John Bender Quotes in The Breakfast Club (1985)

Brian Johnson: [closing narration] Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. But we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us - in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain...

Andrew Clark: ...and an athlete...

Allison Reynolds: ...and a basket case...

Claire Standish: ...a princess...

John Bender: ...and a criminal...

Brian Johnson: Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club.

Allison Reynolds: I'll do anything sexual. I don't need a million dollars to do it either.

Claire Standish: You're lying.

Allison Reynolds: I already have. I've done just about everything there is except a few things that are illegal. I'm a nymphomaniac.

Claire Standish: Lie.

Brian Johnson: Are your parents aware of this?

Allison Reynolds: The only person I told was my shrink.

Andrew Clark: And what did he do when you told him?

Allison Reynolds: He nailed me.

Claire Standish: Very nice.

Allison Reynolds: I don't think that from a legal standpoint what he did can be construed as rape, since I paid him.

Claire Standish: He's an adult.

Allison Reynolds: Yeah, he's married too.

Claire Standish: Do you have any idea how completely gross that is?

Allison Reynolds: Well, the first few times...

Claire Standish: The first few times? You mean you did it more than once?

Allison Reynolds: Sure.

Claire Standish: Are you crazy?

Brian Johnson: Obviously she's crazy if she's screwing a shrink.

Allison Reynolds: Have you ever done it?

Claire Standish: I don't even have a psychiatrist.

Allison Reynolds: Have you ever done it with a normal person?

Claire Standish: Didn't we already cover this?

John Bender: You never answered the question.

Claire Standish: Look, I'm not going to discuss my private life with total strangers.

Allison Reynolds: It's kind of a double edged sword isn't it?

Claire Standish: A what?

Allison Reynolds: Well, if you say you haven't, you're a prude. If you say you have you're a slut. It's a trap. You want to but you can't, and when you do you wish you didn't, right?

Claire Standish: Wrong.

Allison Reynolds: Or are you a tease?

Andrew Clark: She's a tease.

Claire Standish: I'm sure. Why don't you just forget it.

Andrew Clark: Oh, you're a tease and you know it. All girls are teases.

John Bender: She's only a tease if what she does gets you hot.

Claire Standish: I don't do anything.

Allison Reynolds: That's why you're a tease.

Claire Standish: OK, let me ask you a few questions.

Allison Reynolds: I already told you everything.

Claire Standish: No. Doesn't it bother you to sleep around without being in love. I mean, don't you want any respect?

Allison Reynolds: I don't screw to get respect. That's the difference between you and me.

Claire Standish: It's not the only difference I hope.

John Bender: Face it, you're a tease.

Claire Standish: I'm NOT a tease.

John Bender: Sure you are. Sex is your weapon. You said it yourself. You use it to get respect.

Claire Standish: No, I never said that she twisted my words around.

John Bender: What do you use it for then?

Claire Standish: I don't use it period.

John Bender: Oh, are you medically frigid or is it psychological?

Claire Standish: I didn't mean it that way. You guys are putting words into my mouth.

John Bender: Well, if you'd just answer the question.

Brian Johnson: Why don't you just answer the question?

Andrew Clark: Be honest.

John Bender: No big deal.

Brian Johnson: Yeah answer it.

Andrew Clark: Answer the question, Claire.

John Bender: Talk to us. Every one: C'mon, answer the question. Come on. Answer it.

John Bender: C'mon, it's easy. It's only one question.

Claire Standish: NO I NEVER DID IT.

Allison Reynolds: I never did it either. I'm not a nymphomaniac. I'm a compulsive liar.

John Bender: [Imitating his Father] Stupid, worthless, no good, goddamn, freeloading son of a bitch. Retarded, big mouth, know-it-all, asshole, jerk.

[Imitating his Mother]

John Bender: You forgot ugly, lazy and disrespectful.

[Father's voice]

John Bender: Shut up bitch! Go fix me a turkey pot pie.

[His own voice]

John Bender: No dad, what about you?

[Father's voice]

John Bender: Fuck you.

[His own voice]

John Bender: No dad, what about you?

[Father's voice]

John Bender: Fuck you.

[His own voice]

John Bender: Dad, what about you?

[Father's voice]

John Bender: Fuck you!

[Pantomimes getting punched in the face]

Brian Johnson: Is that for real?

John Bender: You wanna come over sometime?

John Bender: Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?

Richard Vernon: You're not fooling anyone, Bender. The next screw that falls out will be you.

John Bender: Eat my shorts.

Richard Vernon: What was that?

John Bender: Eat... My... Shorts.

Richard Vernon: You just bought yourself another Saturday.

John Bender: Ooh, I'm crushed.

Richard Vernon: You just bought one more.

John Bender: Well I'm free the Saturday after that. Beyond that, I'm going to have to check my calendar.

Richard Vernon: Good, cause it's going to be filled. We'll keep going. You want another one? Just say the word say it. Instead of going to prison you'll come here. Are you through?

John Bender: No.

Richard Vernon: I'm doing society a favor.

John Bender: So?

Richard Vernon: That's another one right now! I've got you for the rest of your natural born life if you don't watch your step. You want another one?

John Bender: Yes.

Richard Vernon: You got it! You got another one right there! That's another one pal!

Claire Standish: Cut it out!

Richard Vernon: You through?

John Bender: Not even close bud!

Richard Vernon: Good! You got one more right there!

John Bender: You really think I give a shit?

Richard Vernon: Another! You through?

John Bender: How many is that?

Brian Johnson: That's seven including when we first came in and you asked Mr. Vernon whether Barry Manilow knew that he raided his closet.

Richard Vernon: Now it's eight. You stay out of this.

Brian Johnson: Excuse me sir, it's seven.

John Bender: Screws fall out all the time, the world is an imperfect place.

Richard Vernon: What if your home... what if your family... what if your *dope* was on fire?

John Bender: [truthfully] Impossible, sir. It's in Johnson's underwear.

Claire Standish: You know why guys like you knock everything?

John Bender: Oh, this should be stunning.

Claire Standish: It's because you're afraid.

John Bender: Oh God, you richies are so smart, that's exactly why I'm not heavy into activities.

Claire Standish: You're a big coward.

Brian Johnson: I'm in the math club.

Claire Standish: See, you're afraid that they won't take you, you don't belong, so you have to just dump all over it.

John Bender: Well, it wouldn't have anything to do with you activities people being assholes, now would it?

Claire Standish: Well, you wouldn't know, you don't even know any of us.

John Bender: Well, I don't know any lepers either, but I'm not going to run out and join one of their fucking clubs.

Andrew Clark: Hey! Let's watch the mouth, huh?

Brian Johnson: I'm in the physics club too.

John Bender: Excuse me a sec. What are you babbling about?

Brian Johnson: Well, what I had said was I'm in the math club, uh, the Latin, and the physics club... physics club.

John Bender: Hey, Cherry. Do you belong to the physics club?

Claire Standish: That's an academic club.

John Bender: So?

Claire Standish: So academic clubs aren't the same as other kinds of clubs.

John Bender: Ah... but to dorks like him, they are. What do you guys do in your club?

Brian Johnson: Well, in physics we... we talk about physics, properties of physics.

John Bender: So it's sorta social, demented and sad, but social. Right?

John Bender: [after Claire performs her lipstick trick, claps sarcastically] Wow, Claire. That was great. My image of you is totally blown.

Allison Reynolds: You're a shit. Don't do that to her, you swore to God you wouldn't laugh.

John Bender: Am I laughing?

Andrew Clark: [shouts angrily] You fuckin' prick!

John Bender: What do you care what I think anyway? I don't even count, right? I could disappear forever and it wouldn't make any difference. I might as well not even exist at this school, remember?

[turns to Claire]

John Bender: And you... don't like me anyway.

Claire Standish: You know, I have just as, many feelings as you do and it hurts so much when someone steps all over them.

John Bender: God! You're so pathetic. Don't you ever, *ever* compare yourself to me, okay. You got everything, and I got shit. Fuckin' Rapunzel, right? School would probably fuckin' shut down if you didn't show up. Queenie isn't here. I like those earrings, Claire.

Claire Standish: Shut up.

John Bender: Are those real diamonds Claire?

Claire Standish: Shut up.

John Bender: I bet they are. Did you work for the money for those earrings?

Claire Standish: Shut your mouth.

John Bender: Or did your daddy buy those for you?

Claire Standish: [shouts] SHUT UP!

John Bender: I'll bet he bought those for you. I bet those were a Christmas gift. Right? You know what I got for Christmas? Oh, it was a banner fucking year at the old Bender family. I got a carton of cigarettes. The old man grabbed me and said, "Hey, smoke up Johnny." All right? So go home and cry to your Daddy. Don't cry here, okay?

Andrew Clark: My God, are we gonna be like our parents?

Claire Standish: Not me. Ever.

[Bender nods]

John Bender: What's in there?

Claire Standish: Guess? Where's your lunch?

John Bender: You're wearing it.

Claire Standish: You're nauseating.

John Bender: [pointing to Claire's lunch] What's that?

Claire Standish: Sushi.

John Bender: Sushi?

Claire Standish: Rice, raw fish, and seaweed.

John Bender: You won't accept a guy's tongue in your mouth, and you're going to eat that?

Claire Standish: Can I eat?

John Bender: I don't know. Give it a try.

John Bender: Uh, Dick? Excuse me; Rich. Will milk be made available to us?

Andrew Clark: We're extremely thirsty, sir.

Claire Standish: I have a really low tolerance for dehydration.

Andrew Clark: I've seen her dehydrate, sir. It's pretty gross.

John Bender: YOU ARE A BITCH.

Claire Standish: Why? 'Cause I'm telling the truth, that makes me a bitch?

John Bender: NO. 'Cause you know how shitty that is to do someone, and you don't got the balls to stand up to your friends and tell them you're gonna like who you wanna like.

Andrew: Why do you have to insult everybody?

John Bender: I'm being honest, asshole. I would expect you to know the difference.

John Bender: What're we having?

Brian Johnson: Uh, it's your standard, regular lunch I guess...

[Bender reaches in the bag and pulls out a thermos. He sets it on the table and points at it]

John Bender: Milk?

Brian Johnson: Uh, soup.

John Bender: Ah.

[Bender goes in again and pulls out a juice box. Brian reaches toward the bag and Bender slaps his hand]

Brian Johnson: That's apple juice...

John Bender: I *can* read. PB & J with the crusts cut off... Well, Brian, this is a very nutritious lunch. All the food groups are represented. Did your mom marry Mr. Rogers?

Brian Johnson: Uh, no, Mr. Johnson.

John Bender: Sporto.

Andrew Clark: What?

John Bender: You get along with your parents?

Andrew Clark: Well, if I say yes I'm an idiot, right?

John Bender: You're an idiot anyway. But if you say you get along with your parents, well, you're a liar too.

[as Bender prepares to urinate under his desk]

Andrew Clark: Hey, you're not urinating in here, man.

John Bender: Don't talk. Don't talk. It makes it crawl back up.

John Bender: My impression of life at Big Bri's house, "Son?" "Yeah, Dad?" "How was your day, son?" "Great, Dad. How's yours?" "Super. Say, how would like to go fishing this weekend?" "Great, Dad. But I got homework to do." "That's okay, son. You can do it on the boat." "Gee." "Hon, isn't our son swell?" "Yes, dear. Isn't life swell?"

[kiss]

Andrew Clark: If I lose my temper you're totaled, man.

John Bender: Totally?

Andrew Clark: Totally.

[Richard Vernon places magazine rack in front of door to hold it open]

John Bender: That's very clever, sir. But what if there's a fire? I think violating fire codes and endangering the lives of children would be unwise at this juncture in your career, sir.

Claire Standish: Why didn't you want me to know that you are a virgin?

Brian Johnson: Because it's my business - my personal business.

John Bender: Well, Brian, it doesn't sound like you're doing any business.

John Bender: Don't you ever talk about my friends. You don't know any of my friends. You don't look at any of my friends. And you certainly wouldn't condescend to speak to any of my friends. So you just stick to the things you know: shopping, nail polish, your father's BMW, and your poor, rich drunk mother in the Caribbean.

Claire Standish: SHUT UP!

John Bender: And as far as being concerned about what's gonna happen when you and I walk down the hallways of school together, you can forget it cuz it's never gonna happen. Just bury your head in the sand and wait for your fuckin' prom.

Claire Standish: [Crying] I hate you!

John Bender: Yeah? Good!

[John Bender is absently tearing up books]

Andrew Clark: That's real intelligent.

John Bender: You're right. It's wrong to destroy literature. It's such fun to read. And

[examines title]

John Bender: Moe-Lay really pumps my nads.

Claire Standish: Moliere.

Richard Vernon: Well, well. Here we are. I want to congratulate you for being on time.

Claire Standish: Excuse me, sir. I think there's been a mistake. I know it's detention but I don't think I belong in here.

[Vernon ignores her, carrying on with his speech]

Richard Vernon: It is now 7:06. You have exactly 8 hours and 54 minutes to think about WHY you are here - to ponder the error of your ways. You will not talk... You will now move from these seats.

Richard Vernon: [Addressing Bender, who has his feet on a chair] And YOU... will not sleep.

[Pulls the chair out from under Bender's feet]

Richard Vernon: All right people, we're going to try something a little different today. We are going to write an essay of no less than a thousand words describing to me who you think you are.

John Bender: Is this a test?

Richard Vernon: And when I say 'essay', I mean 'essay'. I do not mean a single word repeated a thousand times. Is that clear, Mr. Bender?

John Bender: Crystal.

Richard Vernon: Good. Maybe you'll learn a little something about yourself. You might even decide whether or not you'd care to return.

Brian Johnson: Uh, you know, I can answer that right now, sir. That'd be no... No from me, 'cause...

Richard Vernon: [Contemptuously] Sit down, Johnson.

Brian Johnson: Thank you, sir.

[sits down]

Richard Vernon: My office is right across that hall. Any monkey business is ill-advised. Any questions?

John Bender: Yeah, I got a question. Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?

Richard Vernon: You'll get the answer to that question, Mr. Bender, next Saturday. Don't mess with the bull, young man - you'll get the horns.

[walks away]

John Bender: That man... is a brownie hound.

Claire Standish: He's just doing it to get a rise out of you. Just ignore him.

John Bender: Sweets. You couldn't ignore me if you tried. So... so. Are you guys like boyfriend-girlfriend? Steady dates? Lovers? Come on, sporto, level with me. Do you slip her the hot beef injection?

Claire Standish: Go to HELL.

Andrew: Enough.

Richard Vernon: Hey. What's goin in there? Damn pricks.

John Bender: Hey, homeboy, what do you say we close that door, we'll get the prom queen impregnated.

John Bender: Being bad feels pretty good, huh?

John Bender: [to Vernon] Keep your fuckin' hands off me! I'd expect better manners from you, Dick.

John Bender: [after Claire flips him off] Oh, obscene finger gestures from such a pristine girl.

Brian Johnson: I'm a fucking idiot because I can't make a lamp?

John Bender: No. You're a genius because you can't make a lamp.

John Bender: But face it. You're a neo maxi zoom dweebie, what would you be doing if you weren't out making yourself a better citizen?

Claire Standish: What's your name?

John Bender: What's yours?

Claire Standish: Claire.

John Bender: Claire?

Claire Standish: Claire. It's a family name.

John Bender: Oh, it's a fat girl's name.

Claire Standish: Oh, thank you.

John Bender: You're welcome.

Claire Standish: I'm not fat.

John Bender: Well not at present, but I can see you really pushing maximum density. See I'm not sure if you know this, but there are two kinds of fat people: there's fat people that were born to be fat, and there's fat people that were once thin but became fat... so when you look at 'em you can sorta see that thin person inside. You see, you're gonna get married, you're gonna squeeze out a few puppies and then, uh...