Jez Quotes in The Baytown Outlaws (2012)
[after finishing their latest hit]
Jez: That was quick. I didn't even get off.
Rose: This one's for Carlos.
Jez: Well, that makes it better.
[inside the night-club]
Dylan: [seductively] I want to pleasure you with my tongue.
[Georgie walks away in disgust. She sees Jez who has been waiting for her outside the night-club, dressed in his shorts after escaping from his "quick-release trousers"]
Georgie: This is a surprise.
Jez: Yeah, isn't it.
Georgie: What are you doing here? Was it Scouts tonight?
Jez: No, no. I was just passing. Are you OK?
Georgie: [unconvincingly] Yeah.
Jez: Did he try to "pleasure you with his tongue"?
Georgie: Is it that obvious?
Jez: It's kind of a compulsion with him. He has to exchange fluids with everyone he meets. That's why we never have pets.
Jez: Dylan's completely trustworthy. He's just a bit unreliable in some areas.
Dylan: Now *that* is a thing of beauty.
Jez: Who you're flirting with.
Dylan: You fallen?
Jez: No I haven't.
Dylan: Jez, you've got a little bit of a crush? You're wasting your time.
Jez: I know: you're good looking and I'm too technical.
Dylan: Jez, you've got to stop punishing yourself. You're not too technical, just ugly, gross ugly.
Friend of Lady Georgina: Well done! Marvellous race, Lady Georgina.
Georgie: Oh thank you. Oh, I forgot to mention that.
Jez: *Lady* Georgina?
Georgie: You're not cross, are you? No, you're pleased.
Dylan: Doctor, peer of the realm and with secretarial skills? Who'd be cross?
[Jez is discovered in the Rays' house. He tries to escape but Geoff catches hold of his trousers as he is climbing over the fence]
Geoff: [gleefully] I've got you now, boy. I've got you now.
[Jez presses a button on his waistband and shoots upwards and over the fence, minus his trousers]
Jez: [to himself] All praise to my quick-release trousers.
[filling in "complete the following phrase" coupons for prize draws]
Jez: "In not more than eight words, explain why you buy Zappy Nappies."
Dylan: "I buy Zappy Nappies for my kids..." Shit, I've run out of words.
Jez: We could try that: "I buy Zappy Nappies for my kids' shit." I've got it: "Weighs less that a bun. Holds more than a ton."
Dylan: That's completely disgusting.
Jez: But it's honest.
[Georgie is fast asleep next to Jez in the car]
Dylan: You know, I can see it now - she's a stunningly attractive woman.
Jez: It means she's relaxed in our company.
Dylan: If she relaxes any more it could get very messy.
Jez: Don't. She might hear you.
Dylan: Jez, look at her. She's wasted. God only knows what she was up to last night.
Jez: You're twisted. She's got charm and warmth and...
Dylan: ...and neat little sit-up breasts.
Jez: I was wondering... would you... perhaps you'd might consider... or... or think about... possibly...
Dylan: I think he's trying to ask you if you'd like to kiss him.
Georgie: Oh, go on then.
[Jez and Georgie kiss passionately]
Dylan: Has the British aristocracy lost all sense of decency?
[sees Floss approaching]
Dylan: I certainly hope so.
Bradley: Have you been upsetting my guests?
Jez: No bro, I was joking, ya get me? Wah
[Jez gropes Marcus' fake boobs]
Marcus: Don't play with the things.
Bradley: I ain't your fucking bro.
Jez: Listen you lot need to chill out, it's Darren Mullet's leaving do. The fat twat is dead, you gotta drink to that. Ya get me? Gimme some.
[Jez holds his hands up to slap onto Marcus'. Marcus doesn't move and pulls jez hands down]
Bradley: Why the fuck did you just say that shit to me?
Jez: Bradley, mate it's me.
Bradley: Sort him out
Jez: [Jez calls after him] Mate come on. Bradley, it's me, it's Jeremy.
[Marcus shouts in the style of Leonidas in 300]
Marcus: SUCK MY TITTIES!
[kicks Jez into the pool]
Jez: Rest in piss bro.
[Jez pees on Mullet's grave]
Jez: Mullet, I bet the reason you hung yourself was because you was trying to get a hard-on. Just trying to get wood boy.
[gets impaled by a cross]
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