Judith Quotes in The Day After Tomorrow (2004)

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Judith Quotes:

  • Judith: [to Brian] Books can be good for something other than burning.

  • Wayne: So Darren tells me you're a psychologist.

    Judith: That's right.

    Wayne: I'm in a related field.

    Judith: Really? What is it?

    Wayne: Pest and rodent removal.

    Judith: How is that related?

    Wayne: We both help people.

  • [Darren has refused to stop seeing his friends or quit the band]

    Judith: Ok, then. No more sex!

    Darren: What?

    Judith: You're not allowed to go down on me for a month!

    [Darren is about to speak, but Judith cuts him off]

    Judith: Don't *make me* take away your masturbation privileges!

  • Judith: Have you ever had a girlfriend?

    J.D.: Yes... No!

    Judith: Have you ever fantasized about having sex with a man?

    J.D.: Which man?

    Judith: Any man!

    J.D.: You mean like a tall man?

    Judith: Sure, whatever!

    J.D.: 'Cause I don't like tall people, they bother me!

    Judith: What about a short man?

    J.D.: How short? Some times people can be too short, that's weird like midgets!

    Judith: Have you ever fantasized about having sex with any man, any man at all?

    J.D.: Does that include celebrities?

  • J.D.: Do you want a drink?

    Judith: Scotch on the rocks.

    J.D.: No problem. You want ice with that?

  • [after Wayne, Sandy, and Neil Diamond crashed and ruined Judith's wedding by getting Darren back with Sandy, Judith becomes enraged with anger by walking towards Wayne and smacks him with a chair]

    Judith: [screaming] YOU RUINED MY LIFE!

    Wayne: [Judith pulls Wayne's legs] Ah! But I saved Darren's!

    Judith: Just because I lost Darren doesn't mean I'm crazy enough to hook up with YOU!

    [Wayne yells and screams while throwing Judith to the aisle]

    Wayne: Hey! Why can't you just admit that when you kissed me you liked it?

    Judith: Yeah, you're right. I have a weakness for incompotent morons.

    [Judith smacks Wayne in the mouth and one of his teeth come out his lips. Then Wayne does the same thing and Judith spits out the loose tooth]

    Wayne: [choking each other] Admit it! Aah! I'm the strong-willed, assertive man that you need and you're the hardcore bitch I've always dreamed of!

  • Darren: Hi, I'm Darren.

    [Judith looks confused and unimpressed]

    Darren: Darren. My friend said you wanted to meet me.

    Judith: He lied.

    Darren: Haha, that's a good one.

    Judith: No, seriously. I don't want to meet you.

  • Judith: I don't want your shitty old house or your dead grandmother.

    Wayne: I'll throw J.D. in. He doesn't look like much but girls call him the human power tool.

    J.D.: It's true!

  • J.D.: Judy, awesome to meet you.

    Judith: Jud-*ith*.

    J.D.: Judith. And a beer bong for the lady?

  • Judith: It took balls. Big balls.

  • J.D.: What happened?

    Judith: [Karate yell] Wah!

  • [In the garage of his house, Wayne is chaining up Judith after she escaped]

    Wayne: [Finishes] There. That should keep you from escaping again. And this...

    [pulls out a Catcher's mask]

    Wayne: this...

    [puts the mask on Judith's face]

    Wayne: this should keep you from biting.

    Judith: How am I gonna eat?

    Wayne: I've thought of that.

    [Wayne shows Judith a jar filled with breakfast mash and a straw]

    Judith: What is that?

    Wayne: It's breakfast. Pancakes, sausage, uh, hash brown, pop tart, pureed.

    Judith: [disgusted] I'm not eating that shit. I want a Big Montana.

    Wayne: A what?

    Judith: A Big Montana from Arby's with curly fries.

    Wayne: No, I'm not gonna get you one. If you don't wanna eat what I've made for you, then you can starve.

    Judith: [freaks out] Why are you doing this?

    Wayne: It's the only way to save our friendship.

    Judith: [calms down] It doesn't seem like a friendship to me. It seems like you're in love with Darren.

    Wayne: Bullshit!

    [chuckles]

    Wayne: I am so un-gay.

    Judith: Okay, fine. Let's pretend for a second that you're straight. When the last time you've got any?

    Wayne: That's none of your business.

    Judith: So it's been years?

    Wayne: I'm waiting for the right woman.

    Judith: There is no right woman for you, Wayne. If my guess is, if there ever was, you've already met her and she's either killed herself or become a lesbian.

    Wayne: [yells] Up yours!

    Judith: Go to hell!

    Wayne: Skank!

    Judith: Eunuch!

    Wayne: [screams] Stealer... of my FRIEND!

  • [Wayne and JD have tried to convince Judith to leave Darren, unsuccessfully]

    Judith: He's my puppet now. And I'm the puppet master.

  • Judith: Happiness isn't always the best way to be happy.

  • [last lines]

    The Bull: Hey, Max?

    Max: Yeah?

    The Bull: When you go home, will you say good things about us?

    Max: Yeah, I will.

    The Bull: Thanks, Max.

    Judith: You're the first king we haven't eaten.

    Alexander: Yeah, that's true.

    Judith: See ya.

    Alexander: Bye, Max.

    Max: Bye.

    KW: Don't go. I'll eat you up; I love you so.

    [all howl]

  • Judith: Happiness is not always the best way to be happy.

  • Max: Small is good. My powers are able to slip right through the cracks.

    Judith: But what if the cracks are closed up?

    Max: Then I have a re-cracker, which goes right through that.

    Judith: But what if they have some sort of material that re-crackers can't get through?

    Max: Then I have a double re-cracker, which can get through anything in this whole universe. And that's the end, and there's nothing more powerful after that, ever. Period.

    Alexander: He has a double re-cracker.

    Ira: He does sound powerful.

  • Judith: Psst. Psst.

    [signals for Max to come over]

    Judith: What were you doing with Carol just now?

    Max: Just talking.

    Judith: Oh, a secret, huh? Let me ask you something. How does it work around here? Are we all the same or are some of us better than others or - ? You like to play favourites, huh, king?

    [Ira accidentally hurts Judith]

    Judith: Ow.

    Max: No, I like all you guys equally.

    Judith: Don't give me that. I can see how it is. The king has favourites. That's really cute.

    [Ira hurts Judith again]

    Judith: Ow! Stop! Do you have a favourite colour? Hey, can I be your favourite colour?

    [laughs]

    Judith: [Max imitates her laugh]

    [Judith does it back]

    Judith: [Max does it again, with more effort]

    Judith: Ahahaha.

    Max: Har har har.

    Judith: [more evilly] ahahahaha!

    Max: Har har har!

    Judith: Ahahahahaha!

    Max: HAR HAR HAR!

    Judith: You know what? You can't do that back to me. If we're upset, your job is not to get upset back at us. Our job is to be upset. If I get mad and wanna eat you, then you have to say: "Oh, okay. You can eat me. I love you. Whatever makes you happy, Judith." That's what you're supposed to do!

  • Judith: You know what I say. If you got a problem, eat it.

  • Judith: Hey Benji! Remember who you are and what you stand for!

  • Judith: Hi guys! Did you catch any neat rocks?

  • Judith: Guess what? I heated up the hot water bottle so you can sit on it while we drive!

  • Ms. Perky: [writing her novel] Undulating with desire, Adrian removes her red...

    [breaks concentration, chooses another word]

    Ms. Perky: crimson cape, at the site of Reginal's stiff and... Judith! What's another word for "engorged"?

    Judith: [disgusted] I'll look it up.

    Ms. Perky: Okay.

    [thinking of word]

    Ms. Perky: Swollen... Turgid...

    Kat Stratford: [enters] Tumescent?

    Ms. Perky: Perfect!

  • Judith: [on Stan's desire to be a mother] Here! I've got an idea: Suppose you agree that he can't actually have babies, not having a womb - which is nobody's fault, not even the Romans' - but that he can have the *right* to have babies.

    Francis: Good idea, Judith. We shall fight the oppressors for your right to have babies, brother... sister, sorry.

    Reg: What's the *point*?

    Francis: What?

    Reg: What's the point of fighting for his right to have babies, when he can't have babies?

    Francis: It is symbolic of our struggle against oppression.

    Reg: It's symbolic of his struggle against reality.

  • Francis: Why are you always on about women, Stan?

    Stan: I want to be one.

    Reg: What?

    Stan: I want to be a woman. From now on, I want you all to call me 'Loretta'.

    Reg: What?

    Stan: It's my right as a man.

    Judith: Well, why do you want to be Loretta, Stan?

    Stan: I want to have babies.

    Reg: You want to have babies?

    Stan: It's every man's right to have babies if he wants them.

    Reg: But... you can't have babies!

    Stan: Don't you oppress me!

    Reg: I'm not oppressing you, Stan! You haven't got a womb! Where's the foetus going to gestate? You going to keep it in a box?

    Stan: [starts to cry]

  • Frank Baker: I just got out of jail. So if you're gonna blabber that all over the place we may as well pack up and leave now.

    Judith: Frank.

    Malcolm Hughes: You're not gonna leave, are ya?

  • Frank Baker: What's he doing out there?

    Judith: Who knows?

  • Mrs. T: If only he'd put his mind to something. Use that brain of his for better things than those toys.

    Judith: He's actually pretty smart.

  • Judith: [to Frank] It's a job, dick head!

  • Frank Baker: This is a convertible.

    Judith: Oh yeah?

  • Judith: [to Frank] You've blown it Frank!

  • Judith: What in God's name got into you?

    Frank Baker: He did it himself.

    Judith: Crap Frank. You're a bloody liar!

  • Frank Baker: Cops wouldn't know where to start looking. He never left his bedroom.

    Judith: They're not total idiots. They find out sooner or later.

  • [first lines]

    Judith: [waves] Hello!

    Grace: [waves] Hello!

  • Ava: Judith, we've being going at this for weeks. Look around this office. What do you see?

    Judith: A bunch of women with hair from India?

    Ava: Look at me, Judith. What you should see is people in this office care about what they look like. Unlike you. We have over a billion dollars walking in and out of these offices looking for love. We have a standard to uphold. This is not our standard.

    Judith: Okay, Ava... I don't have to wear fancy dresses and fancy shoes to prove that I'm qualified to do my job.

    Ava: Yes, you do.

    Judith: No, I don't. I have a degree.

    Ava: A degree? A degree on the wall without labels on your back is nothing.

  • Judith: You know... I've been meaning to tell you... you are in an existential identity crisis. I did my research on you. You spent two weeks in Paris and all of a sudden you got a French accent? Girl, we know you're actually from Georgia.

    Janice: [breaking character; Southern accent] Bitch, you'd better get your ass outta my office!

  • Sarah: [refering to Harley] That man is the devil! He will take you to hell with him!

    Judith: Well, at least I'll enjoy the ride!

  • Judith: Why are you trying to put spit in my hair?

    Ava: I'm trying to be your friend here, Judith. When people look at you, it reflects bad on me. They don't think you have a mirror or a friend. And we know we're friends. My friends don't look like this. They look like this.

    [points to herself]

  • Judith: Is it true all Africans are cannibals?

    Frances Griffiths: I've never met one. Do you have anymore stupid questions?

  • Judith: I think I'll have a large order of prognosis negative!.

  • Judith: Nothing can hurt us now. What we have can't be destroyed. That's our victory - our victory over the dark. It is a victory because we're not afraid.

  • Judith: But I haven't time to be ill.

  • Judith: Moving to Vermont are you? What do you do there in between yawns?

  • Judith: I want you to have a party and be gay. Very, very gay!

  • Judith: Excuse me, kids, I've won a prize.

  • Judith: I've never taken orders from anyone. As long as I live, I'll never take orders from anyone. I'm young and strong and nothing can touch me.

  • Judith: Confidentially, darling, this is more than a hangover.

  • Judith: Here's a tragedy for you. Jessica's Girl has bronchitis and can't possibly last the night. Jessica's Girl is a horse. Poor Jessica's Girl.

  • [last lines]

    Judith: That you, Martha?

    Martha, housekeeper: Yes, Miss Judith.

    Judith: I don't want to be disturbed.

  • Judith: Michael, how long have I had you?

    Michael O'Leary: One month and three days.

    Judith: Remind me to think about firing you!

  • Judith: This is not right.

    Abby: That's what makes it worth it.

  • Maris: You know that I think?

    Judith: What's that honey?

    Maris: I think we're born at different times, but we're the same age. The part that counts. That part's the same. That's why we're here.

  • [last lines]

    Judith: I took him back to the water so he could swim. That's how it lives. That's how we live. He deserved another chance.

  • [last lines]

    [Pike finds White Bull in his camp with Judith, his bound captive]

    Judith: Please... help me!

    [White Bull rides out of camp on his majestic white horse. Pike, ignoring Judith's plight, takes off in pursuit, but the Indian escapes]

    Pike: Help me... Please, help me.

  • Judith: I know more Spanish than they do English!

    Priest: Which is not the point, dear sister. Remember, I owe much to my generous patron and you owe much to me.

Browse more character quotes from The Day After Tomorrow (2004)

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