Jordan Quotes in Man on Fire (2004)

[Jordan finishes a story of a recent kidnapping]

Samuel: [while having dinner at a fancy restaurant] So what happened?

Jordan: Family paid the ransom. And they sent the kid home after a couple of days... minus an ear, of course.

Jordan: [while having dinner at a fancy restaurant] Look, Sammy, all my clients have, uh, kidnap and ransom insurance.

Samuel: I have a policy. A.I.G. My dad gave it to me.

Jordan: Yeah, I know. I got it for your dad. But what are you gonna do in sixty days when you can't renew it? You can't, because you don't have a bodyguard.

Samuel: I know, I had to let Emilio go.

Jordan: You gotta please Lisa. I mean, hey, ass like that's hard to find.

Jordan: Ever feel like reality is more twisted than dreams?

Jordan: I feel like a gerbil smothering in Richard Gere's butthole.

Jordan: Do you love me, babe?

Amy: Sure! I totally do, babe.

Amy: [Amy and Jordan are making out in a car] Just... ugh... put your dick in me!

Jordan: I'm... I'm trying!

Prior: Someone want to tell me what the fuck he's talking about?

McKay: He thinks we're being stalked by dead Nazis.

Jordan: Ghosts?

McKay: I didn't get shot by some fucking spectral entity, here. These things are solid.

Hunt: But the one that killed Cotter vanished right in front of us.

McKay: So why don't they swoop down here like God's own wrath and take us out right here and now, then, eh?

Hunt: I don't know. Maybe God's not in on this miracle.

McKay: [as Jordan prays over Tak's corpse] What, you really believe that shite? Like there's, you know, after?

Jordan: I know a man's soul deserves to rest in peace.

Cotter: We gave up that right when we started killing men who believed in things for *money*.

Prior: [Prior shoots the Breather in the head] Well, that worked.

Jordan: So we can kill them, right?

Prior: His brains are all over the wall. That's good enough for me.

McKay: [the Breather sits up and looks at them] Oh, you're hummin' my balls!

Jordan: Brilliant, beautiful light, wiping away the darkness of night, see you soon, sunlight.

Jordan: You're late.

Professor Horatio Smith: Late for what?

Jordan: Your lecture, sir.

Professor Horatio Smith: Oh, don't be ridiculous. My lecture isn't till Friday.

Jordan: But today IS Friday, sir.

Professor Horatio Smith: Good heavens. How extraordinary. W-w-what happened to Thursday?

Jordan: We had it yesterday, sir.

Professor Horatio Smith: Did we?

[last lines]

Jordan: Bet I can still spook you.

Brian: No way.

[she whispers in his ear]

Brian: Twins? Twins?

[to everyone]

Brian: Twins! Drinks are on the house!

Uncle Pat: No! No!

Brian: The bar is open!

[Jordan is drawing a picture of Brian]

Brian: So this is your profession.

Jordan: More like my... obsession.

Brian: To pay the rent?

Jordan: Someday it will.

[Jordan has returned to her father's Park Avenue penthouse to find Brian arguing with him]

Brian: I think there's a chance for us.

Jordan: Brian, there is no "us." There's too many things about "us" that don't work.

Brian: What about the baby? A kid needs a father.

Jordan: Not one who's not going to be around in a year?

Mr. Mooney: Yeah, with your lifestyle, what kind of a father would you...

Jordan: Dad!

Brian: [looking at Jordan's painting] Is this our waterfall?

Jordan: No.

Brian: It's terrific.

Jordan: Yeah, it's all right. The name's Mooney, not Monet.

Jordan: We know you still believe in the big fat creeper!

Max: I don't know what you're talking about!

Stevie: [pulls up Max's letter to Santa] Are you sure about that?

Beth Engel: [Max tries to get his letter back and Beth stops him] Stop!

Stevie: [starts reading Max's letter] Dear Santa, I know I haven't been great this year and I'm sorry for that, but I was really hoping you can help out me and my family this Christmas. We need you! Oh, Maxi Pad. That is so s...

Beth Engel: [stops Max from getting his letter back] Stop, Max!

Stevie: Blah blah blah. Bullshit, bullshit. Ah, here we go, Maxi's wishlist!

Beth Engel: Stevie, stop! That's enough!

Stevie: Wait, you're up first, Beth!

[reading the letter]

Stevie: I wish me and Beth could hang out like we used to.

[Beth turns her head to Max]

Stevie: Might've noticed that I don't have tons of friends.

[Stevie pretends to feel sorry for him and Jordan mockingly smiles at Max]

Stevie: Oh no, really Max?

[Jordan laughs and Stevie continues reading the letter]

Stevie: I wish my Mom and Dad could fall in love again.

[Tom and Howard look at each other]

Stevie: I know they get upset a lot with Dad away from home so much. I think they really just miss each other.

[Linda comes in]

Stevie: Also, I wish things weren't so hard for Uncle Howard and Aunt Linda.

[Stevie and Linda look at each other]

Stevie: So, maybe you can lend them a hand for the rest of the year.

[turns letter around as Howard and Linda look at each other]

Stevie: And... and that...

[angrily facing Max]

Stevie: Screw you, Dad does not wish we were boys!

Sarah Engel: [smilingly enters the dining room with carambola] Who wants carambola?

[Beth turns her head to her mother Sarah and Sarah loses her smile after realizing the situation]

Max: [angrily gets off his chair to get his letter back] Give me the letter!

Tom: Hey! Max?

[Max fights with Stevie and Jordan with the adults talking in the background]

Howard: [pulls Stevie and Jordan back] Alright, that's enough!

Tom: You okay? Honey!

Max: I just wanted Christmas to be like it used to be, but forget it! I hate Christmas! I hate all of you!

[angrily and tearfully runs up to his room]

Sarah Engel: Max? Max!

Aunt Dorothy: Oh, lay off of him!

[Max slams his bedroom door shut]

Aunt Dorothy: Kid deserves a prize for telling the truth!

Jordan: I never sleep, I don't know why. I had a roommate and I drove her nuts, I mean really nuts, they had to take her away in an ambulance and everything. But she's okay now, but she had to transfer to an easier school, but I don't know if that had anything to do with being my fault. But listen, if you ever need to talk or you need help studying just let me know, 'cause I'm just a couple doors down from you guys and I never sleep, okay?

[last lines]

'Ick' Ikagami: Do you think it's getting weird around here?

Chris Knight: Absolutely.

Jordan: I didn't notice.

Mitch: I like it.

Jordan: Are you going to take me home to meet your parents?

Mitch: No.

Jordan: Why? Are you ashamed of me?

Mitch: No, them.

Jordan: Oh.

Mitch: [as he helps a hallway sledder up from a crash] Are you okay?

Jordan: [Removing helmet and talking rapidly] No, not emotionally, no I'm not. I'm disappointed, not terribly, but still. It should have gone much further much faster. It's okay, though, I know what the problem is. It's obviously the drag coefficient. I'll just have to redesign the blades. I can do that no problem. I can do that here. But after they're designed I got to cut them and that takes tools and time. Do you know how long this stuff is supposed to last?

'Ick' Ikagami: Maybe another half an hour?

Jordan: Oh that's great, that's good, I can do that no problem. Okay, what's your name?

Mitch: Mitch.

Jordan: Oh, thank you for your help, Mitch. Okay I'll see you later.

Mitch: [as she's leaving] You're welcome!

Mitch: [to Ick as Jordan rushes back] Who was that?

'Ick' Ikagami: That? Oh, that was...

Jordan: I'm Jordan. I forgot to tell you my name, I'm Jordan. I heard there was going to be someone new this term. Are you it?

Mitch: Yeah.

Jordan: Do you have a bed?

Mitch: Yeah.

[a surprised look hits Mitch's face as his mind registers the question]

Jordan: [not missing a beat] Oh. I was going to make you one if you didn't have one, but you have one. Okay, bye.

Jordan: [showing Mitch and Chris their fake ID badges] How do these look?

Chris Knight: [holding Mitch's ID] Terrible - mine looks like him and his looks like me.

[In the men's room]

Jordan: Are you peeing?

Mitch: Uh, I can't start.

Jordan: Because I'm here?

Mitch: I think so.

Jordan: Weird. Well I have to go.

Mitch: Me too.

Harper: Brian McDaniels... I like to ski in Vermont. I like to date chocolate girls.

Jordan: Shut up, Harper.

Michelle Marks: Hi. I'd like to apply for the job.

Jordan: [laughs] No way.

Michelle Marks: Why not?

Jordan: You look like my mom.

Michelle Marks: [pause] If I haven't developed pictures before, will somebody train me?

Jordan: I will.

Michelle Marks: Don't look at me like that. You just said I look like your mom.

Jordan: My mom's cute.

Michelle Marks: [pause] Can I have this job or not? Who do I have to talk to?

Jordan: My dad owns this place. Aren't you going to give me a smile or something?

[pause]

Jordan: If I'm gonna give you the job...

[Michelle smiles halfheartedly]

Jordan: You're hired.

Michelle Marks: Thanks.

Teenage Boy: [entering photo store] Hey, Splooge! Splooge! The pictures ready yet? You probably splooged all over them, didn't you? You like the one of Jennifer topless, don't you?

Jordan: Yeah, was that before or after her boob job?

Teenage Boy: Oh! Real perceptive for "cock boy."

Jordan: Fuck you.

Teenage Boy: Oh! One hour photo boy said "fuck you!"

Jordan: Yeah, well some of us have to work, dickwad!

Other Teenage Boy: Work? Does that include splooging all over pictures of my girlfriend?

Jordan: I didn't look at them. I didn't splooge on them. I hate you.

Jordan: Do you have alot of friends?

Michelle Marks: No, actually I think people are too self-involved.

Bartender: I need to see some ID.

Michelle Marks: Oh, he's 22, I'll vouch for him.

Bartender: [to Jordan] When were you born?

Jordan: Uh... 1947.

Tyler: Don't you have a stick to play with?

Jordan: Go hug your board, Tyler. I'm sure if you drilled a small enough hole in it, you two could be very happy.

Jordan: It's a nice day if you like that sort of thing.

Jordan: See you're not allowed to do more than one thing which is why a polymath such as myself prefers to do nothing.

Jordan: Please bear with me. I'm making all this up. I'm a model of efficiency.

Mitchel: Were you an actor?

Jordan: Am. I'm resting.

Jordan: I fancy celebrities are rather like the Olympians of old.

[Mitchel passes a revolver to Jordan]

Mitchel: How d'you feel about guns, Jordan?

Jordan: My dear boy, I am a trained actor. I can feel anything about anything.

Hal Evans: Now, I could be famous by sunrise if I really wanted to.

Jordan: Oh really? And how's that?

Hal Evans: I'd kill everyone in this room.

[Nick is pointing the gun at Hal and Jordan]

Hal: You know, for a big brain Nick, you're awfully fucking stupid.

Nick: Smart enough to beat you.

Hal: *Beat?* Hah! Shit, boy! Did you ever stop for fucking one goddamn minute and take a good arm's length look at the fucking situation, eh? You're nothin' but a show, my friend - a little experiment that I've privately undertaken, that I readily admit's gone a *wee* bit wrong. Right, question: how much bullshit do I have to fill an overly-intelligent, but fucking emotionally retarded kid's head with before he steps, or in Nick's case *leaps*, with both feet *and* a kitchen sink, over the edge?

Jordan: Evidentally, not fucking much!

Hal: Just whispered fucking sweet nothings about murder and mayhem into his ear and three semesters later, he's got his best friend stuffed into a box, man. Jesus, kid, wake the fuck up! You're not in control here, I am, always have been!

[last lines]

Jordan: Should we go back there and help Ed?

Smokey: Ed? Aw, he can talk his way out of this. I saw him talk his way out a lot of things.

Jordan: Drinking is bad, but feelings are worse.

Morgan: I will always remember this night, kissing that very attractive boy-girl.

Jordan: It's girl-boy.

Morgan: Are you the little Dragonfly-boy?

Jordan: No, I'm the Princess Bee.

[First lines]

Morgan: My head feels like gallons of water stuck in a soda can. Is it leaking out of my eyes?

Jordan: Soda or water?

Morgan: Soda.

Jordan: Let me see. No, it's water.

Morgan: Your arms look like my arms.

Jordan: Your 8's look like 9's.

Morgan: It is a 9. My 9's look like 8's.

Jordan: Don't be sad if I don't call.

Morgan: I won't be.

Jordan: Would you be mad if I do call?

Morgan: You won't.

Jordan: How do you know?

Morgan: I gave you the wrong number.

Jordan: Can I come in?

Morgan: Why? There's no valuables inside.

Jordan: Just wanna see where the dragonfly sleeps.

Morgan: Look, I don't mean to be mean, but I'm *really* tired.

Jordan: Oh, I'm not leaving until I find out something about you I don't like. Right now you are pretty perfect.

Morgan: What happened to your face?

Jordan: Someone broke my heart and it spread to my face.

Dennis: Jordan, I didn't hear you come in last night. Did he knock or just creep up the back steps?

Morgan: I let him in dad.

Dennis: What time was that?

Jordan: I thought you were retired from being a detective.

[Morgan announces that she wants to marry Jordan the next day]

Jordan: Hey... dad

[awkwardly]

Jordan: , do you think I could borrow...

Dennis: [interrupts] Already! Seriously?

Jordan: Why not wear what you want to wear, be who you want to be?

Jordan: Dragonflies only live for three months and look how happy they are.

Morgan: How do you know they are happy?

Jordan: Have you ever heard of a depressed dragonfly?

Jordan: You're still here.

Kate: I'm like a shark. I, I don't sleep, I just circle and make shakes.