JFK Quotes in Bubba Ho-Tep (2002)

Elvis: No offense, Jack, but President Kennedy was a white man.

JFK: They dyed me this color! That's how clever they are!

Elvis: Ask not what your rest home can do for you. Ask what you can do for your rest home.

JFK: Hey, you're copying my best lines!

Elvis: Then let me paraphrase one of my own. Let's take care of business.

JFK: Just what are you getting at, Elvis?

Elvis: I think you know what I'm gettin' at Mr. President. We're gonna kill us a mummy.

Elvis: Look, man, President Johnson's dead.

JFK: Shit. That ain't gonna stop him.

JFK: He had me on the floor and had his mouth over my asshole!

Elvis: A shit eater?

JFK: I don't think so. He was after my soul. Now you can get that out of any major orifice of a person's body. I read about it.

Elvis: Oh, yeah? Where, man? Hustler?

Elvis: Jack wait. Marilyn.

[JFK looks at him funny]

Elvis: Come on, Marilyn Monroe? How was she in the sack?

JFK: That is classified information! Top Secret! But between you and me... Wow!

Elvis: Uh, Mr. President... You're on the floor.

JFK: No shit?

[in the washroom stall, looking at hieroglyphics on the wall]

JFK: Now this top line translates into, "Pharoah gobbles donkey goobers," and the bottom line, "Cleopatra does the nasty."

Elvis: Say what?

JFK: Well pretty much, that's the best I can translate it.

JFK: That's where they took a piece of my brain. They got it back in D.C. in that God damn jar.

[pause]

JFK: I got a little bag of sand up there now.

Elvis: But Jack uhh, no offense but

[pause]

Elvis: President Kennedy was a white man.

JFK: That's how clever they are. They dyed me this color, all over. can you think of a better way to hide the truth than that?

JFK: Would you like a Ding-Dong?

[Elvis looks towards JFK's crotch]

JFK: Oh, I don't mean mine! I mean a chocolate ding-dong.

[thoughtful]

JFK: Of course mine would be chocolate now that I've been dyed.

Elvis: Oh yeah, that's something to worry about all right.

JFK: Listen here. Listen. I know you're Elvis. There was a rumor, you know, that you hated me. But I thought about that. If you hated me, you could've finished me off the other night.

Elvis: That's my daughter.

JFK: I know. We weren't there for our kids when they needed us, were we?

Elvis: Man, if I could just talk to her again... tell her I love her... try and make things right somehow.

JFK: No time for regrets, Elvis. We were the best fathers we could be under the circumstances.

Elvis: Yeah, I guess, no time for regrets. We got business to take care of.

JFK: I'm thinking with sand here!

Elvis: You got Ding Dongs, man?

JFK: I've Ding Dongs, Paydays and a whole *box* of Baby Ruths.

Elvis: Oh, mama.

[JFK opens a dresser drawer filled with goodies]

JFK: So, what'll be? Let's get decadent.

Elvis: [Smiling] I'll have a Baby Ruth.

JFK: [showing Elvis his hidden stash of candy bars] Let's get decadent.

Elvis: Now the two key words for tonight - "caution" and "flammable".

JFK: Also "watch your ass".

JFK: [He just got his soul sucked out by Bubba Ho-Tep] The president is soon dead!

[first lines]

title card: "To sin by silence when we should protest makes cowards of men." - Ella Wheeler Wilcox

President Eisenhower: ...We have been compelled to create a permanent armaments industry of vast proportions. And to do this three and a half million men and women are directly engaged in the defense establishement. We annually spend on military security alone...

Narrator: January, 1961. President Dwight D. Eisenhowers's Farewell Address to the Nation.

President Eisenhower: ...This conjunction of an immense military establishment and arms industry is new in the American experience. The total influence - economic, political, even spiritual - is felt in every city, every Statehouse, every office in the federal government. We must guard against the aquisition of unwarranted influence - whether sought or unsought - by the military-industrial complex. We must never let the weight of this combination endanger our liberties or democratic processes.

M. L. King, Jr.: ...that "All men are created equal."

JFK: Every degree of mind and spirit that I possess will be devoted to the cause of freedom around the world.