Jez Quotes in The Baytown Outlaws (2012)

[after finishing their latest hit]

Jez: That was quick. I didn't even get off.

Rose: This one's for Carlos.

Jez: Well, that makes it better.

[inside the night-club]

Dylan: [seductively] I want to pleasure you with my tongue.

[Georgie walks away in disgust. She sees Jez who has been waiting for her outside the night-club, dressed in his shorts after escaping from his "quick-release trousers"]

Georgie: Hello.

Jez: Hi.

Georgie: This is a surprise.

Jez: Yeah, isn't it.

Georgie: What are you doing here? Was it Scouts tonight?

Jez: No, no. I was just passing. Are you OK?

Georgie: [unconvincingly] Yeah.

Jez: Did he try to "pleasure you with his tongue"?

Georgie: Is it that obvious?

Jez: It's kind of a compulsion with him. He has to exchange fluids with everyone he meets. That's why we never have pets.

Jez: Dylan's completely trustworthy. He's just a bit unreliable in some areas.

Dylan: Now *that* is a thing of beauty.

Jez: Who you're flirting with.

Dylan: You fallen?

Jez: No I haven't.

Dylan: Jez, you've got a little bit of a crush? You're wasting your time.

Jez: I know: you're good looking and I'm too technical.

Dylan: Jez, you've got to stop punishing yourself. You're not too technical, just ugly, gross ugly.

Friend of Lady Georgina: Well done! Marvellous race, Lady Georgina.

Georgie: Oh thank you. Oh, I forgot to mention that.

Jez: *Lady* Georgina?

Georgie: You're not cross, are you? No, you're pleased.

Dylan: Doctor, peer of the realm and with secretarial skills? Who'd be cross?

[Jez is discovered in the Rays' house. He tries to escape but Geoff catches hold of his trousers as he is climbing over the fence]

Geoff: [gleefully] I've got you now, boy. I've got you now.

[Jez presses a button on his waistband and shoots upwards and over the fence, minus his trousers]

Jez: [to himself] All praise to my quick-release trousers.

[filling in "complete the following phrase" coupons for prize draws]

Jez: "In not more than eight words, explain why you buy Zappy Nappies."

Dylan: "I buy Zappy Nappies for my kids..." Shit, I've run out of words.

Jez: We could try that: "I buy Zappy Nappies for my kids' shit." I've got it: "Weighs less that a bun. Holds more than a ton."

Dylan: That's completely disgusting.

Jez: But it's honest.

[Georgie is fast asleep next to Jez in the car]

Dylan: You know, I can see it now - she's a stunningly attractive woman.

Jez: It means she's relaxed in our company.

Dylan: If she relaxes any more it could get very messy.

Jez: Don't. She might hear you.

Dylan: Jez, look at her. She's wasted. God only knows what she was up to last night.

Jez: You're twisted. She's got charm and warmth and...

Dylan: ...and neat little sit-up breasts.

Jez: I was wondering... would you... perhaps you'd might consider... or... or think about... possibly...

Dylan: I think he's trying to ask you if you'd like to kiss him.

Georgie: Oh, go on then.

[Jez and Georgie kiss passionately]

Dylan: Has the British aristocracy lost all sense of decency?

[sees Floss approaching]

Dylan: I certainly hope so.

Bradley: Have you been upsetting my guests?

Jez: No bro, I was joking, ya get me? Wah

[Jez gropes Marcus' fake boobs]

Marcus: Don't play with the things.

Bradley: I ain't your fucking bro.

Jez: Listen you lot need to chill out, it's Darren Mullet's leaving do. The fat twat is dead, you gotta drink to that. Ya get me? Gimme some.

[Jez holds his hands up to slap onto Marcus'. Marcus doesn't move and pulls jez hands down]

Bradley: Why the fuck did you just say that shit to me?

Jez: Bradley, mate it's me.

Bradley: Sort him out

[walks away]

Jez: [Jez calls after him] Mate come on. Bradley, it's me, it's Jeremy.

Marcus: Shhhhhhhhhhh...

[Marcus shouts in the style of Leonidas in 300]

Marcus: SUCK MY TITTIES!

[kicks Jez into the pool]

Jez: Rest in piss bro.

[Jez pees on Mullet's grave]

Jez: Mullet, I bet the reason you hung yourself was because you was trying to get a hard-on. Just trying to get wood boy.

[gets impaled by a cross]