Jim Hawkins Quotes in Muppet Treasure Island (1996)

[Billy Bones has apparently died]

Rizzo: He died? And this is supposed to be a kids' movie!

Billy Bones: [Billy Bones suddenly wakes up and, without opening his eyes, grabs Gonzo's nose to pull him closer] Jimmy-Jim-Jimmy-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim! You've always been a decent sort to old Billy Bones.

Gonzo: I'm not Jimmy-Jim-Jimmy-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim.

[Nods at Jim]

Gonzo: *He's* Jimmy-Jim-Jimmy-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim.

Billy Bones: [Billy Bones grabs Jim's shirt and pulls him closer] Jim?

Jim Hawkins: Yes, Captain?

Billy Bones: Jimmy-Jim-Jimmy-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim!

Jim Hawkins: Yes, Captain, what is it?

Jim Hawkins: Kill Captain Smollett, and you'll have to kill me.

Gonzo: Kill Jim, and you'll have to kill me.

Squire Trelawney: Kill Gonzo, and you'll have to kill me.

Rizzo: Kill Squire Trelawney and Mr. Bimbo, and you'll have to... negotiate strenuously.

[Silver turns to try to escape only to run into Benjamina and a gang of pigs]

Benjamina Gunn: Going somewhere, John-John?

Long John Silver: Well, Master Hawkins, it seems your little family has come together against me.

Billy Bones: Beware lads! Beware.

Jim Hawkins: What, the one-legged man?

Billy Bones: Aye. But also, beware runnin' with scissors or any other pointy object. It's all good fun, until somebody loses a - Ahhhh!

Squire Trelawney: Well, gentlemen, this is definitely a genuine bona-fide treasure map.

Jim Hawkins: Really?

Squire Trelawney: Oh, yes. Mr. Bimbo told me so.

[pause]

Squire Trelawney: Oh, Mr. Bimbo lives in my finger. He's very smart. He's been to the moon.

[puts finger to his ear]

Squire Trelawney: Oh, thank you... twice.

Rizzo: I smell a bozo.

Captain Abraham Smollett: Where to, Captain Hawkins?

Jim Hawkins: To wherever the wind may take us!

Gonzo: Off to Zanzibar to meet the Zanzibarbarians!

Rizzo: Oh, brother! Here they go again!

[Jim and Gonzo have been listing the different directions of the compass and what lies that way]

Mrs. Bluberidge: To the northwest dirty dishes!

Gonzo: How does she do that?

Jim Hawkins: Might as well start. I'll wash.

Rizzo: I'll dry.

Gonzo: I'll break.

Jim Hawkins: That's the raging volcano? He's a frog.

Rizzo: Hey, hey, maybe he gets hopping mad.

Jim Hawkins: I hate my life.

Gonzo: I hate your life, too.

Rizzo: If I had a life, I'd hate it.

Blind Pew: [stroking Jim's hair] Oh a pretty little girl is it? Yes, take me to Billy Bones, ma pet!

Jim Hawkins: You've got it all wrong, there's no Billy Bones here, and I'm not a girl!

Blind Pew: I maybe visually challenged, but I can SEE, YOU'RE LYING.

Long John Silver: Aw, hell, Jim. I could never harm you. You're honest and brave and true. You didn't learn that from me.

Jim Hawkins: I learned it from my friends, Mr. Silver. Now, take your oars and row away. I never want to see you again. Ever.

Jim Hawkins: Here you go, your bread and water for the day.

Mad Monty: But I ordered shrimp scampi!

Long John Silver: It's more than y'deserve y'villainous dolts!

Jim Hawkins: I'm sorry your present didn't work out.

Long John Silver: Aww, Jim. Smollet sails by rules and laws. That's what being a captain is all about. Me, I sails by the stars.

Jim Hawkins: Stars?

Long John Silver: North, Jim. Find me north out there among them stars.

Jim Hawkins: [pulls out compass] Well, that's easy...

Long John Silver: [takes compass from Jim and holds it overboard] Ah yeah, but what if you don't have a compass?

Jim Hawkins: Long John, please don't drop it! It was my father's. It's all I have of his. Please... please...

Long John Silver: [hands it back] I'm sorry, lad. I were only fooling. How old were you when he died, then?

Jim Hawkins: Seven.

Long John Silver: I were eight when my father died at sea. First mate, he was.

Jim Hawkins: My father was a first mate, too!

Long John Silver: Was he now? By the powers, what a coincidence!

[points to the night sky]

Long John Silver: Now, Jim, that be Polaris, the North Star. Even in the China Sea, that's north.

Jim Hawkins: [points to the star] North. Polaris. So, we must be heading southwest.

Long John Silver: Smart as paint you are, lad! Smart as paint! Now, that gets ol' Long John to wondering: why would we be sailing southwest? The scuttlebutt among the crew is that, um, we're sailing for buried treasure... and, uh, someone on board has a map. 'Course, none of my concern, Jim. I'm just a ship's cook. Such matters are best suited to Captain Smollet. He runs this ship, not I.

Jim Hawkins: Come on, Long John. You could captain this ship.

Long John Silver: That I could, lad. Maybe someday I will.

[laughs]

Jim Hawkins: [sung] I look around here and I want to cry.

Rizzo: Ah, me too.

Jim Hawkins: [sung] I feel like the world is passing me by.

Gonzo: It is.

Jim Hawkins: [sung] And I just can't help but wonder am I doomed to wash and dry? And is it a curse I'm under to do it till I die.

Gonzo: Oh, I hope not.

Jim Hawkins: [sung] When I could be an explorer...

Gonzo: Sure you could.

Jim Hawkins: [sung] ... sailing off to distant lands...

Gonzo: Wait! Not so fast.

Jim Hawkins: [sung] ... 'stead of spending every afternoon just getting dishpan hands. My future looks like nowhere that I want to be.

Jim Hawkins, Rizzo, Gonzo: [sung] There's got to be something better, something better...

Jim Hawkins: [sung] There's got to be something better than this for me.

Dr. David Livesey: [looking at the treasure map] Say, I know what's happening here. You chaps are planning to sail to this island, aren't you? To dig up this treasure.

Jim Hawkins: Yes, but we must be quiet about it.

[whisper]

Jim Hawkins: There are pirates looking for this map.

Gonzo: [normal voice] Yeah, and they want to KILL us for it! Isn't that exciting?

Jim Hawkins: Welcome aboard, Captain Smollet.

Mr. Samuel Erroll: And welcome to your lady pig friend.

[after discovering the map to Treasure Planet]

Jim Hawkins: Mom, this is it! This is the answer to all our problems!

Sarah Hawkins: Jim, there is absolutely no way...

Jim Hawkins: Don't you remember? All those stories?

Sarah Hawkins: That's all they were! Stories!

Jim Hawkins: [frustrated] With that treasure, we could rebuild the Benbow a hundred times over!

Sarah Hawkins: Well this- it's just- oh, my. Delbert, would you please explain how ridiculous this is?

Doctor Doppler: [sternly] It's totally preposterous! Traversing the entire galaxy alone!

Sarah Hawkins: Now at last we hear some sense!

Doctor Doppler: That's why I'm going with you!

Jim Hawkins: Without the map we're dead. If we try to leave we're dead. If we stay here...

Morph: [imitating Jim] "We're dead!" "We're dead", "we're dead", "we're dead"!

John Silver: Jimbo! Playing games... are we?

Jim Hawkins: Yeah. Yeah, we're playing games.

John Silver: [readying a blaster behind his back] Oh, I see. Well, I was never much good at games. Always hated to lose.

Jim Hawkins: [stabs Silver in the leg] Me too!

Jim Hawkins: All that talk of greatness, light coming off my sails... What a joke.

John Silver: Now see here, Jimbo...

Jim Hawkins: I mean, at least you taught me something, "Stick to it", right? Well, That's just what I'm gonna do! I'm going to make sure that you never see one drubloon of *my* treasure!

John Silver: That treasure is owed me, by 'tunder!

Jim Hawkins: Well, try to find it without *my* map, "by 'tunder"!

John Silver: Ohhh, you still don't know how to pick your fights, do ya, boy? Now, mark me. Either I get that map by dawn t'morrow or so help me, I'll use the ships cannons t'blast ya'll ta kingdom come!

[two robot constables who caught Jim solar surfing in a forbidden area bring him home]

Jim Hawkins: [casually] Okay, thanks for the lift, guys.

Robo-Cop 1: Not so fast!

Robo-Cop 2: [to Sarah Hawkins] We apprehended your son operating a solar vehicle in a restricted area.

Robo-Cop 1: Moving violation nine-zero-four, section fifteen, paragraph - uh...

Jim Hawkins: Six.

Robo-Cop 1: Thank you.

Jim Hawkins: Don't mention it.

John Silver: Didn't your pap ever teach you to pick your fights a bit more carefully?

[Jim looks away]

John Silver: Your father not the teachin' sort?

Jim Hawkins: No. He was more the "taking off and never coming back" sort.

Jim Hawkins: Silver, you gave up...?

John Silver: Just a lifelong obsession, Jimbo. I'll get over it.

John Silver: If I could maneuver a skiff like that when I was your age, they'd be bowing in the streets when I walked by today.

Morph: Bowing in the streets!

Jim Hawkins: I dunno... they weren't exactly singing my praises when I left home. But I'm gonna change all that.

John Silver: Are ya now? How so?

Jim Hawkins: Ah, I've got some plans... to make people see me a little different.

John Silver: Oh. Sometimes - plans go astray.

Jim Hawkins: Not this time.

Jim Hawkins: Well, this has been a fun day. Making new friends, like that spider psycho.

Morph: [Takes form of Scroop] Spider psycho. Spider psycho.

Jim Hawkins: A little uglier.

Morph: [Turns into an uglier version of Scroop] Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Jim Hawkins: Pretty close.

Jim Hawkins: So, uh, how'd that happen anyway?

John Silver: You give up a few things, chasing a dream.

Jim Hawkins: Was it worth it?

John Silver: I'm hoping it is, Jimbo. I most surely am.

Scroop: Cabin boys should learn to mind their own business.

Jim Hawkins: Why? Do you have something to hide, bright eyes?

Scroop: Maybe your ears don't work so well.

Jim Hawkins: Ugh! Too bad my nose works just fine.

Doctor Doppler: It's...

Jim Hawkins: Treasure Planet!

Doctor Doppler: [in disbelief] No!

Jim Hawkins: That's Treasure Planet!

Doctor Doppler: Flints' Trove? The loot of a thousand worlds? Do you know what this means?

Jim Hawkins: It means that all that treasure is only a boat ride away!

[last lines]

Jim Hawkins: Stay out of trouble, you old scalawag.

John Silver: [laughs] Jimbo, lad. When have I ever done otherwise?

Sarah Hawkins: Jim, I just don't want to see you throw away your entire future!

Jim Hawkins: [to himself] Yeah, what future...?

John Silver: Jimbo! I've got two new friends I'd like you to meet. Say hello to Mr. Mop and Mrs. Bucket!

Jim Hawkins: [flat] Yippee.

Billy Bones: He's a comin'. Can ya hear 'im? Those gears and gyros clickin' and whirrin' like the devil himself!

Jim Hawkins: Hit your head there pretty hard, didn't ya?

Jim Hawkins: Look, I'm kind of in a hurry, okay? I've gotta find a place to hide and there's pirates chasing me...

B.E.N.: Oh, pirates! Don't get me started on pirates, I don't like them! I remember Captain Flint. This guy had *such* a temper.

Jim Hawkins: Wait, you knew Captain Flint?

B.E.N.: I think he suffered from mood swings. Personally, I'm not a therapist, but I - you'll let me know when I'm rambling?

Jim Hawkins: [Finds a skeleton] Captain Flint?

B.E.N.: In the flesh! Well, sort of, except for skin, organs and anything that - that - that resembles flesh, that's not there.

Billy Bones: He'll be coming soon. Can't let them find it.

Jim Hawkins: Who's coming?

Billy Bones: The cyborg. Beware the cyborg.

Sarah Hawkins: Jim, I don't wanna lose you.

Jim Hawkins: Mom, you won't. I'll make you proud.

Jim Hawkins: Whoa! What is all this stuff?

B.E.N.: You mean the miles and miles of machinery that run through the entire course of the inside of this planet? Not a clue!

Jim Hawkins: You know, these purps are kinda like the ones back home. On Montressor. You ever been there?

John Silver: Ah, can't says I have, Jimbo.

Jim Hawkins: Come to think of it, just before I left I met this old guy, who was, um, who was kinda looking for a cyborg buddy of his.

John Silver: Is that so?

Jim Hawkins: Yeah. What was that old salamander's name? Oh, yeah. Bones. Billy Bones.

John Silver: Bones? Bones? 'Tain't ringin' any bells. Must have been another cyborg. There's a slew of cyborgs roamin' this port.

Jim Hawkins: But then - then you gotta know - about the treasure?

B.E.N.: Treasure?

Jim Hawkins: Yeah, you know, Flint's trove? The loot of a thousand worlds?

B.E.N.: Well, it's all a little - little - little - fuzzy. Wait. I re-re-remember. I do, I - Treasure! Lots of treasure! Buried in the centroid - centroid - centroid of the mechanism! And there was this big door, opening and closing and opening and closing! And Captain Flint wanted to make sure nobody could ever get to his treasure, so I helped him - naaaaaaah data inaccessible! Reboot! Reboot! Reboot!

[Jim slaps him]

B.E.N.: And you are?

Jim Hawkins: Wait, wait, wait! What about the treasure?

B.E.N.: I wanna say Larry.

[Treasure Planet is blowing up and Jim and BEN are on Flint's ship]

B.E.N.: Run, Jimmy! Run for your life!

Jim Hawkins: You go back and help the captain and Doc! lf l'm not there in minutes, leave without me.

B.E.N.: l am not leaving my buddy Jimmy.

[Jim gives BEN an evil glare]

B.E.N.: Unless he looks at me like that. Bye, Jim!

Scroop: [about to cut Jim's life line] Do say hello to Mr. Arrow...

Jim Hawkins: [jumps down and knocks Scroop off the ship into space] Tell him yourself!

Jim Hawkins: Pirates, Captain Flint! Pirates!

Jim Hawkins: Everything he told us was a lie. I've been a fool, sir.

Long John Silver: Now, then, matey, don't ye take it so hard? Why, 'tis lucky you came along, or Ol' John here, he'd have nothing to bargain with. But that don't mean I'd harm a hair o' your little head.

Jim Hawkins: Liar! You let go of me!

[Mr. Hands chases Jim Hawkins up the ship's rigging into the crow's nest, but Jim threatens him with a pistol]

Jim Hawkins: Not another step!

Israel Hands: Jim, I reckon I'll have to strike my colors. That comes hard from a master mariner to a ship's yonker like you, Jim. But you're like Silver said: smart as paint.

Jim Hawkins: One more step, Mr. Hands, and I'll blow your brains out!

Israel Hands: Now, now, matey.

[pulls a knife from his boot]

Israel Hands: Matey...

[throws the knife into Jim's shoulder, who promptly blasts Mr. Hands in the face with the pistol, sending him falling into the water]

Long John Silver: Silver's the name, Long John Silver they calls me. At your service, sir.

Squire Trelawney: Mr. Silver, Trelawney's my name, Squire Trelawney. And this is our cabin boy: Jim, Jim Hawkins.

Long John Silver: Aye, Matey. Smart as paint I'll warrant.

Jim Hawkins: Smart enough to see you've only one leg, sir.

Squire Trelawney: Jim Boy!

Jim Hawkins: Yes, sir.

Long John Silver: You're pretty smart, Jim. So was that French gunner who touched off the ball that blew that ol' leg o' mine overboard.

Long John Silver: [Jim is being tattooed] Och, that's a fine tattoo, Jim. It's a sign you're now truly a gentleman of fortune like the rest of us, eh?

Jim Hawkins: Gentleman of fortune? Doesn't that mean a pirate?

Long John Silver: Ah, pirate, Jim... now the word's a tricky one. For instance, here, who'd be the pirates? The men who worked their way across this treasure cruise and simply wanted their... their fair share of it or men like the Squire and the Captain who stole a treasure chart from a lad who was given it and then betrayed him out of his share of it? Now mayn't they be the ones that should be called pirates?

Jim Hawkins: [he's helping Silver to stand up when one of the Captain's men threatens to shoot him] Fine, then! Shoot me! If someone can't help a man in need, then shoot me!

Jim Hawkins: Sam, you got a very understanding brain... for larceny.

Sam McGee: I found out early in life that the honest dollar is the hardest one to make.

[speaking over Sam McGee's grave]

Jim Hawkins: Hope you'll let him in up there. He just got on the wrong trail, that's all.

[to Sam McGee during the climatic gunfight]

Jim Hawkins: Sam, either you come out with your hands up, or I'm comin' in there after ya!