Joe Young Quotes in Orgazmo (1997)

Ben Chapelski: Jesus!

Joe Young: Where?

Joe Young: They want me to do a sequel.

Lisa: A sequel, to "Death of a Salesman"? Doesn't he die at the end of the first?

Joe Young: Yes, but he has a twin brother, and he wants revenge.

Lisa: Revenge? But, doesn't he kill himself?

Joe Young: No, no, that's what you were led to believe. He was killed by the C.I.A for selling smack... to Nazis...

Lisa: Wow!

Dave the Lighting Guy: Say, have you seen that movie Clash of the Titans?

Joe Young: Oh yeah, the greek mythology.

Dave the Lighting Guy: Hey, I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothin', but I think unicorns are kick ass!

Dave the Lighting Guy: Dude, I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothin', but I think you got a hot ass!

Joe Young: Thanks.

[Joe is introduced to the young actresses he'll be co-starring with]

Joe Young: Oh... I, I can't say that.

Maxxx Orbison: Say what?

Joe Young: What are they called?

Maxxx Orbison: The Assfuck Twins.

Joe Young: I can't say that. Can we call them something else?

Maxxx Orbison: But they're the Assfuck Twins.

Joe Young: Well I know, but um, couldn't I call them the Naughty Twins or something?

Maxxx Orbison: No, you *couldn't* just call them the Naughty Twins. They're the Assfuck Twins. Why would you call them The Naughty Twins when they get fucked in the ass all the time?

Joe Young: Well, that's pretty naughty.

Joe Young: You see, when the Mormons first arrived, they didn't have any money...

DVDA Porn Actress: They should've done DVDA.

Joe Young: DVDA?

DVDA Porn Actress: Yeah, double-vaginal double-anal. It's the only way a woman of my age will get work in this industry. If you don't think that splits me open like a turkey on Thanksgiving, heh...

Dave the Lighting Guy: HEY, LADY! We're ready for the DVDA shot!

DVDA Porn Actress: [smiles] Nice talkin' with ya, kid.

Lisa: I hope you're happy in the life you've chosen.

Joe Young: Don't quote Dickens in my apartment!

Maxxx Orbison: Put your tongue in her mouth, for Christ's sake!

Joe Young: How would Christ benefit from me putting my tongue in someone's mouth?

Ben Chapelski: To the Orgazmobile!

Joe Young: What?

Ben Chapelski: My Buick Century!

Joe Young: We're from The Church of Jesus Christ.

Old Lady: Oh, the Mormons?

Joe Young: That's right. I'm elder Young and this is elder White.

Old Lady: Well, you two boys can just fuck right off.

Joe Young: Ma'am?

Old Lady: You heard me. Take that book of Mormons and shove it so far up your righteous asses that you choke, you soul soliciting pigfuckers.

Dave the Lighting Guy: Everybody say, "Geddy Lee!"

Joe Young: Who's Geddy Lee?

Dave the Lighting Guy: Geddy Lee, best bass player EVER, come on!

Everybody: Geddy Lee!

[Dave snaps photo]

Joe Young: I'm not a superhero! I'm a Latter-Day Saint.

Joe Young: I am a bad, bad Mormon!

Joe Young: Ben, use your hamster style!

Joe Young: But if you're such a scientific genius,don't you think Heavenly Father has something more important planned for your life?

Ben Chapelski: Who?

Joe Young: You.

Ben Chapelski: ...What?

Joe Young: Ben, superheroes that pray together stay together.

Ben Chapelski: Aw, what the fuck!

Sancho: Hey, it's Orgazmo!

Joe Young: I'm not Orgazmo.

Sancho: I am Sancho.

Joe Young: [praying] If You don't want me to do this, just give me a sign.

[an earthquake tears through Hollywood]

Joe Young: Any sign at all.

[G-Fresh's sushi bar has just been wrecked by thugs]

Joe Young: We should call the police!

Girl at Sushi Bar: The police? Where are you from, Arizona?

Joe Young: No, Utah.

Girl at Sushi Bar: Oh. Sorry.

Lisa: How could you have sex with all of those women?

Joe Young: I didn't it was a stunt cock

Lisa: A stunt cock? So you aren't touching all of those women's breasts?

Joe Young: Oh no they're all just special effects

Lisa: really?

Joe Young: ...no

[Joe rescues Lisa, who is bound and gagged]

Joe Young: Lisa, are you OK? Did he hurt you?

Lisa: Mmmph! Mmmph!

Joe Young: Oh, I'm sorry. Here.

[Joe rips off the adhesive tape off Lisa's mouth]

Lisa: OWWWW!

Joe Young: Oh, Lisa, I'm sorry! What were you trying to say?

Lisa: Don't pull the tape off my mouth.

[Joe Young has just zapped Maxxx Orbison several times with the Orgazmorator]

Ben Chapelski: Dude! He's never gonna wanna have another orgasm again!

Joe Young: One more time for Jesus.