Juan Quotes in Romancing the Stone (1984)

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Juan Quotes:

  • Juan: This guy who is following you, he is very persistent!

  • Jack T. Colton: I understand you have a car. We would like to buy it or rent it, we need to get to a town.

    Juan: What do you call this I'm living in, a pigsty?

    Jack T. Colton: Oh, no this is great...

    Juan: Hit the road.

    Jack T. Colton: No, senor, see we...

    Juan: Hit-the-road.

    Jack T. Colton: But we...

    Juan: [Points a gun at him] Vaya con Dios, gringo.

    Jack T. Colton: [Jack and Joan back off and turn around, to find that all of Juan's men have pulled guns on them too] Okay, Joan Wilder, write us out of this one.

    Juan: Joan Wilder... Joan Wilder? *The* Joan Wilder?

    [Lowering gun, opening door and walking out]

    Juan: You are Joan Wilder, the novelist?

    Joan Wilder: Well, yes, I am.

    Juan: I read your books! I read all your books!

    [Turning to his men, in Spanish]

    Juan: This is Joan Wilder, who writes the books I read to you on Saturdays!

    Bad Hombre: [awestruck] Juanita... Juanita, it's Juanita!

    [all the men put away their guns and wave enthusiastically]

  • Joan Wilder: Can we get there in your car?

    Juan: Who told you I had a car?

    Joan Wilder: The men in the village.

    Juan: They told you I had a car? They are such comedians. They meant my little mule: Pepe.

  • Jackson Schultz: [seeing Mercedes being strong armed by Chato] Let her go.

    Mercedes Salinas: Stay out of this.

    Chato: Who's this chapete? Get the fuck out of here gringo.

    Juan: [noticing that Jackson is carrying a guitar case] You gonna play us some music white boy?

    Mota: Hey, you a long way from home Malibu

    [laughs]

    Jackson Schultz: [looks at Chato] I said let her go.

  • Mariana: Is there hot coffee?

    Juan: Yes, fresh made.

    Mariana: Bring me the pot.

    [Mariana pours the coffee in Mike's lap, then hits him with the pot]

    Mariana: Now we're even, asshole.

  • Juan: [about the goat incident] At least I wore a comdom.

    Jenny: You told me they were against your religion!

    Juan: Uuuhhhh... I'm going to go find Pe-ne-lope.

  • Juan: [after "interrogating" Penelope by having passionate sex] I may need a few more hours to pump her for information.

  • Juan: Yu and Hank are dead!

    Coconut Pete: ...What did we do?

    Juan: No! Yu and Hank are fucking dead!

    Coconut Pete: Is that a threat?

  • Juan: Ok. Juan Castillo... went to jail... for having sex with a goat. Ok? It that what you wanted to hear? We lived on a farm! And I got lonely! We were just a couple of crazy kids!

  • Juan: When you jump squeeze your ass cheeks together or water will fly up your butthole and pulverize your intestines.

  • Juan: [after Penelope does gymnast moves in the bed room, landing right on Juan] What the fuck are you, a praying mantis woman?

  • [Putman runs up to Dave and Juan in the Pacman maze in a banana suit]

    Putman: Mmm! Mmm! Mmmm!

    Dave: Are you trying to tell us something boy? Is Timmy trapped in the well?

    [Putman motions for them to follow him]

    Juan: [singing while running after Putman] Follow thee banana, follow thee banana!

  • Penelope: [on top of Juan, and talking in a creepy soft voice] You have been very bad today, Juan.

    Juan: What did I do?

    Penelope: When you were supposed to be in the maze, you were eating watermelon.

    Juan: [shocked] How did you know that?

    Penelope: Because I see everything, Juan.

  • Juan: You are the fucking FUN POLICE!

  • Penelope: Juan, you're bleeding!

    Juan: You should see the other hombre.

  • Jenny: [about Penelope] Who is she?

    Juan: She's my girlfriend.

  • Juan: All right then, tell me something. How the hell are we esposed to do our jobs when someone is killing the deek out of everyone here?

  • Lars: Are you familiar with the expression "sitting duck"?

    Juan: Uhh, no.

  • Putman: David, you hated him for killing your parents. You see, what none of us did know, what none of us could know, was that David's parents were trampled to death at a Coconut Pete concert.

    Jenny: What the hell's wrong with you Putman? Everyone knows Dave's parents got killed at a Pete show.

    Juan: Way to bring up on a sore subject.

  • Sam: [referring to lyrics form a Coconut Pete song] You know, octopus spelled backwards is supotco. Juan, isn't that Spanish for something?

    Juan: Supotco? No. But, the word for shoe is zapato.

    Sam: hmm, shoe.

    Putman: [returning from being on stage] What'd I miss?

    Jenny: Apparently somebody's going to get killed with a shoe.

  • Juan: Been in Barcelona long?

    Xavier: Two month.

    Juan: [correcting Xavier] Two months.

    Xavier: Yeah, fuck. Two months.

    Juan: Exactly. You spend too much time in school. Come here more often. This is where you'll learn about Barcelona!

    [... ]

    Juan: Come back. I'll teach you 'puta madre' Spanish in two months.

    Xavier: Puta madre?

    Xavier: [voice over] I was fluent in 'puta madre' Spanish in no time. I immediately became a regular.

  • Tommy: I mean honestly, who in this day and age leaves their house and doesn't lock their door?

    Mark: Maybe she's got Brinks or something.

    Juan: What's that? A mental disease?

    Roland: No man, it's a security system...

    Juan: Oh... my bad.

  • Mark: I'm serious though, it's like an Altoid for your...

    Roland: No,no man, i hear ya. I just don't believe it.

    Juan: Yeah, isn't that stuff meant for your feet?

    Mark: Yeah, for like... advertising purposes. Just pick up a small dark blue bottle and your good to go. But do yourself a favor and... avoid the tip.

  • Todd: [Allowing Juan and his friends to look into the dressing rooms via the two-way mirrors] Gentlemen, welcome. Remember: peeping is a privilege, not a right. Please remain seated at all times, keep your hands at your sides. Should you need oxygen, a mask will fall from the console above your head. Thank you. Have a nice day.

    Juan: Hey, thanks, man. We'll work for you dudes any time.

    Todd: Anything to further the education of young Americans.

  • Juan: This is for sure, some twisted sh**.

  • María Álvarez: I think I'm pregnant

    Juan: You want to get married?

    María Álvarez: Do you love me?

    Juan: [annoyed] Don't start on that.

    María Álvarez: [mad] You're going to marry someone you don't love?

  • Juan: [Maria's pregnant] Well, I'll marry you.

    María Álvarez: And how long before you start seeing someone else?

  • Juan: You have a very green thumb. Your pine trees grow good - very good.

  • Juan: I've been here a long time. Out of Cuba. A lot of black folks are Cuban. You wouldn't know from being here now. I was a wild little shortie, man. Just like you. Running around with no shoes on, the moon was out. This one time, I run by this old... this old lady. I was running, howling. Kinda of a fool, boy. This old lady, she stopped me. She said...

    Juan: [imitates old lady voice] "Running around, catching a lot of light". "In moonlight, black boys look blue". "You're blue". "That's what I'm gonna call you: 'Blue'."

    [pause]

    Little: Is your name 'Blue'?

    Juan: [laughs] Nah.

    [pause]

    Juan: At some point, you gotta decide for yourself who you're going to be. Can't let nobody make that decision for you.

  • Little: [innocently] What's a faggot?

    Juan: A faggot is... a word used to make gay people feel bad.

    [pause]

    Little: Am I a faggot?

    Juan: No. You're not a faggot. You can be gay, but you don't have to let nobody call you a faggot.

  • Juan: Ok. Let your head rest in my hand. Relax. I got you. I promise. I won't let you go. Hey man. I got you. There you go. Ten Seconds. Right there. You in the middle of the world.

  • Juan: I saw your mama last night.

    Little: I hate her.

    Juan: I bet you do.

    [pause]

    Juan: Hated mine too.

    [pause]

    Juan: Miss her like hell now. All I'm gonna say about that.

  • Juan: At some point you've got to decide who wanna be.

    Juan: Can't let nobody make that decision for you.

  • Little: Do you sell drugs?

    Juan: Yeah.

    Little: And my mama... she do drugs, right?

    Juan: Yeah.

    [Little gets up from the table and leaves. He never sees him again]

  • [First Lines]

    Juan: Business good?

    Terrence: Business good. Everybody cleaned out, it's in the cut if you want it.

  • Juan: I got you a promise. Never let you go.

  • Mr. Ashton: Say, where'd you get all the material?

    Juan: The people give them, Senor.

    Mr. Ashton: What for?

    Juan: A man, he gives wood... bricks. In time, what does he get? A chapel... a place where his children can receive the sacraments. To these men, for their children to have faith, it is important.

    Mr. Ashton: Is that why you're here?

    Juan: To me, it is insurance. To me, life is here on this earth. I cannot see further, so I cannot believe further. But, if they are right about the hereafter, I have paid my insurance, Senor.

  • Juan: I cannot see further and I cannot believe further.

  • William: Wanna smoke pot?

    Ariel: OK.

    Juan: We'll go with you and smoke afterward.

  • Juan: That makes no difference. I mean all ideas are welcomed in this fucking occupation. We do nothing. That's why people leave us.

  • [first lines]

    Juan: The shadow monster woke up. It saw the boy in the pot and said:

    Juan: [making his voice gruff] "Mmmm. I'm starving. I'm going to eat you up."

    Juan: So the monster opened his mouth wide and swallowed the little tailor whole. The boy fell and fell into a dark cave filed with slime...

    Luisa: Is that it?

    Juan: That's all I could come up with.

    Luisa: Well, you'll think of something tomorrow. Let's go to bed.

  • [Juan ties Esther's wrists and ankles]

    Esther: [laughing] This is a new game!

    Juan: In every tragedy, there is an innocent victim. In this case - you're it.

  • Marta: I don't know how you can live with all theses animals.

    Juan: I like animals. They are real. They eat when they are hungry. They sleep when they are tired and they fuck when they are in heat. You never been in heat, aunt!

    Marta: It's enough.

  • Esther: Did you practise free love?

    Juan: Yes.

    Esther: I want to start but mother won't let me.

  • Juan: Enough, Elvira, don't be such a drama queen!

  • Leo: Remember I told you I'd met someone?

    Juan: Yes, I remember.

    Leo: Well, the thing is...

    [crying]

    Leo: The thing is... his name is Seba. Sebastian.

    Juan: So? Why are you crying? Don't you like the name? Sebastian is a beautiful name. What's the problem?

  • Alexandra Mountford: Your stories are marvelous. They help me to know you better.

    Juan: Know me? Me and Macho? No. You see, up here

    [indicating his head]

    Juan: is not the place to really understand. Here

    [indicating his heart]

    Juan: is to understand.

  • Pancho Grande: Salute, Pancho.

    Juan: Don't give me the salute, give me the news!

    Pancho Grande: I'm sorry, Pancho. I don't find out anything.

    Juan: Oh, you big disappointment. You don't find nothing? The next time there's nothing to be done, I do it myself.

  • Memphis: Boy, where'd you get that scrumptious hat from?

    Juan: This sombrero? I buy him. Pay mucho dinero.

    [Memphis rattles a pair of dice]

    Memphis: Do you know what these little fellas is for?

    Juan: Nooo.

    Memphis: You don't? Then come with me. I've been waitin' for you!

Browse more character quotes from Romancing the Stone (1984)

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Characters on Romancing the Stone (1984)