Judge May Quotes in Mr. Deeds Goes to Town (1936)

Longfellow Deeds: About my playing the tuba. Seems like a lot of fuss has been made about that. If, if a man's crazy just because he plays the tuba, then somebody'd better look into it, because there are a lot of tuba players running around loose. 'Course, I don't see any harm in it. I play mine whenever I want to concentrate. That may sound funny to some people, but everybody does something silly when they're thinking. For instance, the judge here is, is an O-filler.

Judge May: A what?

Longfellow Deeds: An O-filler. You fill in all the spaces in the O's with your pencil. I was watching him.

[general laughter]

Longfellow Deeds: That may make you look a little crazy, Your Honor, just, just sitting around filling in O's, but I don't see anything wrong, 'cause that helps you think. Other people are doodlers.

Judge May: "Doodlers"?

Longfellow Deeds: Uh, that's a word we made up back home for people who make foolish designs on paper when they're thinking: it's called doodling. Almost everybody's a doodler; did you ever see a scratchpad in a telephone booth? People draw the most idiotic pictures when they're thinking. Uh, Dr. von Hallor here could probably think up a long name for it, because he doodles all the time.

[general laughter; he takes a sheet off the doctor's notepad]

Longfellow Deeds: Thank you. This is a piece of paper he was scribbling on. I can't figure it out - one minute it looks like a chimpanzee, and the next minute it looks like a picture of Mr. Cedar. You look at it, Judge. Exhibit A for the defense. Looks kind of stupid, doesn't it, Your Honor? But I guess that's all right; if Dr. von Hallor has to, uh, doodle to help him think, that's his business. Everybody does something different: some people are, are ear-pullers; some are nail-biters; that, uh, Mr. Semple over there is a nose-twitcher.

[general laughter]

Longfellow Deeds: And the lady next to him is a knuckle-cracker.

[general laughter]

Longfellow Deeds: So you see, everybody does silly things to help them think. Well, I play the tuba.

Longfellow Deeds: Now, um, heh, now about the Faulkner sisters. That's kind of funny. I mean, about Mr. Cedar going all the way to Mandrake Falls to bring them here. Do you mind if I talk to them?

Judge May: Not at all.

Longfellow Deeds: Jane, who owns the house you live in?

[pause; then Jane whispers to Amy; Amy whispers back]

Jane Faulkner: Why, you own it, Longfellow.

Amy Faulkner: Yes, you own it.

Longfellow Deeds: Do you pay any rent?

Jane Faulkner: No, we don't pay any rent.

Amy Faulkner: Good heavens, no, we never pay rent.

Longfellow Deeds: Are you happy there?

Jane Faulkner: Oh, yes.

Amy Faulkner: Yes indeed.

Longfellow Deeds: Now, uh, Jane, a little while ago you said I was pixilated. Do you still think so?

[Jane whispers to Amy; Amy whispers back]

Jane Faulkner: Why, you've always been pixilated, Longfellow.

Amy Faulkner: Always.

Longfellow Deeds: That's fine, hm, I guess maybe I am. And now tell me something, Jane: who else in Mandrake Falls is pixilated?

Jane Faulkner: Why, everybody in Mandrake Falls is pixilated - except us.

Amy Faulkner: Mm-hmm.

John Cedar: Your Honor, what she is saying has no bearing on the case. I object!

Judge May: Let her speak!

Babe Bennett: I know why he won't defend himself! That has a bearing on the case, hasn't it? He's been hurt, he's been hurt by everybody he met since he came here, principally by me. He's been the victim of every conniving crook in town. The newspapers pounced on him, made him a target for their feeble humor. I was smarter than the rest of them: I got closer to him, so I could laugh louder. Why shouldn't he keep quiet - every time he said anything it was twisted around to sound imbecilic! He can thank me for it. I handed the gang a grand laugh. It's a fitting climax to my sense of humor.

John Cedar: Why, Your Honor, this is preposterous.

Babe Bennett: Certainly I wrote those articles. I was going to get a raise, a month's vacation. But I stopped writing them when I found out what he was all about, when I realized how real he was. He could never fit in with our distorted viewpoint, because he's honest, and sincere, and good. If that man's crazy, Your Honor, the rest of us belong in straitjackets!

John Cedar: Your Honor, this is absurd. The woman's obviously in love with him.

Babe Bennett: What's that got to do with it?

John Cedar: Well, you are in love with him, aren't you?

Babe Bennett: What's that got to do with it?

John Cedar: You ARE, aren't you?

Babe Bennett: Yes!

[Two shy sisters testify at Deeds's sanity hearing]

John Cedar: Do you know the defendant, Mr. Longfellow Deeds?

[long pause]

Jane Faulkner: Oh yes, yes, of course we know him.

John Cedar: How long have you known him?

[Jane whispers to Amy; Amy whispers back]

Jane Faulkner: Since he was born.

Amy Faulkner: Yes, Elsie Taggart was the midwife.

Jane Faulkner: He was a seven months' baby.

John Cedar: Thank you, that's, that's fine. Do you see him very often?

[Jane whispers to Amy; Amy whispers back]

Jane Faulkner: Most every day.

Amy Faulkner: Sometimes twice.

Judge May: Must we have the echo?

John Cedar: Suppose you just answer, Miss Jane. Now, will you tell the court what everybody at home thinks of Longfellow Deeds?

[pause; then Jane whispers to Amy; Amy whispers back]

Jane Faulkner: They think he's pixilated.

Amy Faulkner: Oh, yes, pixilated.

Judge May: He's what?

John Cedar: What was that you said he was?

Jane Faulkner: Pixilated.

Amy Faulkner: Mm-hmm.

John Cedar: Now that's rather a strange word to us, Miss Jane. Can you tell the court exactly what it means?

Board member: Perhaps I can explain, Your Honor. The word "pixilated" is an early American expression derived from the word "pixies," meaning elves. They would say the pixies had got him. As we nowadays would say, a man is "barmy."

Judge May: Oh. Is that correct?

Jane Faulkner: Mm-hmm.

Amy Faulkner: Mm-hmm.

Judge May: Mr. Deeds, there has been a great deal of damaging testimony against you. Your behavior, to say the least, has been most strange. But in the opinion of the court, you are not only sane, but you're the sanest man that ever walked into this courtroom!