

Jupiter Jones: This calls for Plan 24B. Bob, keep lookout. Pete and I will get the equipment.

Pete Crenshaw: Great! We got two weeks of vacation left. Let's hit the beach!

Jupiter Jones: Actually... I have heard of this mysterious haunted house not far from here.

Pete Crenshaw, Bob Andrews: Oh, no!

Jupiter Jones: Nothing makes any sense. Excellent.

Jupiter Jones: We'll be back in an hour or so, Bill.

Bill: I don't know if I trust you guys.

Pete Crenshaw: We promise. If we get murdered, we won't come to you to complain.

Jupiter Jones: Pete! Bob! Come 'ere right now! Code Violet!

Bob Andrews: Code Violet? I don't even know what Code Violet is!

Jupiter Jones: Pete, shine the light behind them.

Bob Andrews: [reading] Two lovers parted shall reunite. If you can parse these words are right. The Will is high, the Ratio Low. The space 'tween birth and death doth grow. Take my image and do not dread. To rest in my eternal bed.

Pete Crenshaw: It still doesn't make any sense.

Bob Andrews: Hey, Jupe. What are you figuring out, Jupiter?

Jupiter Jones: The number of jelly beans that can fit in the Empire State Building.

Pete Crenshaw: Glad you're not wasting your time.

Jupiter Jones: This seems to be a particularly difficult sort of extraordinary case.

Jupiter Jones: Get ready, Investigators. Code Crimson.

Pete Crenshaw, Bob Andrews: Unbelievably dangerous!

Jupiter Jones: But it's not Bill.

Bob Andrews: Huh? Jupiter, he's standing right there.

Jupiter Jones: No, he's not.

Bob Andrews: Yes, he is.

Pete Crenshaw: Bob's right.

Jupiter Jones: Officer, this is Victor Hugenay, the famous art forger. He attacked Miss Wilbur with a baboon, and he stole the crown of the...

Bob Andrews: Xhosa...

Jupiter Jones: princess. Arrest him.

Pete Crenshaw: You'll never guess in a million years where we're going next.

Jupiter Jones: Um, South Africa.

Pete Crenshaw: Sometimes... you're just downright spooky, Jupe.

Jupiter Jones: Pleased to meet you. I'm Jupiter Jones.

Miss Wilbur: What a cute child.

Jupiter Jones: Code Orange. Intruder protection.

Jupiter Jones: I think we should preserve a correct detective-client relationship.

Pete Crenshaw: I've got an idea. You could stay here overnight.

Chris: No, I don't want to be any trouble.

Pete Crenshaw: It's no trouble at all. I've got it figured out. You could stay in the bottom bunk with me.

Bob Andrews: No! I - I mean, I think it would be, uh, she'd be *safer* in the top bunk with me. She - she might uh hit her head on the bottom bunk.

Pete Crenshaw: No, that's okay. You wouldn't wanna take space away from *Teddy*.

Bob Andrews: I don't have a teddy bear!

Pete Crenshaw: Yes you do -

[Pete points, Bob slaps Pete's arm]

Jupiter Jones: Perhaps a random drawing might be the most impartial way to figure things out.

Jupiter Jones: Let's recapitulate.

Pete Crenshaw: Sometimes I wish you'd just speak English.

Jupiter Jones: I'm declaring the Code Green.

Bob Andrews: Imminent danger.