Jonah Quotes in Runaway Train (1985)

Jonah: [while watching Buck boxing] The Kid can fight.

Manny: That's worth about 2 dead flies

Jonah: [while talking with Manny about Buck] He's a pretty good youngster. Besides that, he pushes the laundry cart.

[followed by Jonah and Manny laughing out loud]

Charles: Just remember one thing.

Jonah: What's that?

Charles: Watch yourself! Around here you either eat or get eaten.

Jonah: I think I can take care of myself.

Charles: We'll see.

Jonah: Well, Gretel?

Ella: Yes, Hansel?

Jonah: Let's slay some witches!

Jonah: Don't think, act.

Lars: You're such a fat guy in love.

Jonah: I am not.

Lars: There's nothing sadder than that.

Jonah: I am not going to Ninevah!

Khalil: Now you are sad, my friend. Something about Ninevah makes you sad?

Jonah: Oh, I don't want to talk about it.

Khalil: Oh, you do not have to tell me. Because I already know.

Jonah: You do?

Khalil: Oh, yes. There is a woman in Ninevah, is there not? A beautiful young asparagus? She is waiting for you, but your job is in the way. Her father is the head of an international band of camel thieves. Today you sail out to Tarshish to deliver a message to the camel thieves, but in the process will break the heart of the woman you love!

[pause]

Khalil: Insight runs very deep in my family.

Jonah: We're going to be digested! Do you know what that means?

Khalil: Of course! Digestion runs very deep in my family.

Jonah: The message is... STOP IT!

Jonah: Something touched me!

Jonah: [to God] Perhaps you've never been to Ninevah! Well, of course you haven't! A god like you would never go to a place like Ninevah!

Pirate Pa: And besides, we've never sailed before. Ever. So the answer is no.

Jonah: Money is no object.

Jonah: I'm afraid the only thing left is to be thrown into the sea.

Larry: Oh, you don't have to do that! We've got a plank! You can just walk off!

Jonah: Yes, thank you. You're too kind.

Pirate Pa: Normally you'd be entitled to a refund, but under the circumstances, y'know, with you dying and all...

Jonah: No, I don't suppose a refund would do me much good now, would it?

Jonah: [to Khalil] Well, I did my job. I warned them they would be punished, and now we're going to watch them get wiped off the face of the earth!

[whispers]

Jonah: I picked a safe distance so we won't get singed.

Jonah: I bring you a Message From the Lord

Crowd: [Gasps]

Jonah: Oh, it's a message of encouragement.

Crowd: Oh.

[outtake; Jonah is trying to sleep but is interrupted by the Self Help Tape]

Self-Help Tape Voice: You are so vain. I bet you think this movie's about you. Don't you. Don't you.

Jonah: Ah, good one, boys...

Jonah: Sounds like a standard turn and repent to me.

[outtake]

Self-Help Tape Voice: Knock knock.

Jonah: Uh... who's there?

Self-Help Tape Voice: Big goofy asparagus in a turban.

Jonah: Big goofy asparagus in a turban wh... oh, ha ha ha, very funny!

[outtake; Jonah jumps up on his horse and immediately falls off again]

Jonah: Does anyone have ibuprofen? I need ibuprofen!

Jay: Man, my balls are shaved, my pubes are trimmed, I'm ready to fuckin' rock this shit!

Jonah: What the fuck, man? If I go in there and see fuckin' pubes sprinkled on the toilet seat, I'm gonna fuckin' lose my mind! Last time I went to the bathroom, Jay, I took a shit and my shit looked like a fuckin' stuffed animal!

Jonah: Hey Crocket, how's Tubbs doing?

Martin: Oh, another beard joke?

Jonah: How did it feel changing your name from Cat Stevens to Yusef Islam?

Martin: It was really awkward.

Jonah: See ya... Scorcese on coke.

Jonah: I won't say it but it rhymes with shmashmortion.

Jason: You stay here.

Martin: Why?

Jason: Cause your face looks like a vagina.

Martin: Dick!

Jonah: How's it going Crockett, been hanging with Tubbs lately?

Martin: Come on man, I'm getting it from all angles here, I really don't like it anymore.

Jonah: I know, me either. Was it weird when you changed your name from Cat Stevens to Yusef Islam?

Martin: Yeah, it was really awkward.

Jonah: All right, see you later Scorcese on coke.

Jay: [Makes a roar like Chewbacca from Star Wars]

Martin: What the fuck was that?

Jay: You know, Chewbacca.

Martin: Oh, another beard joke, fucking hilarious!

Jonah: We got pinkeye.

Ben Stone: Were you giving butterfly kisses or something?

Jason: Ha ha ha, very funny That's not how you get pinkeye. You get it from poo particles making their way into your ocular cavities.

Jay: Um, I farted on Jason's pillow as a practical joke. He farted on Jonah's, thinking it was mine, and then eventually pinkeyed my pillow. I'm not proud any of this, but I think we're all forgiven each other. Um, but we can't go anywhere.

Pete: You can get pinkeye from farting in a pillow?

Jonah: Totally!

Pete: That's awesome!

Jonah: Jesus, Martin got it bad. What, did someone take a dump on your eye?

Martin: No. No pinkeye for me. I'm just really... high.

Jay: Dude, I think he's doing the dice thing too much.

Jonah: That's really all he's got.

Jay: You're embarrassing me in company!

Jonah: You embarrass yourself!

Jonah: Dude, I didn't go to Yale to work 24 hours a day.

Jason: Dude, you went to a city college.

Jonah: I went where I went, alright?

Martin: Do you ever get so bored, you just stare at your balls?

Jonah: I bet you do, late John Lennon.

Jonah: I can't believe you didn't fucking wear a bag, WHO DOES THAT?

Jason: Why did we go to Costco and buy a year's supply of condoms if you weren't gonna use 'em, man?

Jonah: I can't believe you did this. You fucked everything up.

Jason: The real point is not to get yourself into this position, that's what you have to realize. You gotta know all the tricks like, for example, if a woman's on top she can't get pregnant. It's just gravity.

Jonah: Well that's true. Everyone knows that.

Jason: What goes up must come down.

Jonah: Tell him not to jerk off with a noose around his neck - it's dangerous.

Jonah: She like-a the way your dick taste.

Jonah: I'm going to murderball you!

Jonah: [slamming the ball and winning the point at Ping-Pong] Fuck off!

Jason: Yeah, well, you still have a little dick, Cartman.

Jay: Hey, you know I always

[makes masturbating motion]

Jay: go right.

Jonah: Right... into a dude's ass

Jonah: Hey, Jay, do you use that Canadian leaf tattoo as like a cum target? How many points do you get for hitting the stem? Like a million.

Jonah: Take me away from here.

Lily: Where?

Jonah: Anywhere. Help me escape.

Lily: Okay. Where should we go?

Jonah: Where do you want to go?

Lily: Home, I want to go home.

Jonah: Ah, home's horrible. You must want to go somewhere else.

Lily: Mmm, dunno. Australia?

Jonah: Nah, not there. My ex-wife lives there.

Lily: What, is she alive?

Jonah: Who cares about her, she's a lesbian.

Jonah: You don't just attack someone for no reason.

Tom: If I was schizophrenic, I might.

Jonah: Schizophrenics hear voices.

Tom: I hear music. Does that count?

Ned: [to son chatting the on the Internet] You're not talking to people you don't know, are you?

Jonah: Uhh, you mean potential pedophiles?

Ned: Mm-hm.

Jonah: Just ones that live around here.

Ethan: Will everybody at the prom be gay?

Jonah: Yeah. That's why they call it the gay and lesbian prom, moron.

Jonah: I'm not interested in being with someone who's older. I... I just wanna dance with other people who are gay.

Ned: I think I'd rather talk about the smell of pee.

Jeannie: Ned...

Ned: I think he should change, or he can't go.

Jonah: This is what people wear to a dance.

Ned: Why don't you just go in a jock strap?

Jeannie: You're being ridiculous.

Ethan: You can sort of see the outline of your penis in those.

Ned: I don't want you dancing with college kids. Period.

Jonah: What are they gonna do? Rape me?

[last lines]

Laura: What's that sound? It sounds like rain.

Jonah: Not rain. Ron.

Mohtz: That tattoo on your arm. Is that airborne?

Jonah: The 182nd. Gulf War, 1991.

Mohtz: Hmm. Mine here is the 405th Infantry. Outside of Da Nang, South Vietnam, 1968. Whole platoon got wiped out, but it wasn't Charlie.

Jonah: You're shitting me. Friendly fire killed your whole platoon?

Mohtz: No, no, not exactly. One night, me and the C.O. were pulling guard duty, and we're sharing a joint... Thai Stick. I'm really stoned. And all of a sudden, we see this streak of light across the sky. Zoom! Waaa! And it looks like it lands about two klicks northeast of camp. So the C.O. says, "I'm gonna check it out." I said, "go ahead, cap man". More doobie for me, you know. So off he goes and uh... it could have been 10 minutes or two hours. I don't know. I was stoned. But he comes back and I notice that he's acting weird. But now, oh... now, no problem, it's just the Thai Stick kicking in. Well man, pretty soon he starts jumping around like his pants are on fire. I'm not shittin' you. And he... off comes his pants. He rips them off. Rips his skivvies off. Now I got my C.O. standing there in front of me, buck naked from the waist down. And then something happened, man, that... uh... boot camp did not prepare me for. This guy's pecker... his dick, ripped itself off his body and slithered towards the tent. So, the C.O.'s screaming like hell before he expires. Pretty soon, I can't hear him because dozens of screams are coming from the tents where all the platoon was. Want to know what the hell it sounded like? I think it sounded like... 30 men getting massacred by a dick as it shoved itself through them in rapid speed. So, I went over and hid behind a rock for about an hour and had to listen to my whole platoon being murdered. I think I heard one guy getting a shot or two off, but he then screamed as he got killed too. So, after it stopped... I very cautiously, believe me, crept into the officers tent to get a radio to get some air support and... I see the dick lying there on a sleeping bag and it looks like it's looking right back at me. But it looked, you know, fucking weak, man. And it was like in this, you know, shriveled... what kind of period do you call it?

T.J.: A refractory period. Happens just after sex.

Mohtz: Yeah, yeah, you know, I could have killed it right then, but I was so stoned I was afraid that I'd miss. And on the other hand, I knew it was only a matter of time before... you know, it would be back in action again. So, without taking my eyes off it, I get on the radio and have them chopper in two Saigon whores. So, for the next half-hour, I'm holding my weapon on this dick lying on a sleeping back in the blood-splattered tent. Now, I figured it won't know I'm stoned, so he won't jump me, you know? So, the chopper arrived just in time, thank God, because now the dick was getting big and hard. So, I tell the two whores when they showed up in the tent, "look, hey, I'll do anything, man. I'll take you to the States, anything, if you just lie down there and spread your legs for me." Well, I guess "states" was the magic word because I never two Vietnamese whores taking off their panties and clothes so quickly in all your life. Now, the dick must have smelled dinner because... choo! It makes a beeline for the whores. So I watch, and I wait, and watch. Finally, finally it blows it's load, I grabbed it, and ran it outside the tent. I threw it in a bunker. God... Jesus Christ man! About 10 seconds later, out runs about 15 gooks. And I could have nailed any one of them but no, I made a priority decision. Threw in a grenade. Yelled, "fire in the hole!" Fa-foom! Well, guess what. Now it's raining dick. Yeah, raining dick! I crawled into a whisky bottle. I got back to the States and I've been in there ever since.

Jonah: Avery, can you talk to this woman. It's something about your alarm.

Avery Miller: Yeah, hi, this is Avery.

Security Operator: Hi. Having a bit of a party there?

Avery Miller: Yeah um, sorry, that was Brad. He's emotionally retarded.

Jonah: Fingerprint scanner? You know, you're gonna put your thumb on that thing sooner or later. The only question is, whether it will still be attached to your body.

Jonah: [to Sarah] I would never hurt you. I love you!

Gene Reed: [from trailer] I think he deserves to know the truth.

Jonah: Truth? What is the truth?

Jonah: [catching his brother dancing] Oh my God! That was so weird! Oh my God, dude, you're like the Billy Elliot of hip-hop. Hey, hey man I'm sorry, that was funny, it was really weird but it was funny. It was funny. It's funny, funny.

[Jonah gets off from phone with Amy]

Conrad: You know, if I had a girl, I'd never lie to her.

Jonah: Yeah? Good luck with that.

Jonah: Just think really hard about what you are doing here because... uh, I mean even if you see her that way, I don't think Conrad has to.

Randi: I don't understand, I mean, is there something wrong with that?

Jonah: You published a book. I'd love to be able...

Richard: I was like that. I was so fucking excited about this... and... about that. But you just, you think it's gonna be so fucking rosy! So fucking rosy!

Randi: Well Jonah's not like that. He doesn't think anything's gonna be some certain way. He just loves to write.

Jonah: You don't have to speak for me...

Randi: You, you live in some sort of disallusionment! Because it's easier than being honest. What are you hiding from old man? You think he's gonna be like you when he's older. Because it makes you feel better about yourself.

Jonah: Who is Bearclaw? I'm glad you asked.

Jonah: That's bullshit! Oil does not do that. Or the fucking Quickie Lube guy would earn more than fucking minimum wage!

Elaine: Come on now, Daddy's not angry!

Jonah: No, Daddy's very angry!

Jonah: The truth is I idolize him. I think he's perfect. I would give up everything for Luke.

Jonah: I made my mother cry.

Luke: Yeah. She cries easy.

Jonah: Yeah... I'm feeling very unrelated to them.

Jonah: Some people feel so comfortable in one place, and others feel trapped.

Jonah: They're testing us, Nic. Like little rats.