Jessica Spencer Quotes in The Hot Chick (2002)

Jessica Spencer, April: Boys are cheats and liars, they're such a big disgrace. They will tell you anything to get to second base... ball, baseball he thinks he's gonna score. If you let him go all the way then you are a hor... ticulture studies flowers, geologist studies rocks. The only thing a guy wants from you is a place to put his cock... roaches, beetles, butterflies and bugs. Nothing makes him happier than a giant pair of jug... glers and acrobats, a dancing bear named Chuck. All guys really want to do is - forget it, no such luck.

Teacher: Now, I'm returning your papers on the Salem Witch Trials. I'm sad to report that Eden here got the only A.

Jessica Spencer: That's not fair. She's the only one who was actually there.

Eden: [Everyone laugh as Eden chants] Hexum maleficium spiritum sanctum nostradumus!

Bianca: Hi Jessica, you look great. Are you doing anything different or just hanging out with skankier friends?

Jessica Spencer: You look good, too, Bianca. Are you eating less or just barfing more?

Monique: Barfing more.

Jessica Spencer: Look at these earrings. I'll be the envy of every girl at prom. Not like that was in jeopardy or anything.

[April sighs in disgust]

Jessica Spencer: You're the only boy who makes my heart beat faster and slower at the same time.