John Lawless Quotes in The Happiest Millionaire (1967)

John Lawless: Now there's a gorgeous sight! Are you getting ready for a party, Mrs. Worth?

Mrs. Worth: [seriously] No, Mr. Biddle's on a chocolate cake diet.

John Lawless: I beg your pardon?

Mrs. Worth: He says it's the perfect food, containing "every essential element."

John Lawless: [singing] The night before I sailed away, they come from far and near. All me friends, and all me kin, to share a partin' tear. We knew we'd never meet again, and yet 'twas clear to see, I'd always be a part o' them, and them a part of me! I'll always be Irish, 'cause that's 'ow I began! I'll always be Irish, I'll say that to any man! And when I'm an American, I'll be a good one too... I'll be truly as American as Irish stew!

[the alligators are frozen solid in their pools]

Anthony J. Drexel Biddle: [panicking] JOHN! My alligators! Look at my alligators! JOHN!

John Lawless: Yes, sir, you yelled, sir?

[sees the alligators, rushes to help]

Anthony J. Drexel Biddle: [closing windows] Why are these windows open?

John Lawless: [also closing windows] Must've been the new maid, sir.

Anthony J. Drexel Biddle: WHAT new maid?

Mrs. Cordelia Biddle: Her name is Florence, dear, she started this afternoon.

John Lawless: She was complaining about the smell.

Anthony J. Drexel Biddle: What smell?

John Lawless: Well, the alligators, they do have a certain...

Anthony J. Drexel Biddle: [threateningly] WHAT?

[John looks at Mrs. Biddle for help]

Mrs. Cordelia Biddle: [soothingly] We're accustomed to it, dear.

Anthony J. Drexel Biddle: Oh.

John Lawless: [closing the last window] She probably decided to give the room an airing, and forgot to close up again.

Anthony J. Drexel Biddle: [angrily] Well, of all the stupid, idiotic... Get an axe!

Mrs. Cordelia Biddle: [shocked] Anthony!

Anthony J. Drexel Biddle: Not for Florence, for the alligators! Maybe they're still alive in there, we'll chop 'em out!

[first lines]

John Lawless: [singing] Well now, ain't this an elegant neighborhood, all the residents dressed so fine! One day off the boat am I, with a job that's nearly mine! 'Tis a job with an elegant millionaire, and his elegant family! Today I move from immigrant - to high society!

Anthony J. Drexel Biddle: [singing] I've been bit on my finger! It could've been my leg! It could've been my head, I might've died! In a time of mortal peril, any man should expect that his family will come rushing to his side! What's wrong with that? What's wrong with that? My family rushing to my side, what's wrong with that?

John Lawless: [confused] Oh, not a thing, sir, I'm sure.

Anthony J. Drexel Biddle: [singing] I'm a good-hearted husband, I'm generous and kind, no wife could have a life as free of cares! So when a good-hearted husband has been bit, it's only right, that his wife should share the agony he bears! What's wrong with that? What's wrong with that? I want my wife to share my life, what's wrong with that?

[walks away]

Anthony J. Drexel Biddle: Cordelia!

John Lawless: [to the audience] Well now, that answers a whole slew o' questions, don't it?

John Lawless: [singing] Well well well, let's 'ave a drink on it, as me father used to say! When the truth is nobly spoken, it's respect ye've got to pay! So fill yer cup an' lift it up and *clink*, here's how! No shilly-shallyin', no dilly-dallyin', let's 'ave a drink on it now!

John Lawless: [to camera] To have your alligators thaw out and your daughter forgive you all in the same bright morning, that's fortuosity.

Anthony J. Drexel Biddle: [peering quizzically into the camera] John?

John Lawless: Sir?

Anthony J. Drexel Biddle: Who are you talking to?

John Lawless: No one, sir.

Anthony J. Drexel Biddle: Well you know what they say about people who talk to themselves.

[starts to walk away then turn and peers at the camera again]

John Lawless: [winks at the camera]

John Lawless: Every bit of life is lit by fortuosity!