Judge Ephriam Quotes in Diary of a Mad Black Woman (2005)

Judge Ephriam: Bailiff, call the next case.

Bailiff: The State of Georgia versus Bobby Brown.

Judge Ephriam: What is this? Repeat offender day?

Voice of Whitney Houston: Bobby. Bobby, I love you.

Judge Ephriam: Sit down, Miss Houston.

Bailiff: Your honor, Case #456790: The People Vs. Mabel Simmons & Helen McCarter - Criminal trespassing, Reckless endangerment, Criminal possession of a handgun, Assault with a deadly weapon, Suspended license, Expired registration, Reckless driving, and a broken tailight.

Madea: [to Helen] Girl, I know it ain't who I think it is.

Judge Ephriam: [turning cross] I know you didn't say Mabel Simmons. Madea?

Madea: How you doin', uh, Judge Mablean? It's good to see - Ooh, your hair's pretty. Girl, look at you. You're lookin' good. How you been? Hey...

Judge Ephriam: [angry] You're still at it?

Madea: This ain't even my fault. See, what happened was...

Judge Ephriam: [cuts her off] Just save it! Who's here for the defense?

[Brian, Madea's nephew walks into the courtroom]

Brian: Brian Simmons, on behalf of Mrs. McCarter and Mrs. Simmons, your honor.

Judge Ephriam: Brian.

Brian: How you doing, Judge Ephriam?

Judge Ephriam: Brian, I am getting tired of seein' your aunt.

Madea: [under her breath] Getting tired of seein' you.

Brian: It won't happen again.

Judge Ephriam: Yeah, I'll bet. Bail is set at $5,000 for Mrs. McCarter, property of cash. But as for you, Madea, I'm placing you under house arrest!

Madea: You ain't gonna put me on no house arrest, honey. I ain't gonna deal with that!

Judge Ephriam: It's either that or prison! What's your choice?

Madea: [convinced] I'll take the house arrest.

Judge Ephriam: Brian, I am getting tired of seeing your aunt.

Madea: Getting tired of seeing you

Judge Ephriam: You're her foster mother or you're a prison mother.

Mable 'Madea' Simmons: I'll take prison for 200, Alex.

Judge Ephriam: Bryan, does she watch your kids?

Brian Simmons: Oh, she's actually really good, she's a big diciplinarian though, but uh... they have a lot of respect for her.

Judge Ephriam: Really?

[Looks over at Nikki]

Judge Ephriam: Stand up Nikki.

[Nikki stands up]

Judge Ephriam: Mable Simmons, since you can't seem to act like you have any sense except when you're caring for somebody, meet Nikki Grady. You're her new foster mother.

Mable 'Madea' Simmons: The hell I am! I dont - huh! - hell naw! It's a reason why god put a woman through menopause, I'm past 60... you know what that means? After that time you're not supposed to be bogged with no kids. I'm sorry, I will kill that lil girl... I don't know her...

Nikki: So, You ugly anyway, old lady!

Mable 'Madea' Simmons: She tryna get me the electric chair already.

Judge Ephriam: Either you're her foster mother or you're a prison mother.

Mable 'Madea' Simmons: I'll take the prison for 200, Alex. Lock me up, hell, I'd rather be in Martha Stewart's old cell fightin' for my *virginity* than to be sittin' there dealin' with this.

Brian Simmons: She'll be a great foster mother, your honor.