Joe Devine Quotes in The Last Shot (2004)

Joe Devine: Have you actually seen a person die, watched them bleed to death, seen them take their last breath? I've seen that... many times.

Steven Schats: Why have you seen that?

Joe Devine: I used to produce music videos.

Joe Devine: At this time, I would like to introduce Fanny Nash, the producer of the hit comedy "No Means No" to discuss proper Hollywood protocol.

Fanny Nash: I am over 35 years old. I am physically unable to bear children. And I pay alimony to my ex-husband, who is a faggot. Yet I am willing to bet that all of you would fuck me over that desk right now if you knew you'd be having lunch with Harrison Ford as soon as you blew your wad. If you wanna carry yourself like you're in the movie business, you need to act like the big dog, Clifford, and remember that everyone in the entire world is desperate to play with your big red balls.

Joe Devine: What are you gonna do to me?

Ed Rossi, Jr.: Movie starts in three minutes. If you don't tell us where the money is, we're gonna cut your fingers off during the opening credits.

Wally Kamin: Titles. Credits come at the end of the movies. Titles come first.

Ed Rossi, Jr.: Fine. Titles. We're gonna cut 'em off during the fuckin' titles.

Joe Devine: Delores, I have these presents I wanna give to Sasha. Where is she?

Delores: I'm sorry, sir. Your dog is dead. She killed herself.

Joe Devine: What?

Delores: The Jacuzzi. She threw herself into the Jacuzzi. I tried to find you. It was horrible.

Joe Devine: Oh, no. Maybe she fell in.

Delores: Oh, there was a witness. Alejandro, the gardener's son. It was suicide.

Joe Devine: Suicide?

Delores: She was lonely. She couldn't stand it any more.

Joe Devine: Then why the fuck didn't you go outside and play with her? Throw the little red ball with her?

Delores: I'm sorry, Mr Devine. I know you loved that dog. On Tuesday, she dug up all the flowers and then took a dump in the kitchen. I believe that was her note.

Joe Devine: Can you help me find a script?

Fanny Nash: This is Hollywood. Just go outside and ask anyone you see to give you a script. A gardener, a cripple, a child molester. They've all got 'em.

Joe Devine: Steven, my name isn't Diamond. It's Wells.

Steven Schats: Wells? I thought it was Diamond.

Joe Devine: No. Joe Wells. That's my name.

Steven Schats: But you said it was Diamond.

Joe Devine: No, it's Wells. It's always been Wells. It's a common mistake.

Steven Schats: Your wife did the hair on Jaws? That's one of my favorite movies.

Joe Devine: Mine, too.

Steven Schats: Did it bother her that Quint always wore a hat?

Joe Devine: Well, they had some words, yeah.

Steven Schats: That is so ironic. She worked on Jaws, and then she drowns in a Jacuzzi.

Joe Devine: I never really thought of it that way before.

Joe Devine: Hello, Steven. My wife didn't drown in a Jacuzzi. Sasha was my dog's name, and she killed herself because I was never home. My real name is Joe Devine.

Steven Schats: Yeah, I know who you are. I saw the movie. And, by the way, I thought Tom Berenger captured you beautifully.

Joe Devine: I want merchandising.

Abe White: What's merchandising?

Joe Devine: Toys.

Agent McCaffrey: Go fuck yourself.