Joubert Quotes in The Pink Panther 2 (2009)

[first lines]

British Librarian: [inside the British Library] I now bring to your attention one of the most stunning treasures inside the British Library's entire collection: the Magna Carta.

[the tourists murmur at the stolen Magna Carta display, with The Tornado's calling card left at the scene]

Turin Guide: [inside the Turin Chapel] And now, over here, perhaps the most cherished ancient artifact in the Western world: the Shroud of Turin.

[the tourists gasp at the empty display case, with the Tornado's calling card at the scene of the crime]

Japanese Curator: [inside the Kyoto palace, where the policemen and museum curator arrive at the scene; the curator gasps as The Tornado has left another calling card where the Imperial Sword has been stolen] The Imperial sword!

Joubert's Secretary: [at the French government offices in Paris, to Joubert] Chief Inspector Dreyfus is here to see you.

Joubert: Chief Inspector.

Dreyfus: Sir.

Joubert: I'm sure you know why you're here: the British, the Italians, and the Japanese are assembling an elite squad of their finest detectives, an international Dream Team to track down this... Tornado.

Dreyfus: And, uh, France will be represented?

Joubert: Exactly.

Dreyfus: I am honored, but not surprised. This is the culmination of my career... the moment that I've been waititing for all my life.

Joubert: No, no, no.

Dreyfus: Well, not all my life, perhaps...

Joubert: No, no...

Dreyfus: No, nevertheless...

Joubert: They want Clouseau, since he is considered the top detective in the world. We have been asked if Clouseau is available to lead the Dream Team.

Dreyfus: Clouseau?

Joubert: Yes, yes.

[Dreyfus remains silent from shock at the mention of Clouseau's name]

Joubert: Is there something wrong?

Dreyfus: No, no, not at all. Um, would you mind if I uh, use your bathroom just for a moment?

Joubert: Certainly.

Dreyfus: Thank you.

[Dreyfus leaves Joubert's office and enters a bathroom]

Dreyfus: Clouseau...

[Dreyfus bangs his head on the wall and sink counter in frustration, then pushes the toilet's handle; a moment later, he re-enters Joubert's office]

Dreyfus: I'm afraid, sir, that Clouseau is currently occupied.

Joubert: What?

Dreyfus: I've assigned him to a mission so important for our country, that I fear for our national security if he was taken off it.

Insp. Jacques Clouseau: [Clouseau is on parking meter duty in a park near the Eiffel Tower; he takes out a tape measure, and measures the distance between a parked car and the curb] Clearly a violation, parking ticket.

Dreyfus: [learns that Clouseau will take the Tornado case] Oh, Clouseau?

Joubert: Yes, yes.

[Joubert sees Dreyfus disappointed, in a dissimulated way - no audio]

Joubert: Is there something wrong?

Dreyfus: [stops with his angry face] No, no, not at all. Would you mind if I, uh, use your bathroom for a moment?

Joubert: Certainly.

Dreyfus: Thank you.

[Dreyfus goes to the bathroom, then he looks at himself in a mirror]

Dreyfus: Clouseau.

[breathes deeply]

Dreyfus: [he hits himself several times - Joubert hears the noise, but low]

[Dreyfus continues hitting himself until he stops]

Dreyfus: [he sighs, then flushes the toilet to simulate, then he exits the bathroom]

Joe Turner: I'd like to go back to New York.

Joubert: You have not much future there. It will happen this way. You may be walking. Maybe the first sunny day of the spring. And a car will slow beside you, and a door will open, and someone you know, maybe even trust, will get out of the car. And he will smile, a becoming smile. But he will leave open the door of the car and offer to give you a lift.

[after Joubert unexpectedly kills someone]

Joe Turner: Why?

Joubert: I don't interest myself in "why". I think more often in terms of "when", sometimes "where"; always "how much".

Joubert: Condor is an amateur. He's lost, unpredictable, perhaps even sentimental. He could fool a professional. Not deliberately, but precisely because he is lost, doesn't know what to do. Unlike Wicks, who has always been entirely predictable.

Joubert: Well, the fact is, what I do is not a bad occupation. Someone is always willing to pay.

Joe Turner: I would find it... tiring.

Joubert: Oh, no - it's quite restful. It's almost peaceful. No need to believe in either side, or any side. There is no cause. There's only yourself. The belief is in your own precision.

Joubert: [offering Turner a gun] For that day.

Joubert: Would you move from the window, please?

Janice: I won't scream.

Joubert: I know.

Joubert: [answering phone] Yes?

Joe Turner: I'm doing a survey... do you believe the Condor is really an endangered species?

[hangs up]