Joker Quotes in Batman (1989)
Joker: I now do what other people only dream. I make art until someone dies. See? I am the world's first fully functioning homicidal artist.
[to Rotelli's charred and smoldering corpse]
Joker: Your pals, uh, they're not bad people. Maybe we, uh, outta give them a couple of days to think it over.
Joker: Grease 'em now? Well, OK. You are a vicious bastard Rotelli, and, uh, I'm glad you're dead!
Vicki Vale: You're insane!
Joker: I thought I was a Pisces.
Grissom: That you, sugar bumps?
[turns around to see a man]
Grissom: Who the hell are you?
Joker: It's me, Sugar bumps.
Grissom: Jack? Oh, oh, thank God you're alive! I heard you'd been...
Joker: Fried? Is that what you heard? You set me up over a woman. A *woman*! You must be insane.
[Grissom goes for his gun]
Joker: Don't bother.
Grissom: Your life won't be worth spit!
Joker: I've been dead once already. It's very liberating. You should think of it as, uh... therapy.
Grissom: Jack, listen. Maybe we can cut a deal.
Joker: Jack? Jack is dead, my friend.
[steps into the light]
Joker: You can call me... Joker. And as you can see, I'm a lot happier.
[laughs, and then proceeds to kill Grissom]
Joker: So gentlemen, that's how it is. Until Grissom, uh resurfaces, I'm the acting President, and I say starting with this anniversary festival, we run the city into the ground.
Ricorso: Why don't we hear this from Grissom?
Rotelli: Yeah. And what's with that stupid grin?
Joker: Life's been good to me.
Rotelli: What if we say no?
Joker: Well, Tony, nobody wants a war. If we can't do business, why, we'll just shake hands and that'll be it.
[Rotelli shakes hands with The Joker and starts to get electrocuted]
Joker: Whoo! Whoo! Oh, I got a live one here.
[the Joker starts to laugh hysterically, as Rotelli catches fire]
Joker: [singing] Oh, there'll be a hot time in the old town tonight.
[the Joker drops Rotelli, charred to a crisp, into his seat]
Joker: [fanning away the smoke with his hat] Antoine got a little "hot" under the collar.
Ricorso: You're crazy.
Joker: Haven't you ever heard of the healing power of laughter?
[He begins to laugh again and mops sweat from his brow, exposing a patch of chalk-white flesh]
Joker: NOW GET OUTTA HERE!
Joker: As though we were made for each other... Beauty and the Beast. Of course, if anyone else calls you beast, I'll rip their lungs out.
Vicki Vale: You're insane!
Joker: I thought I was a Pisces!
Joker: Bob, I want you to go down to the globe. Follow that reporter Knox. Take your camera. See what he knows about this Batman. And Bob...
Joker: Remember... you... are my number one... guy!
[Joker gives someone a hand and electrocutes him]
Joker: Oh, I got a live one here!
[upon entering the museum]
Joker: Gentlemen! Let's broaden our minds. Lawrence?
[the Joker sees a picture of Vicki Vale]
Joker: Stop the press, who is that?
[Alicia sees Jack as the Joker for the first time]
Joker: Honey, you'll never believe what happened to me today.
Joker: [sees Bruce Wayne enter the room] Well, Miss Vale, another rooster in the henhouse.
Joker: Antoine got a little hot under the collar.
Joker: Have you shipped a million of those things?
Scientist at Axis Chemicals: Yes sir!
Joker: Ship 'em ALL! We're gonna take 'em out a WHOLE NEW DOOR!
Joker: Hello, Vinny. It's your Uncle Bingo. Time to pay the check!
Joker: [shows up unexpectedly at Vicki's place] Miss me? Nice place you've got here. Lots of space. Uh, Vicki, we've really got to have a talk. I'm very upset. We were having dinner. I was a man doing well with a beautiful woman. And without so much as an apology, you ran off with that sideshow phony.
Joker: At midnight, I will dump twenty million in cash on the crowd. Don't worry about me, I've got enough.
The Mayor: We are not prepared to discuss any deals.
Joker: [pushes the Mayor off the TV] You heard it folks. Twenty million.
Joker: Mi casa nostra es su casa nostra.
[Andrea Beaumont has just called Arthur's office]
Joker: Now ain't that a co-inky-dink?
[grabs Arthur by his shirt]
Joker: Here we are discussing the old man when the spawn of his loins just happens to call! Makes you want to laugh, doesn't it, Artie?
[he laughs maniacally]
[the Phantasm goes to Valestra's mansion, but instead finds Valestra dead, along with Joker's surveillance camera and a bomb]
Joker: Whoops! Ha! I guess the joke's on me. You're not Batman after all. Looks like there's a new face in Gotham and soon his name will be all over town... to say nothing of his legs, and feet, and spleen, and head...
[the Phantasm leaps out the window just as the bomb explodes]
[Sal walks through the remains of the "Future of Gotham" park as the robots sing; then the Joker enters]
Joker: I hate that song... Gasp! Can it be? Old Sallie "the Wheezer" Valestra! Welcome, paisan! It's been a dog's age!
Salvatore "Sal The Wheezer" Valestra: [nervously] Hello, Joker. Didn't mean to drop by unannounced.
Joker: I'm impressed, lady. You're harder to kill than a cockroach on steroids.
The Phantasm: So, you figured it out.
[the Phantasm removes his mask to reveal Andrea Beaumont]
Joker: Gotta hand it to you, nice scheme. Costume's a bit theatrical, but hey, who am I to talk?
Joker: So, what's an old-timer like you want with a two-timer like me?
Joker: Can't be too careful with all those weirdos around.
Joker: Don't touch me, old man! I don't know where you've been.
Joker: You're crazy! I'm your only chance to get out of here! Let me go or we'll both die!
Batman: Whatever it takes!
Joker: You just don't know when to quit, do you?
Joker: Tsk, tsk. And to think those tax money would pay these jerks.
Arthur Reeves: You!
Joker: That's right, Artie. Bring in the press, why don't you. What a photo op! The councilman and his wacky pal.
Arthur Reeves: You're no friend of mine.
Joker: Oh, Artie, I'm crushed! How and ho the mighty forget. Don't you remember? You, me, Sally and the gang?
Arthur Reeves: What are you talking about? I never met them or you. I work for Beaumont. I didn't know what he was doing.
Joker: But you knew it afterwards and put it to good use, eh?
Arthur Reeves: What do you want?
Joker: To find out who's iced the old gang.
Arthur Reeves: Haven't you read the papers? It's Batman.
Joker: [pressing his joy buzzer] Wrong. It ain't the bat. Nope, nope, nope. I've seen the guy. He looks more like the Ghost of Christmas Future. Nowhere near as cute as Batboy.
Arthur Reeves: You're saying it was someone else?
Joker: Yeah, someone wouldn't mind seeing our old pals out of the way.
Joker: Count my money or party with bitches. Hundred and fitties or big ass titties. Count the green or get in between those titties.
Day-Day: [shaking hands with Roach] I've knew we've never will be together forever, you're a cool Puerto-Rican dude.
Baby Joker: Falta feria, gÃ¼ey
Joker: [Looks at Day-Day and Roach] Â¡PINCHES HIJOS DE PUTA, CABRONES!
Joker: We're saying, you're fucked ese! You're staying with us!
Day-Day: Aw man.
Joker: Baby Joker, get the duct tape homes.
Baby Joker: Orale, carnal.
Joker: It's on my bed homes, I was using it earlier.
Day-Day: Shit, man!
Lil Joker: [Talking to the girls] Hey and you, got put your clothes back on, alright!
Roach: [At the Jokers house door] Knock.
Day-Day: You want me to knock?
Roach: Well knock.
[Day-Day knocks at the door slightly]
Roach: You're acting like a little bitch right now man, they're not gonna hear that, the music is playing.
Day-Day: Excuse me partner, that was a fuckin' ghetto knock I just did.
Roach: I'm gonna show you how to knock on a door.
Day-Day: Hey, hey no stop.
Baby Joker: [Inside the house when Roach is banging on their door with his feet] Yeah, rub that shit.
Joker: [He hears Roach banging his door and get's his gun] I hear something? Fuckin' shit. Yeah I got to do everything around here, SHIT! Ruining my flow.
Girl #1: [Talking to Lil Joker when kissing her neck] Right there.
Joker: [When talking to his brothers] Hey you lover boys, YOU HEAR THAT SHIT!
Day-Day: [Talking to Roach about banging the door with his feet] Motherfucker you better stop, they're gonna think we're the police in there.
Roach: It get's results.
Joker: [the brothers opening the door at a gunpoint] The fuck do you want?
Day-Day: We came to borrow some sugar.
Joker: Does this look like a fuckin' 7-Eleven to you homes? Do you see a Red-Dot on my Forehead my friend? Do you see an ATM in the corner that doesn't work? DO YOU? NO, YOU DON'T SO FUCK YOU MY FRIEND. Get the fuck outta here Day-Day, and you to, Slim Shady.
Day-Day: No problem, we're gone.
Roach: Hold on, just a second, hey man you've run over my skateboard. I DON'T APPRECIATE THAT, ALL RIGHT!
Day-Day: [the Joker brothers grab him and Roach and get them inside their house] Oh no, that's that bullshit, man it ain't like...
Joker: [after realizing his bedroom door is locked]
[using his date's butt as a mouth]
Joker: No more locked doors! Gracias.
Joker: Boy this is a switch, I thought you'd be mad as hell at me.
Linda Rodgers: Mad? Definitely not! Let's just say I'm able to handle the situation.
[He goes to remove his mask]
Linda Rodgers: No no, leave it for now! It turns me on.
Joker: Lady, you are definitely weird.
Linda Rodgers: I *know*.
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