Judge John Channing Quotes in Seems Like Old Times (1980)

Judge John Channing: Can I ask you something, Mr. Gardenia?

Nick Gardenia: If I can be of any help in this matter, Judge, it's my pleasure.

Judge John Channing: Were you apprehended or did you surrender?

Nick Gardenia: I surrendered.

Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks: He was apprehended.

Glenda Gardenia Parks: He was apprehended after he surrendered.

Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks: He didn't surrender to me, therefore he was apprehended.

Glenda Gardenia Parks: He was going to surrender after dinner. I told him to wait in the kitchen.

Judge John Channing: [Drops pencil in disgust] And did you stay in the kitchen?

Nick Gardenia: No, I had to serve dinner.

Judge John Channing: You were serving dinner to the district attorney and his wife?

Nick Gardenia: Uh-huh... and the Governor.

Judge John Channing: The Governor? OUR Governor?

Nick Gardenia: I didn't ask him. He *looked* like our governor.

Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks: Your Honor, if we're going to get into such trivialities like our guest list, we might as well discuss what was served.

Nick Gardenia: Chicken pepperoni, your Honor. The Governor seemed to like it if it has any bearing on the case.

Judge John Channing: Hold it hold it... would you just hold it? Are you trying to tell me that while every policeman in the state was looking for you, YOU were serving dinner to the district attorney, his wife and our governor?

[Chuckles in disbelief]

Judge John Channing: How is that possible?

Nick Gardenia: Well... you have to prepare everything in advance.

Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks: Your Honor, this is the kind of testimony that looks silly on the surface.

Judge John Channing: On the surface, in the middle, and on the bottom.

Judge John Channing: Something fascinating has just come up, which in this case is redundant.

Judge John Channing: Will someone please remove this dog? He's dribbling on my briefs.