Jez Quotes in The Baytown Outlaws (2012)


Jez Quotes:

  • [after finishing their latest hit]

    Jez: That was quick. I didn't even get off.

    Rose: This one's for Carlos.

    Jez: Well, that makes it better.

  • [inside the night-club]

    Dylan: [seductively] I want to pleasure you with my tongue.

    [Georgie walks away in disgust. She sees Jez who has been waiting for her outside the night-club, dressed in his shorts after escaping from his "quick-release trousers"]

    Georgie: Hello.

    Jez: Hi.

    Georgie: This is a surprise.

    Jez: Yeah, isn't it.

    Georgie: What are you doing here? Was it Scouts tonight?

    Jez: No, no. I was just passing. Are you OK?

    Georgie: [unconvincingly] Yeah.

    Jez: Did he try to "pleasure you with his tongue"?

    Georgie: Is it that obvious?

    Jez: It's kind of a compulsion with him. He has to exchange fluids with everyone he meets. That's why we never have pets.

  • Jez: Dylan's completely trustworthy. He's just a bit unreliable in some areas.

  • Dylan: Now *that* is a thing of beauty.

    Jez: Who you're flirting with.

    Dylan: You fallen?

    Jez: No I haven't.

    Dylan: Jez, you've got a little bit of a crush? You're wasting your time.

    Jez: I know: you're good looking and I'm too technical.

    Dylan: Jez, you've got to stop punishing yourself. You're not too technical, just ugly, gross ugly.

  • Friend of Lady Georgina: Well done! Marvellous race, Lady Georgina.

    Georgie: Oh thank you. Oh, I forgot to mention that.

    Jez: *Lady* Georgina?

    Georgie: You're not cross, are you? No, you're pleased.

    Dylan: Doctor, peer of the realm and with secretarial skills? Who'd be cross?

  • [Jez is discovered in the Rays' house. He tries to escape but Geoff catches hold of his trousers as he is climbing over the fence]

    Geoff: [gleefully] I've got you now, boy. I've got you now.

    [Jez presses a button on his waistband and shoots upwards and over the fence, minus his trousers]

    Jez: [to himself] All praise to my quick-release trousers.

  • [filling in "complete the following phrase" coupons for prize draws]

    Jez: "In not more than eight words, explain why you buy Zappy Nappies."

    Dylan: "I buy Zappy Nappies for my kids..." Shit, I've run out of words.

    Jez: We could try that: "I buy Zappy Nappies for my kids' shit." I've got it: "Weighs less that a bun. Holds more than a ton."

    Dylan: That's completely disgusting.

    Jez: But it's honest.

  • [Georgie is fast asleep next to Jez in the car]

    Dylan: You know, I can see it now - she's a stunningly attractive woman.

    Jez: It means she's relaxed in our company.

    Dylan: If she relaxes any more it could get very messy.

    Jez: Don't. She might hear you.

    Dylan: Jez, look at her. She's wasted. God only knows what she was up to last night.

    Jez: You're twisted. She's got charm and warmth and...

    Dylan: ...and neat little sit-up breasts.

  • Jez: I was wondering... would you... perhaps you'd might consider... or... or think about... possibly...

    Dylan: I think he's trying to ask you if you'd like to kiss him.

    Georgie: Oh, go on then.

    [Jez and Georgie kiss passionately]

    Dylan: Has the British aristocracy lost all sense of decency?

    [sees Floss approaching]

    Dylan: I certainly hope so.

  • Bradley: Have you been upsetting my guests?

    Jez: No bro, I was joking, ya get me? Wah

    [Jez gropes Marcus' fake boobs]

    Marcus: Don't play with the things.

    Bradley: I ain't your fucking bro.

    Jez: Listen you lot need to chill out, it's Darren Mullet's leaving do. The fat twat is dead, you gotta drink to that. Ya get me? Gimme some.

    [Jez holds his hands up to slap onto Marcus'. Marcus doesn't move and pulls jez hands down]

    Bradley: Why the fuck did you just say that shit to me?

    Jez: Bradley, mate it's me.

    Bradley: Sort him out

    [walks away]

    Jez: [Jez calls after him] Mate come on. Bradley, it's me, it's Jeremy.

    Marcus: Shhhhhhhhhhh...

    [Marcus shouts in the style of Leonidas in 300]

    Marcus: SUCK MY TITTIES!

    [kicks Jez into the pool]

  • Jez: Rest in piss bro.

    [Jez pees on Mullet's grave]

    Jez: Mullet, I bet the reason you hung yourself was because you was trying to get a hard-on. Just trying to get wood boy.

    [gets impaled by a cross]

Browse more character quotes from The Baytown Outlaws (2012)


Characters on The Baytown Outlaws (2012)