John McClane Quotes in Die Hard (1988)

Hans Gruber: [on the radio] Mr. Mystery Guest? Are you still there?

John McClane: Yeah, I'm still here. Unless you wanna open the front door for me.

Hans Gruber: Uh, no, I'm afraid not. But, you have me at a loss. You know my name but who are you? Just another American who saw too many movies as a child? Another orphan of a bankrupt culture who thinks he's John Wayne? Rambo? Marshal Dillon?

John McClane: Was always kinda partial to Roy Rogers actually. I really like those sequined shirts.

Hans Gruber: Do you really think you have a chance against us, Mr. Cowboy?

John McClane: Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker.

John McClane: [huddled in an air vent, recalls his wife's invitation] "Come out to the coast, we'll get together, have a few laughs..."

Supervisor: [as McClane tries to call up police] Attention, whoever you are, this channel is reserved for emergency calls only.

John McClane: No fucking shit, lady. Does it sound like I'm ordering a pizza?

Dwayne T. Robinson: I've got a hundred people down here, and they're covered with glass.

John McClane: Glass? Who gives a shit about glass? Who the fuck is this?

Dwayne T. Robinson: This is Deputy Chief of Police, Dwayne T. Robinson, and I am in charge of this situation.

John McClane: Oh, you're in charge? Well, I got some bad news for you *Dwayne*, from up here it doesn't look like you're in charge of jack shit.

Dwayne T. Robinson: You listen to me, you little asshole, I'm...

John McClane: Asshole? I'm not the one who just got butt-fucked on national TV, *Dwayne*. Now, you listen to me, jerk-off, if you're not a part of the solution, you're a part of the problem. Quit being a part of the fucking problem and put the other guy back on!

Hans Gruber: [Hans' radio turns on] I thought I told all of you, I want radio silence until further...

John McClane: Ooooh, I'm very sorry Hans. I didn't get that message. Maybe you should've put it on the bulletin board. I figured since I've waxed Tony and Marco and his friend here, I figured you and Karl and Franco might be a little lonely, so I wanted to give you a call.

Karl: How does he know so much about th...

Hans Gruber: [silences Karl him with a gesture] That's very kind of you. I assume you are our mysterious party crasher. You are most troublesome, for a security guard.

John McClane: Eeeh! Sorry Hans, wrong guess. Would you like to go for Double Jeopardy where the scores can really change?

[speaking to dead man about cigarettes]

John McClane: Whoa, these are very bad for you.

Hans Gruber: Who are you then?

John McClane: Just a fly in the ointment, Hans. The monkey in the wrench. The pain in the ass.

John McClane: Welcome to the party, pal.

John McClane: Drop it, dickhead. It's the police.

Tony: You won't hurt me.

John McClane: Oh, yeah? Why not?

Tony: Because you're a policeman. There are rules for policemen.

John McClane: Yeah. That's what my captain keeps telling me.

Hans Gruber: This time John Wayne does not walk off into the sunset with Grace Kelly.

John McClane: That was Gary Cooper, asshole.

John McClane: You throw quite a party. I didn't realize they celebrated Christmas in Japan.

Joseph Takagi: Hey, we're flexible. Pearl Harbor didn't work out so we got you with tape decks.

John McClane: You'd have made a pretty good cowboy yourself, Hans.

Hans Gruber: Oh, yes. What was it you said to me before? "Yippie-ki-yay, motherfucker."

Hans Gruber: Touching, Cowboy, touching. Or should I call you, Mr. McClane? Mr. Officer John McClane of the New York Police Department?

Richard Thornburg: Get on the phone to Harry in New York. Come on, baby, move, move.

Thornburg's Assistant: Got it.

Sergeant Al Powell: Better get a hold of somebody in dispatch.

John McClane: Sister Teresa called me Mr. McClane in the third grade. My friends call me John, and you're neither, shit-head.

Hans Gruber: I have someone who wants to talk to you; a very special friend who was with you at the party tonight.

Harry Ellis: [Hans hands him the walkie talkie] Hey, John boy.

John McClane: Ellis?

Harry Ellis: Yeah. Now listen, John, they're giving me a few minutes to try to talk some sense into you. I know you think you're doing your job, John, and I can appreciate that, but, you're just dragging this thing out. Now look, no one gets outta here until these guys can talk to the *LA* police, and that just ain't gonna happen until you stop messin' up the works, capisci?

John McClane: Ellis, what have you told them?

Harry Ellis: I told 'em we were old friends and you were my guest at the party.

John McClane: Ellis, you shouldn't be doin' this.

Harry Ellis: Tell me about it. Alright, John, listen. They want you to tell them where the detonators are. They know people are listening. They want the detonators or they're gonna kill me.

[pause]

Harry Ellis: John, didn't you hear me?

John McClane: Yeah, I hear you.

Harry Ellis: Hey, John, I think you can get with the program a little, huh? The police are here now, it's their problem. Now tell these guys where the detonators are so no one else gets hurt, you know I'm putting my life on the line for you, pal.

John McClane: Ellis, listen to me very carefully.

Harry Ellis: John?

John McClane: Shut up Ellis, just shut your mouth! Put Hans back on the line.

[Ellis holds the walkie talkie up]

John McClane: Hans, this shit-head does not know what kind of man you are, but I do. Listen to me!

Hans Gruber: Good. Then, you'll give us what we want and save your friend's life. You're not part of this equation this time, you realize that.

[presents his gun]

Harry Ellis: Hey, what am I, a method actor? Hans, babe, put away the gun, this is radio, not television.

John McClane: [nervously yelling] Hans, this asshole is not my friend, I just met him tonight, I don't know him. Jesus Christ, Ellis these people are gonna kill you, tell them, you don't know me.

Harry Ellis: John, how can you say that after all these years, huh? John?

[gets no response]

Harry Ellis: John?

[still gets no response, then laughs slightly, then Hans shoots him in the head]

Hans Gruber: [he puts the walkie talkie up to the screaming crowd, then yells into the walkie talkie] You hear that? Talk to me, where are my detonators? Where are they, or shall I shoot another one? Sooner or later, I might get to someone you *do* care about!

John McClane: Go fuck yourself, Hans.

Hans: The following people are to be released from their captors: In Northern Ireland, the seven members of the New Provo Front. In Canada, the five imprisoned leaders of Liberte de Quebec. In Sri Lanka, the nine members of the Asian Dawn movement...

John McClane: [listening on the radio] What the fuck?

Karl: [mouthing silently] Asian Dawn?

Hans: [covers the radio] I read about them in Time magazine.

John McClane: [while crawling through a narrow ventilation shaft] Now I know what a TV dinner feels like.

John McClane: So that's is what this is about, Hans? A fucking robbery?

Hans Gruber: Put down the gun.

John McClane: Why'd you have to nuke the whole building, Hans?

Hans Gruber: Well, when you steal $600, you can just disappear. When you steal 600 million, they will find you, unless they think you're already dead.

Sergeant Al Powell: [over radio] Hey, John? John McClane you still with us?

John McClane: Yeah. But all things being equal, I'd rather be in Philadelphia. Chalk up two more bad guys.

[Begins removing glass from foot]

Sergeant Al Powell: Well, the boys down here will be glad to hear that. You know we got a pool going on you.

John McClane: What kind of odds am I getting?

Sergeant Al Powell: You don't wanna know.

John McClane: Put me down for twenty, I'm good for it.

[pulls shard of glass from foot]

John McClane: . Hey pal, you got flat feet?

Sergeant Al Powell: What the hell you talking about, man.

John McClane: Something had to get you off the street.

Sergeant Al Powell: What's the matter? You don't think jockeying papers around a desk is a noble effort for a cop?

John McClane: No...

Sergeant Al Powell: I had an accident.

John McClane: The way you drive, I can see why. What'd you do? Run over your captains foot with the car?

Sergeant Al Powell: I shot a kid. He was 13 years old. Oh, it was dark, I couldn't see him, he had a ray gun, looked real enough. You know when you're a rookie they can teach you everything about being a cop, except how to live with a mistake. Anyway, I just couldn't bring myself to draw my gun on anyone again.

John McClane: ...Sorry man.

John McClane: [fighting Karl] You motherfucker, I'm gonna kill you! I'm gonna fuckin' cook you, and I'm gonna fucking eat you!

John McClane: [John is fighting Karl] You should have heard your brother squeal when I broke his fucking neck.

John McClane: Who's driving this car, Stevie Wonder?

Sergeant Al Powell: Hey Roy, how you feeling?

John McClane: Pretty fuckin' unappreciated, Al.

Hans: [Hans uses McClane's gun and says something in an uninterpreted German on his CB Radio] Put down the gun, and give me my detonators.

John McClane: Well, well, well... Hans.

Hans: Put it down now.

John McClane: That's pretty tricky with that accent. You oughta be on fucking TV with that accent. But what do you want with the detonators, Hans? I already used all the explosives. Or did I?

Hans: I'm going to count to three...

John McClane: Yeah, like you did with Takagi?

John McClane: [Hans pulls trigger] Ooops.

[Hans pulls the trigger a few times more]

John McClane: No more bullets. What do you think, I'm fucking stupid, Hans?

Hans: [elevator opens] You were saying?

John McClane: Geronimo, Motherfucker!

John McClane: [stealing Tony's shoes] Nine million terrorists in the world and I gotta kill one with feet smaller than my sister.

John McClane: [McClane watches fire trucks approach the building] C'mon baby, come ta' papa, I'll kiss ya' fuckin' dalmatian.

John McClane: [after McClane sets off massive explosion] Is the building on fire?

Sergeant Al Powell: No, but it's gonna need a paint job and a shit load of screen doors.

John McClane: Happy trails, Hans.

John McClane: [Tying fire hose around his waist] Oh, John, what the fuck are you doing? How the fuck did you get into this shit?

John McClane: But, all things being equal, I'd rather be in Philadelphia.

John McClane: Son of a bitch! Fist with your toes.

John McClane: [upon seeing Marco arrive, suspense music plays] Freeze m*th*rf*cker!

Marco: [panicking] Oh God! Don't shoot! Don't shoot!

John McClane: Drop the gun!

Marco: [starts to do so] Ok! But don't shoot! Don't shoot!

John McClane: Put it on the ground!

Marco: [still doing so but very slowly] I know! But don't shoot! Don't shoot!

Heinrich: [music changes to a climatic theme as Heinrich comes in] Marco duck!

Marco: [John easily shoots Heinrich but Marco manages to take cover. John then hides under a long conference table]

[after a quick scene change Marco is on the table shooting it as he walks down it]

Marco: You a dog now. Where you going pal? Soon there will be no more table.

[empties his clip and jams a fresh one in]

Marco: Next time you have a chance to kill someone, don't hesitate.

[prepares to start shooting again when... ]

John McClane: [fires upwards several times riddling Marco with bullets. Marco drops dead on the table with bullets and wood splinters in him] Thanks for the advice.

[last lines]

John McClane: Merry Christmas, Argyle.

Argyle: Merry Christmas.

Richard Thornburg: [to the camera] Did ya get that?

Argyle: [Argyle shuts the limo door] If this is their idea of Christmas, I *gotta* be here for New Year's.

John McClane: [Getting out a pack of cigarettes] Do you smoke?

Hans Gruber: [while mimicing a hostage] Yeah.

[McClane hands him the pack of cigarettes]

Hans Gruber: Thanks. Now, you don't work for Nakatomi, and you're not one of them.

John McClane: I'm a cop from New York.

Hans Gruber: New York?

John McClane: Yeah. I got invited to the Christmas party by mistake. Who knew.

[laughs]

John McClane: Better being caught with your pants down, huh? I'm John McClane, and you are?

Hans Gruber: [Quickly thinks of a name which he got from a nearby Bulletin board] Clay. Bill Clay.

John McClane: [Takes out his handgun] You now how to use a handgun, Bill?

Hans Gruber: I spent a weekend at a combat ranch. You know where they shoot red paint, but it sounds stupid to you.

John McClane: Well, time for the real thing, Bill. All you gotta do is pull the trigger.

John McClane: Let's see you take *this* under advisement, jerkweed!

John McClane: [after witnessing Mr. Takagi's murder]

[talking to himself]

John McClane: Why the fuck didn't you stop 'em, John? 'Cause then you'd be dead, too, asshole.

Hans Gruber: [after bad guys hit police ram with rocket]

[in radio to bad guys]

Hans Gruber: Hit it, again.

John McClane: [in radio to Hans] Hans you motherfucker, you made your point! Let them pull back!

Hans Gruber: [in radio to McClaine] Thank you, Mr. Cowboy, I'll take it under advisement.

[to bad guys]

Hans Gruber: *Hit it, again.*

[first lines]

Businessman: You don't like flying, do you?

John McClane: What gives you that idea?

Businessman: You wanna know the secret to surviving air travel? After you get where you're going, take off your shoes and your socks then walk around on the rug bare foot and make fists with your toes.

John McClane: Fists with your toes?

Businessman: I know, I know, it sounds crazy. Trust me, I've been doing it for nine years. Yes sir, better than a shower and a hot cup of coffee.

John McClane: Okay.

[the businessman sees John's gun]

John McClane: It's okay, I'm a cop. Trust me, I've been doing this for eleven years.

John McClane: [McClane, before jumping from the roof] I promise I will never even *think* about going up in a tall building again. Oh, God. Please don't let me die.

John McClane: These guys are mostly European judging by their clothing labels and...

[long pause]

John McClane: cigarettes. They're well-financed and very slick.

Sergeant Al Powell: Well, now, how do you know that?

John McClane: I've seen enough phony ID's in my time to recognize that the ones they got must have cost a fortune. Add all that up, I don't know what the fuck it means, but you got some bad-ass perpetrators and they're here to stay.

Sergeant Al Powell: I hear ya, partner. And L.A.'s finest are on it.

John McClane: [cops start coming towards the building] You macho assholes, no, no!

[the FBI shoots at McClane on the roof, thinking he's one of the terrorists]

John McClane: I'm on your side, you assholes!

John McClane: [after being kissed on the face by a stranger on a party] Jesus! Fuckin' California!

John McClane: [after entering the room where Gruber retains Holly] Hi, honey.

Argyle: Well, why didn't you come with her man? What's up?

John McClane: 'Cause I'm a New York cop. I got a six-month backlog on New York scumbags I'm still trying to put behind bars. I can't just pick up and go that easy.

[Argyle turns on the radio in the limousine and Run DMC's "Christmas in Hollis" is playing]

Argyle: Hey, that'll work.

John McClane: Don't you got any Christmas music?

Argyle: This *is* Christmas music!

Holly Gennero McClane: You'll have to forgive Ellis. He gets very depressed this time of year. He thought he was God's greatest gift. You know?

John McClane: Yeah, I know the type. I think he's got his eye on you.

Holly Gennero McClane: That's okay. I have my eye on his private bathroom.

Thomas Gabriel: On your tombstone it should read, "Always in the wrong place at the wrong time".

John McClane: How about, "Yippi-kay-ay, motherfu - "

[gunshot]

Matt Farrell: You just killed a helicopter with a car!

John McClane: I was out of bullets.

Thomas Gabriel: McClane? I thought I killed you already.

John McClane: I get that sometimes.

Thomas Gabriel: I can't talk this guy. You talk to him. See if you can get him to focus.

[hands cell phone to Lucy]

Lucy McClane: Dad?

John McClane: Hi, baby.

Lucy McClane: Now there are only five of them.

John McClane: You know, chicks dig scars.

Matt Farrell: [looks at Lucy] Really?

John McClane: Not that one.

John McClane: You know what you get for being a hero? Nothin'. You get shot at. You get a little pat on the back, blah, blah, blah, attaboy. You get divorced. Your wife can't remember your last name. Your kids don't want to talk to you. You get to eat a lot of meals by yourself. Trust me, kid, nobody wants to be that guy.

John McClane: Mai? Oh, yeah. Little Asian chick, likes to kick people? I don't think she's gonna be talkin' to anybody for a really long time. Last time I saw her she was at the bottom of a elevator shaft with an SUV rammed up her ass.

[after McClane flings Rand from his car]

Matt Farrell: Did you see that?

John McClane: Yeah I saw it, I did it!

John McClane: [covering the webcam] You think you can, uh, find a track where he is?

Thomas Gabriel: Detective, covering the camera with your hand does not turn off the microphone.

Matt Farrell: Awww, great! There goes the cell phone.

John McClane: They knocked the satellites out of the skies, now?

Matt Farrell: No, your battery ran out.

Lucy McClane: Daddy, you're out of your mind.

John McClane: What're you talkin' about?

Lucy McClane: You shot yourself!

John McClane: [groaning] It seemed like a good idea at the time.

John McClane: I know I'm not as smart as you guys with all this computer shit. But, hey... I'm still alive, ain't I? I mean, you've *got* to be running out of bad guys by now, right? Huh? Gabriel? Honestly, you can tell me. I mean, how does that work? Got some kind of service or something? Some kind of 800 number? 1-800-HENCHMEN? Oh, you know what? I bet you're still on hold with, "Can I get another dead Asian hooker bitch over here right away?"

Matt Farrell: Jesus Christ. It's a fire sale.

John McClane: What?

Matt Farrell: It's a fire sale.

Deputy Director Miguel Bowman: Hey! We don't know that yet.

Taylor: Yeah, it's a myth anyway. It can't be done.

Matt Farrell: Oh, it's a myth? Really? Please tell me she's only here for show and she's actually not in charge of anything.

John McClane: Hey, what's a fire sale?

Matt Farrell: It's a three-step... it's a three-step systematic attack on the entire national infrastructure. Okay, step one: take out all the transportation. Step two: the financial base and telecoms. Step three: You get rid of all the utilities. Gas, water, electric, nuclear. Pretty much anything that's run by computers which... which today is almost everything. So that's why they call it a fire sale, because everything must go.

John McClane: You know what you get for being a hero? Nothin'. You get shot at. You get a little pat on the back, blah, blah, blah, attaboy. You get divorced. Your wife can't remember your last name. Your kids don't want to talk to you. You get to eat a lot of meals by yourself. Trust me, kid, nobody wants to be that guy.

Matt Farrell: Then why you doing this?

John McClane: Because there's no body else to do it right now, that's why. Believe me, if there were somebody else to do it, I'd let them do it, but there's not. So we're doing it.

Matt Farrell: Ah. That's what makes you that guy.

[from trailer]

The Warlock: [to Matt] Why did you bring a cop to my command center?

John McClane: [laughs] Command center? It's a basement.

The Warlock: [angrily] Who is this man?

The Warlock: What, like, you a big fan of the Fett?

John McClane: [standing next to a stand-up cardboard cut-out of Boba Fett] No. I was always more of a Star Wars guy.

Matt Farrell: What are we doing?

John McClane: It's a little thing they invented back in the sixties called 'jogging'. You're gonna love it. Come on.

Matt Farrell: Have you done stuff like that before?

John McClane: Stuff like what?

Matt Farrell: Like killing people?

John McClane: Yeah. But not for a long time.

Matt Farrell: [upset] So, who were those guys? Huh? Why were they trying to kill you? Why'd they blow up my goddamn apartment?

John McClane: They were there to kill you.

Matt Farrell: Why would they wanna kill me?

John McClane: You tell me, kid. You're the criminal.

[from the unrated version]

Matt Farrell: You just killed a helicopter with a car!

John McClane: Hundreds of thousands of people get killed by cars every year. That's just like four more.

Lucy McClane: Dad! Stop it! I mean it!

Jim: Dad? You said your dad was dead!

John McClane: What? You told this jerk-off I was dead? You actually said that?

Lucy McClane: I may have exaggerated a little bit.

[last lines]

Lucy McClane: [referring to Farrell] So, um, did he say anything about me?

John McClane: Jesus, Lucy.

Lucy McClane: What? I-I'm so- I'm sorry. I'm just asking.

John McClane: I'm in enough pain already.

[to medic]

John McClane: Hospital.

John McClane: [pissed off] All you gotta do is go pick up a kid down in New Jersey, and drive him down to D.C. How hard can that be, huh? Can't be that hard, no, can it? No, gotta be a senior detective. A thing like a traffic jam, throwing a car at me's gonna stop me?

John McClane: Hey, thanks for saving my daughter's life.

Matt Farrell: [shrugs] What was I going to do?

John McClane: That's what makes you "that guy."

Matt Farrell: [smiles] Yeah.

Agent Johnson: Special Agent Johnson. I'll take the sedan

John McClane: Agent Johnson?

Agent Johnson: That's right.

Matt Farrell: Do we have anything, like, resembling a plan, or anything?

John McClane: Find Lucy, kill everybody else.

Matt Farrell: I mean, more like a plan, like, a way to do that.

John McClane: Damn hamster!

Thomas Gabriel: You're very impressed with yourself, aren't you?

John McClane: I have my moments.

John McClane: [acrobatic mercenaries attack John and Matt] Jesus, is the circus in town?

[Matt is cringing while listening to Creedence Clearwater Revival on the radio]

John McClane: You don't like Creedence?

Matt Farrell: This is like having a pine cone shoved in my ass.

[John turns the volume up louder]

John McClane: [Matt's showing interest in Lucy] After all we've been through, I'd *hate* to have to beat you to death.

John McClane: I'm gettin' too old to jump out of cars.

John McClane: Another day in paradise.

John McClane: [in unrated version] Yippie-kai-yay, motherfucker!

[recognizing female terrorist's voice over the police radio]

Matt Farrell: That's her!

John McClane: "Her" who?

Agent Johnson: What're you talking about?

Matt Farrell: It's them.

John McClane: Are you saying it's "them" them?

Matt Farrell: I *swear* to you, I know her! I would know her voice anywhere!

[McClane picks up handset]

Matt Farrell: Don't say anything! Don't...

John McClane: Just keep your mouth shut for a minute.

[to terrorists over radio]

John McClane: Hey, Metro, how's your day goin' over there? Yeah, you gotta be pretty, uh, crazy over there, what with all those 5-87's, huh?

Mai Lihn: Yes, sir, we've had to dispatch all units.

John McClane: Yeah, you had to dispatch all units for all the naked people walkin' around?

Thomas Gabriel: You know, John, I feel like we've gotten off on the wrong foot. And because of that, you think I'm the bad guy. Nothing could be further from the truth. I'm the good guy here. I told them this could happen if they didn't prepare. Did I get a "Thank you"? No, I got crucified. But, they wouldn't listen.

John McClane: You got their attention now, don't you?

Thomas Gabriel: That's right. I am doing the country a favor.

John McClane: By tearing it apart?

Thomas Gabriel: Better me than some outsider. Some religious nut job bent on Armageddon. Nobody wants to see that happen. Everything I've broken can be fixed if the country is willing to pay for it.

John McClane: Ah, bullshit. It's always been about the money.

Thomas Gabriel: What, I shouldn't get paid for my work? I'm working my ass off here, John.

John McClane: Well, just sit tight, asshole. I gotta check for you.

[from trailer]

Matt Farrell: Shouldn't we call for backup or something?

John McClane: Makes too much sense.

[from trailer]

Matt Farrell: [running to a bleeding John McClane] You okay?

John McClane: [pause, panting] I'll let you know in a minute.

John McClane: [about to jump out of a speeding car] This is not a good idea!

[from trailer]

Thomas Gabriel: Officer McClane, you have no idea what I'm capable of!

John McClane: You sound like a very scary guy.

John McClane: That's enough of this Kung-Fu shit.

Matt Farrell: I'm not a doctor but-but you look like you're hurt.

John McClane: Sexy, right?

Matt Farrell: No.

John McClane: Are you Matt Farrell? Matthew Farrell?

Matt Farrell: No, he, uh, actually does not live here anymore.

John McClane: Of course not. Who are you?

Matt Farrell: My name is Daisy Duke. Got a lot of shit for it when I was a kid. Please don't add to it.

John McClane: Hey, hey, hey. Calm down. Just calm down, big boy!

The Warlock: You calm down! This is MY house!

John McClane: You're gonna tell me what I wanna know, or I'm gonna beat you to death in your own house.

John McClane: It's Creedence.

Matt Farrell: Creedence?

John McClane: Creedence Clearwater Revival? Classic Rock?

Matt Farrell: I know what it is. It's OLD rock. That doesn't make it classic. What sucked back then still sucks today.

John McClane: You don't like Creedence?

Matt Farrell: This is like having a pine cone shoved in my ass. McClain turns the music louder Really? That's mature!

John McClane: Come on. Government's gonna have dozens of departments dedicated to that shit!

Matt Farrell: It took FEMA *five days* to get water to the Superdome.

[choking Mai with cables]

John McClane: [sarcastic] That's not too tight, is it?

John McClane: I could come and find you, kick your ass and throw you out of your own party. What do you think about that, dickhead?

John McClane: It's not a system, it's a country!

John McClane: But seriously, all that kicking aside, that skinny little ninja chick... she was smoking hot. A new one of those is going to be real hard to come by... right?

John McClane: How do you know all this stuff?

Matt Farrell: Dude I don't know. There is a lot rattling around up there. I couldn't tell you.

John McClane: You're shooting at the wrong guy!

[Farrell is trying to lock his door to prevent terrorists from entering]

John McClane: Are you nuts?

John McClane: [after being in a car accident] You alright?

Matt Farrell: No, I'm not alright!

John McClane: [gets out of the car amused] Just stay in the car. You'll be alright.

Thomas Gabriel: Officer McClane?

John McClane: It's Detective McClane, asshole. But don't worry, we'll have plenty of time to get to know each other when I visit you in prison.

John McClane: Need a hug?

Jack McClane: We're not a hugging family.

John McClane: Damn straight!

John McClane: The shit we do for our kids. Yippie-kai-yay, motherfucker.

John McClane: Let's go kill some motherfuckers!

John McClane: Safe house, my ass.

[last lines]

John McClane: So we're not going to grow any third arms or anything are we?

Jack McClane: Nah. You might loose your hair.

John McClane: Ha! Laugh it up kid. This is your five years from now.

Jack McClane: It's rain water and fire. Besides, it's hard to kill a McClane.

John McClane: *Now* you're a McClane?

Jack McClane: Yeah, I'm a McClane. John McClane.

John McClane: John McClane, Junior.

Jack McClane: Well, that makes you a Senior.

John McClane: That's right. Try not to forget it. I'm your father. Have some respect for your father.

Jack McClane: Let me ask you something. You lookin' for trouble, or does it always seem to find *you*?

John McClane: You know, after all these years, I still ask myself the same question.

John McClane: What's with the "John" shit? What happened to "Dad"?

Jack McClane: That's a good question.

John McClane: [punching a Russian motorist after an argument] D'you think I'd understand a word you say?

John McClane: [gets into car; sarcastically] Jesus Christ. It's OK, I'm fine, thanks.

John McClane: [while driving on the cars and trucks, phone rings] Oh, for the love of...

[picks up a phone]

John McClane: Hi, honey.

Lucy: Dad? Can you hear me? How is Moscow?

John McClane: Can I call you back?

Lucy: Wait, don't, don't...

John McClane: [woman screams] Sorry, ma'am!

[a blaring car horn]

John McClane: Sorry!

Alik: [laughs out loud at Jack] Did you see this guy?

Lucy: Dad, can you hear me? Dad, are you still there? Dad?

Alik: Oh, man!

John McClane: [bumps against Alik's military vehicle] Knock, knock.

[bumps again]

John McClane: [to Lucy] You still there?

Lucy: Yeah, yeah, I'm here. So, how is Jack? Have you seen him?

John McClane: Uh, yep, looking right at him.

Lucy: Is he okay?

John McClane: I haven't really caught up with him yet, but he looks good. I'm gonna have to call you back.

Lucy: What's going on there?

John McClane: Luce, can I call you right back?

Lucy: Don't hang up...

John McClane: [during a shoot out] You remember the last time we talked just before you went away?

Jack McClane: Ah no. No! No, no, you're not gonna open up to me before we die. That's not your thing, John.

John McClane: What's my thing?

Jack McClane: Fucking killing bad guys, that's your thing!

John McClane: [preparing to return fire] You're not gonna die today.

John McClane: [mocking his son] The 007 of Plainfield, New Jersey. Very nice.

[repeated line]

John McClane: I'm on fucking vacation!

John McClane: Me and my boy here, we're gonna put a whuppin' on ya!

John McClane: [as they gear up] You got a plan?

Jack McClane: Not really. I kinda thought we would just wing it, you know. Running in, guns blazing! Make it up as we go.

Komarov: Goddamn Americans. You think you're so smart.

John McClane: No, I'm not that smart. I'm just on vacation.

[last lines]

Jack McClane: Hey, lemme ask you something. Do you go looking for trouble, or does it always find you?

John McClane: You know, after all these years, I'm still asking myself the same question.

Komarov: [from trailer] You're crazy.

John McClane: A little bit.

Jack McClane: [looking out the window] John!

John McClane: What do you got?

Jack McClane: A big old bird!

Murphy: He'll be lucky to get life.

John McClane: He can never get out of his own way... He had a lot of problems... He's still my kid.

Murphy: I know. But it's Russia. They do things differently over there.

John McClane: Me, too.

Jack McClane: Gimme your phone.

[John hands Jack his phone. Jack stomps on it repeatedly]

John McClane: ...it's a two year contract on that phone.

Alik: Give me your weapons.

John McClane: Come and get 'em.

Jack McClane: Certain death.

John McClane: Like your mother's cooking.

John McClane: Yippie-kai-yay, motherfucker.

Grant: You're the wrong guy in the wrong place at the wrong time.

John McClane: Story of my life.

John McClane: Oh man, I can't fucking believe this. Another basement, another elevator. How can the same shit happen to the same guy twice?

John McClane: That punk pulled a Glock 7 on me. You know what that is? It's a porcelain gun made in Germany. Dosen't show up on your airport X-ray machines, here, and it cost more than you make in a month.

Carmine Lorenzo: You'd be a surprised what I make in a month.

John McClane: If it's more than a dollar ninety-eight I'd be very surprised.

Trudeau: Alright, we've got a body in the morgue that seems to have died twice. Assuming it's not a computer error, what do we assume?

John McClane: That somebody's about to seriously fuck with this airport.

Trudeau: What the hell is that supposed to mean? I mean, I know we're dummies up here, McClane, so give us a little taste of your brilliant genius! I mean, you talking about a hijacking, a robbery or what?

John McClane: Look, I'm not sure. All I know, is...

Carmine Lorenzo: Oh, he's not sure! Well, I'm stunned! I gotta lie down!

John McClane: The only people that go to this much trouble are professionals, not luggage thieves and not punks!

Chief Engineer Leslie Barnes: Professional at what?

John McClane: [holding up the fax] What the fuck do you this is, huh? The safety patrol, here? This is the resume of a professional mercenary! You got the world's biggest drug dealer on his way here, now. What, do you need, a slide rule to figure this out? Or maybe another body in a zipper bag before you start asking questions?

Carmine Lorenzo: Hey, pal, you're the one that gave us that fuckin' body, remember that.

John McClane: Yeah, I remember that.

John McClane: Hey, Carmine, let me ask you something. What sets off the metal detectors first? The lead in your ass or the shit in your brains?

[under his breath]

John McClane: Fat fuck.

Chopper Pilot: [McClane is showing his nervousness while riding in a helicopter] What's the matter, cowboy? Ride too rough?

John McClane: I don't like to fly.

Samantha Coleman: Then what are you doing here?

John McClane: I don't like to lose either.

Al Powell: You're not pissing in somebody's pool, are you?

John McClane: Yeah, and I'm fresh outta chlorine.

Samantha Coleman: You give me this story and I'll have your baby.

John McClane: Not the kind of ride I'm looking for.

John McClane: [McClane is forced to crawl through yet another ventilation system] Just once, I'd like a regular, normal Christmas. Eggnog, a fuckin' Christmas tree, a little turkey. But, no. I gotta crawl around in this motherfuckin' tin can.

John McClane: [John can't get out from under his parachute] Where's the fuckin' door?

John McClane: Holly! Here's your fucking landing light. Whoo!

John McClane: Guess I was wrong about you. You're not such an asshole after all.

Grant: Oh, you were right. I'm just your kind of asshole.

Grant: Too bad, McClane. I kind of liked you.

John McClane: I got enough friends.

Holly McClane: They told me there were terrorists at the airport.

John McClane: Yeah, I heard that too.

Marvin: You like it, huh? How 'bout you give me twenty bucks for it?

John McClane: How 'bout I let you live?

Marvin: Man knows how to bargain.

Carmine Lorenzo: Hey McClane! You get this parking ticket in front of my airport?

John McClane: Yeah.

Carmine Lorenzo: [Lorenzo tears ticket up] Ah, what the hell; it's Christmas!

Morgue Worker: [John McClane is taking a dead guy's fingerprints] Hey. You're supposed to do that at the morgue.

John McClane: Not anymore. Got a new SOP for DOA's from the FAA.

[Stuart has had Thompson recalibrate the ILS landing system]

Col. Stuart: [adapting a slight disguise to his voice] Windsor Flight 1-1-4, this is Dulles Approach. Do you copy?

Pilot (Windsor Flight 114): Dulles Approach, this is Windsor 1-1-4. Where the devil have you been?

Col. Stuart: Roger, 1-1-4, Dulles Approach. We've been right here all along, old man. Our systems only came back online just this very second. Windsor 1-1-4, you are cleared for ILS approach to Runway Two-Niner. Contact Dulles Tower frequency at the outer marker.

[On the Skywalk, McClane runs over to the windows]

John McClane: Jesus Christ, he's gonna crash the fucking plane!

Pilot (Windsor Flight 114): Roger, Approach, it's about time. I've got 230 people up here flying on petrol fumes.

Col. Stuart: Roger, 1-1-4, understand. Calibrate Dulles Altimeter setting Two-Niner-Niner-Two.

John McClane: Why are they listening to him?

Chief Engineer Leslie Barnes: It's our frequency! Why shouldn't they?

[On the plane, the captain speaks into the intercom]

Pilot (Windsor Flight 114): Ladies and gentlemen, as you've probably noticed, we've started our descent. We're sorry for the inconvenience but we'll all be on the ground in a few minutes.

[the passengers applaud and stewardesses start moving through the cabin doing a seatbelt check]

Stewardess (Windsor Flight 114): [to one passenger] Oh not to worry, we've made arrangements for your next flight so you won't miss it.

[to a straggler]

Stewardess (Windsor Flight 114): In your seat, please. Come on, in your seat.

[kneels next to an anxious old woman]

Stewardess (Windsor Flight 114): Oh, hey. We're just like British Rail, luv: we may be late but we get you there.

[On the Skywalk, Barnes uses a painter's uniform to lower McClane down to the tarmac]

Chief Engineer Leslie Barnes: Good luck, McClane!

[McClane grabs two pipes and a lighter and heads for the runway. When he gets over there, he puts small pieces of fabric from the uniform onto the ends of the pipes and lights them. On the plane, the outer marker light comes on]

Pilot (Windsor Flight 114): Dulles, this is Windsor 1-1-4 inside the outer marker.

[Stuart begins communicating with them again, this time using his own voice]

Col. Stuart: Roger one-fourteen. This is Dulles Tower. We have radar contact and show you on ILS. You're in the glide path and looking good.

[McClane starts waving his improvised torches, as the pilots start landing procedures]

Pilot (Windsor Flight 114): Approach flaps.

[the co-pilot presses the button to deploy the flaps]

Co-Pilot (Windsor Flight 114): Approach flaps.

Pilot (Windsor Flight 114): Approach speed 130.

[the co-pilot copies him]

Co-Pilot (Windsor Flight 114): Approach speed 130. Altitude 1,000 feet.

[a few seconds later]

Co-Pilot (Windsor Flight 114): Ref speed +20. 600 feet.

Col. Stuart: Looking good Windsor. Now watch it - 30 knot crosswinds and the runway is icy. Attaboy, we've got ya. We've got ya...

[McClane waves his torches more aggressively as the plane flies over his head]

John McClane: Pull up!

[the pilots come out of the fog and suddenly see the runway right underneath them]

Pilot (Windsor Flight 114), Co-Pilot (Windsor Flight 114): Jesus!

[the plane hits the ground with a slight bank to the right, causing the landing gear to collapse. As the belly of the plane skids down the runway, sparks ignite the ruptured fuel tanks, which explode. McClane dives to the ground. The pilots' screams are audible on Stuart's systems]

Col. Stuart: We've got ya.

[a fireball engulfs the plane as burning debris hurtles down the runway. As the debris settles, McClane gets to his feet]

John McClane: Motherfucker!

[Dead silence in the church; Stuart picks up the phone]

Col. Stuart: That concludes our object lesson for this evening. If the 747 we requested is ready on time and General Esperanza's plane arrives unmolested, further lessons can be avoided. Out.

John McClane: [during the fight with Col.Stuart] Motherfuckin' motherfucker!

Al Powell: What's this about?

John McClane: Oh, just a feeling I have.

Al Powell: Ouch. When you get those feelings, insurance companies start to go bankrupt.

John McClane: What do you say, Marv?

Marvin: I'll be damned if I'm gonna clean up this mess.

John McClane: [to Al Powell] Take the Twinkie out of your mouth and grab a pencil, will ya?

Maj. Grant: [Grant and his men have landed in their choppers] Major Grant. We're Blue Light.

Rollins, Department of Justice Representative: Rollins, Department of Justice.

Trudeau: Trudeau, Chief of Air Operations.

Carmine Lorenzo: Lorenzo, Terminal Police. You want something, you got it.

John McClane: This is it? One fucking platoon?

Maj. Grant: One crisis, one platoon. Who are you?

John McClane: John McClane.

Maj. Grant: McClane, you showed some balls out there, man.

John McClane: Yeah.

Maj. Grant: Now, show some good sense. Let the pros handle this.

John McClane: Yeah, well, it looks like the pros are on the wrong team tonight. Isn't Colonel Stuart one of your men?

Maj. Grant: No, not anymore he's not. Now we're here to take Colonel Stuart down. And we will take him down. You see, I served with him. I taught him everything he knows.

John McClane: Well, maybe he's learned a few more things since then.

Trudeau: [after McClane has failed to prevent the Windsor plane crash triggered by Col. Stuart] McClane, I know what you must feel.

John McClane: I wanted to help those people tonight. I was pretty goddamn useless.

John McClane: Excuse me, officers. This may sound like a wild goose chase, but, I think I just saw...

Sgt. Vito Lorenzo: Saw what?

John McClane: Elvis. Elvis Presley.

Sgt. Vito Lorenzo: [after McClane leaves, Sgt Lorenzo turns to his partner] Fucking tourists. Oughta be a law.

Rent-A-Car Girl: I close in about an hour. Maybe we can go get a drink?

John McClane: [shows his wedding ring] Just the fax, ma'am. Just the fax.

Holly McClane: Honey, it's the '90s, remember? Microchips, microwaves, faxes, *air phones*.

John McClane: Hey, well, as far as I'm concerned, progress peaked with frozen pizza.

[Kahn comes down from the choir loft and joins Colonel Stuart and Garber]

Kahn: Sir! We just monitored a call from the chief engineer. Our people took out their SWAT team, *completely*.

Garber: You were right. They went for the antenna array. We're right on schedule.

Colonel Stuart: Losing our own team wasn't part of the plan.

[He goes over to the phone and dials; he is heard in the tower and by McClane over Barnes's phone]

Colonel Stuart: Attention, Dulles Tower. Attention, Dulles Control Tower. Mr. Trudeau, I know you're listening. Unfortunately, you're not obeying.

Trudeau: [to himself] Draw me face to face. We'll see.

Colonel Stuart: You were warned not to try to restore your systems. You've wasted lives and precious time on a futile and obvious target. Now you're gonna pay the penalty.

John McClane: [on the Skywalk, through Barnes's phone] I've got five dead officers down here, Colonel Stuart! Is that penalty enough?

[Lorenzo goes over to the phone]

Carmine Lorenzo: McClane, you keep out of this! You've been enough of a pain...

[He stops midsentence when he notices Trudeau glaring unhappily at him]

Colonel Stuart: Oh, McClane. John McClane. The policeman hero who saved the Nakatomi hostages. I read about you in People Magazine. You seemed a bit out of your league on Nightline, I thought.

John McClane: Hey, Colonel. Blow me! How much drug money is Esperanza paying you to turn traitor?

Colonel Stuart: I think Cardinal Richilieu said it best: "Treason is merely a matter of dates." This country's got to learn that it can't keep cutting the legs off of men like General Esperanza. Men who have the guts to stand up against Communist aggression.

John McClane: And Lesson #1 starts with killing policemen? What's Lesson #2, the neutron bomb?

Colonel Stuart: No. I think we can find something in between. Watch this!

[Hangs up and turns to Thompson]

Colonel Stuart: Give me a flight number - one that's low on fuel.

[Thompson hands him a slip]

Thompson: Windsor 114, transatlantic from London. Fuel tanks dry as a martini.

Colonel Stuart: Activate the ILS landing system. Recalibrate sea level - *minus* 200 feet.

[Thompson rotates a dial and taps his pen on a computer screen to recalibrate the system]

Controller in tower: Oh Jesus! They've reset ground level minus 200 feet!

Gen. Ramon Esperanza: [Esperanza has landed the plane and steps outside] Freedom!

John McClane: [punches him] Not yet!

John McClane: [draws his gun on Esperanza] You're supposed to stay in your seat until the plane reaches the terminal. No frequent flier mileage for you.

Gen. Ramon Esperanza: Who are you?

John McClane: A cop.

Gen. Ramon Esperanza: A cop?

John McClane: Yeah. One of the good guys. You see, you're one of the bad guys, and now that I got your sorry ass, I'm gonna trade it for my wife.

John McClane: All right, just stay here and get ready to call the marines.

Chief Engineer Leslie Barnes: I thought they were the army.

John McClane: Who gives a fuck, just be ready.

John McClane: Oh, we are just up to our ass in terrorists again, John?

John McClane: I'll make you a deal, Marvin. You show me a shortcut out to those runways and I'll get you a liner for that coat.

[the SWAT team escorting Barnes reaches the moving sidewalk on the Annex Skywalk]

Chief Engineer Leslie Barnes: [on the phone with Trudeau] We're in the Annex Skywalk. I can see the array. I'll give you a call for protocol tests as soon as it's hot. That's all for now.

[hangs up; we hear Barnes give an instruction to the SWAT team's sergeant. At the other end of the sidewalk, we see Sheldon set down his roller and start to reach for his gun]

Sergeant: Right, sir. You've got it.

[At the end of the sidewalk, O'Reilly presses the stop button that shuts down the walkway. All six of the men nearly lose their balance; he then turns his back to them]

Sergeant: What the hell's going on?

[to the worker at the end of the sidewalk]

Sergeant: Hey! Put that back on!

[as they continue along the walkway, Mulkey and Shockley start to reach for their weapons]

Sergeant: Hey, asshole! Whadda I look like to you?

[O'Reilly turns around, holding a Glock 17 in his left hand]

O'Reilly: A sitting duck!

[He shoots the Sergeant in the head, killing him instantly; he then dives for cover as the other officers return fire; McClane hears the gunfire from inside the ventilation shaft]

John McClane: Shit!

[He draws his Beretta 92FS and checks the slide]

John McClane: Damnit! I hate it when I'm right!

[He continues crawling along at a much faster speed]

John McClane: If Esperanza gets on that plane and makes it to a country that has no extradition treaties, we're fucked.

John McClane: [after Col. Stuart caused a plane to crash]

[crying]

John McClane: Mother fucker.

John McClane: [noticing Baker on guard duty] Could be a sentry.

Chief Engineer Leslie Barnes: And he could just be out for a walk.

John McClane: Then why is he going over his own footsteps?

John McClane: Holly!... There's your fricken landing-light!

[Esperanza's plane has appeared; Stuart impersonates the control tower to talk to the plane]

Col. Stuart: Dulles Tower, Foxtrot Michael One. Dulles Tower, Foxtrot Michael One.

Pilot (Foreign Military Plane): This is Foxtrot Michael One, Dulles. We read you, over.

Col. Stuart: Foxtrot Michael One, you are to come in on Runway 1-5. I repeat: 1-5.

[In the back of the plane, Esperanza strangles and kills his guard; cuts to McClane and Marvin in the basement]

Marvin: [about the radio he lifted from one of Stuart's henchmen] I found it on the floor next to the luggage belt. What the hell are you so excited about?

John McClane: The code's still punched into this one.

Marvin: You like it, huh? How 'bout you give me twenty bucks for it.

John McClane: How 'bout I let you live?

Marvin: Man knows how to barter.

[Cuts back to the pilots of Esperanza's plane]

Pilot (Foreign Military Plane): This is contrary to our instructions. We are to land at Runway 1-0, where we are to be met by representatives of your Justice Dep...

[He is interrupted by the sound of someone cocking a pistol, and turns around to see Esperanza pointing a gun at his head]

Gen. Ramon Esperanza: Captain, please tell the tower you will proceed as ordered.

[the pilot looks at his co-pilot, then back at Esperanza, then finally speaks into his headset]

Pilot (Foreign Military Plane): Roger, Dulles. Proceeding to Runway 1-5.

[the co-pilot immediately grabs for the gun. As he struggles with Esperanza, he is shot in the chest, while another errant shot goes through the cockpit window; the resulting noise startles Stuart in the church and Trudeau in the control tower]

Col. Stuart: Foxtrot Michael One, come in please.

[In the plane, Esperanza trains his gun on the pilot again]

Pilot (Foreign Military Plane): What are you gonna do now? You gonna shoot me? Then who would fly the plane?

Gen. Ramon Esperanza: [smiles] Don't worry about it. It's not your problem.

[He shoots and kills the pilot, then takes the pilot's seat. He pulls out a radio transceiver and presses the descrambler code]

Gen. Ramon Esperanza: Eagle Nest, this is Falcon, Mayday. Eagle Nest, this is Falcon, mayday.

[Hearing Esperanza communicating over the radio instead of over the tower frequency, Garber hands Stuart a radio]

Col. Stuart: Go ahead, Falcon.

Gen. Ramon Esperanza: I've lost cabin pressure. Near zero visibility. I must get out of the storm, and land now, on the first accessible runway.

[Trudeau and Barnes are conversing]

Trudeau: Great, National just shut down! Totally iced. They're gonna be sending us THEIR planes!

Chief Engineer Leslie Barnes: Happy, happy holidays.

[Lorenzo follows Trudeau up the stairs to the control tower]

Carmine Lorenzo: ...the worst part, Mr. Trudeau, is the press. Oh they were here anyways - crawling all over the Esperanza story - so they got it right on the fucking news, you know, bloodstains and all. Now personally, I'd like to lock every damn reporter out of the airport. But then they'd just pull that "freedom of speech" crap on us and the ACLU would be all over us.

Trudeau: [goes over to the window and looks out over the airfield] Murder on television. Helluva start to Christmas week.

Chief Engineer Leslie Barnes: What is it? A gang thing like last time?

[McClane comes in]

John McClane: Only if your gangs get their training at Fort Bragg.

John McClane: Hi... I need to borrow

[grabs a stamp ink pad and paper]

John McClane: this and this... I'll bring it right back

Rent-A-Car Girl: HEY!

[McClane leaves the payphones, and nearly collides with Colonel Stuart]

Col. Stuart: Excuse me.

[Stuart stares coldly at McClane]

John McClane: Oh you look very familiar to me.

Col. Stuart: [hesitates] I get that a lot. I've been on TV.

John McClane: Yeah. You, too.

[They head on their separate ways, though Stuart takes a second look at McClane as he disappears into the crowd]

Zeus: Why you keep calling me Jésus? I look Puerto Rican to you?

John McClane: Guy back there called you Jésus.

Zeus: He didn't say Jésus. He said, "Hey, Zeus!" My name is Zeus.

John McClane: Zeus?

Zeus: Yeah, Zeus! As in, father of Apollo? Mt. Olympus? Don't fuck with me or I'll shove a lightning bolt up your ass? Zeus! You got a problem with that?

John McClane: No, I don't have a problem with that.

John McClane: [hands Zeus a gun, on the freighter, hiding behind a container ] Here take this.

Zeus: How's it work?

John McClane: You don't know how to shoot a gun?

Zeus: Look, all brothers don't know how to shoot guns, you racist motherfucker.

John McClane: Sue me.

John McClane: You know how to pick this lock?

Zeus: Is this some black-shit again?

John McClane: Hey will you stop that racial shit? Are you a fuckin' locksmith or not?

Inspector Cobb: [to Simon] I can appreciate your feelings for McClane. But believe me, the jerk isn't worth it. He's stepped on so many toes in this department, by this time next month he's gonna be a security guard. His own wife wants nothing to do with him, and he's about two steps shy of becoming a full-blown alcoholic.

John McClane: [whispering] One step, *one* step.

[about to call Simon with the answer to another riddle]

Zeus: No, wait, wait! It's a trick. It's a trick.

John McClane: What d'you mean?

Zeus: I forgot about the man.

John McClane: What man? Fuck the man! We got ten seconds here!

Zeus: He said, "how many were going to St. Ives," right? The riddle begins, "As I was going to St. Ives, I met a man with seven wives!" The guy and his wives aren't going anywhere.

John McClane: What are they doing?

Zeus: Sitting in the fucking road! Waiting on the moor! How the hell should I know?

John McClane: [running to get to the payphone in the park] You know this guy Simon we're talking to?

Zeus: Yeah.

John McClane: I threw his little brother off the thirty-second floor of Nakatomi Towers out in L.A. I guess he's a little pissed off about it.

Zeus: Wait a minute. You mean to tell me I'm in this shit 'cause some white cop threw some white asshole's brother off a roof?

[McClane and Zeus are arguing over how to solve the water jug problem at the water fountain in the park]

John McClane: I'll put my foot up your ass, you dumb, mother...

Zeus: Say it! Say it!

John McClane: What?

Zeus: You were gonna call me a nigger, weren't you?

John McClane: No I wasn't!

Zeus: Yes you were! What were you gonna call me?

John McClane: Asshole! How's that, asshole!

John McClane: [to terrorists in a tunnel] Hi, fellas. Mickey O'Brien, aqueduct security. Hey, listen, we got a report of a guy coming through here with, uh, eight reindeer.

[shoots the terrorists]

John McClane: Yeah, they said he was a jolly, old, fat guy with a snowy, white beard. Cute little red and white suit. I'm surprised you didn't see him.

Zeus: [slowly walking up to John, seeing the billboard his wearing has an offensive phrase towards African Americans] Morning.

John McClane: Good morning.

Zeus: You having a nice day, sir? You feeling all right? Not to get too personal, but a white man standing in the middle of Harlem wearing a sign that says "I hate niggers" has either got some serious personal issues, or not all his dogs are barking.

[John yawns]

Zeus: Hey! I'm talking to you! Now you've got about ten seconds before those guys see you, and when they do they will kill you, you understand? You are about to have a very bad day.

John McClane: Tell me about it.

John McClane: Yippie-kai-yay motherfucker.

John McClane: [about to enter the subway station to answer Simon's call on time] Listen, you fail I cover your ass. I fail you cover my ass!

Zeus Carver: [still sitting in the stolen cab] And if we both fail?

John McClane: [entering the subway station to answer Simon's call on time] Then we're both fucked!

John McClane: [while arguing over the water jug problem at the park's fountain] I'll tell you what your problem is, you don't like me 'cause you're a racist!

Zeus Carver: What?

John McClane: You're a racist! You don't like me 'cause I'm white!

Zeus Carver: I don't like you because you're gonna get me *killed*!

Zeus: What the fuck are you doin'?

John McClane: Interrogatin' him.

Zeus: Well, what's he gonna tell you, "I'm dead"?

John McClane: Well, I ain't gonna know 'til I ask him, am I?

John McClane: [opens door of dump truck] You're a truck driver?

Jerry Parks: No I'm a beautician. Of course I'm a truck driver!

Zeus: That's it!

John McClane: What?

Zeus: Hillary Clinton. The 42nd President.

John McClane: Nah, she'd be the 43rd President.

Zeus: Alright, alright. But who's the 21st President?

John McClane: I don't know.

Zeus: You don't know?

John McClane: No, I don't know! Do you know?

Zeus: No!

John McClane: Well?

[after dropping McClane off in Harlem with a sign that says "I hate niggers"]

Inspector Cobb: We'll be back to pick you up in fifteen minutes.

John McClane: Take your time. I expect to be dead in four.

Zeus: [after stealing the Business Man's car] That guy was pissed.

John McClane: He'll feel better when he looks in the back seat.

Zeus: Shit! That was *my* gold bar!

John McClane: [after realizing that all of the city's cops are busy searching schools for Simon's bomb] What is it that Wall Street doesn't have?

Zeus: What, is this shit catching? You're talking in riddles!

John McClane: No, man, stay with me, what is it that Wall Street doesn't have?

Zeus: What?

John McClane: Schools. And what is it they've got a shitload of?

Zeus: [looking at the Federal Reserve Building] What?

Simon Gruber: [as McClane answers the pay phone] "Birds of a feather, flocked together, so do pigs & swine. As nice as their chance as well as I had mine."

John McClane: Nice. Rhymes.

Simon Gruber: Why was the phone busy, who were you calling?

John McClane: [Sarcastically] The psychic hotline.

Simon Gruber: I advise you to take this more seriously.

John McClane: Hey, this is public phone. What do you want me to say?

Simon Gruber: [Slightly annoyed] You can simply say that there was a fat woman on it and it took you a minute to get her off.

[Both McClane and Zeus give shocked faces]

Simon Gruber: Now, there's a significant amount of explosive in the trash receptacle next to you. Try to run, and it goes off now.

John McClane: We're not going to run, but I got a hundred people out here.

Simon Gruber: *That's* the point. Now, do I have your attention? "As I was going to St. Ives, I met a man with 7 wives, every wife had 7 sacks, every sack had 7 cats, every cat had 7 kittens, kittens, cats sacks and wives. How many were going to St. Ives? My number is...

John McClane: [Interrupting] Woah, whoa wait a minute I didn't get all that. Say it again.

Simon Gruber: Not a chance. My number is 555 and the answer. Call me in 30 seconds or die.

[McClane removes his shirt and pants, inside the police van that's driving to the location as Simon instructed him to]

John McClane: You know, you're the first woman since Holly to see me do this.

Connie Kowalski: I'm honored.

John McClane: Yeah, so was she.

John McClane: [Referring to The Sign of the Cross, driving in a stolen cab, trying to get to the subway phone on time]

Zeus: How do Catholics do their thing?

John McClane: North, South, West, East.

FBI Agent Andy Cross: [showing pictures inside the police van] Do you recognize this guy?

John McClane: No.

FBI Agent Andy Cross: How 'bout this one?

John McClane: Mm-mm.

FBI Agent Andy Cross: How 'bout you?

[Zeus shakes head]

FBI Agent Andy Cross: Did you recognize the voice on the phone?

John McClane: No.

FBI Agent Andy Cross: Did you, uh, notice any cars following you?

John McClane: No.

Bill Jarvis, from Another Organization: Anybody following you at all? Any kind of surveillance, telephone, house, anything unusual at all?

John McClane: Well, now that you mention it, I have experienced a, you know, like a burning sensation between my toes. I thought it was just some athlete's foot or something.

Zeus: [tied with John to the liquid bomb on the freighter] Damn McClane, you know I was just starting to like you.

John McClane: Yeah, well don't, I'm an asshole.

Zeus: What are you talking about, now?

John McClane: I lied to you, Zeus.

Zeus: About what?

John McClane: You remember, I said Weiss found that bomb up in Harlem?

Zeus: Yeah.

John McClane: They found it down in Chinatown.

Zeus: Oh. Oh, now that's low, even for a white motherfucker like you. That's low.

John McClane: I told you I was an asshole.

Zeus: [John's driving through the park in the stolen cab, to get to the subway station payphone on the time Simon set for them] I told you 9th Avenue is the quickest way south.

John McClane: Stop all the goddamn yellin'! I know what I'm doing.

Zeus: Not even God knows what you're doing!

John McClane: [driving in a stolen business man's car] This thing got airbags?

Zeus: Your side does, I don't know about mi...

[shouts]

Zeus: McClane!

Zeus: [tied with John to the liquid bomb on the freighter] If I hadn't've saved your fuckin' ass, I wouldn't be sittin' here with you about to blow up with 100 billion dollars in fuckin' gold.

John McClane: Yeah, well, I got some bad news, you're only gonna blow up with me.

Zeus: What?

John McClane: No gold on this boat.

Zeus: How do you know that?

John McClane: Cuz I know the man, I know the family. The only thing better than blowing up 100 billion dollars worth of gold is making people think you did.

Charles Weiss: [coming into Walter's office] A nut who knows a lot about bombs. We found this in a playground. Professional. Very cool stuff. You know...

[thuds the bomb on Cobb's desk]

Charles Weiss: Boom!

Inspector Cobb: You think you should slam it around like that, Charlie?

Charles Weiss: It's unmixed. You can't hurt it. This stuff is cutting edge. It's a binary liquid.

Inspector Cobb: A what?

Charles Weiss: Like epoxi. Two liquids.

[puts a dab of the clear liquid on Cobb's desk]

Charles Weiss: Now, either one by itself,

[hits it with his shoe]

Charles Weiss: you got nothing. But, mix them...

[swirls a paper clip in both liquids and throws it at a chair, the mixture explodes violently knocking the chair across the room]

Connie Kowalski: [yelling] Charlie, you're gonna be wearin' that chair up your ass!

Inspector Cobb: [yelling] Christ almighty, Charlie!

Charles Weiss: Like I said very cool stuff. Now, with a package like this, you get a warning. Now, the bomb has to arm itself. You'll see the red liquid pump into the clear before it detonates.

John McClane: How long before?

Charles Weiss: Ten seconds, two minutes, it could be anything. But, once it's mixed, be somewhere else.

John McClane: [on the stairway of the police precinct getting ready to go to the pay phone they were instructed to by Simon] Yo, partner! Wait up.

Zeus: Hey, hey, hey, hey, I ain't your partner. I ain't your neighbor, your brother, or your friend. I'm your total stranger.

[trying to get to one of Simon's destinations on time in a stolen cab]

Zeus: I told you the Park Drive is always jammed.

John McClane: I didn't say "Park Drive."

[McClane turns the cab and drives through the park]

John McClane: I said "through the park."

[McClane and Zeus break into a car]

John McClane: You know how to hot-wire this thing?

Zeus: Of course I can, I'm an electrician. Only problem is...

[Zeus starts the ignition with his pliers]

Zeus: it takes too fuckin' long.

FBI Agent: [in the police van with FBI agents] The name Gruber mean anything to you, lieutenant?

[flashback to Hans Gruber falling from Nakatomi Towers]

John McClane: It rings a bell, yeah.

[McClane and Targo are fighting]

Mathias Targo: I see you all day, little man. Policeman.

[Targo kicks McClane, who is on the ground]

Mathias Targo: And you don't go away.

John McClane: Yeah, I'm that fucking Energizer bunny.

[last lines]

John McClane: Oh, shit.

Zeus: What? *What*?

John McClane: I left Holly hanging on hold.

Zeus: Ah, call her back.

John McClane: Uhh, she's gonna be pissed.

Zeus: She'll get over it.

John McClane: I don't know, Zeus. Like I said, she's a very stubborn woman.

Zeus: She'd have to be to stay married to you.

Simon: [over the phone in Walter's office] Simon says, McClane and the Samaritan will go to the subway station at 72nd and Broadway. I will call you in 15 minutes on the payphone outside the station. No Police. Failure to answer will constitute noncompliance. Do you understand me, John?

John McClane: Oh, yes, I understand. I understand that you're a fuckin' wacko who likes to play kids' games. That's what I understand.

Simon: Hardly.

John McClane: [imitating Simon, over the phone] Hahdly? Well, then, who are you? Somebody I sent up? What'd you do? Shoplifting? Purse-snatching?

[pauses and puts hand over the receiver]

John McClane: Cross-dressing? What?

Simon: You c-c-c-couldn't catch me if I stole your ch-ch-chair with you in it!

John McClane: My ch-ch-ch-chair with me in it? That's very exciting. Let me ask you a question, bonehead. Why are you trying to k-k-k-k-kill me?

Zeus: [running steadily to get to the park] So what's up with this L.A. thing? You famous or something?

John McClane: Yeah, for about five minutes.

Zeus: Don't tell me. Rodney King, right?

John McClane: Fuck you.

John McClane: Why me? What does he got to do with me?

Inspector Cobb: I have no idea, he just said it had to be you.

John McClane: It's nice to be needed.

John McClane: [referring to the dispatcher for the Coast Guard, he attempted to call] She told me to stay on the line.

[laughs]

Simon: [laughs] Oh, God, I love this country!

John McClane: You know, your brother was an asshole.

Simon: [pauses] Ha!

John McClane: You know, he really was an asshole.

Simon: He was. He was an asshole. You... you got his number.

Dr. Schiller: They want you to know who's doing it to you. So this name Simon is probably not an alias. It's probably Simon or some variation.

Joe Lambert: [reading a rap sheet] Simon, Robert E. Busted in '86. Extortion. Kidnapping. 10 to 15. Did 7 years for good behavior. Released on a state work furlough two months ago.

Inspector Cobb: Check it.

John McClane: [Rick tosses something to John] Thanks, Rick. Bob Simon was a bankrupt businessman who kidnapped his partner's daughter. He's a fuck-up, not a psycho. The guy we're looking for is nuts.

John McClane: Think we should call a fire truck?

Zeus: Aw, fuck 'em. Let 'em cook!

[about to jump onto a subway train]

John McClane: This is a bad idea.

Karl: [disgusted, upon seeing McClane's torn and bloodied clothing] Are you all right?

John McClane: Yeah, it's laundry day.

[McClane and Zeus are speeding through Central Park]

Zeus: Are you aiming for these people?

John McClane: No. Well, maybe that mime.

[Simon is in one of the dumptrucks driving gold through the unfinished aqueduct]

Simon: [on a phone] Rear guard, you can close up now.

[pauses, not getting an answer]

Simon: We've reached the dam, you can come up now.

[pauses again]

Simon: Nils? You can close in now. Nils?

John McClane: [on the guard's phone] Attention! Attention! Nils is dead! I repeat, Nils is dead, fuck-head. So's his pal, and those four guys from the East German All-Stars, your boys down at the bank? They're gonna be a little late.

Simon: [on the phone] John... in the back of the truck you're driving, there's 13 billon dollars worth in gold bullion. I wonder would a deal be out of the question?

John McClane: [on the phone] Yeah, I got a deal for you. Crawl out from that rock you're hiding under, and I'll drive this truck up your ass.

Simon: [on the phone] How colorful.

John McClane: [taking aim at a electrical extension wire that will get tangled into Simon's helicopter's propellers ] Say hello to your brother.

John McClane: I had no idea Canada could be this much fun.

Kid #1: It's Christmas. You could steal City Hall.

John McClane: Come on.

[Zeus and John take the kids' bikes]

Kid #1: My bike?

John McClane: Let's go. Come on.

Kid #1: That's my bike!

Zeus: Yeah, it's Christmas!

[Targo's beaten John up, he scrambles away]

Mathias Targo: Where are you going, now? You going to arrest me, bunny? Huh?

John McClane: [sees chain on ground] I don't think I'm gonna arrest...

[grabs chain]

John McClane: I'm gonna fuckin'...

[uses chain to trip Targo]

Gang Member: [in German] Nicht schiessen!

John McClane: [shoots him] What was that?

Mathias Targo: [kicks McClane] He said "Don't shoot!"

Inspector Cobb: [over the phone after telling him there are dump trucks driving on the FDR highway carrying gold bricks] Have you been drinking, McClane?

John McClane: No, not since this morning.

Inspector Cobb: [over the phone with Simon in Walter's office] McClane is a toilet bug.

John McClane: [puzzled, he whispers] A toilet bug?

John McClane: I want you to get a hold of a guy named Cobb. Walter Cobb. C-o-b-b. He's the head of my police unit. Get him down here. Find him. Tell him you were with John McClane. And tell him to find out who the 21st president was.

Jerry Parks: Chester A. Arthur.

John McClane: What?

Jerry Parks: Chester A. Arthur. 1881 to 1885. Nominated vice-president in 1880. Did you know he was Collector of Customs right here in New York?

John McClane: [smiles] No, I didn't know that, Jerry. Take care of yourself.

John McClane: Who do you think you are? Hillary Clinton?

Helicopter Pilot: Hang on, we're going down.

John McClane: Do you see those high-tension wires?

Zeus: Hey, McClane, what the fuck!

John McClane: [to Zeus, driving in a stolen business man's car, about to swing 180 degrees to try to knock the terrorist's pick up truck off the road] Listen to me. Hang the fuck on, all right?

John McClane: Hot in here, or am I just scared to death?

Dr. Schiller: Yes, I was saying that we're dealing with a megalomaniacal personality with possible paranoid schizo...

John McClane: Hey, hey! How 'bout we just skip down to the part where you tell me what the fuck this has to do with me, huh?

John McClane: Hey dickhead! Did I come at a bad time?

John McClane: [to Zeus] This guy doesn't care about skin color. Even if you do.

Zeus: [helicopter being shot at by Simon] Oh, shit!

Helicopter Pilot: Oh, shit!

John McClane: What do you mean, "Oh, shit"?

Zeus: [tied with John to the liquid bomb on the freighter] What the hell's it doing now?

John McClane: [referring to the liquid bomb] It's mixing.

John McClane: [Zeus has picked up a stray gold ingot and attempts to carry it out with him] Put that shit down.

Zeus: No fuckin' way.

John McClane: They ain't gonna let you keep it.

Zeus: Yeah, yeah, we'll see.

[repeated line]

John McClane: I got a bad fuckin' hangover...