Joe Morelli Quotes in One for the Money (2012)


Joe Morelli Quotes:

  • Joe Morelli: [after Stephanie kills Jimmy Alpha] I think you're gonna make it, Cupcake. Cone over here and help me out of this, will you?

    [Stephanie looks at him]

    Joe Morelli: Steph? What? Cuffs!

    [She smiles slowly]

    Joe Morelli: Steph? Stephanie? Plum?

    [She reaches for the door]

    Joe Morelli: No, don't you even think about it!

    [he rips the rail out of the side of the truck and charges toward the door... ]

    Joe Morelli: Steph! No, no, no!

    [Which she closes and locks]

    Joe Morelli: [pounding and banging] Open the door! Open the goddamn door!

    Stephanie Plum: Aw, you had it coming, Cupcake!

  • Joe Morelli: Oh, Jesus, Stephanie Plum! What the hell?

    Stephanie Plum: Wow, still charming!

    Joe Morelli: Oh, says the girl who ran me over with her car!

    Stephanie Plum: That was an accident, my foot slipped.

    Joe Morelli: Accident, my ass! You jumped the goddamn curb and broke my leg in three different places! I think of you every time it rains.

    Stephanie Plum: See? That right there! Almost charming, but not quite.

  • [Morelli tosses Stephanie's car keys into a dumpster, then drives away]

    Joe Morelli: Good to see you, Cupcake!

    Stephanie Plum: [throwing a rock at the car] You're an animal!

  • Stephanie Plum: You're in violation of your bond agreement. I'm gonna need you to come with me.

    Joe Morelli: [laughs] Vinnie sent *you* to bring me in?

    Stephanie Plum: Yeah. You think that's funny?

    Joe Morelli: Yeah, I do! And I gotta tell you, I could use a good joke these days, because I haven't had a lot to laugh about lately, you know what I mean?

  • Stephanie Plum: Hey, listen to me-!

    Joe Morelli: No, you listen to me!

    Stephanie Plum: God!

    Joe Morelli: I'd cut my own throat before I'd let you bring me into custody! Because, number one, I'm a cop! You know what happens to cops in jail? Not pretty. And number two, you're the last person I'd let collect the money. Because you're a goddamn lunatic who ran me over because I didn't call after I nailed you! We're ancient history, like the Pyramids, baby!

  • [Stephanie is driving her latest FTA to the police station in Morelli's "commandeered" Explorer. He catches up to her in traffic]

    Joe Morelli: Are you freaking nuts? This is my car!

    Stephanie Plum: Then go call the cops!

    [He puts his hands on the window, she rolls it up]

    Joe Morelli: This is my... oh, God damn it! This is my vehicle!

    Stephanie Plum: It's mine for the time, Morelli! Suck it!

    Joe Morelli: Oh, my God! Is that guy naked? He better be wearing pants. You better be wearing pants, pal!

    William Earling: Ah, lighten up, son! Fresh air is good for the boys.

    Stephanie Plum: Hey, we're headed to the police station now. So if you want to follow us there, that'd be great. It'd make my job a lot easier.

    Joe Morelli: Open the door!

    Stephanie Plum: [points to the light] I've gotta go. It was great to see you.

    Joe Morelli: Get out!

    Stephanie Plum: See you soon!

    [She drives away]

  • Joe Morelli: We are here to offer you a fantastic future!

Browse more character quotes from One for the Money (2012)